...I am the son and the heir I am human and I need to be loved Just like everyone else does See I've already waited too long And all my hope is gone...
amphetamine ranted and raved on Sunday, May 4, 2003...11:29 a.m.
Alright, the photoshoot finished lol. nothing really interesting happened afterwards, dont know if we'll be able to see the photos. yeesh. i dont think i want to =S
gahhh! the exams are soon! i have shitloads of revision to do..but i just dont have enough time...godamnit. why didnt i start earlier? but then again, even if i could turn back time, i doubt i would have revised =P oh such is like *cough cough*
congrats on all those who became prefects and head prefects and deputy prefects! although in my opinion someONE didnt deserve it...
HALF-LIFE 2 is gonna be a reality!!! WOOHOO! lalalalala!
sheesh...i really need to learn this html shit...this web design is awful
amphetamine ranted and raved on Monday, April 28, 2003...10:56 a.m.
hello ^^ ok so right now im in the middle of the photoshoot...in the computer room awating the photographer to click click and blind us with the flash...woohoo...also, they asked some 3rd form boys to join us so here is Justin to say hello...
nevermind he'll just play some game ;) no worries. bleh. i'll let you know what happens later...=P
amphetamine ranted and raved on Saturday, April 26, 2003...09:58 p.m.
People say that there is a fine line between love and hate.
I choose hate.
What a fucking asshole.
I just punched the wall repeatedly. Fucking hurt. And I now have split skin, like cuts, on my red and sore knuckles. Great. Just great.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, April 25, 2003...02:58 p.m.
ooh im so annoyed.
www.freewebsitehosting.net diallowed offsite linking..so for a while, my images wouldnt show up..grr. damnit. now i have to find a new host...and i think ive found quite a good one. its called www.villagephotos.com (i think). not bad at all. i just hope it remains free =P
ooh! i have something to tell. this mornin i got a notice saying i had to go to a meeting at long break. but it didnt say what it was for. so i went along and guess what it was for? A PHOTOSHOOT!!!!
MUWAHAHAHAH!!! DAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!
*wipes a tear from her eye* basically, they said we didnt have enough pictures of the sixth form girls coz they already had enough pictures of the sixth form guys. so yea, we get to "pose" and take pictures! hahahaha! they're getting a proffesional photographer and everything! teehee! they might use the shots in for something called "girls day" coz our school has decided to go co-ed. so there is a girls day where possible girl students (yr 7 i think) come in and have a look around. all i can do...is just....LAUGH! ^^ so on monday next week, i'll have to wear smarter clothes and such..and just pray that i dont get a huge mass of spots on my face over the weekend....-_______-
peace out.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, April 25, 2003...11:18 a.m.
ooh...long time no talk huh? well, this past couple of weeks have been kinda...urm. boring...yay. revision...fun fun fun. cough cough. nothing much to say really on my revision period, except the fact that i didnt do much but i didnt waste it completely. our family hosted a BBQ though, which was nice..invited our relatives and grandparents over for a BBQ for lunch, originally it was for dinna but then decided not too...anyways, the weather was ok...cloudy and cold. and lo and behold, the next day was warm and sunny...just our luck eh?
started school on wednesday...w00t. they announced the senior prefects..all of them complete twats. i now have 2 of friends in relationships, one out =(...heehee. even if i tell you their names, i dont think you'd have a clue who they are ^^. on tuesday MORNING my danm tutor phoned me at fucking 10 in the morning, i was still in bed sleeping and the phone was right next to me. urgh. basically, he asked me "have you been to HK during the easter holidays?" friggin eejit.
hope everything is ok in HK, SARS is getting outta hand slightly, even though it is still overhyped over here =S. ARGH! the exams are sssooo soon....im kinda terrified. WHO'S WITH ME??!!!
later my children.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, April 11, 2003...09:30 p.m.
I will give anyone 1000 pounds to kill my father.
ETA: I was revising. I was actually doing revision during the week, ok fine. yea not exactly extremely hard or anything, but a hell lot better than i had ever done in a long time. and i was happy with myself, ok yea, i was a bit behind schedule but it wasnt a huge deal. it was good when it was just me and mum at home. but then he is home on fridays and it kinda threw me. ok yea, so i was only doing about 4-5 hours each day but fuck man. he had a huge go at me at which i was just gonna punch him. seriously. god knows how many instances where i have imagined myself to be hurting him, whether it be my fists or some other weapon. its so vivid it kinda scares me. so yea, i felt good for once and now its just all the way back down to rock bottom. which is no good for my revision mode. fuck. i cannot put all the blame on him though. of course, it is me who is doing the revision, my actual self but fuck. my mind and heart cannont take this, not now. i have got to move on, im still stuck on the past and its driving me crazy. nostalgia and heartache is not a good state of mind for me right now. i hate this. i lie on me bed at night, my heart physically hurting. again. i dont want to do crap in my AS levels, of course i dont, and yea, i know it requires work but what i thought was "working" apparently isnt good enough. ok fine, it isnt "good" enough, but i was happy with what i was doing. and if anyone tells me to do anything else, i will personally hit them.
christ, i need a psychiartrist. I am one fucked up girl.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, April 4, 2003...12:23 p.m.
WOOHOO! im on easter break now...it'll last for 3 weeks, 3 weeks of revision -__- whoppee. not exactly what i want, but exams are so close its not funny and for those who dont know, i failed my maths mock so i kinda need to get decent grades in these friggin AS levels. grr.
Our last day was Tuesday, well actually, wednesday, for it was optional for us to come in on wednesday, so naturally, NO ONE did..i mean, how stupid would someone be if they went into school voluntarily lol. Anways, the Prom was on tuesday night so most people would be too hammered haha. i didnt go this year, its more of a laeving thing for the year above really, and it costs soooo much to go, so just go once is what i say.
on wednesday we went to patricks house which was a fucking 5 floors, including basement and converted loft...sheesh. we hung out in teh loft for a bit and he had a foosball table in there! it was so cool ^^ and then we went downstairs to the living room, watched music videos, computer, had fights with people ( i ended up doing some kinda rugby tackle/scrum thing and i ended upside down, with my feet against the wall like i was doing a headstand) there are pictures...but i will show them to you later ;) had pizza, went home
yesterday i went back into school, to attend this badminton training thing..where we basically just played badminton. that chinese dude came as well, the one who was the captain of the badminton team at latymer last year, who is now in his first year of uni at cambridge and was picked for their badminton team! now, that's unusual, because they dont generally pick first years, but he was so good, they chose him! he is so incredibly good, his smashes are so lethal, so quick, the sound of the feather shuttlecock hitting the racket is deafening...did i mention that he was kinda cute too? teehee...so yea, played for about 3-4 hours which was nice. i played a female single match with emily, the upper sixth girl and i beat her 15-9 i think...yay ^^ that was nice i suppose. but i still felt really shite that day...a generally depression thing i guess..maybe it was beacuse i knew that revision is really important now and i have exams so so soon >__< urgh.
this damn SARS thing is getting me worried, thankfully all my mates in HK are ok..not infected but christ, still worried gah mah! and im not gonna really say anything about Iraq because frankly, i wouldnt know what to say.
i got my cd's this week! i got norah jones and matchbox twenty. both are VERY good. norah jones deserved all those grammys, i highly recommend that album, and matchbox twenty just rock ^^
talk to y'all later ^^
edit: i wonder how many people *actually* come to this site...not mant i dont think *lol*
amphetamine ranted and raved on Thursday, March 27, 2003...08:17 p.m.
It's ironic.I was watching old episodes of Sex and the City last night...the one with Miranda's mother dying from a heart attack. Now, I was originally gonna post something amusing and link to some pictures and stuff but this takes priority.
I have a friend, lets call her X and she didnt show up on Monday, our form tutor told us that her dad had suffered a stroke. She isnt a close friend, but a friend nonetheless, whom i've had good conversations with ranging from the dickheads at school and religion. I texted her that day to offer my condolences and hope that he gets better, she replied, thanking me for my support. Throughout the rest of the week, I was hoping to see her but she didnt arrive. Then, about one hour ago, i received a mesage from saying that her daddy had passed away and that the funeral was on sunday. I immediatly replied and said i was sorry for her loss and was there for her.
I felt...I cannot describe how i felt. I didnt know her father, never met him...yet..i felt such sorrow. nothing compared to her of course..but..i had never experienced death before. of any kind. and the feelings...were differnt..and hard to control...i found myself shaking and stuttering while i told my parents.
I can do nothing but pray for her family. May he Rest In Peace.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Tuesday, March 25, 2003...09:12 a.m.
do not worry...i havent died. ive just had hectic post exam weeks...well im lying here so sue me.
i dont think im gonna post what has happened the past 2 weeks but if you really must know, you can contact me or something lol. so from now, i'll just be blogging from this moment forward. and i have pics and tidbits to share with you. but i cant, as my broadband at home has died and left me with no internet for about 4 whole days.
i was having an epiliptic fit by the second day....
*shudders*
must....click....something.....
amphetamine ranted and raved on Tuesday, March 4, 2003...09:42 a.m.
kapoot
Egads. Where the hell do I start? Hmm, I guess I’ll start with when I went to Birmingham on the Sunday before my half term/exam leave. Ok, so I was to meet them in front of the school at a god awful early time of 7:30am. Considering that I usually leave the house at 7:30 to go to school just tells you how much sleep I missed out on =_=. Anyways, I got there a bit early so I went to have a coffee in macdonalds in the shopping centre, after which I decided to walk towards the school which would take me about 15 mins. However, on my way there I discovered that I need to go to the toilet…now, being in the high street does not necessarily mean that there are plentiful toilets around..so I was going help; what am I gonna do? The friggin bus journey is more than 2 hours! By then, several other people had arrived and I asked if they knew where toilets where. One suggested a public toilet which you had to pay for and that it was really crap and disgusting and I was like “hello? I’ve been to the hellhole of all hellhole toilets re:China” unfortunately, when I got to the public toilet it had a sign on the door. And it read “not in use”
great.
Then someone said that there was a toilet in the macdonalds on the high street and I was like WHAT?! So yea, and mr.rose would arrive with the mini-coach any minute so basically it was now or never. Normally the walk to this macdonalds would take around 10-15mins but I ran. And good god, I was so unfit. Sheesh! But to be fair, it was very cold and it did not help my asthma nor did it help that I was wearing thousands of layers of bulky clothing. When I ran back, the coach pulled up beside me and I got on, apologising to the entire crew. The bus journey was llooong…more than 2 hours…it lasted for about 3 and something. Urgh. Thankfully, we did stop off at some “services” – which are just little areas where people can come off the highway and park there, get something to eat etcetc. There was actually a mini-arcade there and some of my friends played dance dance revolution! It was wicked fun ^^ and I had a go too! Although I was no way near as good as this one dude =P finally, we got to Birmingham, and several of us (me included) were meant to get some coaching by some professionals. So when we got there, we were told to quickly get changed and stuff…BUT *just* as finished changing, the female coach who came with us said that there’s no point now because they’ve stopped the coaching =( oh well. So I continued to stay in my sportswear while Emily (the only other girl) got changed back. When we got back outside, we *just* missed the demonstration >__< grr..and the guys were saying how good it was etc. great. Anyways, the badminton finals finally began and it was just freaking amazing at how these men and women play. They were graceful, agile and powerful. Christ. It was fantastic. I’ll scan in a picture of the ticket ^^ heehee…but none of the players I’m afraid, they searched our bags for cameras and confiscated them -_- ooh! And mr.rose bought us all a keychain that read “ I get a buzz from badminton” with a little bee and a badminton racket keke**. We all sat in our seats for about 4-5 hours and my bum fell completely asleep..ooh. and then we had to sit some more on the bus ride home. Urgh o.O but it was nice to finally get home and just sleep,..zzz….
come Monday, it was the week to start “revising”, now, when I say revising I actually mean “sitting at desk doing absolute sod all and surfin the net for countless things” suffice to say, I didn’t do much revision and I felt bad. But the thing is, I never do anything about it. My parents knew I didn’t do much and it was too late to do anything anyways (it was Sunday night) I fool myself into believeing that if I were to stay at home, I would be more productive than if I were to be out. Hence, when I was asked to go to someones house for the day, I declined, claiming that I needed to do work and that it would make me feel tremendously guilty if I went as I would feel that I need to be in front of books. Doesn’t matter really, I still don’t get in front of the books even if I didn’t go. And I know this, it just gives me the false sense of security that I want to believe. Blegh.
ok, so here is exam week…my first exam would be on Monday, computing, both modules, i.e 2 papers, one and a half hour each. The exam was ok…harder than I thought and I would have done better should I have done revision (this time I meant it) but I finished it in 2 hours, including checking everything twice. So, I had a whole friggin hour to spare. And I did nothing. All my other classmates who were sat around me had also stopped, they did nothing, some had even finished before me, I didn’t rush my paper, so we all just sat there, staring into space for a whole freaking hour. That was so tedious. Tuesday’s exam: didn’t have an exam today….i only do 4 subjects, hence, only 4 exams. [did I mention that last year parents complained that their kids were doing too many exams? I.e. one exam for each module/unit of each subject. Well, the fucking exam boards had decided that it would be a good idea to smush all of the exams together…e.g. for chemistry, instead of sitting 3 exams, I would now have to sit them all in one sitting. 3 hours of pure chem. Kill me now.] Wednesday’s exam: this would be economics…and it was alright…not so bad….but the thing with econ is that multiple choice papers are my ultimate Achilles heel. I always do bad on those >__< so I had my micro and marco econ exams…2 hours in total…not so bad. Thursday’s exam: This was chemistry. Now, I was not worried about chemistry as much as maths, because I had heard that the maths P1 exam was very hard and the S1 was ok…anyhoo, the first chemistry paper was not so bad…I think I did ok (will find out result in 40mins) however, on the second paper, which were all on calculations and experiments and stuff I completely failed. I have always had a problem with calculating moles and stuff…and I had done extra work to try and help me overcome this problem but I could not figure out the friggin question. I panicked and me hand was shaking….bleh. I knew I didn’t do so well and I was prepared for what I got (see later in post) Friday’s exam: this was the ultimate test. The big one. Urgh. I was so nervous that I thought I was gonna puke. As soon as I walked into the exam hall, everything kinda went downhill from there…the P1 paper WAS incredibly difficult…and I couldn’t even do the first question…which sorta disheartned me…and then even more when I saw/read the other questions. That entire paper was so hard…so tough. I knew I failed it the moment I couldn’t think properly and when I started shaking. Urgh. That was hell. Then came the S1 paper, that was better….but stats isn’t really my strong point and I think I only did average on that one…or less. Anyways, after that horrible ordeal, exams were officially over for me….and I’d have 2 glorious days to savour the time where no homework needed to be done.
Now, during Thursday and Friday, I had been informed that I had been entered in a mixed doubles match against the teachers with badminton. And my upper sixth friends were asking me if I could make it. I didn’t know as my maths exam would finish in the morning and so I would have to waste about 3 hours of doing nothing until I badminton started. In the end, I decided that I would go because I really liked badminton and I needed something to vent my frustration on anyways….and mr.rose had asked me to play because he needed more girls lol for the mixed doubles as it was “very hard to find 6 teachers willing to play badminton”. So ok, I brought my racket in on Friday, only to realise that I forgot my trainers. Great. So I told mr.rose but he said that I *would* play *evil glare* keke** so yea, since I had plenty of time, I went home to get my trainers. Bearing in mind that it takes me about an hour to get home…so I went home. Had a small snack and went right back to school to play badminton against the teachers. My doubles partner has always been Peyman and he is such an optimist. And me, being the pessimist….hehe. its amazing that we get on. Anyhoo, we beat 2 pairs of teachers and lost to one…teachers beat us by one game grr. But we did the best out of the student teams because we only lost one game while the other 2 pairs lost 2 games ^^
Saturday: Saturday was great. Absolutely nothing to do ^^ my eldest sister came home though, which was a treat and she spent shedloads so she now had no money (well, nearly…once she’s found out that ive hacked her bank account ^^) at around 6:20pm, my dad drove me to Ona’s house to have a gathering with my mates…and it was very nice. It was pretty much the first time id been with them at a gathering for many months now….the other times ive missed out on because of guilt, work, depression and whatnot. We had archers, bacardi breezers, reef’s, with pizza for dinna…mmm…alcohol = good. Don’t worry y’all I didn’t get pissed and make a fool of myself! Lol. Then we played a little DDR, she had 2 mats and a PS2!!! Heehee that was fun…people didn’t dance so well when they are a little tipsy…hmm. We finished the night off with monty python- which wasn’t as amusing as I thoughtd it would be…there are pictures! Just not taken with my camera so it might take me a while to get hold of them ^^. It was a good night. And I found out that I don’t get drunk after 3 bottles…not a lot I know…but im progressing =D
Sunday did jack all this day. I did load up warcraft III however and its good. I like it. But my hero kinda died trying to protect this village/base so yea…hmm. I had to defend it for 30 WHOLE minutes OK??!
fast forward to this week… yesterday I got my one of my chemistry papers back….the calculations one…I knew I didn’t do well and I didn’t. I got 21 out of 37..which was a C, a 23 was a B and a 26 was an A. eh. Whatever =P. then I got my econ back…and I was very disappointed. Not as much as I was for GCSE though…with micro and macro combined I was 2% short of an A….grr….urgh…if I had one more mark ANYWHERE I would have gotten my A. bah. Then I got one of my computing papers back…I got 44 out of 65 which was ok…overall, I came 8th in the whole year [no jess! There weren’t 8 people in the whole year! Hehe] so yea…I get my other chemistry paper back in 10 mins….and my maths *shudder*. I failed. I know it.
big sigh….
basically, it all went kapoot.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Monday, March 3, 2003...03:18 p.m.
tomorrow i will post a longggg entry. mainly because i have 3 free periods and no hmwk due to the fact that i have just finished my AS mocks ^^
just decided to post that today is 03/03/03! heeehee....cool huh?...no?...guys? people?? -__________-
amphetamine ranted and raved on Saturday, February 22, 2003...09:07 p.m.
I'm so sorry for not posting for a while. i will do when i havet the time i promise. but this week ive been trying to revise [HA!] and next week i have my mocks...and although it means that i only have to go into school when i need to, does NOT mean i have free time! [that is, to do nothing].
will post sometime though about what ive been doing. until then, take care y'all! muwah ^^
amphetamine ranted and raved on Monday, February 10, 2003...10:18 a.m.
how was everyone's weekend?
me? i had a good one. better than normal most definately.
Friday remember when i couldnt go in on another friday because of the snow? well, during that friday i missed a maths lesson, which, btw, is still taking me a while to catch up, and i missed this calulation thing we were meant to do with our AS level practical chemistry assessment. so i had it rescheduled to do it on this friday. however, my chem teacher, who is also my form teacher, wasnt in school!!! woohoo! so no chem assessment (although i have to do it *sometime*) and no chem for the last two periods. ^^ so yea, i found out that we could go to badminton as early as 3 pm so i mucked around on the computers with some friends until then and then got changed for badminton at 3. badminton was cool, but there was another school which came to play a friendly. i didnt play of course ;) but i just played for fun. however, at around 5:10 the people i normally played with had to to leave to get ready for "bandnight" [ just school bands playing basically] so was left with no one to play with >_< but it was ok, coz mr rose (badminton person in charge) asked me if i wanted to be a coached a little. i said sure. and so, the couch taught me some stuff that imediatly improved my game. i was happy, yay ^^ then we had a game with two guys and she was just everywhere! i was panicing half the time coz i didnt know what to do as i was used to the formations and tactics playing as mixed doubles, but apparently female doubles is a whole different ball game. =P but yea that was cool. i then made my way to my sister's flat which took me about an hour to get to, with my heavy nightbag and schoolbag. urgh. but i survived coz i just treated it like AYP, without the urm...trees, mud, and hills and yea...lol. it was a plannned girly nights in, we went to blockbusters (which was SOOO far away!!! 10 mins walk my ass! teehee) and we didnt really have a preference of films so we chose "bend it like beckham". it was not a bad film but i thought it was gonna be funnier than expected. at first, my sister thought the guy was cute, but on second thoughts, she changed her mind. bless her. although i really liked the irish accent...aahhh....^^ [anyone else seen it? use my comments thing!] ooh, and it was nice to have her buy 2 tubs of haagen daaz...bliss. mmm...yummy. 5 pounds for 2 wor! keke** as well as a film, we finished off the second half of "alias" that i had on tape coz we were out when it aired...i brought "sex and the city" just in case she hadnt seen it coz i hadnt. but she had. i brought "charmed" too but i didnt record it so i wasnt sure if there really was anything on the tape at all haha. turns out there was only a thing called...bah, forget it ;) stayed up till around 12 something...then went to bed. was tired -_- and then was woken up at 2 somethine in the morning because my other sister had forgotten her keys and phoned my mobile which was in my sister's bedroom, which i was also sleeping in. and it woke me up..grr..lol. but i soon fell back asleep...zzz..
Saturday next morning, got up, had brekkie and met my other sister's friend who stayed the night. then went shopping in oxford street with sister number 1 and bought...a cd. just a cheap knockoff while she went mainly clothes shopping and came back with bargain courdroys ^^. i hung out at the flat till about 5:30pm and then left to walk to the station to go home, to which my sister number 1 kindly accompanied me to carry my bag. so nice yea? =) got home. and our entire hardrive was wiped. i.e. my dad reformatting the harddisk because it was just so so so sick, urgh. it was terrible to work with. now, its much better, much smoother and ive already customised it =P
Sunday I was meant to do some work today. and i did...sorta =P well, not really lol. i found out that my mum was to have her friends over for a day of mah jong. and one of those friends was the mother of a childhood friend whom ive not seen for 9 years. her name was tracy and i would have considered her as a good friend and i have several memories of her and what she looks like as she was in my class at chinese school. anyways, she didnt come but i met the mother and she did indeed look familiar...and the other player was an old granny whom i have no idea was...and they were all in the living room drinking tea, waiting for the fouth and final player to arrive...when she did arrive, one hour later, i also recognised her...dont know who the heck she was though. as usual, said all the "hello's" and "auntie's" and retreated back to my room for most part of the afternoon. to which i did do some work hehe** in between several bouts of internet surfrin...lalalalalala! and watching/recording "alias" then it was dinner and we had some sort of 'feast' i suppose...but the thing was [and i know its so bad/rude of me to say it but i have to!] i was seated to the left of the granny and my younger sister was seated to the right of the granny. now, at this close range i could hear her wheezing. not your typical small wheeze, but with EVERY DAMN BREATH she took she wheezed so loudly i think she could have cracked the glasses. and it was one of those sorta high pitched wheezes combined with the gurgles of phelgm in the throat. it was not nice. in this discovery i managed to make a small eye contact with my younger sister and i think she heard the wheezing sounds too. thats it. it set me off. i started to...giggle. Oh My God! it was sssoooo hard keeping it in!!!! i was just trying to contain my laughter, the others probably just saw me smile and chuckle a bit...little did they know that i was trying so hard not to laugh i was gonna have an epileptic fit. i snorted into my bowl of rice (and no, snot did not go in) and even considererd running upstais and burst out into a pillow to muffle the sounds. i swear, she sounded like she was gonna die right there, right then. its mean i know...sorry. but it was just too funny. =D
and thus ends my weekend, pretty good one at that ^^ its now monday and i have the first 2 periods free because chem teacher aint here, and i have 2 free periods normally after that...so i have a total of 4 free periods in the morning ;) hope y'all had a good one too ^^ use the tagboard/comments thingy if you will. cheers.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, February 7, 2003...02:52 p.m.
this is gonna be a very short entry. i am off to play badminton soon at 3pm coz teacher aint here for chemistry! woohoo! haha so i get more badminton. and i'll play until 7. i will then make my way to my sister's flat to have a girly nights in ^^ watch videos and whatnot =) i'm gonna go to Birmingham next sunday! to watch the all-england badminton finals =D i felt quite privaleged to be asked actually coz there are only 13 places and i was asked to go! yay!
ive also added a couple of pics to my webshots album so yea...go check them out. and check out my new comments thingy! i FINALLY got it too work :D *glee*
*does the dance of mini-joy*
amphetamine ranted and raved on Thursday, February 6, 2003...07:34 p.m.
testin new comment thingy
amphetamine ranted and raved on Monday, February 3, 2003...10:24 a.m.
hello all.
its monday morning....something i was dreaded throughout the entire weekend. and there was one more reason than your typical "oh crap. i-cannot-be-bothered" attittude. as much as id like to share that reason with you. i cant. its too. urgh. sorry.
just had my chemistry test...a test before the mock one basically. and again, par usual, i didnt do so well. i couldnt do it. even the simple equations and stuff...like the reaction of pottasium with water...i just....i just couldnt. and my heart was not in it. its not an excuse for my shitty marks. but i just cannot give a flying duck anymore. i know im repeating what ive been blogging about for the past...godknows, couple of months? meh. its something to bitch about.
on a better note, hope y'all had a good chinese new year ^^ my sisters came over for that, it was great =D first time i'd actually genuinely laughed out loud. for a long time. (this does not count phone calls ;) ) so yea..that was nice...and then on sunday we all went to my grandparents house to see everyone else...got lai see! *big grin* obviously, i wont get as much as i did in Hong Kong, but hey! anything is better than nothing ;) there were nice celebrations in leicester square...dragon dances and music and firecrackers and whatnot...but we didnt go because of the huge crowds *shudder* its like causeway bay all over again [or mong kok =P]
actually, you know how its tradition to have the family dinner on chinese new yr's eve yea? (re:my sisters coming over) it was also the night my friend decided to have her birthday gathering at her house....i did want to go but restrictions such as hmwk and these fucking tests i have these week kinda told me to not go. plus, to be completely honest, i would have rather had the family dinner, coz you know, its family! =D and i dont see my sisters that often so yea... but from what i heard, it was a good time, the alcohol was flowing (at her house! her parents have this thing saying how they'd prefer they got drunk under the supervision of the parents rather than not) and ive been hearing little tidbits as to what happened lol...will ask about them later. teehee.
i have a computing test tmr. wish me luck. *cough cough*
ooh! ive added 3 photos to my webshots thingy =P when my mocks are over and when i actually have time, i will scan more in, please be patient ^^
isnt that kitten/chick pic so cute? *warm and fuzzy inside* but yea...i really really needed something...honest to god. im so in shambles i'll just break down in front of you [literally and the other meaning]. i put on a...what do you call it? somber? front? yea..something along the lines of that. i mean yea, ive laughed, and ive had some rare good times...but other than that...the underlying me is just.
dead.
oh fuck. there i've gone again.
ETA: gotta give a special mention to my dearest *gag* best mate Jessica. Just for everything she's done. Thank You. ^^
[notice how i was *actually* using proper punctuation there? lol. screw capital letters! harhar!]
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, January 31, 2003...06:45 p.m.
i'm feeling...depresed. again. i need something like this
urgh.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Thursday, January 30, 2003...10:17 a.m.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was snowing!!! it was snowing!!! *glee*. the weather forcaster said yesterday actually that we would be expecting some snow ^^ yay! i was just in chemistry and i looked out the window and there was snow falling...it wasnt falling hard or anythin...but it was just a gentle fall...but the snowfalkes were being whipped around like a whirlpool because there were strong winds! i only just got 'released' from my prison (ie chem) *snerk*. actually, it only snowed for a couple of minutes so when i got outside there was no white on the ground at all. it had all melted >_< not that there was much anyways.... remember last time? well, apparently, that was the most snow london had seen in the past 12 years! w00t! that really was wicked dude...i'll get pictures...somehow....*cough cough*
and you whats worse?! so i heard from the news that there was gonna be snow right? so i thought to myself "ah! what a good opportunity to finish off my film that i had started a year ago...*lalalala*" so i had every intention of brining my camera today and take a picture of the falling snow. vowing to myself that i wouldnt make the same mistake i did last time.
and you know what?
i forgot.
GAH! so before you all start yelling at me....i know know...im an idiot. OKAY?! IVE ADMITTED IT ALRIGHT!!?? *breaks down and sobs*
amphetamine ranted and raved on Tuesday, January 28, 2003...12:53 p.m.
im currently in my free period. in the computer room with alex, michael and adrianna. ^^.
ooh! there was a power cut yesterday! it was like the 3rd time in 2 months...great country huh? what else is new with me? oh! my entire boradbamd and internet connection has completely gone up the shoot...so i now have no phone line, no broadband. which, as you know = DEATH. i mean cmon! you all knowme! i NEED the internet! i BREATHE, LIVE and SURVIVE the internet and broadband! AHHHH! oh! and also, i wont be able to continue my CHARMED downloads! gaaaaahhhh! >_<
*gasps*
*falls on the floor with a thud*
amphetamine ranted and raved on Monday, January 27, 2003...10:22 a.m.
blergh....its...its....monday -_- god and the day has already started out crap. as usual, i have chemistry in the first two periods...so yea, nothing good ever comes out of that. remember how i told you we had that practical? not the one on friday, the one last monday. anyways, he gave us the sheets back because we still had to draw conclusions from the results, ie. the halogen used, what compounds where we given, what were the changes in oxidation state etc. all derived from the various tests we did on sample A and sample B like adding nitric acid, then sulphuric acid, then ammonia. now, i had no clue what i was writing because i had no friggin idea what this certain smell or colour change means! bleh. so yea, i fucked that up. great. the friday practical was ok i suppose...not too bad, didnt screw up. well, at least i hope not =P thing is, tomorrow we have to do calculations and draw conclusions from the friggin experiment...so again, i will have clue. if you are a saviour, please contact my by tomorrow so that you can help me draw hess law cycles and calculate standard enthalpy changes for some reactions. thanks!
well, that aside. its moving on to something else...hmm. well, there are some things bothering me. right now its to do with my friends. i feel - isolated. now, as most of you know. that is a crap feeling. and yet i cant help but feel 'left out'. not left out like "oh no, we dont like her, dont talk to her" kinda thing...but im out of the loop on pratically everything...and it doesnt make things better when i live miles away from them and that 3 of them (called person A,B and C) live 10 mins away from each other. obviously this invites the opportunity to go to each others houses often etc. ive also noticed that person A is getting more and more interested into person B...always teasing person B, talking to her and stuff...i have an inkling that he likes her...but im not 100% sure, anyways, person B is involved with someone else. but still... and i dunno, am i getting jealous? angry? upset? god knows. i know i cant whine and gripe over this because im probably blowing this way out of proportion (me feeling left out thing). and yet, i cant help but feel 'dejected' and so i increase my distance between them which makes it even worse. and you know what else if worse? i had a mini-fight with person D, it was a very very small fight but it was a fight nonetheless. this happened over msn and on the weekend so i havent seen person D yet...>_< what is happening to me? work, stress and homesick does not help either. cor, where's my heroin when i need it........
on a lighter note, i got a new badminton racket! yay! ^^ it cost me 30 pounds, reduced from 40 pounds. i was gonna get this really nice blue one but it was too expensive -_-. its so much better now because i used to play with rackets that were too small for me and the grip was rubbing off onto my hands and my hands would end up black as coal (they were cheap ok!) soooo....my new one is black with dark metallic orange which i thought was WAY better than this other one which was gold. eww. its really good! hehe...i played from 3:45pm to 7pm on friday...god i was so exhausted afterwards...but it was worth it ;) hmm..maybe i should just have my career as a professional badminton player...screw studies! DAHAHAHAHA *evil laugh*
'scuse me while i trip and fall off a cliff, plummeting to my death and splat my brains (of whats there in my head) across the rocks because i missed the water.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, January 24, 2003...10:25 a.m.
finally! its FRIDAY! wheeee! thank god for that, didnt think id make it my self.
lots of things to say i suppose, its been a while since i last updated so if you dont have the time, or you really need to go to the loo, stop reading now.
ready? i hope your bladder just doesnt suddenly burst and spray your monitor with...oh nevermind. =P
so where shall i begin? hmm. dont know really, will just type things as they come i suppose.
obviously im now in my free periods and i have macro economics next...w00t. i have my mocks soon. and i have done NO revision whatsoever. surprise surprise. urm, i have my prefect duty during lunch, and i get to parade on the B and C floor and make sure that everything is orderly etc. thing is, it gets quite boring coz they are generally well behaved so i just walk around and just look into the classrooms etc..plus, there arent that many because most of them have games (PE to you and me) and so its even less active. but i suppose this duty is better than others, for example. some ppl have to be form prefects and they have to be at the classroom 8:15 am sharp. now, if i were in SIS i wouldnt really mind, but here, uh-uh. i cannot get to school that early simply because the FUCKING LONDON TRANSPORT IS SO SHIT. and trains and buses dont always follow the timetable. i say dont always but what i really mean is that they are NEVER on time. for my last 2 periods i have chemistry. eew. yes i know. thing is, we have our ACTUAL AS PRACTICAL ASSESSMENT. yup, you heard me, and real thing. problem is, our teacher (who is also my form teacher) is a friggin moron and we are already behind with the work and stuff. so the entire class has had no previous practice experiments or anything because we used up the lessons to catch up with the theory. so in summary. we - are - screwed. ta da! but the good part after those asshat last 2 periods its badminton baby! yay ^^ i usually play from 4 to 6:30pm and im really enjoying it, you'd be pleased to know that im improving *cough cough* and i can smash! w00t!
i want to go see sweet home alabahma (sp?) but no one wants to go with me >_< godamn. pleh, and the nearest blockbuster is 20 mins walk away. and im not walking in this cold weather thank you very much.
my current state of mind is not bad. better i suppose, but i know inside that i wont be completely happy because there will always be that sense of misery and longing. *sigh* what can you do? nothing really. oh, but whats makin it worse is my dad. because its now AS-level and the mocks are coming up etc, he keeps on yelling/drilling the fact into me that i "need to be disciplined, need to work hard, cant waste your time," etc etc and that he's really worried about my current obsession with "charmed". now, i agree with him that its an obsession, but most of you who know me know that i *do* get obsessed, but not a point where i cant control it, or when it affects my life enitrely and eventually, the obsession will die down. ok yes, this obessssion is happening at the wrong time but so what? he's threatening to take out broadband and ban me from watching the show on tv. now, i would REALLY hate that. like REALLY. so i dont know what to do. i feel guilty everytime i watch an episode on my computer, or when i record it and watch it later, because he always makes me feel as if i should be doing work instead of watching the show. *mutters:"bastard"* but what if i had done work, then wanted to enjoy the show? again, if you know me, you will know that i simply cannot work in the early afternoon, im a night bird, i do my work at night. however, on thursdays afternoons, i can get home at around 2pm. i know i wouldnt be able to do any work then so i decided to just surf the net and do whatever. at around 3pm my dad comes home and catches me watching an episode i downloaded off the net and starts his "rant" again. fuck man. id work till the mornin hours just to prove my point. christ...i know he wants me to do well, fuckin hell, *I* want to do well, but my heart has already given up up things such as chemistry and i doubt anything can be done to revive it. ok yea, so i dont give a toss about that subject and yea i know i just have to carry on and "experience the struggle (copyright:my father)" and fine, i'll struggle, and i'll fail. end of story. whew. got that off my chest. at last. feedback would be great..hint-hint. ;)
im in the wrong group of friends. dont get me wrong, they are a lovely bunch of ppl and i get on with them...its just that, they are too squeaky-clean. i dont mean i want them to be into drugs and sex etc...(lol- altho alex does have a dirty mind but henry holds the crown) but, dare i say it? boring. i dont mean like, loser-loner type boring but they dont have the same drive towards things such as clubs, social drinking, doing little naughty things etc. im not asking them to be alcoholics but i would like to enjoy a social drink with them and hang out somewhere else besides someones house...*gah* they are nice people, and we have a laugh. but its not the same. sometimes i worry if i compare my life here too much with my life back in HK. i loved that life in HK and i know id still love it if i were to be back in HK. as for friends, am i also comparing too much? with the girls, when we could, we would have a laugh here, get sorta pissed there, and do stupid things like put coke (the drink, NOT the drug - you dirty mind you ;) ) in the ketchup bottle of a restaurant or something...bleh. or i just miss you guys so much that i *wish* that they were to be like you lot. i also enjoyed that fact that i could name and greet anyone i met or passed in the corridor. ok granted, over here there are many more people, but i liked having a large circle of friends. and a tight-knit one with my good ones. bleh. too much change, and i dont like it -_- . i also wonder if this ties in with my obsession. if someone just asked me "are you happy?" i would have to answer no - for a combination of reasons. now, am i turning my obsession into a HUGE obsession because the show makes me laugh? and for that minute microsecond that i would in fact, be happy? and that im deluding myself and making myself believe that its just a small obsession but its in fact, a HUGE one and thats what my father see's? -_-;;
god, i need some psychiatrist (sp wrong. bite me) to help with these bloody analysing reports.
on a lighter note, i very much apologise for not contacting yolly or miho or ellen or fei yet [jess i havent left you out dont worry] just not really been myself these past...months. will call you or contact you in some other form...sometime :D please bear with me. oh and fei? i have your bday card, your present is still in my head, you dont mind if its like...3 months late yea? [btw, if fei doesnt read this,can one of you tell her? cheers]
valentines day is coming! i wish all the lovely couples out there the best of the day and i hope your love for one another will last forever!
oh god. how cliche..did i just *say* that? nonetheless, you know what i mean ;)
and for all those who have no boyfriends and dont receive the masses of roses and chocolates, just remember: girls can have multiple orgasms. teehee....
i wish you all well, and i will talk to y'all soon ^^
peace out.
oh great...now *I* have to pee...[jessica, if you say one word.....]
edit: i just visited the SIS website and i checked out the morning notices and i stumbled upon a notice for the little yr7's..and it said somethin along the lines of "please bring your zodiac signs for the rehearsal CNY assembly"
...
BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! not *only* do they have to suffer the agony but there are two memories that stuck out in my mind. 1. Ms Chung-remember how she was banging on the drum with 2 drumsticks? one flew out of her hand and onto the audience floor and she had to carry the beat with one stick! lol! - "what? farting is natural..." 2.i some of our class had to be in the Chinese dance thingy with the fans and stuff. jen and fei were parteners and as they were "fluttering" out to the stage, jen steppd on fei's show and it fell OFF!!! so fei had to go out of line, pick up her shoe, put it back on and walk gracefully back into her place and continue the dancing...*stifles laughter* oh god...im laughin out so hard now...and im in the bloody library. im gonna pee in my pants now.
altogether now...HAHAHAHAHA!
sorry to fei if ive caused any distress...but that moment has to be a real classic ;) gosh, im still laughin...=D
amphetamine ranted and raved on Saturday, January 18, 2003...10:01 p.m.
whoever said that "honesty is good for the soul" [or something like that] is a liar and should be shot in the head. fucking idiot....grr.
scuse me for such wording but these past days i have been doing nothing but telling my fears and feelings. and you know what? i still feel like utter shit. i mean, literally, 90000 feet below hell. i'll send a postcard. this is not helped either that ive pretty much given up on studying. which is *so* not me. as much as we all hate to admit it. we like to study. but right now, i dont think i can cut it. and yes, i am gonna insert the dreaded word "chemistry" again so shut up. for those i hold dear to me, know how much i liked chem, my passion for it. and now? zilp, nada, nothing. is it because of the teachers? possibly and most probably actually, for it was the teachers who fueled my passion, and fuel has now run out. *sigh* i need someone to hug. physically. urgh. what i would give to be able to get 2 weeks off school and jet off to "home". im glad that you had that 'epiphany' ellen, im happy that you are content, but im not sure if it'll come to me.
sometime later, i'll write somethin about friends, the ones i have here - which are not many. something im not *quite* used to.....till next time then, amphetamine tips her hat and bows.
edit: whoever it was who hijacked my tag-board, please piss off. i did not ask for you to come to my site, and this is my site, and i can say whatever the hell i want. so you can shut the fuck up, oh, and also, learn how to spell properly - you look stupid trying to criticize with poor spelling. if you really must have a go at me, because of your sexual frustration, by all means, email me and you can tell me why you have to resort to such childish antics.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Saturday, January 18, 2003...02:17 p.m.
woah. some of these entries are way to honest. im scaring the shit out of myself. literally. i think i just crapped in my pants....hang on...
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, January 17, 2003...08:02 p.m.
just a mini question: who the fucking hell are "cookies"? i mean, when i hear the word 'cookie' the immediate thought i have is mmm...yummy! chocolate chip..round biscuit type goodness. but NNOOOO these daft anorexic wannabe girls (which i believe, there are NINE of) call themselves cookies?! pfft! i protest! geezus, they probably suck at music as much as a singing retarded goose who has no legs. or jess =D [must....stop.....poking.....fun...] <== if that is indeed, their occupation as "singers" ::rolls eyes::
amphetamine ranted and raved on Thursday, January 16, 2003...09:02 a.m.
i apologise for the site, its absolutely in shambles and i promise to dress it up sometime when i have the time...*cough* yea rite, and when i actually start to learn a bit more of html so that i can actually add tables and links and whatnot
lately, ive been feeling..reclusive. is that the right word? withdrawn maybe? even reserved? i can still remember the time when i was in yr9. i was so clingy it was sad. i couldnt stand to do anything on my own...i HAD to be with someone (excluding the toilet thank you very much)but gone were the days of that, and i finally became my own person at the begininng of the GCSE's...and thank god i did. i became me. and me only. nobody else. and people liked me because of who i am. (god yes i know how cliche. so shut up). and now in this whole new culture, a new way of life for me...i dont have that feeling of being someone im not. but, at the same time, im not who i am. i find myself more enjoying solitude as opposed to the company of my friends. sure, i hang out with them during the breaks and lunches, and i do so because i want the company. but its other times where i would prefer to be by myself. for instance, this morning while i was on the train platform, i saw someone i knew, within our "group", she was a newcomer though, but i still knew her pretty well-ish. but i chose not to say hi, to walk over and talk. because i didnt want the contact. i liked going to school on my own, reading the paper and listening to music. although i dont intentionally avoid other people, i am less chatty, less involved in conversations, less demanding to find out who's gossiping what and such. and for those who know me, god- there were probably many a day where you wished i would just shut my gob. =D [im right arent i? ; ) ] when i was in yr9, i had that feeling of inferiority. the gweilos were intimidating at the time. but i grew up and realised that that was all just bullshit. but yet again, here i am, having those same old feelings everytime i want to enter the cafe where most of the (dare i say it? "popular") people hang out. im old enough to realise that its stupid to think that way, but i cant still shake off these feelings. am i avoiding friends because i fear that if i become closer with these lot, i'll drift away from all of you? why am i so much more quiet, reserved, laid-back?
i dont know the answer.
do you?
amphetamine ranted and raved on Monday, January 13, 2003...10:33 a.m.
have i ever mentioned how much i HATE chemistry? i mean DESPISE. HATE WITH A PASSION.
no?
well, now i have.
anyhoo, back on topic...its monday today, just had chem, surprise surprise. and i have this test thingy next monday...it involves an experiment with the halogens and we have to determine which one it is in a given substance using all these kinda tests. we did a practice one just now and i just completely fucked up. good omen eh? i am *so* gonna fail this. no matter what i said the year before (as most you will know).
how was everyone's weekend? mine was. not bad =P my sisters came over on saturday so that was nice...did the same old homework...which i couldnt do so i ended up giving up [1 guess as to what it was. yup. you're right] then i discovered the a wonderful thing called netmeeting *big grin* it really did brighten up my day ( thank you jess). so if anyone has a webcam and would like to see/talk to me, let me know ;) . obviously, it would work a whole lot better when i actually *get* a webcam...
urm, so yea, thats about it really for today...im currently in the free period, so i should actually be doing some work. but do i ever? NNOOOOOO. oh crap. ive also gotta write my CV and letter asking some companies if they would like me during the summer for work experience *shudder* damn damn damn.
update: this lunch, of the more urm..."interesting" topics we happened to talk about was donkey porn. do not ask. and it was made more disturbing when Patrick just casually mentioned "there's nothing wrong with that..." oh dear.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, January 10, 2003...10:50 a.m.
oh godddd....its so cold here...gah. wearing layers and layers...and it still doesnt stop the wind chill going to my face and body..brr. damn this. if this kinda weather carries on, i think i'll have my period in ice cubes.
urm...nothing really special has happened, its friday though! thank god! i so need some sleep >_<
also, HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY TO FEI YU! because it is your bday, i will not require your services for the day ^^ (see? such a good employer, sorry, MASTA, i am ;) )
take care y'all, will say more later ^^
amphetamine ranted and raved on Wednesday, January 8, 2003...09:11 p.m.
ooh! look! I've finally got the hang of this pitas thing! mexican wave for me! *does the mexican wave*
Basically, i have set up this site just to record my experinces, thoughts and feelings that i can share with you guys...so i now present to you. me.
Today was a bitter cold day, temperatues *just* hovering above zero but it was going to turn out to be a fantastic day...
Today was also the birthday of Michael, turning 17. i had been instructed to act as if i didnt know/ forgot and i had to bring the candles for the cake (meant to bring in 17 but only had 16, oh well :P).
Today it snowed. and it snowed beautifully. when the first snowflake dropped, i was delirious. during the first break, everyone went wild, creating snowballs and chucking them all over the place, the fun spoiled by teachers shouting out the windows to stop it and get to our classes and that the sixth formers should be ashamed as we are to set an example for the younger ones. pfft! and i dont think it helped that i had just been appointed prefect either :D
anyways, throughout the day, it continued to fall, sometimes hard, sometimes light and sometimes none at all. but it snowed. and at the end of the day, i vowed to have a snowball fight.
and i did.
we made our way to michaels house and got appropriately dressed [i had to borrow clothes] and walked to the park. it was a postcard picture right before my eyes. white snow. pure white snow. untouched, unblemised, just there on its own, in its own beauty.
until we came along *evil grin*
and thus, the war of the snow began. i suffered multiple wounds, including getting wrestled to the ground thrice, snow in face, snow in my hair, snow down my top, and i got wet :) but i didnt care. i loved every moment, and i knew i had to cherish the moment because london rarely has this much snow. and the fact that i hadnt seen it in 10 years...well! it just took my breath away everytime i saw it, whether it be on the trees, on a house rooftop. whatever. it was pure beauty.
we spent an hour and a half there, throwing massive snowballs, made snow angels and we ended it with building a snowman, the guys were meant to build a girl, the girls built a guy. ultimately, the girls actually made one and the guys gave up. in the end, our snowman had grass for hair and eyebrows, pecs, chocolate eclairs for the eyes and testicles made of snow. the "manhood" was fashioned by covering a long stick with snow, and gave it considerable girth...and plunged the other end of the stick deep into the body of the snowman to keep it in place. it was godamn funny. of course, things were made worse when these little kiddies came along....
and thats it. thats how the wonderful day ended. with the snow on my clothes, hair and the wet soggy socks, i was happy.
