wednesday.june.29.2005
eat this.

i'm feeling so damn used. i swear, sometimes people can be such a pain in my ass, and they only need me when they want something. it's not as if one bad thing had to happen, but for me to get totally badgered about it every fuckin day is like putting salt on the wound. sometimes i wonder why i'm so nice to people. it makes me want to be a bitch, just so everyone will just leave me alone. i honestly don't want to be completely alone, especially because i know that there are certain people out there that i love, and that understand me (and they know that). but there are others that are so greedy, they don't give a flying shit about who they hurt. who they HAVE hurt. and who they keep hurting. i'm so sick of it all. i want to be soooooo blunt about what i'm talking about, and who i'm talking about... but then i might make those people feel the way i do. how selfish is that?? i'm not going to stoop to that level. all i need to say is that i don't have time for this bullshit.

sunday.june.19.2005
daddy!

don't you just hate it how you'll have a day off, but you're so busy with errands and such, that it's not really like a day off at all? for some reason, many of my days off end up like that. but not today! it's been a nice father's day. went with my dad to church. had lunch with him. gave him his present - which he LOVED! headed to the boy's. his dad loved the present i bought him too! i ended up falling asleep at johnny's. and now i'm home.

summer has been great so far. i had the chance to meet up with my girls, nicole and michelle for some desserts. it's been years since we've all been together. it was awesome catching up. we seriously had about three years of catching up to do! haha. it's so nice to be able to reminisce with friends and not have awkward moments. VISOR MOMENTS!

i also had the pleasure of spending time with mio. she was up in nor cal for a week and we had so much fun hanging out. we did the usual catching up. no awkwardness, which was GREAT! i'm so glad that after all this time of not seeing each other or even talking, things are still the same.

thursday night, linda, mio, and i drove up to davis for joanne's graduation. poor linda must've went crazy dealing with our hyperness. i think right when we hit martinez, just before the bridge, mio and i became delusional. we arrived at the in 'n out in nut tree and just lost it. haha. good times though. davis was pretty crazy. tried to hit up the bars, but it was waaaay too packed. and then the power went out at the bar we were waiting outside of, so we took off. we ended up buying some drinks, checking out the party downstairs, then headed upstairs for our own little party. fun stuff. the graduation was kool. it was the first indoor graduation i've ever been to, which was an experience on its own. well, we grabbed some yummy thai food, then hit the road for home. we ended up stopping by the vacaville outlets. man, i really want to go back there when i have more money (and time) to spend. they have soooo many outlet stores. all in all, the whole trip was fun. i'm glad i had the chance to take a mini road trip with the girls.

work has been getting more and more stressful each and every day i'm there. sometimes i find myself waking up giddy, but i'll arrive at work and lose all my good spirit. i think i'm just getting really tired of everyone. i guess we'll just have to see how much more i can take. i really don't want to quit because i get good hours, and they are SO flexible with my crazy schedule... but it's the stress that's really getting to me. and it's so sad that the staff is changing rapidly. everyone i've grown close to has moved away! so sad. well at least i still have the high school gig. i'm really looking forward to this year. hopefully i can make it to the summer camps because this month is just too crazy for me. but i'm definitely there in the fall. yay for kids enjoying marching band!

thursday.june.09.2005
what do you know about...

and so starts a wonderful summer break. after the stress and chaos of finals and a handful of essays, i'm able to relax and take some time to breathe. this break is well-deserved, according to yours truly. juggling my two jobs and full-time studentness was indeed a challenge. but now it's time to chill. i know i need this break too because once fall rolls around, i'll be stuck again with two jobs, but part-time studentness, preparing to transfer. ack. i can't believe. i feel like i'm halfway done. i guess i'm a little more than that. nonetheless, i am very happy of my accomplishments.

my days consist of work, playing with the hamster, playing with the cat, making sure the cat doesn't play with the hamster, playing with boyfriend, playing with the boyfriend's friends, and playing with my friends. i've been going out lots, which has been awesome. johnny's friends are way fun - no matter what it is, we're always laughing hardcore about something. you know, laughing really makes you feel good. in a way, and of course this is my personal theory, laughing gives you that feeling like after you've worked out. not only do your cheeks and tummy hurt, but it's those damn endorphins doing what they do best. yes, much like how cocaine affects the brain, just minus the cocaine. trust me, useless info like that comes in handy sometimes. but yes, i've been spending lots of time with my wonderful boyfriend and i'm loving it! and i'm loving him.

work has been pretty stressful, as usual. right now, we're in dire need of reliable laborers that don't mind kissing ass to sell a couch and some paintings. i've had to train some newbies for the past two days, and i'm mentally tired. i don't mind the training, because it's just like teaching the kids. indeed it's difficult, but you get that gratified feeling when they understand it and retain it. i guess it's this feeling that is pushing me to take a career in teaching. i'm set on being an english major, and free lance writing doesn't seem too bad. i'm just a little worried about making it out there as a writer. i'd rather not write for a newspaper, but if i get the opportunity, why not? yet, something about teaching still seems inviting. i love kids, and i love helping them, and molding their little minds into something that will be of good use to our world. this is why i want to have children. that satisfaction of knowing you did something good. but that game of house comes later.

i'm looking forward to seeing people and hanging out this summer. i'm going to davis next week for miss joanne's graduation with linda and mio, so that'll be a nice little girls getaway. TONS of catching up to do. i'll be working at the high school throughout the summer, so it'll be nice to see the staff, as well as the kids. i'm glad i still keep in touch with those that have left the z. although i'm usually the youngin' of the group, they're always down the chill, which is very comforting. my cousins from florida and wisconsin should be in town the end of this month, so i'm totally looking forward to being with them. i love those kids. and of course there's the special few i still keep in touch with from high school that i'll be seeing too. ohhh, the joy of summer awaits!!!

thursday.may.12.2005
waiting for salmonella.

by some luck of the draw, i happened to catch every airborne and contagious disease possible in the span of about two weeks. it started with what i thought was just a cold. i felt those wonderful flu-like symptoms.. the aching muscles and joints, hot flashes, sore throat, not wanting to go pee cause a cold toilet seat would hurt, etc. then by some miracle, the muscle aches went away and so did the sore throat, but along came the nausea feeling. and not being able to really eat for fear of vomit. i felt like i lost weight. and if you know me, you know i probably need all the fat on my body that i can get. anyway, that symptom soon passed, and then came the allergies. ahh yes, springtime equals allergy time. as i itched and itched my eye, i noticed my normal eye drops weren't doing anything. i soon began waking up with one really red, itchy, watery eye that would crust up. i would literally wake up with that eye sealed shut by mucous. and the worst part was how it stuck to my eyelashes. think of pulling out a nosehair, but transfer that feeling up to your eyelids. pulling eyelashes isn't a hobby i would recommend. to cut to the chase for you eager ones, i somehow contracted conjunctivitis, a version of bacterial conjunctivitis, at that - like that makes it better. conjunctivitis equals pink eye. pink eye equals contagious. although i warned my lovely coworkers of my fantastic health conditions, they still said 'what the heck' and let me aboard on the ship of retail, with one condition - that i keep my fingers out of my eye. i agreed, and had to wash my hands after touching everything. they wanted my party pooper germs washed right off and down the drain. too bad i ended up washing the ring off my hand and probably down the drain or in the trash can along with the germs. i couldn't believe it! i blame pink eye for the loss of my ring. geez, talk about a bummer. just when i thought my day couldn't have grown any worse, i get home and notice my other eye looking a bit pink. in fact, it started itching too. like a dream come true, i woke up the next day with both eyes flowing with mucous, crust, and pink eye. yes, it had spread to the other eye. i now had it in both eyes. i called kaiser, was treated over the phone, and much to my surprise (no sarcasm here), my prescription wouldn't be ready for another six hours. SIX hours. think of how many times i would have to wipe up my eyes in six hours. not to mention all the crust i would have to pick off. for SIX hours. and the itching. oh! the itching! but there was nothing i could do. i waited.. and waited.. and six hours later... the pharmacy was closed. and closed the next day. and closed the next day after that. you know what that meant? pink eye for the weekend. boyfriend friday, pay day, a baby shower, mother's day, and the university installment of the sims would all be done with the enjoyable experience of pink eye. fast forward to monday. as the sun's rays filled my room with light on a beautiful monday morning, i couldn't find the strength to get up. lethargic, but determined, i picked the crap out of my eyes and went to brush my teeth. but my throat was killing me. i grabbed myself a glass of water, but gulping it down was difficult. it really hurt to swallow anything, even my own saliva. monday means school, work, and this particular monday meant a meeting with a high status man. VERY important to the status of what could be a career. there was no way i could miss this meeting - just unheard of. so monday also meant there was no way i could get to the pharmacy to pickup my meds. along comes tuesday, with again a sore throat. after consulting with the lesley, she told me to check for strep throat. i've had it once before, and boy it sure felt like i had it again. but a carrier of strep has white stuff on their tonsils. holding the flashlight in front of a mirror with my mouth wide open, i see no white stuff on my tonsils. instead, brace yourself, i see cuts on my tonsils. no blood, but actual cuts. like i had decided to swallow glass or something. what are the odds?? so here i am typing away late in the night (or early in the morning) about how i have become one contagious and diseased individual. you may be wondering, why does the subject of this post contain 'salmonella.' i must first off say, no, i don't have salmonella, if that's what you think i'm leading up to. but, do keep in mind that i cohabitate with a dwarf hamster. recently, there has been a salmonella scare/outbreak among pet rodents, hamsters included. i guess living in closed quarters with your urine and feces isn't the healthiest option. too bad that's how my furry little neighbor enjoys life. paranoia surrounds me. yet, i feel so unkind to the furry one because before all this, i used to play with her, and hold her. and now, i just can't push myself to do it. i haven't been the luckiest creature in regards to health in the past few weeks, and i can't bear to catch anymore contagious diseases. i don't think my body can take much more of it. i don't know how you would feel, but i'm tired of being a walking disease.

thursday.april.28.2005
i'm a sex machine ready to reload.

that has to be one of the greatest lines ever. thank goodness for queen.

so today concludes the winter season at the high school. tonight was the banquet for winter percussion and the winter guard(s). ohh so sad. but no need to fret, i'll be back in the fall. the girls and i did our little dance routine, which was interesting. the whole time we were planning certain things, then at the last minute, as we're stepping onto the 'dance floor,' the girls decide we're going to start from the set that i know. ack. craziness. at least it's over.

i've had the past three days off from work and it's been wonderful. i feel less stressed than normal. work is too much for me right now. i'm hoping for a miracle to save me.

no comments on school. if only i would have days off from that. man, i wouldn't have a care in the world.

friday.april.22.2005
plenty of paper.

FINALLY, an update. yes, i know that i lag. i've just been super busy.

the high school gig finished up last saturday. VERY awesome way to end the season. i am so proud of all hard work the kids put in, as well as the wonderful staff i was able to work with. fall season awaits me.

work at the z, however, is on the opposite end of the spectrum. there is a lot to said about things going on in that place. i would love to post it, but it's probably best if you just ask me to clue you in. some changes, for the better (i hope), might take place. at least benefitting me. it sounds selfish, but believe me - you'd do the same.

school is becoming just as stressful as work. i'm finding myself overloaded, totally procrastinating, and feeling like i can't remember things anymore. even when i'm writing an essay, i feel like i'm not as articulate as i could be. not good for a prospective english major. i had a midterm this past week and i feel like i bombed it. i don't know how i allowed myself to lag on studying for SO long. all i can do is kick myself because no one else is to blame except me. it's probably spring fever setting in, but i'm also having trouble pushing myself to go to class. not only is my human sexuality class a huge lecture class, he lectures STRAIGHT from the book. i find it's more efficient for me to use that classtime to either replenish my rest, due to poor sleeping habits, or get up early to study/finish/do homework. ohh... how desperately i need motivation. it doesn't help that i'm getting ready to transfer soon. i'm aiming for spring 2006. details to come...

i recently went to the gym, met with my personal trainer, and worked out HARDCORE. i have never felt so sore in my entire life. i'm scared i'm feeling TOO sore. i have trouble sitting down because my legs are ALL sore. driving doesn't feel too comfortable either because my butt and legs have to suffer through sitting down and shifting gears. moving my arms is excruciatingly painful. and even my favorite thing - STRETCHING - is difficult to do on my own. i was supposed to go today, but i'm shooting for tomorrow. i was just WAY too sore to do anything. it sucks. i feel like such a cripple.

other than that, life is treating me well. i had a nice long talk with my mom a little while ago, which i think has stitched up some the seams in our unsteady relationship. i feel like i've grown closer to my dad too. communication is key. the brothers and i are still as tight as we've always been. i'm so happy to have them. my cat is doing fine. i love her. and the hamster is doing okay too. i feel like i'm understanding the hamster better, especially because she isn't biting me anymore. and surprisingly the cat hasn't found out about the hamster yet. johnny and i are doing fine. i feel like i'm more in love with him than ever. my best friend and i are best friends... still. again, communication is key. i'm feeling surges of optimism, which is simultaneously awesome and scary. i fear for the negative thoughts and feelings to come racing back to tear me up. to sum it all up, i'm just feeling really good... and it's been a while since i've felt like this. it's about damn time.

monday.march.07.2005
midterms.

quickie. the subject title says it all.. i was bombarded with mid-terms, and now it's time to catch up on the sleep i lost! also, i had my annual review at work, which turned out to be VERY postitive and satisfying. the kids had their first show this past weekend. ran into SO many familiar faces. had fun. makes me remember how fun winter percussion shows were. i'm just inches away from transferring - finally. more details to come...
or if you're that anxious, call me! xoxo.

friday.february.18.2005
a quickie.

You Are A Realistic Romantic

You are more romantic than 70% of the population. It's easy for you to get swept away by romance... But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective. You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!