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~ Tuesday, October 22, 2002 ~
.....wth o_O;;; ~ Monday, October 21, 2002 ~
dood... i'm back in sc. cuz my wallet was left here. so now i'm back. skipping japanese class. skipping more than half of work. BUT THAS OK~! everything's ALLLLLL OKKE! i shall be home soon. >_< keep hush hush about this to my mom x_X;; nde...... YAAAAAY PAYCHECKS TOMORROW!!! i get money. NYA! ~ Sunday, October 20, 2002 ~
~ Sunday, October 20, 2002 ~ ~ Sunday, October 20, 2002 ~
ok, so i drove around everywhere yesterday taking ryuta and dahoon to get their haircuts and then took them to martial arts while heidi and i went to jack's place to pick him up and go to the park in front of michelle's house to talk. ::breeeeeeeeeeathe:: but yes, it was quite a day. ryuta's bday present, check! getting back to sc in one piece, CHECK! ato... ato... when we got back, i kinda fell asleep on the couch after uraura-ing for a little bit. i dunno WHY i was so tired... 6am kinda came and i woke up in a bed and it was friggin hot and i realized it was cuz i still had all my clothes on x_X; so i changed. and went back to bed Z_Z and........yeah........ 11ish i woke back up and ryuta made food XD now i'm sitting here. and i've been playing puzzle fighter since 1 or something...;;; till about 2:30ish.. ^^;; nyeh... ~ Saturday, October 19, 2002 ~
heidi and i actually ran towards the water screaming hikari, but yeah ^^;; it was still just as good as traveling, i guess...;; nde, we sat around for who knows how long, but it was still pretty nice cuz the moon was bright and there were people on the boardwalk for some reason. the giant dipper was running. i think there was a private party or something...;; TONIKAKU, sou. it was fun. ato...ato... heidi, sean, elo, and i went to a house party. it was an ok sized one story house. and... imagine about 500 people all trying to get in and out at the same time, people inside are dancing and drinking and waiting for the bathroom x_X;; people outside are drinking and trying to get into the house;; it was friggin crowded...;;;; how many times did i get squished? >_< but it was fun! hadn't danced in a while so it was nice~ ato..ato... sleep was good. ^_^ ato..ato... ~_~ i'm gunna be going back to toga later today so jack, get ready~ XD i dunno when we're gunna be coming back to sc. there's supposedly another party (i kinda wanna go ^_^) but i dunno when it is and yeah.... dammit, i kicked sean's stereo again x_X; this time i kicked it OFF. che.. maa, ikka... must... showaa...... ~ Friday, October 18, 2002 ~
aryaa... i have sean and heidi looking over my shoulder as i type this =_=;; maa, ikka... and....... people....... here......... suck......... =_= maa, ikka... i feel like i killed sean's stereo x_X;; don't tell him i accidentally kicked it x_X; eehtoo.. i forgot how to get outta headlocks. must. re.learn. wrist. hurting. i dun like this keyboard! >_< oh yeah, in case you haven't noticed, i'm at santa cruz. and i just finished watching a buncha korean music videos and I REALLY WANNA GO TO THE BEACH NOW X_X; but yeah.. dood they all have a beach scene in there or something ;_; makes me sad... NDE! a lot of the guys in the videos have hella nice bods, too XD nyahaha~ <3 ato..ato... YESH!
tonight will be beach! lots of WATER! IEI! happy nights, yahoo <3 HIKARIIIIIIIIII!!! XD i think heidi and i are gunna leave our existence in the sand screaming HIKARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--... oh wait no... SOMETHING from the song... DONNAAAAAAAAAA TOKI DATTE! ^_^ and we'll sprint along the shore screaming that at the top of our lungs while the guys look at us like ._.;;;;;;;wth.... ^_^ NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! ~ Thursday, October 17, 2002 ~
good day? kinda sorta? it was good after i left work early to see jack, and we went out for greasy dinner since he hasn't had junk food for a while x_X and then it was off to pekkle's house to play video games and hang out! actually... i was the only one playing games... puzzle fighter for a while, and then it was just talking and lounging around~ and tomorrow's santa cruuuuuuuuz~!! ya-hoooo!!! and since the BEACH is RIGHT THERE, i get to SIT THERE and drift... into my own little world.... ~________~ nyuuuuuu~~~~~ it's gunna be a laid back weekend~ ~ Thursday, October 17, 2002 ~
too... much... happening... but that's ok! i think i've gotten my stamina back. and i've told you many times already, but i will tell you again: you are an idiot. but that's ok, we both knew that ^_^ i am currenly at jack's. he came home today ;_; so glad....!!! socom... interesting game? it looks exactly like cs to me o_O; just better graphics and bigger maps... nyuu... i shall be getting lots of sleep tonight ~_~ much stress relieved, shall rest soon. getting hungry.... ~ Tuesday, October 15, 2002 ~
grr.. i got home and my dad's dsl was working, and when i tried hooking my stuff up, it didn't go too well =_= after trying for about an hour to get things working, i gave up and just decided i'll have someone help me with it tomorrow. assuming i can find someone.
class was boring. i was sleepy at work. i found that those mitsuwa lights make me sleepy. either that or bright lights just make me drowsy... mebe that explains why i sleep everywhere i go...;;; but yeah... no work tomorrow!! WOOT! gotta go to frys and get a buncha blank cds, burn some songs for work, and try getting my dsl working again. aa.. gunna be such a pain... OH! and pitas layout ^_^ thas gunna be fun~ i can feel my need to draw getting stronger, so i think i'll splurge it all on pitas~ XD ~ Monday, October 14, 2002 ~ ~ Monday, October 14, 2002 ~
yesh! darling's getting the cosplay sites up! i have stuff to write for it, though ^^; curse the papaya. -_- work sucked. so did japanese. art was cool as always... this one guy came and sat next to me and started talking to me. it was pretty cool~ i came home for lunch and straightened my hair while i was at it. SANTA CRUZ FRIDAYYYYY!! XD i got the day off work so i'm going right after class~ XD IEIIII!! k... i'm suddenly in the mood to rearrange my room. and my monitor seems so bright......;;; eyes... hurting.... ow....
OMG!!! O_O i just heard the little football game ding thing and it's sooooooooooo natsukashiiiiiii of the past winters!! o_o aa.... those days when the sky was grey and there was a fire in the fireplace and dad's watching football while mom's in the kitchen... nyaaa~~ brother? i dunno... not home? ^^;; anyway... yesh... fall and winter are seasons of nostalgia ~_~ i'm gunna go do stuff for cosplay site! XD (currently sending heidi my whole utada hikaru directory. 1424 minutes remaining.) ~ Sunday, October 13, 2002 ~
my appetite's been going haywire on me. when i eat, i can't eat very much, but then i get hungry again just a little while after that. it bugs. what bugs even more is that i'm hungry right now and my grandma's back, which means she's sleeping, which means i can't get any food from downstairs, which means i go hungry tonight. this. sucks. this is why i want a water heater. it's gunna be in my room and i'll have a secret stash of ramen somewhere and eat THAT when i get hungry! grr... it'll be like AX eating habits again. iei. loss of weight.
i can't think of a new pitas layout picture. i was trying to force myself to draw something earlier today, but it didn't work =_= i reminded myself why i don't draw if i don't really feel like it. and people seem to be misunderstanding me a lot when i talk online. i must remind myself that when i'm online, using faces and punctuations help define how i'm feeling. otherwise i'll just be "indifferent" which would lead to hurting people again or making them mad. talking online sucks in that aspect.
i'm going to santa cruz this weekend. seriously can't wait till friday. wait for me, baby ^_~ we'll go straight to bed first thing! ~ Sunday, October 13, 2002 ~
OH YAH! there's something i forgot to mention! i think that movie "transporter" really got to me cuz i had this dream last night about transporting stuff and had a lot of the contents from the movie. ^^;; no, i was not a transporter, but i was BEING transportED to MANY places. ^^;; and there were actually MANY transporterS transporting me. =_=;; i wasn't shoved into a bag, either, thank god. it was interesting. and a very long dream. ~ Sunday, October 13, 2002 ~
wow i haven't gone online for a night and look what happens. i feel like i just came back from a trip into my own little world and come back out. either that or it's a vacation from my own little world? i dunno, whatever it was, playing last night was fun, though short-lived - 4 hours? i have no idea what happened to me, but i slept around 11:30... or whenever i got home. and i woke up at 10:30ish. i plan on going out sometime today, but to do what, i dunno, and when, i dunno.
good job on your redecorating, darling!!! if you do it every few months, you'll be like me! ^^; i feel like i haven't talked to anyone for a long time... other than heidi. and there are intruding distractions that stick themselves into my life, but it's ok! ^_^ i like them. they're like a breath of fresh air~ and that just makes me feel even more free ^_^ no, i'm not pmsing this is not a mood swing. all is quite beriberi okke! so no worrying about me, oke?! >_< i'll do that~ ~ Saturday, October 12, 2002 ~
i ran back and forth for 3 hours straight at work. and it was hot. but i was feeling ok cuz i had 2 cans of coffee before break -_-; well... tomorrow/later today is gunna be a TAD different, cuz i'm doing a 9-hour shift starting at 9:30am. and after that, i'll be out playing all night with darling and sean and possibly stan and ranwei. we're not totally clear on what we're gunna do yet, but by the time i finish work, things should be all set and ready to goooo~~~~!! as for sunday... i'm prolly gunna sleep in till the afternoon and do my hw at night ~_~ get lots of rest tonight sean, cuz i'm not letting you sleep tomorrow! ^_~ ~ Friday, October 11, 2002 ~
so i was at this picnic thing with supposedly a buncha family people, and we were at a park and having a bbq and all that good stuff. michelle was there for some reason. the next thing i know, the two of us are walking through this HUGE mansion and there's noone there and michelle and i are carrying these huge guns that looked like handguns x10... which didn't really seem to weigh that much. and... we were shooting at these things that looked like people, but they were... decayed. and they were coming after us. and then there were undescribably nasty creatures coming after us, and we were shooting at those too while running through the mansion. well.... later on we were starting to get to the other side and going down a hallway, when i see this mass on the ceiling. it looks like a chunk of that neatly packed ground beef you get at the supermarket when it looks like noodles of ground beef. and it was in the shape of a brain.....;; apparently those were "special" or something and we had pellet guns for those... and pellet guns supposedly killed them. but see, michelle said they were hibernating around this time, but we ran down the hall and i was shooting at them anyway. i missed a lot..;; we got outside and it was DARK. there was a small light from the outside of the house, and that was it. it looked kinda like wildwood park by my house... there was a really long picnic bence to the side, and there were about 50 people all sitting down and eating.. or something... we started going down the path, and one of the weird creatures i thought was dead already popped up outta nowhere and i shot it in the head but IT WOULDN'T DIE. ..at the same time, it didn't really do anything, just kinda walked with us...;;; stan came outta nowhere and i shot him in the side cuz he was supposedly contaminated by something and he was gunna turn into the zombies soon. we kept going down the path and there were past creatures coming outta the ground and from the other sidewalk and i was like WTH but she's like "it's ok, they're my friends"...... right... the thing that really caught my attention was the 3 dogs that looked like doberman pinchers and they were... decayed...
...lovely isn't it? ~ Friday, October 11, 2002 ~
it's 2:30am and it doesn't even feel like it. i dunno what to do about this curse where i hurt the people i care about. mebe it's more like the people that care about me. if someone comes concerned about me, i push them away. and i don't even realize it till it's too late. there are prolly times i don't realize even now. it seems to happen a lot more when i'm trying to avoid certain things, certain situations. or forget. they're pretty similar to me... one leads to the other. i guess this is where the cold-heartless-bitch mirae comes into play... ~ Friday, October 11, 2002 ~
jon was over and we were just chillin when mom and dad came home. mom got home first, she just said hi and stuff... told me i had laundry to fold. ok i'll do it later. dad came home a little bit later. he seemed like he wasn't in the best mood, but he smiled and said hi anyway. just wasn't too thrilled about me being with a guy alone. =_=; jon left, and i came back upstairs to finish working on my gallery and stuff.
mom came in.
she brought up the subject of the ticket. she was NOT happy. but! she didn't yell! o_o just lectured me a little bit, and i have to pay for insurance. well.... $100 of it. which is a lot better than what it was supposed to be o_O;;; so my paycheck'll be gone real fast for the next month and half or so. i should prolly start figuring out xmas gifts soon... ugh.. -_-; i love the holidays, but they're stressful, man...
demo na, demo na, even though there are various little things that are eating away at me, i'm still content. it's weird... i think i'm growing up little by little. either that or it's just something's starting to become clear to me, and i'm feeling more free than before? ^^; either way works with me~ ~ Thursday, October 10, 2002 ~
heidiiiiiiii!!! ;_; you finally understand why i love the beach so much!! with this, i HOPE you don't say "...that's so random" whenever i say 'let's go to the beach'. =_=;;
KAIJUUUUUUU!!! ;_; the links page is so booootiful!!!! as for the shop stuff, i'll send you the info later... i gotta get stuff together for that thing, so yeah ^^; i'll let you know, yah? ato... ato... i'm hungry... someone feed me! ::cheep!:: XD ::hai, atashi wa pyoko deeesu:: ~ Thursday, October 10, 2002 ~
ooooh i'm so screwed. the mail was already checked when i got downstairs and one of my parents, if not both, opened my mail. from the superior court of california. it's for my not-stopping-completely-at-a-stop-sign ticket. fuck. they're gunna be pissed, if not already. let's see... stuff that'll result from this....
which also means less play (time). grr... this is gunna get even more hectic as next quarter comes around since i'll be taking more classes. i definitely need to find another job. maa, i'm prolly not gunna be all the depressed about it till my parents yell at me. even then i'll prolly be more pissed than depressed. wow i'm taking this a lot better than i thought. i should prolly work closing on weekdays. che... i hate closing. aiyaa, it's starting to sink in now and i'm getting all ew about it. must... think... happy.... thoughts... ~ Wednesday, October 9, 2002 ~
yes, i agree with sean. friends with benefits are good. you get the lovin' without the jealousy and commitment. don't worry!! i haven't done anything... lately... but i remember what it was like to have them. quite nice, un un. jello butt- i think you can rest at ease. aitsu no koto wa yukkiri futsuu no tomodachi to shite mieteku kara, anshin shi. mou sugu 'koi' wa naku narundakara. sono hou atashi mo jiyuu da shi... ^_^ tehe~ <3
NYAAAAAA~~~~~~ ^_^ i feel like i'm becoming more and more free~~ school work is kinda keeping the 100%ness of it away, but i feel like my mind's starting to clear up, man~ i feel pretty good ^_^ as long as the emotional buildup stays at a minimum, i'll be ok, yah? ^_^ AA! time for new layout soon! XD i think i have the song picked out~ now i just need to figure out a picture for the layout ^^;
nya~ connie should be here soon ^_^ ~ Tuesday, October 8, 2002 ~
OH NO MY POOR BABY!!!! you lost blood AND got sick AND spent a ton of money at kinos?!?! O_O and i know how pms can get, especially with you. =_= GET BETTER SOON, OK?! "better" meaning "back to your semi-normal self", ok?? ::petpetlick:: aa... poor girl.. i abuse you so much @_@ steph, take care of her, ne? ;_;
heather and robert, ok, michelle, thas 2 names added replacing 2 blank spaces entitled 'dorm person'. i love this little piece of paper. <3 ::petpet::
roy, i hate you and the way you grab my legs! =_=# LEMME ALONE!!!!! i'm gunna smack you upside the head like when we met the first time!! damn you! ::finger::
i'm craving chocolate. ::looks at ghirardelli choco squares on her desk:: ........... ;_; BANZAAAAIIIII!!!!!! ~ Tuesday, October 8, 2002 ~
lol michelle, i seriously dunno what's up with my dreams either ^^; but dun worry~ the dream didn't get far as my getting (literally) screwed, so it's all good! XD that kinda dream only happened once and it was a looooooooong time ago x_X; ...uh... i think i'm giving out too much info. OHWELL! and jack! EAT AND SLEEP PROPERLY!!! don't make me go over there and tuck you in cuz you KNOW i'll do it! >_< and i'll take the game with me so you can't play it when i leave! nnn ato.... wow this is my brain's mood in the morning. all energetic and crap. my body on the other hand.... grr... I DUN WANNA GO TO CLASS!! that thing's so friggin POINTLESS!! mebe i'll just give sensei a call and not go to class. instead, i'll go get my car washed! XD ugh... first time skipping class and it's only 3 weeks into the quarter. maa... it's only japanese so it's all good, yah? now art. i dun wanna skip. even if it is at 8:30 in the morning. NYAAAAAAAAA!!! I HAVE WORK TODAY, TOO!!! ;_; NOOOOOO!! but tomorrow's my day off! i'm going on a date with CONNIEEEEEEEEEE HONEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY <3 <3 <3 we're gunna go to pearl milk tea and then have a little yaoi marathon at my house ^^; tehe~ <3 for some reason i get the feeling this isn't normal, but yeah... whatever. =_= i'm gunna go get dressed. sonjanya! ~ Tuesday, October 8, 2002 ~
new pic. kinky.
~ Monday, October 7, 2002 ~ www.ks-15.com/ratedR.html it's for kevin's psychology experiment, so if you have time, take it. you can IM him your answers if you want. his sn: blazn 155. if he's not online, email him, yah?
~ Monday, October 7, 2002 ~ ...not looking forward to tomorrow... ugh.... i'm getting that feeling again where i dun wanna deal with anyone. with the exception of a couple people. no, i'm not hungry, but i'm tired.. that makes up for being hungry. which means i'm irritable right now. ugh... pms sucks. heidi, i can't get rid of them damn bags under my eyes. how's everyone over at oakes doing? dahoon, you're going to all your classes, RIGHT?? jello was chased after by a seemingly-hot blonde guy. you seem very happy about it, darling. hopefully he's really nice and sincere and yeah... if he turns out to be one of those "i wanna f*ck the only asian girl in the school" type people, i'm seriously gunna go down there and cross off every name/thing on my hit list. passionately. and then drag you home. and force you to go to de anza. with me. and jack. and chris. up to this point, the guys (for the most part) down there are pissing me off.
omfg i had the craziest dream last night. it's been a really long time since i had a sex dream. it was hella confusing, too.. something about me being in a sleeping bag or a confining blanket and there was a guy in there with me and.......... ::kaaa:: anyway.... we're not gunna get into too much detail here... i'm getting hungry now. uh.. time to get food...
~ Sunday, October 6, 2002 ~ ta....tadai...ma.... _ _
honey, i'm hoooooome~~~~ oh.my.friggin.god. i'm so tired!! i fell asleep twice. and it wasn't even in heidi's dorm x_X; but... breakfast was good! and i got homework done, too! well.. half of it. the other half is a drawing for my art class. heh? oh yeah i have dvds to return. whatever... next weekend is gunna be cool with bobo coming over! XD and then the weekend after that - i prolly go over to sc ^^;; lots of... driving.. un.. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE ME TRADE PANTS WITH YOU!!!!! =_=;;;; what's happening for the rest of the day? shower. eat. hw. SLEEP.!.!.! WILL! SLEEP! EARLY! ::dies::
~ Sunday, October 6, 2002 ~ ...ugh... i thought after 8 hours of sleep or so i'd be ok and ready to go. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---- i look ghastly and i think i did something bad to heidi's mirror like curse it or something. now she might see bags under HER eyes even though she's just seeing the remains of whatever was there in my face....? i dunno... i think i'm lacking sleep or something =_=;; but at the same time i shouldn't really be lacking cuz i got enough sleep. er... mebe my brain thinks so but not my body? i dunno... either way it's really depressing cuz i can't do anything but sit here and drink coffee before going off to do hw with yesterday's monkey baffoons. nyuu... going home today. aw man!!!! after this weekend, i don't wanna live in toga anymore ;_; it's so.. so.... BORING!!! and it makes me hate work even more!!! thas ok... next weekend bobo's coming up and that's the weekend i have work on saturday! SO IT WORKS! and and... yah! we're gunna play! "NO FEEEEEEEEET!!"
...that was heidi... she has no feet... ;;;; =_=;; dun ask.
~ Sunday, October 6, 2002 ~ oh. my. god. i only got here friday night but it feels like i've been here for a week or something x_X; it's sunday morning, still technically saturday night cuz we haven't gone to sleep yet. but yah! i've just been having the time of my life here with my darling bobo and her friends here ^_^ ryuta and sean are people i already knew, but yeah, the other 3 people were complete strangers that i took around to get food for the week x_X;; eh... i guess i'm just nice like that? tonikaku i got to know them better and they're not too bad ^_^ i think i'll be coming up here every weekend i can XD and we just got back from the beach and it was hella fun even though it was dark and you couldn't see anything but the people there made it fun so it was cool! XD TRAAAAAAAAAAAAVELING!!! DOKO NI TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVELING IKUNO?!?!?! ::sprint sprint::
^_^ yeah, heidi and i were leaving our existence in the sand along the short ^^;; it might've worked better if we knew all the words, but HAHAHAHA it was so much fun XD and what makes the weekend even better is the phonecalls and messages i've been getting from michello and ray and people ^_^ yesh, quite a good weekend <3 nyuuuu~~ tired... sleepy.. feeling grungy... but i'm so happy XD XD fun funfunfunffunfunfunfunfunfun <3
~ Friday, October 4, 2002 ~ unyaaaaaaaa---- it's like... psychotic here x_X;
i'm in santa cruz!! hanging out with people~ met interesting...;; people...;;; but..yeah... my stomach hurts x_X; but my head hasn't hurt for a while except at work when i felt like i was gunna go crazy for some reason. ^^; this keyboard's weird. santa cruz is really pretty. the campus, i mean. and i wanna go to the beach tomorrow. etttoooo.... un. i see that college students away from home like to play games a lot. a LOT. well... the people here do. o_O; heidi's here. she's.................... yeah. anyway...;; ^^;;; work sucked. but it was ok. i got off an hour earlier than i thought i would ^_^ and.... getting here was a pain in the ass cuz i got lost. ryuta has this thing for saying "gyoza" in chinese. he uses it the way michelle uses "turd". =_=;;; atooo... o_x reception up here SUCKS. i'm having fun ^_^
~ Friday, October 4, 2002 ~ auuuuuuu ;;;;;_;;;;;;;
i wanna go to yaoi-con!! ;_; it's in frisco on the 18~20 and and and i really wanna gooooooo ;;;;;;_;;;;;; and... and.... i think i WILL ;_; must. cut. spending. to. 100. GAH!!!!! ::SOB:: i have noone to go with!! WAAAHHHH!!! T_T but....but...... i think i'll be ok! frisco can't be THAT scary at night, right??? and..and.... hauuu ;_; hopefully i won't get into any accidents or get lost cuz i've never driven to frisko alone..;;; speaking of accidents... i had this weird dream last night where i WAS in one. jello-butt was there... and a bunch of other people, too, but i can't remember who. we were all in a big van, and it crash, and i flew from the back to the front, only when i flew, it felt like a really really long time. i thought my body would shatter at the impact but it didn't;; i went unconscious but i didn't....;; kinda weird. either way... yeah.... i wanna go to yaoi con...... connie, if you're reading this, and you want something from the dealer's room, gimme money before i go =P
~ Thursday, October 3, 2002 ~ wow... i cooked.... o_O i just cooked. like.... real food. o_O; i made fried rice. ~_~ aa demo... i think it would seriously kill whoever ate it. i pity my brother. he should write up his will. yay... vegetarian fried rice... too lazy to thaw and cut up meat. but yeah.... i think i'm getting sick. i have one of those very distinctive make-your-head-all-heavy-and-spaced-out type headaches... the ones i get when i have a fever. ::feels face:: don't feel like i have one, though... maa... if i suddenly collapse, we'll know ^^; i just hope it's not while i'm in santa cruz this weekend.
i woke up at 8:30 for some reason. prolly cuz i slept before 12 last night. nde.... 10:30, the phone call i didn't even expect to come (though i was told it would be coming) came. met up with some people, went out to lunch. oh god dimsum can be so filling x_X; the fact that i wasn't paying made it even better~ after the gut-stretching lunch i went to class. and then work. i started my rag today. not cool... at least it explains my mood swings -_-;; ..ugh.. my head.......... OMG i bled like crazy today o_o; NO not because of my period, but dood, my nose bled for a friggin half hour straight and heavily, too. it sucked... aaa... i hope tomorrow doesn't suck too much =_= it shouldn't! only 1 class and i'll be in produce tomorrow! no cashiering (YESHHHHHH!!!) and yeah... i'm... gunna go and... find refuge in my world of manga again...
~ Wednesday, October 2, 2002 ~ mellomello----... for some reason i feel like i was driving michelle around this afternoon... but when i thought about it, i was actually just talking to her on the phone on my way to school... i think this whole distant college thing is starting to get to my subconscious more than i think. steph and phi have been popping up in my dreams on random a lot more often than usual, too... oh, i got a new pic up in my gallery.
 i was in a strange mood when i was sitting in class the other day...... so yes... i woke up this morning and even though i felt empty inside, i felt secure, and when i tried moving i realized it was cuz i had 8 blankets piled on me. it was quite nice, yep~ and i actually have hw tonight. my jp class is pathetic... oh well... i just hope it gets a bit more challenging later on. at this point, the only reason i gotta think in that class is cuz the teacher's english sucks and she won't say anything in japanese cuz she thinks people won't understand her. grr....
nn... how to say this...? i'm happy? i know that's totally random and unlike me to say something like that, but i've been going back to the past couple years and how ax was so fun and how i love being at home in the fall/winter cuz of the nostalgia and the environment's really nice in downtown toga when it gets really cold and... yeah... i was reading some of my archived pitas a while back and when i thought back on those days, i couldn't help but think i was happy, even though all i did was complain in pitas. all my friends were nearby, and even though my family had problems, it was still nice to be home. hanging out with my cousins always sticks out in my mind for some reason. i dunno... they were peaceful happy days. it's the feeling you get when you watch that one karekano episode where it shows arima's high school life before he meets yukino - sleeping under the sakura trees, chatting with classmates, etc etc... peaceful, happy, yah? even though i have a floating emptiness in me, i'm content living life as a sheltered spoiled brat who's SUPPOSED to be growing up, but hasn't gotten there yet. i guess i'm only content BECAUSE i'm sheltered and spoiled. maa... ikka... i guess reality'll come and slap me in the face when i wake up. until then, i think i'll enjoy myself.
~ Tuesday, October 1, 2002 ~ mood swings.... =_= i was dreaming and there was a woman singing on stage at this one formal house party type thing... people dancing, and yeah, it was a nice song - reminded me of ff8, though it didn't really look anything like that. but yeah, she was up there singing when i woke up. but the song continued on. it's like i heard the song while i was dreaming and she was singing what was on my winamp. ;;; jack popped up in my dream again which is considered normal... ^^;;;; tonikaku.. i managed to get back to sleep after much difficulty... quiz in jp class today. jon found me and popped into class to say hi ^_^ iei! work. sucked. i was so irritable today... didn't bother hiding it either. a lot of people asked if i was ok o_O; is it that obvious when i don't try hiding things? either way i'm just glad i have no work tomorrow... =____= yakisoba..... kuitee...
MICHELLOOOOO!! thanks for the letter! XD yes, the one that made me cry and laugh at the same time ^^; kore kara mo tegami ippai okuruzo!! kaijuu ya gaki ni mo! XD nyo... minna ni aitai naa..... heidi! get back to me about this weekend, yah?? i'm gunna go make some yakisoba for dinner. nya!
~ Monday, September 30, 2002 ~ i actually had some conversations with people in my classes. iei? glad my people skills aren't down to 0 yet... i WAS in a good mood until i came home during lunch and mom got pissed and started yelling at me because i misheard her when she said something. um... menopause, anyone? for those who dunno what that is, bluntly put, it's like having pms for about 10 years. i'm not kidding. woman's version of midlife crisis... prolly worse... but yeah, after getting equally pissed at her as she was at me, i just left. i noticed i've been getting pissed a lot lately. not just irritated, but pissed. people like to try my patience... or what's left of it. maa, as long as i don't hit someone it's all good, yah? it's like kyo and his "BA-!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .... ......... ..... . . ... ." ::pissed-off meter sinking....:: still working on my self-control... progress: i don't explode at people. cuz i know how it feels. hey jack, i dun remember seeing you in my dream last night. it felt strangely empty.
i feel kinda bad cuz i was in a bad mood at work today and i wasn't genki and talkative to tom and he was worried and tried to make me feel better by offering to get icecream from next door but i declined and... yeah... but my mood got better after i finished in produce! ...guess thas a good thing...
~ Sunday, September 29, 2002 ~ WARNING: lots of complaining oooooiiii~~~ this coming weekend actually isn't the okinawa fair at work, dakaraaaaa yappa omaentoko ni ikeruuuu <3 <3 <3 want me to be there in the afternoon-ish? wanna come down here, first? i dunno what you want so gimme a call or something, yah? ^_^ nde... looks like i have work everyday this week? o_O; aryaaa... but they're only 5 hour days so all okke. i guess... mebe i'm pmsing or something but i lately i've been feeling like i just don't wanna deal with work all together. don't want to deal with bitchy customers, don't want mexicans leering, don't want old women bitching, don't want stupid illiterate people bothering... ::siiigh:: and it doesn't feel right when your boss calls "just to talk"... i really like tom-boss, but something's wrong when he calls at 11pm "just to talk"... alskfj;lksjf lksif;lkas lkasdf ;sldk ;lskdfj;sif sijg pjg'slkjd i think i need to find a new job... =_= for some reason a cafe comes to mind...;; wouldn't be too bad ^^; ::sigh:: i can definitely tell when pms comes along... i'm getting all mellowed out and depressed and irritable and grr... i just want to get up tomorrow morning and go to my art class and draw. seriously, i think that's the only routine thing in my week that i look forward to now... though i AM looking forward to lunch with sean tomorrow~~ yesha! but.. other than that, japanese class is messed, work is messed, being at home is messed... un... i think a new job would be better for my mental health ^^; so people, help me think of a new place to work, yah~? NO. MORE. CASHIERING. cosplay just came to mind. tehe~ really looking forward to doing all this cosplay, but it sucks bigtime when you get random urges to chop off more hair......;;;; i almost did today x_X; took a pair of scissors and was about to go PAH! but. then i thought about rinoa cosplay...;;; and misao cosplay...;;; aryaaa..... OH YEAH steph!! i wanna be kojirou~ XD from ynm! XD i think i'll actually cut my hair at ax for him... mebe? O_o; yoku wakaran ga...;; maa, we'll see~ he's more mellowed out, so i wanna be him ^_^ ii?? and... someone remind me not to rent videos to watch at my house when i get lonely cuz i had to stop 'we were soldiers' SIX FRIGGIN TIMES cuz of the PEOPLE in this damn family! GAAAAAAH!!!!! first i can't sleep, now i can't watch anything without getting interrupted. ::sob:: and man, if my dad keeps saying "it's because you're not independent" or $#!t like that, i'm gunna get pissed... raised in toga, 18 years old, dad treated me like his princess all my life, how the HELL am i supposed to be independent?? URGH!!!!!!!!! whatever... ben-chan said i might have ulcers... gaki and i were talking about it a while ago, too. stress didn't seem like it would be the cause, but i think i can see where it's coming from now.
there are lots of open doors around me, and there's someone waiting for me outside each one. all the doors slam shut and everything turns dark. it's cold and empty, but at the same time it's suffocating. it's quiet, yet, not.... no, this isn't a dream i'm describing. ^^;; just how i feel at the moment... actually i feel like this a lot when i pms x_X;
~ Sunday, September 29, 2002 ~ wow... i'm up.... NOOOOOO!!! MY BABY!!!!! ::gyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu:: don't let those kokuhaku creatures near you!! ESPECIALLY that one that keeps calling and sending you letters!! o_O;; ::gag:: oh geez... the things i would do if i were there...;;; ~_~ let's not think about that... tonikaku... i hope you get better soon, yah? have lots of soup, get lots of sleep, and don't let people into your room if you don't have to cuz you need your quiet time, yah? ^_^ daisuki da zo~ <3 jack, this would be night #8. i'm seriously starting to think there's something wrong with me. =_=;; and it was a pretty disturbing night, too... at this point, i'm expecting people to start thinking i'm lying about these dreams cuz come on, the past week and half (or so), i've dreamt 8 times and i've dreamt about jack all 8 times. =_= sometimes i wish i were lying cuz i only wake up feeling like crap.... aa... somebody help... _ _
weekends without work are really nice, man... i'm liking this a lot. i got a new file i'm gunna put my doodles into. ^^ like phi and her file in her desk drawer~ only mine's the portable kind..;; ato... i got a new shelf for my scanner stuff cuz my old one's like.... dying on itself...;; heidi would know ^^;; hmm..choco...
~ Sunday, September 29, 2002 ~ much happiness heidi darling came home yesterday and we went out on a deeto today~ <3 i picked her up after lunch and we went to lotsa random places and was productive! i got all my art stuff for class, she got stuff done for jessica's bday present, we both got room/dorm stuff, and yesh, it was quite fun~ i spent... a lot of money... art's an expensive hobby and class...;;;; tonikaku... yeah, heidi had to go for a while after that to have dinner and get some hw done, so i camped over at jack's place for a few hours cuz my parents were having about 30 people over at the house to hang out...;; uhhhhh... i didn't feel like dealing with 30 men drinking and singing karaoke and stuff, so off to jack's place i went. i slept half the time. the other half the time i was watching him play cs. which was kinda funny. his dog (the small one) really enjoys shoving herself into my lap -_-;; cute....
heidi came back after hw and we finished watching kenshin seisouhen. i seriously think it was a big mistake to show it to her when she hasn't even seen half the tv series.... maa ikka~ she enjoyed it, so it's all good~ i doubt she'd care much about the tv series considering the romance content it has in it. or lack of... =_=; tonikaku... today was filled with much happiness~ and.... i haven't had dinner yet o_O; norimaki time! XD
~ Friday, September 27, 2002 ~ 9 hours... enough? mebe... =___= wow phi you're getting really popular with the ddr people down there o_O ::getting possessive urges:: STEPH you must protect her!! ;_; ne! ne!! ...all my girls are gone off in college ;_; i'm left with... the male species... ;_; IYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! COME BACK MY DARLINGS!! T_T
-begin dream-
at this point, it's been a week, jack =_=;
~ Thursday, September 26, 2002 ~ kyou mata kokuhaku saremashita. it was indirect, but even i could see it... x_X; man... these guys have weeeeeird tastes. it's irrtating how i can never have the guy i want ;_; maa.... it's one of the curses cast on me when i was born so i guess i gotta get used to it.
ah! i hung out with jon today ^_^ he picked me up and we went to snack on something and it was fun~ lotsa laughs.. to the point where i have a headache now x_X; my face hurts from smiling so much....;;; aaaaand i still have class tomorrow but it's not a problem cuz i have no work! IEI!! XD oh yeah, jack, i think i might drop by sometime this weekend to drop off some stuff. i'll give you a call~ and YOUREWELCOMEBUBBLEBUTT!!! XD ....k... dunno what else to pitas about. atoooo atooo.... WAKANNAI ^_^
~ Thursday, September 26, 2002 ~ pissed off wtf. my mom called my cell FROM HER ROOM at 8FUCKING30 to ask if i was going to school. IT'S THURSDAY, WOMAN!! I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TILL 12:30!!! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT ASKED FOR MY SCHEDULE, WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING LOOK AT IT!!! ;FGHJ; J;GJ;GJ ;DLGJ ;LDK i was having a perfectly fine dream. i don't even remember what anymore. some sort of continuation from the last one where jack and heidi and pekkle were staying over. but wth. it seems like if you wake me up while i'm dreaming, i can't get back to sleep cuz my mind'll be too busy thinking about that damn dream, even if i don't want to!!
WHY. CAN'T. I. GET. ANY. FUCKING. SLEEP. IN. THIS. HOUSE.?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!? ...... i'm in a REALLY bad mood, man. and i have work after class. shit.... i don't feel like dealing with anyone from work. today's gunna be a shitty day unless someone makes it better. i get the feeling there are veeeery few people that can do that right now.
~ Wednesday, September 25, 2002 ~
~ Wednesday, September 25, 2002 ~
ugh... eating lunch and i'm feeling sick x_X; my stomach can't handle this something must be wrong with me. maa.... ikka. i'm pretty sure i'm not getting sick =_= or let's just hope. yaaaaaay no work today!! XD so after japanese class i'm all free! but... what to do x_x; i want tea... ..... ..... .. . . . ........ ;_; ::sob:: phiii!!! stephhh!!! heidiiii!!! michelloooo!!!! i miss you guys! ;;;_;;; nyuuuuuuu---- ;_; come back soon, ok?!
~ Tuesday, September 24, 2002 ~ nanka.... i feel like something's trying to compact too much stuff into my tiny little brain.... i had a dream last night where heidi, pekkle, jack, and i went clubbing. dun remember anything that happened while we were there, but i do remember all 4 of us coming back to my house to get some sleep. well... instead of doing that, heidi and pekkle were on the computer (apparently something interesting was going on). uhhhh... jack and i were wrestling around on my bed...;;; the next thing i know i'm lying down and waking up, and it's almost sunrise. the 3 of them came walking into my room and i was like "where did you go?" and they said they went back to the club for a bit. =_=;; che.... but yeah... that's all i remember for now. anyway... i woke up a lot earlier than i expected to. but that's ok. i watched X till i had to go to school ~_~ and school... was again a disappointment. the teacher still speaks all english. i seriously hope she doesn't teach the entire quarter like that. i might end up talking to her about it x_X; kyou kokuhaku saremashita. i'm flattered but it really sucks when i have to tell them i like someone else or i don't want a relationship... fack... it always seems to be like this with me x_X; one sided love. dammit it sucks. GAAAAHHHH----- why am i so cursed? -_- demo maa.. i guess it's ok cuz it's not like i'm in any hurry to get a boyfriend. or girlfriend. just go with the flow... no need to rush. i'm still young. class at 8:30 tomorrow. crappit. i guess i could have lunch for an hour or two till japanese class =_=; and then.. what would i do after that? i have no work tomorrow~ XD i'll prolly make someone go out to tea with me ^_^
............ i thought i got used to it. i thought i was used to phi, steph, michelle, heidi not being here... but when the thought of going out to tea came to mind, my chest suddenly felt heavy when i realized i can't just dial up any of them to come with me like i always used to do. i'm getting all lonely and depressed because of it now... nasakenai...
~ Monday, September 23, 2002 ~ 7:00am. ::pipipipipipi pIpIpIpIpIpI PIPIPIPIPIPIPI PIPIPIPIPIPIPI-SMACK!!!!:: ...ugh... rough morning already... took me half an hour to come to full consciousness, man... first day of school. today. i like my art class ^_^ the teacher's hella cool~ and i got hella lucky cuz i was on the waiting list but the last to get accepted x_X; huuuuuu--- i...dun think i'll be taking history this quarter x_X; and...and..... and.... the japanese class... it seems that i am known as "phi's friend" in that class by someone. people know OF me, but not me... like 3 other people that come to mind =_=; and the teacher in the japanese class is a japanese woman whose english is ok, but she spoke english the whole time. which i find weird after coming from toga high where teachers don't speak any english in their foreign language classes...;; oh well. tonikaku... i had work right after classes. it was hot. and i was hungry as hell x_X; just imagine my temper then; but i had fun talking on the phone with my darlings! kaijuu and gaki were on the other line! XD they moved in safely and were dead tired but all was good! tehe <3 made me happy. michello called, too! nyaha!! XD i want some tea all of a sudden.
aaa... looks like life'll be lonely from now, despite the fact i might meet lotsa new people at school... maa ikka. no more kg, heidi, michello, kevin... ::siiiigh:: jack, chris, lee, and pekkle are still here, but they're far away in terms of hanging out.... maa i'm prolly the only one getting all lonely about it cuz i always want people to be with me and keep me company and i'm just selfish and childish like that, but maa, as long as everyone else is happy it's cool, yah? k i go now...
~ Sunday, September 22, 2002 ~ i think i got enough sleep last night... wow...i'm up before 11.. o_O; steph and phi must be moving in right about now... my darling kaijuu called me last night and we talked for about half an hour while getting cut off every x minutes x_X# really annoying... cingular sucks up in norcal. and jack! lemme alone! >_< this is the 4th time in a row you've been in my dreams, man! grr...
::haaaa:: i reinstalled most of my programs last night. oh so happy~ XD my computer's like... faster now! and it runs so much better! thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!! XD XD XD and yes.... i must figure out where exactly my classes are for tomorrow.... otherwise i'm screwed. i'm gunna get lost.... oh someone's god help me and my sense of direction. or lack of....
~ Saturday, September 21, 2002 ~ it's been so long since i used the net!! ;_; yes... much drama happened since the last time i posted. i was seriously THIS CLOSE to moving out, but a friend just knocked some good sense into me. so... i'm gunna stay at home and yeah... compromise with my parents about some stuff... the past couple of weeks drained me just a little too much... 10 hours of sleep has come to be not enough. lots of thinking to be done and i might be getting sick cuz of all the stress from the past few days...
even though so much has happened, that's all i can say about anything right now. i'm looking forward to the first day of sleeping in for a while tomorrow. and then school starts monday. ::sigh:: maa... ikka... after catching up on peoples' pitases and profiles and stuff... i think i just got a whole new load of stress... dammit.
~ Thursday, September 19, 2002 ~ considering i went to sleep around 4am, i'm surprised i woke up at 11:30. and JACK!!!! WHYYYYYYYYY do you keep appearing in my dreams?!?! this is the 3rd night in a row, man! >_< the first half of the dream i was with a bunch of people i knew before i moved to saratoga... only... they were the 17-19 year old versions o_O; we were all at this one korean restaurant type place that was attached to a log cabin our families were renting. uh.... this place was also in a residential area....;;;; i remember eating and eating and i got about 5 bowls of rice but i wasn't getting full, dood! anyway... yeah, one of the guys took me to this club and i got in with my drivers license. it was hella empty in there cuz it was like... 8pm i think? i was sitting in the corner and ray kinda popped up outta nowhere o_O; there was music but there were... a lot of lights on...;; and noone was there... i went to jack's house to drop something off and i got in through the back without his knowing and put whatever i was dropping off into his other room. he heard me and went out to the front of the house but when i popped up from inside the house, he was all "....you're such a pain.... =_=" his parents were there, too, but they didn't even notice i was there o_O;
aaa... shuro... his voice is so SEXYYYY------!!! er... her voice...? ..."her" cuz she's a girl pretending to be a "he" but she makes a HELLA NICE "HE"!!! O_O yeah... i think i'll shutup now...
~ Thursday, September 19, 2002 ~
~ Thursday, September 19, 2002 ~ whoa... brain twisting...
ufufufufuuu... steph and i ended up going to frisko for lunch ^^; cuz i wanted my anc cd and she wanted her trash can. things worked out well! we both got what we went there for, plus an extra item or so =P lots of food, sweets, money spent, and yeah... i don't like driving in frisko x_X; as soon as i got my anc cd, i was in a hurry to get back to the car so we could listen to it on the way home. it was a 30min drama or so, and then we put the last track on repeat for the rest of the ride. teheheheKYAHAHAHAHA SOO HAPPY!! XD XD XD I FINALLY GOT THE CD AND I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT FOR TOO LONG!! ::spaz:: so basically, i've been listening to the same song since i got it. ^^; which was 4something? nyehehe~ so far thas all i can think of to report... lee came by to get his cd case. then matt came by to get his cds. then jack came by to get pekkle's ps2 and deliver it to him. then i went out...;; k... so sorry for the pointless and boring entry ^^;
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