Tuesday, March 4, 2003 10:30 p.m.

a piece of love revealed

Kayla: "and i said to peter, 'you'll love mom with only one boob, right?' and he said, 'i'd love her if she was a brain in a jar'"

Wednesday, February 26, 2003 01:10 a.m.

a swell in the sun

You know how when you're in the sun for long, you get rather tired? The sun's a good thing (hasn't killed us yet), but too much of it saps your energy. I'm feeling a subtle transition, I think; I've been thinking nothing's been going on, but something's ALWAYS going on. It's calm, and slow right now; I'm being wrapped in my personal ocean of thought and carried off somewhere far and deep. A "Yumegiwa Last Boy"-type feeling. Something's going on; it feels like I'm coming out of a long slumber. What am I going to wake up and see?

I've got a head cold, so my sinuses are swollen and my teeth hurt. Oh well.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003 02:31 a.m.

my mood broke.

Fureai's "Mune no Oto" and talking to Steven and Dan have done it. I'm the empty one now.

Monday, February 17, 2003 03:42 p.m.

it's always a surprise

Kayla messaged me about twenty minutes ago, and she's doing good. I'm always happy to hear that, because there are times when I wonder how she is, but don't really know how to get in touch with her. Always very interesting, always very strange...

"i'm so used to being sad, that this contentment is frightening."

I know what she means.

Saturday, February 1, 2003 12:09 a.m.

if, i

Listening to that song by Fayray. Good song. I just woke up from two consecutive naps and a bout of dish washing, and I feel extremely warm. I imagine two naps in flannel covers will do that. Wray just told me he's going to get charged again for functional server usage, but I suspect that I won't have to pay a thing, even though I'm using the server too. I'm kinda waiting on John, though I shouldn't, but he said he'd be up a few more hours, and I don't know if he fell asleep or if he's playing a game or what, so... Truthfully I'm still quite tired myself, and would love to go back to bed a third time. I might have to do that soon enough.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003 12:09 a.m.

girls not allowed

I've been feeling out of sorts again lately (when am I not, I wonder?). I've been trying to ignore it but it doesn't seem to be working. I've always felt that things and people will change too quickly for me to keep up, and that if I don't change too I'll be left behind. Realizing, though, that it's much better to be myself and move at my own pace doesn't mean it's not strange to watch everyone else pass me by. I've always been stuck in old things, feeling pretty comfortable in the familiar. But now it feels like I'm about to be pushed off a cliff while being told it's my decision, and that I should do what I want. When I look around me, I don't see many of the faces I know, so I'm contemplating my alone time again.

But I hate that time more and more, because I'd had too much of it. And I don't want to ask it, because I'll just infringe on everyone else. So I think, then, that it's becoming pointless once more to even bother with such things, because it leads nowhere.