np: shuro & kei - mugen no kaze
caffiene's good for you

the day started off with getting up unnaturally early for a friday to take a shower and go to sf. somi kinda got lost on the way to pekkle's, and then we hit traffic, so all that put us about an hour behind schedule, but ALL IS GOOD! lunch and shopping in japantown, and then we were headed off to fisherman's wharf, but there was no parking. michelle and i went to find parking somewhere else. we drove really far.....;; or what seemed really far. driving in sf really sucks. so yeah...;; couldn't really figure out where we were, and in the end we didn't end up going to the wharf cuz somipekklekevin came looking for us since michellemirae couldn't find their way back. che... and then a car hits another and we're stuck. in sf. fack. so we came home about 2 hours later than expected, which was ok cuz michellemirae family plans got cancelled. iei. i came home, cleaned up a bit, and yeah... apparently i'm picking up brian and bryant from milpitas tomorrow, IEEEEEEEIII!! XD they're so cute ;_; we just gotta figure out what we wanna do while we're here back in boring toga-tino. so those plans were made, and then ray came to pick me up and take me out to coffee. RAY. MEDS ARE BAD FOR YOU. STOP TAKING THEM. we sat in the car cuz i didn't feel like going outside ^^; sorry yo. and no, for you sick minded people (heh.. i shouldn't be talking, huh?), nothing happened. talking is good for you. i'm planning on going to the hospital sometime in the morning to see if i can get my stitches out already. they really bug. nyeh..

HEIDI! PHI!! HAYAKU KAETTE KOI, KORAAAAA!!! i still gotta give jack phi and steph their presents. jack, i have an idea on where you've been. steph, we shall go eat pizza on sunday sometime <3 phi! hayaku koi! heidi! omae mo da!! okke.. i'm zapped, getting massive bags under eyes, have new issues i wanna sleep on, must get beauty rest. CIAO!

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Friday, December 27, 2002 . . .
. . . 1:40 a.m. . . .

np: sato akemi - tsuki no nai yoru
stomach hurting

i dunno why my stomach hurts. i think it's from laughing so much and jumping around all the time. demo demo!! ^_^ fufuu~~ hanging out with brian and bryant was so much fun XD games food loitering laughing like hell *_* mm... well... _i_ had fun, i dunno about the guys though ;_; sorry if you were bored!! esp bryant x_X he's so mellowed out that i can't tell if he's having a good time or not...;; unless he's playing soul caliber at the arcade ^^;; and i'm sorry about your foot!! T_T forgive me!!

auu.. i am going to sf at 10. must wake up at 9. this sucks. chikishou. but thas ok! i get to see somi!! XD WOOT!!! and.... i think it's time to go to bed cuz i'm about to pass out, so CIAO!!

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Thursday, December 26, 2002 . . .
. . . 6:16 p.m. . . .

np: nino - let me be with you
NEW KEYBOAAAAAAARD! XD

WOOT!! i got a new wireless keyboard and it's really quiet and and and it actually WORKS!!! XD sasuga logitech! ^_^ also got some more snacks from mitsu *_* melty kiss.... XD and PEAR!! THEY HAVE THE PEAR PURIN THIS TIME!!! XD XD michelle and i were kinda hyper the whole day except she started feeling a bit sick later on... i did too but it was from all the jumping around and doing michelle's friggin stalker dance thing in my driveway....... x_X;; oh yah, gotta go change my bandages. I GET MY STITCHES OFF ON THE 1ST!! XD

i seem to get kicked outta my house a lot nowadays...;; mom tells me 'yeah so and so's here, so if you can, have dinner with your friends' or something like that... a while ago she told me 'on sunday you can go spend the night at heidi's house' out of the blue...;; and last night on our way home from sacramento, she told me why. my parents are having some problems, so it's better if i'm not home. ::haa:: i dunno how long this is gunna last, a few months at the least, and i'm not liking it cuz it really wears down on you after dealing with it almost all your life. parents suck, man... and hearing about my dad from mom just makes me dislike the male species even more. che... ironically i get along with them. and i need a job. oh yeah.. i have bandages to change, huh? ::suta suta::

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Wednesday, December 25, 2002 . . .
. . . 1:29 p.m. . . .

np: people and the tv in the other room...? o_O;
mien!

married couples are great...;;; anyway... i'm up in sacramento now. brother drove, it was interesting. it's pretty quiet right now, i should enjoy it while it lasts cuz when jon and phil get here... it's gunna get really loud... if joseph were coming, it'd get even worse x_X; ugh... even then, ITOKO TACHI AISHITERUUUUUUU!!! <3 and and.... and..... NOOOOOOOOOOOO I LEFT MY CELL PHONE AT HOOOOOOOOOME!!! T_T NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! i feel so nekkid without it... ;_; i seem to have a habit of neglecting it a lot. hauuu.... aiite i'm out.

merry christmas!! <3

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Tuesday, December 24, 2002 . . .
. . . 2:38 a.m. . . .

np: mariah carey - butterfly
michelle doesn't wanna cut bangs

WOOT! lotsa fun today! actually i slept most of the day till like.. 2, but after that i went out with michelle beibi! after watching some tv. but yeah! we went to a party and had lotsa fun~ food *_* and dancing!! XD and we played pool too! XD nde! i have lotsa people i wanna stalk~

i wanna know~
i wanna know what turns you on
so i can be all that and more~~~

heh, i'm ok! really! yesh XD nde! i'm spending the night at michelle's tonight, WOOT! i'm gunna eat that fish... heh. hehheheheh. heh! >D

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Monday, December 23, 2002 . . .
. . . 3:32 a.m. . . .

it was a frustrating morning. parents bitchin about everything, pissed me off so i punched my wall. hurt myself doing it. but it was ok. so i rushed the damn laundry since i couldn't leave the house till i did, and i was already running late cuz kien was at heidi's with pekkle waiting for me so we could go. got to kien's place, watched a church play by little kids, played chris cringle? white elephant? secret santa? ^^;;; lotsa names for it. dinner was really good, too~ nde, we did lotsa karaoke~~ and the little dog, kujo... THAT thing was interesting;;; so after much fun hanging out, playing n64, eating, singing, and such, it was time to go home. sam got us home pretty quick ^_^ and............ the loverly day i had ended up with... my going to the emergency room! glass is a permanent curse on my part. i was washing the dishes when i got home, and a glass cup just HAPPENED to be cracked and when i started to clean the inside, it kinda BROKE on me and..... the rest was a blur of running up the stairs, lotsa blood, brother saying that i need stitches, and a ride to the hospital. my mind cleared up once i got to the waiting room and from there;;; 8 stitches, fatass bandage, and it's off home i go. so it was quite an interesting day. i wonder what i'm allowed to do with this handicapped right hand of mine..;; no piano, limited in drawing, can't get it wet, no heavy lifting, no fists, can't hit anything..... che... life has lost much of it's previous shine. BUT THAS OK! just 10 days! and i'll be back to my fully functional self XD iei! btw, joseph's pretty hot X3

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Sunday, December 22, 2002 . . .
. . . 12:25 a.m. . . .

np: apocripha/0 - chikai no esperos
WOOT!!! mellowing out now x_X;

ok so i was bored. took mom to work while being bitched at, came home and worked on the next layout some, but i dun like how it's coming out. i think it's just the way the picture's drawn that doesn't work... but yeah, played more piano, and ate...;; i was getting kinda irritated cuz i was bored and i wanted to go out and play with michelle but she was getting stuff done and it wasn't even 5 but i felt like the whole day passed already and yeah... BUT!! she finally finished! and we went out! XD and met up with heidi and a buncha other people XD spilled hot tea on myself, but i'm ok! ^^;;; after that we all split and michelle and i went to the arcade ^^ and i hadn't had so much fun there in the longest time XD we bumped into brian! and he did his freestyle on ddr XD iei! ran into corey, too, who was making a big deal of my quitting school for some reason... maa iiya~ i got to play with michelle today! XD and tomorrow's sf with heidi! woot! ok... time to restart my poor computer...

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Saturday, December 21, 2002 . . .
. . . 1:45 a.m. . . .

np: more chobits music
hungry but having fun

i actually took mom to work this morning. and omg, now that i think about it, it's been a REALLY long day. shopping from waking up till 2 or so, had lunch, went to meet up with hs people, went to tea, went to mcd's, went to pekkle's and met up with my darlings, came home and started wrapping presents when i realized that i needed tissue paper, so went out to get that...;;; and... yeah... went too many places looking for WRAPPING STUFF like paper, ribbons, boxes, etc. che. but overall, it was much fun wrapping ^_^ i used so much ribbon...;; eventually i just kinda experimented on impulse with paper, and.... dood... wrapping paper makes nice ribbon if it has a nice pattern on it o_o; so i had some fun with that on my family's presents <3

the one below is the first present i wrapped. yeah, went a little ribbon happy ^^;; it's like... spilling off the top of the box ;;;

i'm finally done with shopping. i am so broke it's not even funny. steph, i still have your money. will get it to you asap. and since i am tired as hell from insufficient sleep and 2 days of straight shopping, i shall go to bed for a good 9 hours or so, and then pass out again later in the day. unun...

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Wednesday, December 18, 2002 . . .
. . . 10:18 p.m. . . .

np: apocripha/0 - chikai no esperos
stress...

You come from the Ocean. You've always been drawn to the sea, the sound of the waves, the crystal blue water, near the sea is where you belong.
<Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the Real Seishirou in Tokyo Babylon. This is you without the genki veterinarian mask. In reality, you're really scary and extrememly possessive of your Subaru-kun. Following anime bishounen rules, you are as sexy as you are evil. You kill Hokuto and you scar Subaru for life. Go you. You're a possessive bastard and we love you.
Which Seishirou are You?
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What type of manga are you?
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pekkle thought i woulda gotten yaoi for the last one. i prolly should've gotten that ~_~;; maa~~ IKKA XD time to work on next layout!

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Wednesday, December 18, 2002 . . .
. . . 2:56 a.m. . . .

dood, this really sucks. i'm in bed typing this up, being the lazy ass i am, but that's not what sucks. what sucks is i've been trying to sleep for the past hour or so, and i've succeeded in only tossing and turning. funny how the only thing that seems to want to cross my mind s GETTING A NEW JOB considering i need a consistent flow of income to keep up with my consistent flow of spending. despite my frustration from not being able to get to sleep, i've gotten some places in mind i'd want to work. my next job will most likely be retail. again. clothing? perhaps. it doesn't seem too bad, and i'm sure there won't be bitchy asian customers griping about the price cuz PRICE TAGS ARE ALWAYS FRIGGIN THERE!! ::haaaaaa:: it's amazing i can still see the screen from where i am. i think my eyes are going bad though. things take longer to focus on..... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! yeah, i have to wake up in about 5 hours to take my mom to work. i'm not gunna do too well with that... wow.... so this is what my entries are like in the middle of the night when i can't sleep eh? i can feel my wrists dying on me here =_=;; my mind rambles but i swear if anyone called right about now, i'd kill. too lazy to speak. dying from fatigue but can't friggin sleep. dammit. jack's still at the movies... hmm...

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Tuesday, December 17, 2002 . . .
. . . 10:08 p.m. . . .

np: kimi ga hoshiiiiiiii~~~~~
i wanna work on commission while yami plays on the tv

WOOT!!! i finally got my apocripha/0 cd today!! XD and i didn't realize it was a drama cd o_O; BUT THAS OK XD cuz dramas are GOOD!! since i still wanted the ost, i ordered it from a different site in japan x_X; hauuu... money down the draiiiiinnnn..... and i just cut off more of my hair cuz it was harrassing my neck at the bottom. ato... i finally watched lord of the rings today at pekkle's house! dvd, togos dinner plus some chinese food afterwards~ iei! it was a really long movie x_X; but when it ended i was like "O_o;;; haa?? so short!" but... it was actually really long x_X; and for some reason, it didn't hold my attention as well as other movies. must be the unfamiliarity of the names and not being able to keep track of who's name is what. jack went to the theatre already to catch the midnight showing of 'the two towers'. i'm going tomorrow with heidi and pekkle XD WOOT! what's NOT so woot is that i gotta go take my mom to work again at 8:30 in the morning. like i did THIS morning. i went back to sleep when i got home and woke up at 1something. it was kinda nice. but not really...;; knowing that i had to wake up so early.

i wanna make a new layout! and i kinda have an idea of what i wannit to be like~ LIGHT COLORED and NOT ANGSTY let's see if mirae can pull this off. atashi ima koi shitenai kara zeeeeenzen DAIJOUBU subete CHO-- BERI GUDDO!! XD connie! let's go tea somewhere sometime~ and tina! we shall do a year's worth of catching up when i get my ass over there!~ XD ok, i go make commission progress now ~_~;; JA!

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Monday, December 16, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:30 p.m. . . .

np: my computer makes annoying noises...
NO MORE WORK!! WOOT!! XD

the phone lines were down at work so there was no way we could take credit cards. IEI!!! lines went so much faster that way and it was a better than having to wait an eternity for a card to go through. and i am DONE! XD YESHA!! got hella munchies to keep in my room and yeah.... a lotta people didn't know today was my last day, so when i told them, they were like "WHAT?? NOOO!!" o_O; ok.... that was a reaction i didn't expect...;; tonikaku. it was a semi-slow day, but really tiring for some reason. all the cashiers kept pushing me to do the announcements to the customers on the intercom about not being able to take credit cards...;; -_-; i did it twice, and then NO MORE. woot.

time really flies when you're reading manga. i think i'll read through a bunch while i'm not working. just sit back somewhere in my room, and read manga all day or something. mebe it'll get me outta my slump and inspire me to draw something. which reminds me, i still gotta finish my commission x_X;; NOOOOO!! but once i'm outta this block, i'll be able to get it done BACCHIRI!! and.. mom wants me to take her to the mall at 8:30 tomorrow cuz she's working at the estee lauder counter at nordstrom again. morning. MORNING, CHIKISHOUUU!!! but tomorrow's a weekday, i know what to get some people, so i'll go shopping tomorrow. iei. and i got my last paycheck today, too. moneeeyyyy... ok... time to shower...

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Sunday, December 15, 2002 . . .
. . . 8:48 p.m. . . .

np: kuwashima houko & orikasa fumiko - beyond
surreal....

i dunno what happened when.... heidi and i went out a few times, watched movies, shopping, tea, stuff like that, yah? and.... i went out with mom to the movies today, too. and it kinda sucks how she asked me to leave the house by 10:30 or 11 tomorrow morning cuz she's picking my dad up from the airport and she wants to have a talk with him and she doesn't want me home while she's at it. so.... i have no place to go tomorrow, except for mebe kevin, who's graciously letting me bother him if i have no other options. arigatouuu ;_; but yeah.... i thought it was kinda odd how mom was trying to push me to spend the night at heidi's sunday night. tonight. ::haaaaa:: i feel like i haven't slept in my own bed for a long time... for some reason. spent the night at heidi's last night on impulse. we talked till 4:30am. ^^;;;

i got tired of not being able to draw so i drew this to force myself outta my slump. didn't work.

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Saturday, December 14, 2002 . . .
. . . 1:01 a.m. . . .

np: x - ten no ryuu
i wanna new layout already

satoshi took me out to dinner cuz it was our last day working together. heidi roy and kazue came, too~~ XD we went to willow street and stuffed ourselves, except heidi, who already ate =_=;; gochisousama datta, satoshi! arigatou!! still hella full from it...... X_X

the urge to draw earlier today left me again. i'm in a really bad slump right now, and it really sucks cuz i wanna do oekaki and finish that damn commission, but my hand won't WORK and it's frustrating!! but.... i'm sure it'll come back.... usually looking through my artbooks helps, but i've looked through them so many times already that inspiration isn't coming when it used to. i think i need new books.......... NOOOOOOOO!!! MORE MONEYYYYYY!!! but... yeah.... if that's what it takes to keep going..... ;_; and i need my hand to work with me if i wanna new layout... which i want.... for some reason... i like this one fine, but i want something NEW something more HAPPY since i'm not all tied-down-by-liking-someone~

it's really weird how my mom called before dinner and asked me to go to a movie with her tomorrow o_O;;; er.... later today.....;;; and i just found that really.... i dunno...;; but i agreed and she wants to see maid in manhattan. mebe i'll drag her to the mall or frys after that? ^^:;; i dunno.... heidi ryo and kevin wanna do something at night after 8... but we'll see. heidi, i'm expecting you to drive if i stay out with mom late cuz i won't be driving~ fufuu~

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Thursday, December 12, 2002 . . .
. . . 8:26 p.m. . . .

np: some karekano stuff
it smells...

we had some people come and paint some of the rooms today, and it still smells of paint. and it's not a pleasant smell, either. starting to get a headache and i'm hungry and irritable and my hands are cold and i'm bored. i WAS in the mood to draw something when i was on my way to the car after work, but the feeling's not there anymore. i wanna do something. and my body knows what it is, but my brain doesn't, so i gotta figure out what it is i feel like doing...;; i'm not making any sense, am i? i'm still waiting for my cd to come in, i kinda sorta figured out xmas presents, and dood...tight budgets suck. and i seriously need to do ebay and get some junk outta here and make space for new stuffs. geh... takes... so... much... TIME!! i can feel myself going into apathetic mode... OH GOD SOMEONE GET ME OUT!!!!!!!

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Thursday, December 12, 2002 . . .
. . . 1:07 p.m. . . .

np: lotsa jumbled noises in my head
too full... sleepy as hell...

i have work today.... fuck. i dun wanna go. but i need money. and monday's my last day, WOOT!!! i can bear with this. but i also need money from another source, so i gotta go baito hunting again. nde.... JUST ONE MORE VOLUME OF METEOR GARDEN!! CHIKISHOUUUUU!!!! JUST! ONE! MORE!!

What's your sexual appeal?
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. . . to be free . . .

. . . Monday, December 9, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:18 p.m. . . .

np: sakamoto maaya - yubiwa
@_@ i hear chinese in my head....

for more than 24 hours, i was at heidi's house. for about 15+ of those hours, we were watching meteor garden. the chinese drama version of hana yori dango. it's really good, and i dun understand most of it but heidi does a good job translating so it's all good ^____^ i dreamt in chinese last night o_O;; BUT!!! there were hot guys in there XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD so it was ALL BERIBERI OKKE!! i could try learning chinese the way i did japanese ^^; only... it'd be like... 4 times harder, but I'LL GANBARU!! HAU!

‚È‚ �A ‚¨‘O‚ç�A ‚»‚Ì“{‚è‚â‚­‚₵‚³ ‚ ‚½‚µ‚à•ª‚©‚邼~ ‚¢‚‚© •K—v‚¾‚Á‚½‚ç‚ ‚½‚µ‚ª‚Óflame ‚µ‚Ä‚ ‚°‚邼~~ ‚ ‚Ì•³�— ’m‚ç‚È‚¢‚©‚çŠÈ’P‚È•¨‚³�I ‘å�D‚«‚È‚ ‚½‚µ‚Ì•¨’B‚æ�I

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Sunday, December 8, 2002 . . .
. . . 12:35 a.m. . . .

np: silence
tired...

ok... NO more working on sale days. not like i'm working much anyway. i have no more school and no work for the next 4 days. woot. but dood, i hated work today. i pulled into the parking lot, and there was a friggin mob of customers outside waiting for the doors to open. within half an hour of opening, the lines were already halfway back the store. and dude. those carts were filled to the brim with shitloads of stuff. everyone was buying 200-300 bucks worth of crap. makes me wonder why they don't spend that much every weekend. even though i only stayed for 6 hours, it drained me like crazy. i went home for a bit, and then went to the business conference pekkle and heidi and dahoon were at in san jose. kinda pointless to go to the last session, but it was still fun and i had a good time. haven't had a good laugh since michelle came over, so it felt really good. must put up stuff on ebay sometime. must finish commission ASAP. ....ok, i'm about to pass out now.... if i look at this tomorrow i prolly won't remember that i typed it up. =_=;; i can't wait till everyone comes home! and i can't wait till i get my last paycheck from work so i can GO SHOPPING. FOR XMAS. GAH!! stressful times... =_=#

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Saturday, December 7, 2002 . . .
. . . 1:05 a.m. . . .

np: yoko kanno - ring
inspired to make moneeeeeeey~~~ $_$

shopping was so cool!! T_T heidi, arigatou!! shiawase da yooo!! <3 <3 <3 after shopping we came home for some food while nostalgisizing ourselves out on sailormoonss episodes *_* and then it was out to the business meeting i decided to attend with her and pekkle and dahoon and ryuta on impulse. it was really cool, i'm inspired to make money $_$ so is pekkle! XD IEI! nde, MICHELLE BEIBI!! what are you telling me to be careful about? o_O;;; atashi nanka shita?? and hauuuuuuuu!!!! dahoon!! ryuuta!! it was so great seeing you guys again!! XD and your apartment has such a nostalgic smell to it! XD XD i love it!! having a warped sense of time, it felt like forever since i went over there x_X; so it felt a LOT longer than it actually was... TONIKAKU! heidi! XD kore kara mo yoroshiku na!! i'm gunna go to sleep now since i have to WORK tomorrow at 9INTHEMORNING!! and then i'm going to another business meeting! woot! ato..ato.. i gotta do the commission!! X_X;;; CRAP!!

click here to find out which asian action superstar you are!
You are Bruce Lee. you like to take charge. be an individual and leader. you have the abilities to do mind boggling feats,
yet you are forever cursed by ur ancestors. you are as wise as the dragon and as fierce as the tiger.
you also enjoy practicing martial arts and kicking ass!

............WTF?!?!

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Friday, December 6, 2002 . . .
. . . 12:48 a.m. . . .

np: koizumi kouhei - sakamichi
feeling the need to sleep but not feeling sleepy...

i'm going shopping tomorrow. i must get to the mall early to avoid lots of people. and i also need to get stuff up on ebay if i can. i should figure all that stuff out tomorrow... AND. i realized something when i read phi's blog. dood. i'm quitting school. and there's no reason for me to go to de anza classes anymore since i'm applying to lcad. which reminds me, i still need to get the app done for that. but omg i'm like... FREE!! O_O; and steph, mom said if possible, we gotta find a cheaper place. tonikaku i shall be on my way~ ^^;;

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Thursday, December 5, 2002 . . .
. . . 12:37 p.m. . . .

np: mom's vacuuming downstairs
fooding is good

i've been getting a lot of weird dreams, dood. like how there are these weird alien creature things running around putting a virus or something into people, and marking them and all that crap, and they track you down afterwards. they take on human form when they've found you, and bring you into this weird multi-lab building. i guess this is where the 'experiments' are performed? tonikaku, there was this nii-chan type figure with me throughout the dream, and he promised he'd protect me, so he carried me the whole time we were in the building and wouldn't let anyone/thing touch me XD i can only remember his voice cuz the whole time, my eyes wouldn't open. and when i tried to open them, it was like the worst case of drowsiness where you just couldn't. so i got outta there safe... i had work after that. i was CLOSING O_o;;; but yeah, i was trying to find my stuff but after that last customer left, that drowsy thing came again and i couldn't see anything and yan was getting her stuff and i was trying to find my till and yeah....;; it really sucked. i heard a soft beeping somewhere but i couldn't find the source... i woke up and it was my alarm...;; the alarm that was supposed to wake me up at 12 to go to class, but instead, i'm eating. mom isn't lecturing or complaining at all about my skipping class, either o_O; which is quite nice. i'm gunna finish lunch and.... head on out to work in a bit. =_=;;;

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Wednesday, December 4, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:13 p.m. . . .

np: silence
feelin kinda good~

i'm feeling pretty good right now~ got home from a christmas party from work, and it was a lot of fun! hiro-kun, satoshi, roy, yan, davy, tom, matt, huy... they were all there, plus nearly the whole company and their spouses~ much food, much drinking, much dessert, much prizes <3 i got a watch and some really nice wine, which i shared with the people at the table~ took satoshi and yan to mitsu to get their own rides home, and took hiro-kun home.. wehhh~~~ it was a nice night. shopping before the party was nice, too~ i got pants and a sweater.

i also told my mom that i'm planning on moving in with steph over the summer, that i'm gunna apply to lcad, i dun wanna go to community college for GE..... she took those pretty well. even seemed ok about my living with steph. but. one thing she did NOT take so well, was my being serious about being bi. she was in shock. but thas ok. she'll get over it. i dunno about my dad though. oh well.. i dun care anymore.. doudemo ii.. i just wanna sleep.. that wine was good...

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Wednesday, December 4, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:48 a.m. . . .

weib - fly
iei for weird dreams?

oooh my god HOW long has it been since i saw daniel??? even if it was a dream, it was still nice to see his face, hear his voice... ~_~ atashi no hatsukoi... TONIKAKU! in this dream, i was back at that korean camp, only i was a counselor in training this time. and i came on a sunday, which i think is the 2nd to last day, if not the last......? i dunno. anyway, when i got there, all the counselors were just lounging around, and the kids were apparently doing something else. daniel popped in and we just kinda ran from one end of the cabin to the other cuz something broke in through the window. i dun remember what other stuff happened...;; ettoo.. the only part i remember clearly is being at a really big mall with and this one nii-san type guy i supposedly like, and he works at one of the big stands in the middle of the walkways, yah? there's an express right in front of us, and he points through the windows, "see that dress right there? i want you to take that. and get that right there, and that long coat over on the right and bring them to me." so i go in, look at the dress he was pointing at... black and white, really interesting design... take it off the rack, and find the next 2 things. when i found them i was like *_* whoa i really like these... i go back out and he takes them to a store across the express. me: "what are you doing?" him: "paying for these" me: "... ... !!!! EEEEHHHHH??! wait! no!! the other stuff, ok, but the clothes are too expensive!! expensive!! noit'sokreally!!" ....... so... my alarm woke me up just as we got into the other store... =_=; paying for express stuff in another store.... weird.... oh yeah, and i can't remember if i was dreaming about putting a note out to my mom about not waking me up since i have no morning class today... it prolly was. it wasn't there when i got up, and i wouldn't have said more than 'don't wake me up' but there was a buncha other stuff written on it and 'don't wake me up' was on the bottom somewhere......;;;;;

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Tuesday, December 3, 2002 . . .
. . . 7:58 p.m. . . .

np: sato akemi - tsuki no nai yoru
what is this feeling?

what's this i'm feeling? i have no idea what it is, but i dun like it. dad's going off to korea tomorrow morning for about 10 days. he gave me an allowance for while he was gone. mom was already in bed when i got home, and it wasn't even 7:30 at the time. dad talks to me like he's scared of me nowadays... speaks in a tone as if i'm the most fragile thing in the world, and one wrong word will make me snap... and i feel like crying even though i don't know why. this makes no sense. and it bugs. a lot. i still haven't told my parents that i wanna live with steph, i'm not going to school winter quarter, i'm gunna apply to lcad, quitting work... there's a party tomorrow night... i'm suddenly not in the mood to go. whatever, i'm going anyway. ::sigh::

i have akg site icons to draw, a commission to do, and final art project to start. i need charcoal paper. no morning class tomorrow. iei. no work. even more iei. aaaa shit i'm starting to get all angsty again. oh, btw, i started my rag today. i think i should go and... get stuff done. must not cry...

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Monday, December 2, 2002 . . .
. . . 8:21 p.m. . . .

np: weib - fly
geeeeeh natsukashiiiiii

so i was walking outta mitsu after work, and all of a sudden i hear an "uiiissu" to my left. i turn and it's MASA-KUN! XD i never actually talked to him, just little phrases back and forth while i rang his stuff up at the register. usually cigarettes x_X; but yeah, i stood around outside and we were just talking about stuff and it was fun =D i'm inspired to draw again~ oh yeah, i requested my 2week notice today. bumpa looked at me for a good while like "you're joking, right?" and i just looked back at her like "...um... can i have it yet?" ^^;; i didn't tell tom-boss about it. i dun wanna tell anyone. bumpa, anna, and mike are the only ones that need to know, yah? yah? nde, i was talking to kevin as i was skipping class, and there are a few restaurants i have in mind~ iei~

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Monday, December 2, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:43 a.m. . . .

np: karekano - setsu getsu ka
KIMARIIIIII!!!

i've decided! i'm going to quit work. =_= and in the meantime, i'm gunna find somewhere else to work ;_; hahaha this decision was a spontaneous one, but i'm gunna go through with it cuz i just don't enjoy work anymore. and some things are still getting on my mountain of piling up frustrations, so i gotta sweep all those into the black whole of my mind and see if that works. un... DAIJOUBU! i'll find some place x_X;

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Sunday, December 1, 2002 . . .
. . . 4:14 p.m. . . .

np: weib - shadows and lights
looooooong heaven-and-hell-at-the-same-time weekend

so. michelle spends the night on thu, we go or own ways on friday morning, and i head over to pekkle's. i craved tea. and met up with sean at le select for a little bit, and then went back to pekkle's~ as the day went on, michelle jack, steph, and kenji all started coming. hahahha phi ended up getting there around 6 or something cuz she fell asleep ^^;; maa, ikka. so we basically played games for most of that night x_X; puzzle fighter's a great thing, unun. and.... PHI'S SHOOOOOO KYUUUUUUUT!! XDXD XDDDDD and i spent the night at steph's XD we talked till like... 4something. and then saturday was a buncha running around and getting stuff. steph had to be home to have dinner and study, so i passed out at jack's house till about 6, which is when i went back to pick steph up to meet at pekkle's and go to movies. only... movies didn't happen just then ^^;;; we played video games, got food (twice), steph and michelle played under a blanket x_X, and i just fumed about phonecalls i was getting. but i felt better after some smacking and shoving and wrestling around ^^; movies ended up being at like..... 11something that night x_X; and steph couldnt stay cuz i didn't take the highway and kept people waiting. i need to learn to get around faster. so... we got outta the movie around 2ish... said our goodbyes to phi ;_; and then.... the heidimichellejackpekklemirae team went to the park in front of michelle's house and we hung out there till about 4something? i think? we went to dennys for food then ^_^ heidimichellemirae went to michelle's house to spend the night, where we played and laughed our heads off till 6something. the sky was getting pretty light x_X; and then... i got another fuckin phonecall at 9:30 in the morning. for no reason. slakdfj;lsdkfjd;lf pissed me off... i need a new job. fast. must start looking. lksajf;lksd anyway.. heidi went home.. i came home... michelle went to the airport... forgetting her contacts stuff =_=;;;

that would be a very brief summary of my weekend. it was fun T_T wished it wouldn't end...

i decided that i'm gunna move down to LA. and do everything - i mean EVERYTHING - in my power to live with stephanie. and get into LCAD. iei. ato... cosplay is gunna be fun. stressful and expensive and timeconsuming up the ass, but fun! fufufufu~~~ AND OH! i'm inspired to write a manga *_* a totally different one from before, so steph, i'll give you info about it for AKG sometime after i plan it out and stuff. INTERNAL is gunna have to wait. >D KYAHAHAHA!! still kinda sick x_X; but thats ok! all is GOOD! i can handle this UNUN!

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Friday, November 29, 2002 . . .
. . . 1:16 p.m. . . .

np: pekkle playing beatmania
nyuuuuuu~~~ i get to see everyone soon!!

michelle suddenly popped up outta nowhere last night and it was a replay of when i went to see her last time she came home, only... _i_ was the one bouncing off the door and onto her ^^;; fufuu~~ made me sooooo happyyyyyyy XD XD XDDDDD so yeah, she stayed for a bit but then we went out to go see a friend of hers, who already had some other friends over, so i re-met them last night ^^; i only met them this one other time...;; MAA IKKA!! so we played some halo, watched parts of jackass, and just kinda hung around for a while ^^; michelle spent the night at my house and we had ramen like the good old days ^_^ <3 nde! when we woke up, we had some more fun ^_~

phi should be here soon ^_^ nyahahaha!! and everyone else should be here, soon, too!! XD XD XDDDDD KYAHAHAHAHA!!

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Thursday, November 28, 2002 . . .
. . . 4:24 p.m. . . .

np: hal - starry sky
::sob::

in case some of you haven't noticed, i'm pmsing. definite signs are being a crybaby, wuss, and whiny. yes, i have issues =_=;; nde. after reading phi's pitas, i've been inspired to write~ and there are actually lots of things i'm thankful for, being thanksgiving day, it's quite appropriate to post, yah? dun worry, pms won't effect what i write here;

i actually get to stay here, in this house while i go to de anza instead of being forced to go to CSLA. of course, to counter that, there's always the fact mom's trying to force me to move with them to LA next year......;;;; BUT WE WON'T GET INTO THAT! but i'm just happy i still have my car and bed and computer and manga ;_; ato my brother and i have been getting along a lot better now, and i'm just glad he's starting to grow up a little. i guess i am too, in that aspect? and my friends... to my girls, omaeera minna aishiteru zo!! and to my boys, i love you guys, too!!

minna daisuki ;_;

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Wednesday, November 27, 2002 . . .
. . . 12:08 a.m. . . .

np: furubaaaaaaaa
i can feel my body breaking down......

hisashiburiii, ryoooo~ i got him coffee for his lunch break..;;; talked to dwyer, too~ and i ended up going to my class when i planned on skipping, but i figured "...aa what the hell.. just go..." then it was work... ugh... saiku-san made me drink this health drink stuff x_X;;; oh my..... it wasn't terribly death threateningly disgusting, but it was still pretty bad x_X;;

oh my.... i had a really long and weeeeird dream last night x_X;; it was like a dream within a dream. it had something to do with finding treasures at the bottom of a body of water somewhere and yeah x_X; i think the movie 'count of monte cristo' had something to do with that part. ato... i remember talking to jack and pekkle about it in a room that looked.... amazingly similar to mom and dad's bedroom before we moved to saratoga... and i dun remember much else cuz i'm watching furuba right now and it's been a day since i thought about it...;; but yeah X_x; it was hella weird. i'm starting to see jack in my dreams again. lemme alone!! >_<

so i'm sitting here watching furuba... and a random thought just popped up. it's nice how things are like... normal between me and sean. ii koto da. i'm happy with it. hana-chan's so cool. i wish i had denpa like her >D and arisa's cool, too! i'll prolly carry around a steel pipe with me to school~ aa demo...... there's noone to watch over at school.... ttaku... but thas ok! i'm gunna go back to furuba stuffs. ja.

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Monday, November 25, 2002 . . .
. . . 10:41 p.m. . . .

np: ff6 - forever rachel
throat feeling weird...

i think......... i'm getting sick again..........;;; this feeling in your throat is not normal...;; OK, let's not think about that cuz we all hate getting sick, don't we? ^^;;;; tonikaku... =_=;; yeh..... i have work friday. sucks... grr... at least i have thu off! =D and wed i have no art class so i get to sleep in! XD iei!! so yeah... iei~~ everyone's coming home this week!~!! *_* mirae ureshii~~~ <3 <3 <3

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Monday, November 25, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:12 a.m. . . .

np: yoko kanno - to the moon's prayer and companions
feeling numb.... mou doudemo ii tte kanjiii....

there was a car sitting in my parking space when i got home. i was not happy about it cuz it was a car i didn't recognize, and i knew who it belonged to. realtors. they're here. and i can hear them and my parents talking downstairs. they seem like decent people, got up to greet me and were pretty nice... i just realized that when i saw the car, i just thought "whatever dood, just do as you please..." i dun wanna think about moving, i dun wanna think about what i'm gunna do if i stay here or go down there or what... just wanna leave this house and away from my parents. i don't want to go, but at the same time, i know i prolly should cuz i know it'll be hard living here.

it was friggin hard trying to get up this morning, but i managed. and as always, i don't regret it. art's cool, i like that class, man. i just realized today that the only people i talk to are some of the guys. this doesn't help my whole 'i need to meet girls' situation much... -_- geh... maa ikka... they're fun to talk to. i dunno what to do about school, either. i wanna apply to art schools, but i dun even know if i'm ready to do that yet. phi, help me out? ;_;

i have work today.... i kinda mind cuz it's monday and people'll still be bitching about 10% sales and weekend sale prices and shit. it's only 5 hours, but i still dun wanna deal with it. must find new job. i keep saying that but i don't actually get off my ass to look. stupid mirae.

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Sunday, November 24, 2002 . . .
. . . 1:11 p.m. . . .

np: keiko matsui - to the indian sea
kimchee...

yesterday i ran away to pekkle's house for an afternoon/evening. i napped while they played video games, and i woke up with tears in my eyes at one point..;;; 2nd time x_X; thank god noone noticed. nde, i had a really weird dream last night. i was hanging out with some people abut my brother's age in the mitsu parking lot, and we were all smoking marlboro ultra lights. it's the second time i've smoked in my dreams. i went inside to buy my own pack, and when i gave $5, i got $8 in change... and those things are $4.97 per pack...;;; oh well.. thas ok~ nde, i went into the store to get some snacks so i could preserve myself in times of hunger in my room in the middle of the night. only.... mitsu was a lot bigger this time x_X; and yeah... the shelves were a lot higher and they blocked some of the light from the ceiling and there was a lot more stuff and even the back room looked really different x_X; i saw matt and tom aniki and glomped onto matt and he's like "hey guess what? i didn't smoke today~" me: ::sweatdrop:: ieeeeeei~~~~~ tte.....;;; heh;;; so yeah.. interesting dream...

yappa, i can't sleep in this house. once the sun comes up, there's no chance for sleep. or something like that. cuz my mom and brother were in the hallway making hella noise opening and closing the stupid cabinet doors and my brother's closet is on the other side of my wall and he was putting his clothes up and whenever he moves the hangers, you can hear it like dfjfj;sldkfj ;slkdjf through the wall and it was really annoying cuz it was only 9something in the morning and i was trying to SLEEP cuz i slept at 4! GAH!!! .... this sucks, man... i can only sleep so well in my own bed, but at the same time there are people here that don't like the idea of my sleeping. fuck. this is another reason why i'd like to live SEPARATE from my parents. ::haa:: ;alsk f;lkdsjf ;lkd frustrated... slightly....

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Saturday, November 23, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:32 p.m. . . .

yeah, so my mom decided to tell me TODAY about the house being sold. and she's also trying to force me to go to LA with them. uh...... i don't want to?? hello? are you hearing me?? :;siiiiiiiiiiigh:: well... i'll be a little bit more mature about it than usual and think about the pros and cons of moving and not moving. kangaete yaru, oyaji...

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Friday, November 22, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:14 a.m. . . .

np: sakamoto maaya - hikari no naka e
food..

i woke up at almost 10. i don't know why. when i came to consciousness, it was kinda bright so i thought it was already late 11something and clear bright sunny day. uh. no. it was actually late 9something and it was clouds for sky. i really need something thicker over that window of mine when i sleep... i dreamt something, i can't remember what, though. it had something to do with living with jack. or was that a different night? i dunno... oh, i think i neglected to mention in the last entry that my parents are moving to LA. ironic how i stayed up here BECAUSE i didnt wanna go to school in la, and now they wanna move down there. i have class at 12:30. and then i have work till 7. i need to find a job that pays more. ::haa::

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Thursday, November 21, 2002 . . .
. . . 10:02 p.m. . . .

np: .......

.... what...? ok... i was sitting here resting up and what not, when my brother comes home. he comes into my room. 'hey, sup?' ok.... (lately we've been pretty friendly with each other) ... so.. yeah... "we're moving" ... ... . .

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

uh.. yeah... it seems that my parents were trying to hide it from me cuz they were afraid of what i was gunna do. brother told me 'dad just told me when i got home'. greeeat... go into kitchen, and i find a letter for dad. i take it to dad.
me: hi. what's this? -obviously not happy-
dad: .. where did you find that?
me: well gee it was on the kitchen counter ::actually bro showed it to me::
dad: ...
me: so. what is it?
and there goes the story of my dad telling me how he's gunna sell the house. and.... i'm sure it's guaranteed to be gone by summer. and.... stress: i need to find a place to stay. cuz there's no way i'm moving down there right now. i wanna finish my GE here, and THEN i'll be willing to go down, but not right now. so i gotta go place-to-stay hunting. most likely just gunna find a girl to cover for me saying i'll be staying with her and what not, while i go off and stay with a guyfriend that already has his own place. cuz... i dunno any girls here. and the ones i DO know, they live with parents. nuh uh. thas bad. so... i need to go girl-to-cover-for-me hunting, too... this sucks... just when i'm starting to get along with my brother, parents drag him to socal with them... i hope he's gunna be ok.......... cuz he was pretty upset about leaving his friends behind.... ::haaaaaa::

... on a happier note!! ::forces self to think good things:: i bought manga for the first time in months! i'm so happy! x and chobits and i got phi's asuka and she said i could keep this one! XD ::CHUUUUUU:: PHIIIIIIiIiiIiiIiIiIiIiiiiiii <3 <3 <3 i still have your october asuka so i'll give it to you when you come home, okke?? <3 <3 <3 ::SMOOCH:: *_* akg reunited!! WOOT!!!! AND MICHELLOOOOOOOOOOOO XD XD ::tears up:: EVERYONE'LL BE BACK TOGETHER!!! ;_; STEPHANIEEEEEE!!!! HEIDIIII!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 KYAAAAAAA!!!!! ... ok... energy overexertion......

... i have much to get done. i must meet girls.

. . . to be free . . .

. . . Wednesday, November 20, 2002 . . .
. . . 11:17 p.m. . . .

np: sakamoto maaya - midori no hane
i've been listening to this for 4 days straight now...;;;

new layout! new start! new me! well... ok not new me, but i'm changing! >_< in a direction i would not like to go =_= i friggin SCREAMED in fatal frame THREE TIMES, i get SCARED now, and GAH!!! =_=## could be just pms, man... DOOD!! i was tryig to take a nap earlier today and my mom came in and woke me up cuz she was asking about class and everything x_X; and then the gardeners came right after that and they stayed for like.... 20 minutes mowing lawns and crap RIGHT UNDER MY WINDOW so it was FRIGGIN LOUD!! that didn't make my mood any better. and then my BROTHER comes in and wakes me up cuz he wants me to check the mail for his report card and hide it from mom and dad! GAH!!!! LEMME ALONE!! WHY CAN'T I FRIGGIN SLEEP IN THIS HOUSE?!!?!?!? LSKDFJ ;LSKF;LRDKJ;LKRJ so yeah.... that was my day... i woke up around 4something with a headache =_=## che...

. . . to be free . . .