wednesday.july.07.2004
early one morning when the sun was nearly rising

it's been quite the summer for me! i'm having a blast just working and hanging out with friends and the boyfriend. i apologize (johnny) for not updating and keeping this thing alive. i have really bad memory, so i'll try to see if i can remember what's been happening lately...

~i cleaned my room yesterday. now you can see the floor. AND it smells yummy. johnny bought me this really pretty ukelele lamp up in sacramento that i made room for on my cabinet and i LOVE it. everyone that comes in my room gives me kudos for it. heck yeah!

~my fourth of july was so bomb. i met up with johnny at tyler and justin's house because their block was having a block party. SO much fun. i made a few new friends, too. tee hee. my former self played, there was a little fun house for the smaller kids to play in, and BARBECUE. everyone was just kicking back and relaxing. my two new girl buddies and i helped these three little girls get into the fun house because the boys wouldn't let them in. awww, little kids are SOOO oblivious to their honesty and innocence. it's adorable. we all felt so pround of what we did! hehe. we were like heroes for five minutes. after the sun set, we all crowded around to watch the neighbors set off fireworks and firecrackers. there was this crazy one that was like a strobe light on steriods. all of us were going blind. hahaha. ohhh.. and there was this poor little kid that was doing crazy karate moves when he thought no one was looking. it was funny, but i felt bad because he looked like the star wars kid. haha. poor little brown... i mean, white boy! hehe.

~my cousins are coming in from the philippines tomorrow and i'm excited. they're really fun kids, and i totally miss my cousin elisabeth. she's so great. she's actually the only one closest to me in age... so maybe that's why we get along so well. i'm kinda excited because all my relatives are coming in to california this month since it'll be my grandpa's 90th birthday... along with my uncle (cash) and dad's birthday. nothing but a big filipino party with lots of FOOD. heck yeah!

well, that's it for now. i'm reading the notebook by nicholas sparks, and it's getting intense! i saw the movie, so of course i have to read the book. and i have to say, that nicholas sure writes some heavily detailed sex scences. ye-ah!

monday.june.14.2004
yay for days off!

bored at one in the am.

FIRSTS:
1. First best friend(s): the girls from lemoore! leilani, lauren, and krystal
2. First car: 1990 Acura Integra
3. First real kiss: doesn't compare to the kisses i get now.
4. First break-up: haha, we won't talk about this.
5. First screen name: JANKYANGELA, ho!
6. First self-purchased album: on cassette, i think it was the cranberries "no need to argue." on cd, i think it was no doubt or pizzicato five.
7. First funeral: i can't remember.
8. First pets: a homemade aviary full of parakeets!
9. First piercing/tattoos: ears, when i was a baby.
10. First credit card: umm... does check card count?
12. First enemy: anyone that dared to mess with me. i was a bully when i was little!
13. First big trip: we moved from australia to california, but i don't remember that. so i guess vietnam when i was ten.
14. First music you remember hearing: "if" by bread, records from the carpenters, "where do i begin" from the movie 'love story'

LASTS:
1. Last cigarette: summer after high school
2. Last car ride: from johnny's house to mine
3. Last kiss: a little before 9pm leaving johnny's tonight
4. Last good cry: not too long ago.
5. Last library book checked out: some book about constellations and the mythology about perseus
6. Last movie seen in theatres: troy
7. Last beverage drank: agua
8. Last food consumed: bbq chicken and white rice, with tomatoes and bagoong (filipino shrimp fry)
9. Last crush: sean from yellowcard, but i'm currently crushing on this one guy... MMMHMM! *wink*
10. Last phone call: *goodnight* from my johnny
11. Last time showered: this morning before work
12. Last shoes worn: flip flops
13. Last item bought: a coke for lunch
14. Last annoyance: 'someone' at work
15. Last time wanting to die: used to think about it a lot in high school
16. Last time scolded: an hour ago by mommy.

SPECIFICS:
1. Do you do drugs: just say no.
2. What kind of shampoo do you use: oh geez, i'm a shampoo whore. and an even bigger conditioner whore!
3. What are you most scared of: not being loved
4. What are you listening to right now: Morrissey
5. Where do you want to get married: not sure, maybe hawaii
6. How many buddies are online: 28
7. What would you change about yourself: how i'm always putting more stress on myself than i need to, worrying too much.

FAVORITES:
1. Color: red
2. Food: is this a trick question? I LOVE FOOD.
3. Girls Names: olivia, gwendolyn
4. Boys Names: sebastian
5. Subjects in school: MUSIC! english, photography, philosophy, phys. ed.
6. Animals: kitties!! cuttlefish too!
7. Sports: tetherball! swimming, tennis, bicycling, boxing, golf (sometimes)
8. Perfume: there was this one anna sui that smelled SO fab but i forget the name
9. Cologne: anything that smells like boy. i LOVE the smell of boy.

HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Given anyone a bath: do barbies count?
2. Smoked: yes
3. Bungee jumped: nope.
4. Made yourself throw up: bleh, yeah.
5. Skinny dipped: i think i was too chicken to do it
6. Been in love: yep, in fact i am right now!
7. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble: oh YEAH! when you're the youngest and only girl in the family, you learn the tricks of the trade FAST.
8. Pictured your crush naked: why do i need to picture it when i alreadysee it with my own eyes?
9. Seen your crush naked: now THAT's what i'm talking about!!
10. Cried when someone died: of course.
11. Lied: OOHHHH yeah.
12. Fallen for your best friend: not quite.
13. Been rejected: YES.
14. Rejected someone: YES!
15. Used someone: relationship-wise, no. but for other advantages in life, MAYBE.
16. Done something you regret: ohh geezus...

CURRENT:
1. Clothes: tank top and pj bottoms
2. Music: fall out boy "grand theft autumn"
3. Make-up: none. all washed up and ready for bed!
4. Annoyance: it's a pretty lame situation that only a few people know about.
5. Smell: like girl.
6. Favorite artist: kurt halsey.
7. Desktop picture: stealing kisses by todd white
8. Book you're reading: current issue of cosmo
9. CD in player: a mixed one from the fatty in the car, air supply in my room
10. DVD in player: my so-called life, disc one
11. Color of toenails: light brown

LAST PERSON:
1. You touched: daddy, he was handing me nail clippers
2. Hugged: johnny
3. You IMed: pennyguins!
4. You kissed: the one and only that i kiss

ARE YOU:
1. Understanding: yes
2. Open-minded: i try to be
3. Arrogant: hmm.. i don't think so.
4. Insecure: oh boy. i'm really trying on it.
5. Interesting: ALL THE TIME. hehe
6. Hungry: oh yeah. food and i are like this: *crosses fingers*
7. Smart: here and there.
8. Moody: i have my moments.
9. Hardworking: if it's something i'm passionate about
10. Organized: yes. i've been labeled by some as the CLEAN/NEAT FREAK
11. Healthy: ha! are you serious??! have you SEEN the way i eat?!
12. Shy: yes, but i tend to open up right away
13. Attractive: nope.
14. Bored easily: i guess it depends on my mood
15. Responsible: for the most part, yes
16. Obsessed: with being the best! muwahaha
17. Angry: i'm generally a HAPPY person
19. Disapointed: right now, i'm actually disappointed in someone.
20. Happy: more like excited... for this weekend!
21. Hyper: usually.
22. Trusting: yes
23. Talkative: i think i'm not as talkative as i used to be
24. Legal: not legal enough.

WHO DO YOU WANNA:
1. Kill: goodness, no one!
2. Slap: i have a few faces that come to mind
3. Get high with: haha. sorry, don't do that stuff anymore!
4. Look like: YOUR MOM.
5. Talk to offline: the boyfriend.
6. Talk to online: not a single person right now

RANDOM:
1. In the morning I am: still in bed with the covers over my head, as my mom is bugging me to wake up.
2. All I need is: food (for right now).
3. Love is: a necessity for being.
4. I dream about: crazy stuff!

yayeee. all done.

sunday.june.13.2004
come on baby, light my fire.

what a week.

*i finally went to IKEA. yeah, talk about the last one to hop on the bandwagon. they have mighty exciting merchandise, but i doubt i'll really splurget until i have a place of my own. then i think i'll be able to go all out. i actually did really well... spent less than eight dollars! heck yeah!

*worked out plans for the los angeles trip this coming thursday. oh geez, i wish i could elaborate on the details. but if you REALLY want to know, gimme a call and i'll give you all the juicy details. hehe. ohhh my goodness, i'm SOOOO excited. i think there's only one other person that can honestly know what i'm feeling. *wink wink* this week came by SO fast. pretty soon, i'll be boarding the plane for three fun-filled days in smoggy los angeles!!

*my hot and sexy boyfriend was able to kick it backstage at BFD on friday. i couldn't make it, and i was totally bummed about it. but as i'm at work, i get a phone call from him, with someone hanging on to talk to me. i bet you're all dying to know who it was!!! it was none other than SEAN from yellowcard! my co-workers were totally laughing at the fact that i was sweating and getting all teary-eyed from talking on the phone with a celeb. haha. i was seriously giddy all day. my boyfriend totally made my day... and my night *wink wink* i love you fatty!!

*colleenanator and i have been spending mucho brown kid time together, which i'm totally lovin'. i had to run some errands last night, so we stopped by target. now, two brown girls, running around target, with a new digital camera equals TROUBLE. for proof of this, click here.

nothing but good times!

sunday.june.06.2004
drunk sluts.

wowie, what a weekend! much to update on. ready? okay hold on, 'cause here we go...

::friday::
the boyfriend and i go to get myself a cardigan for my dress for the wedding. we also stop by my work to get the newly weds a present. found an AWESOME gift, with the help of my crazy co-workers. hehehe. later on in the evening, we went to the church for the wedding rehearsal. i made a new friend! she is the best man's wife, amanda. very fun girl to talk with. we just chatted all day long about, you know, 'girl' stuff. *wink wink* hehe, no worries. after the LONG rehearsal, the whole crew headed to the tied house for some grub. GOOOOOOD grub, might i add. the boyfriend ordered the salmon, while my fat ass got the pot roast. mmmhmm! i had a blast talking with johnny's cousins. they are quite the entertainers!

::saturday::
dun, dun, DUN! woke up, prettied myself up for the wedding, headed to johnny's. the wedding party had to ride in the limo, so i ended up driving to the church. SUCH a nice ceremony. i've never been to a catholic wedding ceremony, so it was a new experience for me. everyone looked SOOOO pretty. took a HOT picture with my HOT boyfriend outside the chruch. then we all headed over to the community center for the reception. GOOOOD grub there too! BUFFET style, now THAT's a party. i was surprised that they had the wedding party slow dance on the floor with their dates. so i was special enough to get on the floor with my fat boyfriend and get all nervous for being in front of everyone. hehe. but after that, it was so much fun. especially because my boyfriend actually FAST danced with me on the floor! i was really happy because i know that dancing isn't his most favorite thing, but he did it anyway - for me! hehe. awwww, another reason why i love him. anyway, people were getting all drunk (especially his aunts) and they were just lightening up the party, AND the dancefloor. i even think one of his aunts was freaking me! haha. nonetheless - it was fun. ohhh, and everyone kept teasing johnny and i about being next in line for a wedding. you never know, buddy. you just never know...
colleenanator came over at night. we had a fun chatting session... again, about 'girl' stuff. hehe. very well worth it - as always.
i really had a great time bonding with the people i did over this past weekend. johnny has a very entertaining and friendly family that it's hard NOT to end up chatting the night away with them. i really got to talk to a few of his cousins and other relatives, so it was very nice. without them, i wouldn't have enjoyed my weekend as much as i did!

::sunday::
church. then best buy milpitas with my fat boyfriend. came back home, took my mom to the flea market, then back home. johnny picked me and kevo up to watch facing new york in los gatos. fun stuff. they are SUPER good musicians, with crazy time signatures that kept me trying to figure them out during the whole set. i guess i'm geeky like that. haha. eh, when music has been part of your life since you were about six, it's hard not to be geeky about it. anywhoo, left the show. spent some one on one time with my sweet and loving boyfriend. awwww, i wish there were different words to express the way i feel about johnny so i don't sound redundant, but all i can say is that i truly love him and am IN love with him.

with that said, it's time for bed. i'm really tired and i have a fun filled day of SHOPPING ahead of me. whee!

wednesday.june.02.2004
where did the month of may go?

the anhela is back in action. school's over. summer is on. here's the update in a nutshell:

been working. i'm having a blast at work. of course there are days i want to kill the next person that asks me for help, or strangle a certain manager or two, but that's expected. it comes with the territory.

wedding this saturday. i like weddings. despite the fact that i cry because i'm such a pussy, i enjoy them. they're fun to go to. everyone is happy. everyone looks all prettied up. for some reason, people are nicer. it's like when someone has a baby - people just have better karma. but i can't wait. i have a dress i'm exited about. i actually bought shoes... with H-E-E-L-S. dude, if you know me, and what a klutz i am, heels and the anhela don't mix. (just ask mio about winter ball =X ..gah). i've been noticing shoes more, though. if i couldn't discipline myself, i'd surely be the shoe whore.

dsl. i'm finally one of the last souls on earth to get it. i feel one with the world now. ahh...

trip to LA. i've already gone through and booked a flight to socal. FINALLY. so all you punks that say i never go to southern california, shut up and visit me while i'm down. i'll be staying in the L-B-C with the M-I-O.

money is the root of all that kills. like i was telling johnny, i don't ever want to have to fight about money. it's just not worth it. and i wish some people could just realize that. i've been facing some financial problems at home that have been just irritating me for the past few days now. to tell you the truth, it's been making me go to bed in a shitty mood, and waking up feeling shitty. who knows if this will ever get better? c'est la vie.

the other left has a new site. click it.

i saw PRINCE today. he's short. and he has a funky 'fro and siiiiick sideburns. and no, he wasn't wearing his infamous purple suit... or platforms.

just flip it, stick it, see ya later, bye.

saturday.may.01.2004
flat as a pancake.

for all you avid readers, i'm still alive. i haven't updated in FOREVER, but i'm still around. i've just been way busy with school (or attempting to go to school), and working. yup. well, haha. that's the update for now. my internet isn't working for some reason, so i've been using it at my fatty's house or been playing super nes mario kart racing with my brothers. 150cc class baby!!

wednesday.april.21.2004
this made me smile...

sorry this isn't a real entry, but i had to post this. my buddy miranda sent me this really funny link. she said it reminded her of all my janky little pictures! haha. awww, thanks miranda!

click it!

sunday.april.18.2004
in the mood to write...

you never ceased to amaze me
and i admired all your creativity.
i thought we would last till the end
when you vowed to be much more than just a friend.
i treated you so well, much better than myself
i even put my favorite picture of us atop my bookshelf.
i tried to make you smile
but what came was a frown.
you never cared to say
it was me that brought you down.
what did i do to make you leave,
to turn your back and refuse to see me?
i called you out of concern
but when it was your turn
to tell me how you spent your day,
you said it was from me you were glad to be away.
what made you write to me
on all those pieces of paper?
when in the end you would reply about me,
"an old friend.. now i hate her."
indeed those words made me cry
for our friendship meant much in my life.
but in your eyes it was just a phase
i suppose our memories were nothing more to you than
ordinary days.
i hope you are happy with what you did
when you erased all thse memories we had lived.
it hurt for me to realize our friendship was dead,
but all that took away my pain
was the tears i almost daily shed.
why i cried over you, i still do not know
for you made me feel so goddamn low.
you were nothing more than wasted effort
and i cant wait for the day that you get hurt.
it will be then that you realized what we had was true
and you're nothing more than a selfish fool.

and one for the road...

i'm glad they want me back with you
and i'm glad that's how you feel too.
but life isn't always fair
and with you, we'll never again be a pair,
for i learned what it is to feel pain
so deep, the hurt came from within my veins.
luckily for me, your lips will never again touch mine
and i'll never hear three words you perfected to a lie.

monday.march.29.2004
two poems.

#1
excuse me
but weren't you the one
that said it was me you'd always love?
that even though we weren't together
your love for me would last forever?
i promised to love you believing you would do the same,
but it was my heart that broke, and you who took the blame.
what made you change your mind
to fall in love with that girl you once called unkind?
it was her you ignored while your time was spent with me,
but now she's the one you depend on desperately.
if i was cold and shallow like you
i'd reveal the feelings about her you confessed were true,
and by the time i finish
her love for you will diminish,
for she will see your meaning of love and honesty
and realize she was another trophy, just like me.

#2
isn't she quite the looker,
all eyes on this girl made up like a hooker.
but it doesn't matter to you or the many others that look with delight
claiming she's the most beautiful sight.
i wish you could only know
her looks and attitude are nothing more than a show.
i wish you could only see
the deep wounds you inflict upon me
when you sit in that chair
acting coy, as i catch you stare.
if only your love was pure,
then i wouldn't feel this insecure
pushing me to believe only through a disguise
of red-lined lips and curled lashes above my eyes
is the only way you'll look at me
and say you're happy with what you see.

sunday.march.21.2004
follow the fold, ho.

much to update on...

started my new job! and my wonderful boyfriend brought me a red rose friday morning! awwwwwwww, such a sweetheart. work is really fun and i like it. of course, i say that now because i'm new. gimme a few weeks to a month and i'll probably tell you how much i hate it. haha. nah, i think my co-workers really make it fun. they're all SOOO helpful and friendly. even the managers. it's really nice too because everyone is helping me out since i'm new. so that's going good. i'm still getting used to this computer program we call GERS. it's pretty.. umm... different(?!), but i need to know it.

friday night i went to dave and busters with johnny, tommy, sammy, benny, arturo, and their two cousins. it was loads of fun. played a bunch of games, including one that reminded me of BIG MOTHA' TRUCKA, won a bunch of tickets, and had a drink with my lovely boyfriend. JUST ONE, okay people?! no alcoholics here. anyway, we dispersed, and johnny and i ended up going to taco bell cause my fat ass was hungry. later on in the night, we had some nice *wink wink, nudge nudge* quality time together. in the words of the kool aid guy, "OH YEAH!!!!!!!"

saturday i went to vallejo with my dad for one of my grandpa's birthdays. it was fun because all the little kids were there to play with, even my little cousin from escondido. her family drove up for the party. a bunch of my other relatives were there too, plus hella good food, so i was happy. drove home, then i got ready to go to independence's production of 'Guys & Dolls.' ohhh man, it was SOOOOOO good. i loved all the choreography and the costumes. the orchestra was pretty good, too. the brass was much more in tune than the orchestra i played with. i don't really know if i was down with all the vocals, though. it was good, but i think rainbow theatre's vocals were better. johnny and i were talking about how it would've been tight if we had the actors from rainbow theatre in independence's production because of all their choreography. nonetheless, it was still great. had a really fun time with that. after the show, we said our hello's to the actors and orchestra, then a bunch of us went to denny's for some grub. mekenna was in town, so she wanted to chill before she left back for new york. ohh man, it was soooo crazy at denny's. haha. tooo much laughing. good times. we had an issue paying the bill because the computer wasn't working, and then some guy offered to pay for us, but the manager was way kool and basically waived it for us. so lesson learned after last night: ALWAYS BRING CASH (or have someone that can pay for you in CASH). hahah, johnny and i both learned this the hard way - TWICE that night. ohhhhh geeez.

wednesday.march.17.2004
the orange in you makes me blue.

finally, some time to write a quick entry. i've had the roughest week so far, and it's only wednesday. luckily, my week is over tomorrow. and in addition to that, my later class is cancelled. alright!
i haven't updated in ages, so i know i haven't said anything about my new job. yup! that's right, folks. miss angela is a working girl once again. i start tomorrow as a cashier at z gallerie. i'm actually quite anxious about starting work. but for some reason, i'm also worried. i don't know... i guess the bad comes with the good. hopefully all will go well and i'll have a good first day of work!
in other news, my boyfriend still rocks my world. he's seriously the greatest. this is just a thought, but i think our main goals in life is to be sleeping buddies - because that's all we ever do! maybe it's just because my week has been way congested, but everytime we get together, we just S-L-E-E-P. or maybe we're just F-A-T. quite a thought to ponder, don't you think?
so, did you notice anything different about my page? ahh yeah, sound .wavs, baby. thanks so much to pat for helping me out with all that. haha. boy, it was a mess. check out the guestbook too. i threw in a surprise! muwahaha.

sunday.march.07.2004
a thought for the day...

no more musical! ohh geezus, what am i going to do with myself??! probably spend more time doing things i enjoy. haha. don't get me wrong - i LOVE playing. in fact, i not only do it for the money, but because i miss playing. but where the hell has my life gone for the past few months? see, even i don't know. i guess all this free time is good for me. more time to focus on school, getting a job, the family, friends, and the boyfriend. boo for the first two things! as for the last thing on the list, that's all i could ever ask for. i was just telling johnny that i don't know what he's done to make me fall so head over heels in love with him, but i am! a year and a half of seeing each other almost every single day, and i'm still happy. i just hope my fatty knows that i love being in love with him!

sunday.february.29.2004
happy leap day.

damn, i've been having quite the weekend. here are some updates (in no particular order):

*my cousins are here from san diego. they're on their wedding anniversary, so they're spending it up in nor cal. we took them out to the flea market, valley fair, and santana row. haha, my cousin sean swears that it should be called "THE ROW." i guess he wants to call it that to be more PROPER, the way so cal's say 'the' before they name their freeways/highways. but anyway, just been hanging out with them. showing them that there really is NOTHING to do here in san jose.

*went to my brother's place friday night for POKER night. it was way fun. i didn't play or anything, but it was fun to just chill. watched a couple of movies, had a few drinks, and pizza! mmm. johnny got excited because he saw my brother's 'hot asian models' calendar. AND HIS LADY IS IN THERE! hmph!

*johnny had dinner at my house with my mom. she cooked him up some good banh xao. hell yeah. my mom is the best!

*had a way awesome night with my sweetheart last night. man, it was incredible. i can't even begin to explain what happened. plus, it's between me and my fats!! bet you wanna know, huh??! tooo bad sucka! muwahaha.

*school is driving me crazy. i had a midterm on thursday for my animal behavior class that wasn't as hard as i thought it would be. but then again, i hella stayed up till like five in the am to study. i have another midterm tomorrow that i really need to study for as well.

*picked up a job application at * ********. ooooh, so secretive. heh.

*the musical - that's nuff said. for some reason, yesterday was such a shitty show! i can't believe how horribly i personally played. i mean, as an ensemble, i think we all could've done so much better. but i was telling johnny about how upsetting it was to play so... crummy. i always really try to play the best i can, but i just wasn't on it yesterday. hopefully the remaning shows will have a MUCH better outcome.

*talked to my homegirl MEOW. girly girl talk. mmhmm. it was really good talking to her though. i really miss the long talks and stuff we used to have all the time. it's just so hard because i know we're both hella busy. it makes me happy to know that our friendship hasn't changed though. sure we've had some awkward moments here and there, but in the end, we live happily ever after.

*colleenanator and i endulged in our last night of junk food. she's doing the whole lent thing and is committing to give up junk food. i'm not catholic, so we never practice that, but i was just going to give up swearing for fun. i was thinking about it, and i think i already broke the rule. haha. there are just times you need words like that, right johnny?? haha. you know what i'm talking about *wink wink* but maybe i'll go with the whole junk food thing too. it's really not good for you anyway. hmmm... i dunno anymore!

okay boys and girls, with that said, i need to shower. looking forward to yet another one of my oh so fun performances. then i'm off to my boyfriend's show at the gaslighter tonight. fun fun fun!

wednesday.february.25.2004
someone staple a reminder to my shirt.

UGH. i'm soooooooo tired. so physically tired and so goddamn emotionally tired. i can't understand it. WHY CAN'T I EVER BE HAPPY?!? no matter what i do, i always find a way to remind myself of all the imperfections that i end up lamenting on day after day. right now, i feel like taking a drive... just driving off somewhere - anywhere. i wanna get lost. get lost in my thoughts. get lost in the world. maybe i'm already lost and i just need to find my way back. my way back to being happy.

it's like i never have the time to do something that i desire to do. right now, all i desire is to write. for some reason, i have gazillions of ideas popping in my head everyday. but i don't have that time to sit and just write. to get away from everything and get lost in my words... maybe i'm just asking for too much.

sometimes compliments hurt more than they praise. i bet you never thought of that. oh wait, of course you didn't. if you did, then i wouldn't be writing it.

was that a low blow?
good.
i hope it hurt.

sunday.february.22.2004
happy birthday joanne!

and this, ladies and gents, is my wonderful boyfriend...

girlfriend: wanna cyber?
boyfriend: OK!

wednesday.february.18.2004
and now for your viewing pleasure...

i would just like to inform you of the 'highly educational material' i'm learning in school these days:

"No bull mounted a cow, no jackass mounted a jenny, no young man had intercourse with a girl in the street; the young man slept by himself in his room, the girl slept with her friends."

simply amazing. i'm sure my parents will be thrilled to know that their money is going to good use!

sunday.february.15.2004

there are times i used to sit here at night
wondering if i've done things right
when i decided to throw you
and your memories out of sight.
i kept that box of you
and all those lies
hidden in the closet,
as well as in my heart,
somehow thinking it had meaning,
and with it i could not part.
how wrong i was
as i glanced over every page saved.
i noticed they were just
nothing more than words
simply sugar-coated and glazed
to a perfection so fake,
believing it
was my ultimate mistake.
i found images taken that were meant to last
but as i tore each of them in half,
i saw that they were merely more of your
wasted efforts
from the past.
those pictures may have painted a thousand words,
but lies were all they were worth.
getting rid of you
and that box of dreams broken
was the key token
that made my heart smile.
my biggest regret is that it took quite a while.
it was long enough for me to
drown in my own tears,
but now that i see things clear,
it wasn't until i finally threw you out of my sight
that i realized i was going to be all right.

saturday.february.14.2004
valentine, shmalentine.

happy birthday rosie and karen! damn, you gals are getting old... the big TWO ZERO! halfway to forty!

apologies for not updating. this past week has been SO incredibly hectic. my school and homework are quite demanding. and to add on to that, it was hell week for the musical i'm doing in sunnyvale. last night was our opening night and it went pretty well! i know that i personally played really well, so i'm happy about that. it's scary for me since i'm the only violinist. a lot of my parts end up being solos. for some reason, i got REALLY super duper nervous last night. it was to the point where my left ear got incredibly red and HOT. i don't know why, but i get like that before performances. i've been performing A LOT, so i don't think it's from being nervous. and especially for the musical because the audience can't even see me. hmm... maybe it's a combination of being nervous and excited. well, i have fourteen more shows left, including tonight, to get used to this excitement/nervousness. haha.

friday.february.06.2004
suck brick, kid.

school started on monday, and i've already made some buddies in my classes. i've bumped into a bunch of old classmates here and there almost every day of school. my classes are gonna kick my ass and probably leave a scar. i'm hella getting scared about school already - and i just finished the first week! taking thirteen units of HELLA READING. and that's not the bad news.those bastards in the photo department THREW AWAY ALL THE PICTURES IN MY PORTFOLIO from last semester. they were kind enough to save the actual portfolio, though. gee, how fucking thoughtful. i don't know if admitting i cried makes me a wimp, but i was so upset. i hella wanted to go kick someone in the balls. i probably should have. and then thrown some fixer on him if he was wearing a black shirt. heh. that'll teach anyone to mess with my pictures.

with that said, i'm in a bad mood again and i'm gonna go lay down and cry some more over my discarded pictures. i guess on the bright side, if there is one, i still have my negatives.

oh yeah. i don't know if this is bad, but i've gotten into the bad habit of biting my nails again. i used to do it a lot when i was younger, but as i grew, i kicked the habit. dude! the fingernails on my left hand are all chewed on! i think i still do it when i get nervous or worried. i've been going through lots in every aspect of my life, even those that don't exist like FINANCIAL stuff, this past week. argh. STRESS STRESS STRESS. i just wish it was eustress, instead. at least i'd be happy about everything. anyway, i'm off. it's too hard to type and bite your fingernails.

saturday.january.31.2003
grazing in the grass until the snow came.

first off, let me say that i just saw the movie blow for the first time ever a few days ago, and i LOVE that movie. it's great. i really enjoy true stories like that. they're so... interesting, and at times, amazing. as soon as the credits were rolling, johnny and i hopped online and looked for george jung. and that night when i got home, i just read endless articles and interviews about him.

last night was the sjsu marching band banquet i had been looking forward to after the last day of recording. it was a super fun year for me, so going was probably the best ending for it. i woke up early, met up with the set-up crew, had a horrible time waiting for someone age 21 or older to show up before we could check into the rooms, blew/pumped up HELLA balloons, and basically worked all the way till banquet time. there was a good turn out. the food wasn't so great. we watched the tight band video. haha, lots of random clips of me in there. how that happened, i have no idea. i'm excited to see what the home version has on it! haha. unexpectedly i found myself walking up to the stage twice to receive awards. one was for being part of the BEST SECTION! hell yeah, jigga. the second award was for CUTEST COUPLE. and guess who was my CUTE companion - my brown girl COLLEENANATOR! brown kids represent'n, ho! hahaha.

spent some time with my fat boyfriend before and after the banquet. he called me in the morning because he wasn't feeling well. so i went over and cared for my fatty tuna. and at the banquet, he looked way sassy tonight, and he was way sassy back at his place. hahaha, ohhh yeah. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. it's okay. i was just as sassy back. there's proof on his shoulder. mmm hmm!

anyway, i didn't really do anything all day. i slept a lot because the whole banquet preparation took a lot out of me. after waking up, i spent time with the fats. practiced my violin a bit, but realized i had the wrong violin book for the musical. went with the fats to get his hair cut. aww, so pretty! haha. got back and played in the school bus for a bit. went to dinner. it was his cousin's 18th birthday and they celebrated with dinner at el torritos. fun stuff. cute kids. after dinner, johnny and i went to best buy with his parents to get some stuff. i had my vanilla ice cream i had been craving, and fats and i watched some tv.

got home, chilled for a bit. then guess who calls to tell me she's outside my house. yup, the jap - miss mio. haha. she comes inside, chats it up with my dad (her dad, too), and we leave for pearl tea with ryan and kala. chill at tapioca express till it closes, so we head over to ryan's to hang out for a bit. too bad a bit meant till four thirty in the am! yeah. mio fell asleep on the couch... then ryan next. so kala and i were stuck watching crummy movies (btw, BLOW was on again - and that doesn't qualify in the 'crummy movies' section) and weird music videos while we waited for the two to wake up. we both wanted to get home, and they were both snoring, so kala left a note saying he took me home, and then we left. i'm typing this exactly at 4:49am... meaning i just got home nineteen minutes ago and mio still hasn't called... meaning she's still asleep along with ryan. ack.

sunday.january.25.2004
words of advice...

"We desperately try to control that which we fear, but the more we try to control something, the more we inadvertently sabotage it and wind up making our nightmares come true."

sigh. how true.

thursday.january.22.2004
just one thought...

it's about one in the am and i'm wondering why even though i have digital cable, i can't find more than two channels that have something worthwhile to watch. it's absolutely AMAZING. seriously. you would think that since i can pick up 500+ channels, there'd be something on. WRONG. at this time of the morning, and remember it's ONLY one o'clock, the majority of my channels are all paid programming. paid programming = infomercials! speaking of which, i saw the commerical for that dude with the blonde curly hair. 444-4441. i didn't know he was still around!

wednesday.january.21.2004
chuc mung nam moi!

(btw, that's happy new year in yellow people!)

just wanted to update that i was at home ALL day and i was so bored. i cleaned up and down and sideways and backwards. i ended up going to the vietnamese mall with abel and my mom. i can't believe one banh mi (vietnamese sandwich) store hella ran out of bread! crazy. alain's car broke down today, so abel ventured off to his rescue. hella janky. ohh yeah, and i was pissed because the sandwich store hella ran out of soybean milk in a can. grr...

had a meaningful and important conversation with my fatty boyfriend. i've had too much on my mind and it's been tearing me to pieces. all i've been able to do is vent on this thing about it. anyway, a lot of what has been bugging me is probably just in my head. i have the greatest boyfriend in the universe. so great that he really goes out of his way to be the best boyfriend ever! i don't know why someone cares so much, especially for me, because i don't think i deserve even the slightest pinch of it. but johnny is my better half, as well as my funnier and FATTER half. i've never experienced a truer (is that a word?) love than i have with him. and i've really learned a lot about myself because of his honesty and everything else that he's given me. he drives me nuts, but i guess that's just cause i love him so much!

with that said, i'm off to watch some three's company. don't light too many firecrackers - those suckers are hella loud! you'll scare all the stray kitties in the neighborhood!

*my fatty, remember that i love you forever and ever and ever!

tuesday.january.20.2004
holy guacamole!

tired, tired, tired. spent the entire day having some GOOOD quality time with my wonderful boyfriend. ate lunch at fresh choice (it should be called FATTY choice! haha), spent my gap gift certificate, went to the supermarket, then headed back to johnny's. right when we got there, we talked to his neighbor and ended up looking at a potential bus for the band. it was pretty tight. went to benny's for a quick meeting, headed to check out the bus, then unloaded equipment from the van. we ended up messing around with the stuff downstairs. the guys practiced for a bit. morgan was snapping pictures left and right with his sick ass digital slr! that's probably one of the tightest inventions in photography. you don't even know, dude! chilled with the boys upstairs, had our grub on with grilled cheese sandwiches (ahh yeah!), then watched some television with my hunky fat face. we were watching this thing on nova about the wildlife of madagascar. TIGHT stuff. i've always really liked nature programs like that. they're so... interesting and fun to learn about! haha. that was probably the supernerd in me coming out. damn, i'm ready to go back to school!

i'm way too sleepy to really continue, but two things really caught my attention. first of all, i think the idea that you're just "looking, not touching" is totally stupid. i direct this to people in relationships because that's where it really matters. so you say you're in love or you would never do anything to ruin this bond you have right now, but why are you looking at someone else? it's just as bad as physically touching that other person. you're basically thinking about them the same way you would if you DID touch them. the way i see it, it makes your current love feel like they aren't good enough or satisfying enough because you're off drooling over something that isn't yours. i think that's when insecurities jump in. people battle with their own insecurities all the time and this whole situation i've just described is one thing that pushes them to do it. i just don't understand why people say there's nothing wrong with just looking. yeah, it's true that you haven't done anything to really convict yourself, like if you were to really touch. it's just not fair, which is my reason i think it's wrong. the sad part is that i've seen people looking all over the place - at the mall, at a party, at shows, even online. yeah, online.

the second thing on my mind is that i think it's funny how people go behind other peoples' backs. i don't see why it happens. and what i don't really get is why people do it to me. i really try my best not to get on the bad side of things. but i always end up getting fucking screwed over. and i hate it. yes, hate is a strong word... but can you tell me ONE person that doesn't strongly dislike backstabbing? it's not even just backstabbing. it's like... just sneaking behind my back is the thing that throws me into rages similar to the one i'm in right now. i don't get it!!! ever since i was young, i've had no problems trusting people - whether it was family, a best friend, a boyfriend, or just friends. but i think i have this huge sign invisible to me that tells everyone to fuck around with me and my feelings because that is usually what happens. i hate letting people in. and i think that's why i have a hard time talking now. cause i'm afraid the more i let people in, the more they're going to let me down and fuck me over just like everyone else has done. i think the worse thing is when you talk to people about how you're feeling or why you're upset, and they give you the same bullshit that they understand and blah blah blah. and all of a sudden, you find out that it was just talk. it's always just talk. i don't know why, but i have this weird sense of finding out things that go on behind my back. maybe you should or shouldn't take this as a threat, but i have my ways of finding out EVERYTHING. and that goes for everyone. i know A LOT of the stuff that so-called friends have said about me in the past. and i know things that have been said or done just recently. i think about it, and in some cases, i'm sure it's just kharma getting me back for any of the stupid shit i've done in the past, and that's fine. i accept that. but it's when i give you my trust and i find you sneaking behind my back or hiding things from me. that's when i'll know. and you may think you're being slick. but just remember, everything is connected to each other. it's just going to be a while till it all unravels the truth. then, my friend, in the end, you'll see who gets fucked over times ten.
(and don't steal my kick ass rhyme)

monday.january.19.2003
but can i wait?

it's monday and i got to see my fatty face boyfriend! he was gone all weekend for the other left's show in fallon, nevada. man, i was SOOOOO bored and so lonely. sigh. let's re-cap my weekend, shall we? saturday was a waste of a day. i seriously did NOTHING. i was wearing the same clothes all day. totally pathetic. sunday was a bit better. went to church with abel. my aunt wrote me a check for two hundred big ones! now, i'm rollin' with the homies! hehe. got home and i ended up watching the patriots and colts game with my brothers and my daddy. it was a GOOOD game. my family's rootin' for the patriots, so i guess i am too. and they're going to the super bowl! i can't ever remember myself getting so excited for football in my life! look what marching band has done to me. i'm forced to sit thru football games, and now i'm a FAN! ack. after the game, my brothers and i went to visit my cousins and their kiddies in vallejo. i haven't seen anyone in so long! the kids are seriously SOOOOO cute. i'm the new favorite! haha. i was kind of pissed because i was getting really tired and my brothers didn't want to go home yet. they were watching underworld with my cousin and the fattty! not only was i tired, but i wanted to see johnny since he got back that day too. we ended up not even getting home till almost midnight, i think.
today was a better day. hung out with johnny all day. went with him and the guys to a show at some sorority/frat party at santa clara university. it was pretty fun. bunch of drunk people. we were totally making fun of sammy for spilling his drink like three times! haha. hella drunk guy. i felt a little out of place here and there because 1)everyone was drinking; 2)i was one of the TWO asian people there... majority was mexican; and 3)the guys all had their inside jokes and stuff from the nevada trip that i knew NOTHING about. after the show, johnny and i went to drop off some music to a potential pianist (i hope!!) then we headed back to his house. we watched some mr. bean then ended up falling asleep till 9:24pm! damn. it was crazy because i guess while we were sleeping, some people came over and worked on their floor. so all the stuff was moved into the other room. it just looked all trippy because we totally woke up to a different house.
i had an awesome time spending quality time with my fatty. i missed him so much. it was just really nice to fall asleep in his arms again. if only it was like that EVERY night. ahh...

thursday.january.15.2004
just deal.

today was an alright day. woke up late and did housework. got to know the vaccuum really well, yet i still don't know how to spell it! hmph. looks like a job for google.com. anyway, i was so proud of myself for vaccumming my carpet all nice and pretty. while i was cleaning, i decided to make use of the nifty picture frame joanne gave me for xmas. my dumb ass somehow forgot that glitter gets EVERYWHERE. what's more is that i was working with it on my freshly vaccummed carpet! ack. so now, i have a sparkly carpet. as well as sparkles all over the damn place. i even found some in my brother's room. haha. after sparkle fun, i ended up driving to johnny's house to chill. i was happy that my car was fixed. i don't remember if i mentioned in previous entries that the plastic piece to my radiator cracked and i was leaking coolant pretty badly. but my father the hero came to my rescue and fixed it. so yeah, i was all happy to drive it. but my poor ass is riding on E at this exact moment in time. i still drove to johnny's anyway. we just watched some tv, chilled with his parents - the usual stuff.
for some reason, i've been feeling unhappy again. and once again, i don't know why. i hate it though because it has an affect on everything i do. i've been a jerk towards someone i really care about, especially today, and i feel horrible. and then i get all sad because i think he's gonna stop loving me. it's like i do something mean or rude, and then my guilt comes back and bites me right on the ass. and even though he'll still love me despite all the dumb things i do or say, i come down really hard on myself. ack. i'm driving myself crazy. i hate the fact that i'm a perfectionist and the one thing i can't perfect is myself. everyone wants to be perfect in some way or at something. and at least to ONE other person, they are. but i never feel like i am. i never feel like the perfect daughter, or sister, or cousin, or student, or musician, or girl. most importantly, i never feel like the perfect girlfriend for johnny. i never think i'm nice enough, or generous enough, or funny enough, or happy enough, or smart enough, or sexy enough, or pretty enough. i've had this battle with insecurity not too long ago, and i'm scared that it's coming back. like mio says, insecurity is an endless battle. but right now, i'm determined to keep my head out of the gutter and look on the brighter side of things. i've been raised with a pessimistic outlook on things, which CAN be good, but the cure to my dismay is optimism. and that's my intended direction.
with that said, i'm heading to bed. hopefully my dreams will bring me something good, with which i can start off my day on the right foot. good night.

i love you, fatty!!

tuesday.january.13.2004
these eyes cry every night for you.

i had a freakin' blast last night with johnny. we hung out and it was GREAT! there aren't even enough words to explain what i want to say. it's all earmuffs anyway. mmhmm! slept in till one in the pm. helped my mom around the kitchen. wrapped some toron (banana lumpias). DAMN GOOD STUFF. drove mommy's starcraft to wal-mart. when we came out, it seriously smelled like someone took a shit and wiped it under your nose. omg. the smell was HORRIBLE. my mom almost threw up too! got home. played some piano. johnny picked me and abel up and we went to great mall. my second day in a row. and my second day in a row of not buying anything. ohhh man, do i need a job!
on sunday i went bowling with johnny because best buy had a company bowling night. it was REALLY fun. i got to meet some of his co-workers, including crazy JAK! haha. ohhh man. i can't describe how loud/crazy/weird/random/energetic this guy is. tooo much. and what's more is that he's a pretty old guy. hehe. good times though. AND i bowled my first TURKEY. heck yeah. i learned a new secret to getting strikes. too bad it was on the seventh frame of our last game. it's all right. there will be a next time...
got my grades for this past semester. i surprisingly did well! two A's: public speaking and government (how the hell i got this grade in govt makes no sense since i NEVER went! haha, i am a true slacker!) and three B's: photo lecture, photo open lab, and english. now i'm a little confused because under my photo lab grade, it said UD. because i have NO idea what it means, and the website isn't smart enough to have a key of what all the letters mean (cause i'm sure there are abbreviations for Credit, No Credit, Incomplete, etc), i'm going to assume this is nothing. ohh yeah, and i'm also going to assume i received an A in marching band since SJSU never sends me any notification of that. so i guess i didn't do as bad as i thought! wheee!

thursday.january.08.2004
i've become an addict!

sorry boys and girls for the lack of updating. i know you're all dying to hear what i've been up to lately. here's the most of what i remember...

*met lesley. she is incredibly sweet, generous, and pretty. she pressured me into getting some paul frank keds i was eyeing in nordstrom's since she gets an employee discount. i had TONS of fun getting to know her and i hope her and my brother have a good relationship!

*new year's was a blast. i finally got to spend new year's with my hunky boyfriend. it's funny that he's the first person not related to me that i was able to celebrate it with. we went to lesley's cousin may's house for a party. kick ass party. played some pusoy with the otehr brown kids. fun stuff. got my new year's kiss!

*went to the city with johnny. visited his cousin chucky's store on haight street. bought a shirt. fatty bought a watch. climbed up the monster hill. i seriously thought i was going to collapse. got lost getting out of the city, but it's okay because we drove right by the coast. we like to say we took the scenic route home! haha. stopped off at redwood city (i think) for food and change of drivers. i drove the rest of the way home.

*had my first meeting with the orchestra for 'the king and i' at giorgio's. ate like a fat girl. went to miller's outpost and a couple of thrift shops with miss monica. drove to johnny's. we went to his aunt's house that evening for his grandpa's 80th birthday. awww, grandpa. played with the kids. mingled with the relatives. it was lots of fun!

*been playing guitar like everyday. i listen to cd's and figure out songs. the other day, i chilled with miranda and we hung out at my house just playing guitar! haha.

*hanging out with johnny. that's pretty much all i've been doing everyday. watching twilight zones and OTHER gooood stuff. *wink wink*

the reason i haven't been online much or even updating is because johnny totally got me hooked on the sims. that's all i do morning and night. before i got the game, i was reading. every night before i would go to bed, i would read. i was determined to finish the book i'm reading, and i even have the sequel to another one i read a while ago that i'm borrowing from colleenanator. but now when i get home, i just go straight to the computer to play. geezus, i'm such a nerd. haha. wow, i just tried to type dork and nerd at the same time and it came out as 'NERK.' hmm.. anyway, i'm having sims withdrawls so i better go play. mmmHMMM.

by the way, i love my hunky boyfriend!

monday.december.29.2003
i'm so lost in the week!

so much going on this winter break that it's time for an update!

::friday::
went to lunch with the ol' band geek gang from high school. it was fun. we had lunch at bj's pizza, and after that we headed to bug matt working at howard's shoes (DEXTER'S). haha. for some reason i always call it dexter's shoes for children. we didn't really know what else we were going to do, so we gathered back at mio's and just chilled. hung out with the kids for a while, then i headed over to see johnny. i feel bad, but i can't remember what happened after that. sorry fats!

::saturday::
i don't know for sure, but i think all i did in the morning was some laundry and clean up a bit. i went to see johnny and i chilled while him and the guys practiced. we watched some of the mr. bean episodes from the dvd, which was SOOO great. my fat boyfriend and mr. bean... what more could i ask for? hehe. we went to santana row and valley fair. i ended up getting store credit for some things that my parents received for xmas. i think the malls are worse AFTER xmas than before. everyone's returning stuff, buying clearance junk for next year or whatever. ack, i hate the mall! at eight in the pm, i had my CNO (cousins night out). it was actually only one of my cousins and her boyfriend, and my two brothers, but it was fun anyway. i brought johnny with me, which was kool. we had some good grub and laughs at macaroni grill. umm... and like the night before, i can't remember what i did after this.

::sunday::
woke up and went with abel to church. after, we dropped grandpa off, then headed to fry's and target. abel had to get some late xmas gifts for the kids in vallejo so we got all that done in those two places. we stopped at abel's so he could change, then came home. wrapped all the gifts. (i love wrapping presents! i think i love it even more than opening them!) mio called me up and we went to the post office, picked up joanne, went to valley fair so she could exchange something she got for xmas. waltzed around, grubbed, took FOREVER at the damn store where they engrave things (damn milton!), then headed to the gaslighter for the show. after that, we dropped joanne off, came to my house, grabbed my junk, mingled with the parentals, then went to mio's. she had some people over, so we were just chillin' and drinkin'. i am SUCH a freakin' light-weight and i couldn't even handle my drink intake. this morning, i spent most of it in the bathroom cradling the toilet bowl. i don't know how many times i brushed my teeth to get out that throw-up taste. damn. new year's resolution: sobriety. yeah, i'm with joanne on that one! after three bad experiences of throwing up, you think i'd get the idea, eh? nope, not stubborn angela. anyway, i was finally able to get a little bit of rest. even though i was mostly in the bathroom, it was so nice to fall asleep in my fatty boyfriend's arms. that's gotta be the greatest - falling asleep with the one you love the most! anyway, johnny took me home and i took some drugs to get my strength back. helped mommy cook. went with johnny to great mall to return something at the gap. yup, another xmas present. went to best buy in mc carthy ranch to help out his brother with a tv. saw johnny's nephew!! awwww... he was all sleepy and stuff. but cute as always! went to fry's, then i headed home. i just finished watching jeepers creepers 2 with alain and my dad. not bad. more action than the first one. but i dunno, i wasn't a great fan of the movie in the first place. and now i'm here. whee!

thursday.december.25.2003
i need to stop biting my nails, and cut them.

xmas has been rocking my socks off! yesterday i was able to hang out with my sweetheart and his family. i had a really good time chillin' with all his relatives and stuff. AND FOOD. haha. we musn't forget that. johnny and i exchanged gifts. i got him a shirt he's had his eye on for a while and a ass kickin' scarf. he got me a whole load of stuff! here's the list:
*jewel's latest cd (it's actually pretty good!)
*the 2-disc depeche mode cd i got as a gift from my dad but never got back after someone not worthy of mention never returned back... ugh.
*10 things i hate about you dvd
*monopoly game for my new computer (that i can also play with online! *cough* JOHNNY *cough*)
*the mr. bean dvd set of all the episodes, including some never-before seen episodes!
yeah, i know my boyfriend rocks. but what can i say? other than that i love him SOOOO much!

after chillin' with my lover, i headed to mio's and chilled with her and joanne. it was fun. good down time with the girls. i think i needed that. exchanged gifts there too. joanne got me this tight ass picture frame. she even decorated and personalized it! it's so great. i can't wait to throw some pictures on there and stick it on my wall. i stayed at mio's pretty late, so by the time i got home, i just read a little and went to bed.

today started off a bit strange. i cleaned up in the attic with alain for most of the early afternoon. had some grub with the family, and opened presents. here's the list:
*a jacket, bunch of kick back pants, a necklace, and a bracelet ~parentals
*koala slippers and a tight shirt of the australian flag ~alain
*three beanies and two scarves ~abel
*a sweater ~uncle thanh and gramma
*hand lotion ~colleenanator
after the joy of presents, we went to my aunt's house in milpitas for the family dinner and gift exchange. it was fun. ate like a fat girl, played piano, free money, played with the kids, hung out with my brothers and cousins. my two aunts got me a tight kenneth cole jean jacket. i'm so stoked because this is the first xmas i can think of where they've actually gotten me something i really like. but it's too bad the night didn't end on such a high note. my grandpa started complaining that he wasn't feeling well. after taking his temperature and his heartbeats, my auntie called a doctor to make a house call. when the doc got there, she checked out gramps, and suggested that he go to the hospital. so my aunties, uncle, and my dad took him to the ER. and they're actually still there. they left around nine pm. it's now 2:32am and they're still there. my mom and i called my dad twice, but no word yet. ugh, i hate waiting. especially for things like this... i'm really worried.
i guess my cousin was right. your body just doesn't work the same way when you get old.

monday.december.22.2003
brown kid day.

woke up late. did a few things around the house. picked up the brown chica and headed around town for some errands. our first stop was valley fair, but because everyone and their mom were there, we detoured to crossroads. looked around, bought stuff, left. i was excited. both of us spent under eighteen buckaroonies. and we got GOOOD stuff. went to hancock's fabrics back by our house. the both of us got lost in the excitement of a crafts store. in fact, we found a new year's resolution in there! haha. got a few things. then went to k-mart to look for some facewash. can you believe that k-mart didn't have FACEWASH!?!?! omg you don't know how many times the chica and i ran up and down the aisles looking for some. now i know that k-mart is truly ghetto. took the brown one to a vietnamese bakery so she could satisfy her fattyness. she totally loved the sandwiches there! rock on, sista! we went to the bank so i could deposit some money into my negative three dollars account. after waiting in an incredibly long ass line, i dropped her off and headed to johnny's. i pretty much chilled with him for the rest of the day. went out for japanese with his parents. and now i'm here. when i got home, i wrapped a bunch of presents. joanne called and we had some nice girl talk. i'm glad we chatted. it pretty much put me at ease about a certain situation.
can't wait for christmas. i'm actually a bit excited. i pretty much have all my shopping done. i have two more gifts to get, but i know where to get them, so that's not biggie. i like break because you get to relax, chill with family and those that mean something in your life, and also see some of those people that you hardly ever see. in fact, i saw a handful of people throughout the day that i haven't seen in a while. it was kind of weird, but at the same time the only time i would run into them would be right around this time. strange. i have no idea if i'm making sense. in fact, i'm just super duper bored. i think that's the one thing i hate about breaks. i always find myself being bored - stuck with nothing to do. hmm...
but rather than leave this on a crummy note, here's something for all you kids to enjoy!

Maligayang pasko at manigong bagong taon!
(that's brown people for Merry Christmas and happy new year! mad props to monica for her brown people language skills.)

thursday.december.18.2003
ain't nothing like a bone but a dog, ho!

::wednesday::
went to my last final. it was so freakin' awesome because we had a brunch potluck since we all finished up our real finals. my class this semester was so great. such a supportive and friendly class. what a way to end the semester. went to johnny's after school. i feel bad because i can't really remember what we did until later in the evening. the two of us met up with my brothers at my house and we headed to best buy and the mall. it was SOOOOO much fun! i can't believe my brothers got along so well with johnny. that just makes me so incredibly happy! oh yeah, and i saw the cutest thing today too.. johnny gave my mom a hug!!!

::today::
johnny phoned me for a wake up call. went back to sleep. he called me again to see if i wanted to see lord of the rings: return of the king. i agreed, got ready, then headed with him to great mall. bought some hot dogs to stuff our faces. heck yeah! fatties rule! anyway, the movie fucking rocked! (sorry for the vulgarity, fats!) but yeah, it was sooooo freakin' off the hook. that movie seriously made me feel every emotion possible, and that's crazy that one film can do that to me. of course i'm a real sappy person and cry at the sight of any tears. AND the movie was like two hours or so long. but yeah. i totally had a blast watching it with my hot boyfriend. went back to his house. chilled on the couch for a bit. tried to fall asleep but couldn't. spent some AMAZING quality time with my boyfriend that NO movie could top. of course, no movie could ever top spending time with johnny. mmhmm! we then grubbed the way real fat kids do. went to best buy again. hehe. as i was driving home, i was experiencing some hardcore road rage. i felt soooo bad because johnny was in the car. actually, it was probably a good thing that he was in the car with me or else i would've smashed into someone's car... or better yet, into someone! ugh. i hate shopping malls... especially during the holidays. argh! i can't even begin to explain how much i hate it with a passion. anyway, went back to johnny's, chilled with adrian and sara for a little, ate some bomb ass spaghetti with yummy cheese, and now i'm home. whew!

sunday.december.14.2003
study study.. my brain is getting muddy!

i knew i couldn't resist to come online tonight. i was actually doing a really good job of studying for the photo midterm i have tomorrow. i re-took my mid-term and improved A LOT. reviewed my notes, looked over old quizzes, wrote myself some notes i will HOPEFULLY be able to use tomorrow. we'll see how well i can work my magic. hehe.
today was an alright day. didn't get much of a good night's rest. johnny called me after work, then i went back to sleep. woke up, took my parents and brother to the flea market, lounged around the house, cleaned my room, worked on some junk for government, showered, picked them up, practiced piano, brought my mom back to the flea market, practiced some more, then i left the house. i was on the way to johnny's because we were heading to morgan hill to watch colleen, jason, and arlene's concert, but i totally forgot the directions. so i had to turn around. johnny filled up his car, and we took off to morgan hill. ate like fatties at taco bell. walked in the freezing cold to the nice little building they had the concert in. really good concert. they sounded really well (or at least the building had superb acoustics), and i enjoyed almost all their songs. it totally reminded me of concert band in high school. believe it or not, even though i was always eating, doing homework, or sleeping in band, i liked it. and i guess now that i no longer have it, i miss it. the same thing goes for orchestra. i was always late to orchestra, hardly ever practiced, ate, and even did homework (really hard to do with a string instrument). but now that it's gone, i miss it. hmm. i guess that's where marching band and musicals come in. even though i might get paid a small sum, or even no pay at all, i do it because i miss playing. music is my life. it has been since i started playing the piano. of course i hated it at first, but i honestly can't live without it in my life as of today. with that said, it's time to get back to studying.

good luck with finals everyone!

sunday.december.14.2003
late night.

not much of a day. slept till noon. did laundry. practiced piano for a little. journeyed to great mall with colleenanator. got hooked up at burger king by her cousin! ahhh yeah, now that's what i'm talkin' about. came back home. chit-chatted with some buddies. fixed up the page, as you probably noticed. it's weird. over the course of the school year, i seem to have forgotten a lot of my html knowledge. i really want to change the whole entire layout of my page, but that'll have to wait till i have more free time to experiment with trial and error. being a complete perfectionist, i have the horrible habit of not letting things alone unless they are perfect in my eyes. now that i'm finished, i'm tired. and i'm rather hungry - again. long live this janky fatty!