name mirae
alias kanojo, akuma
age 20
bdate march5
eyes dk brown
hair black/brown
height 5'5" omg i shrank!!! O_o;
ethnicity korean
location fullerton, ca
job artist on commission
email kanojochan@hotmail.com
aim kanojochan
. . . ARCHIVES . . .
. . . ocha: art gallery . . .

hobbies anime/manga/game, doodle, eat, web design, piano
talents procrastinating, getting into trouble, spacing out
likes dahoon, RO, sweets, watching water, playing pool, simpler things in life
dislikes TABS, driving, computer problems, hot weather, drama
food sushi, pasta, korean bbq
drink tea, coffee, juice
music utada hikaru, sakamoto maaya, hal, yoko kanno, gackt, l'arc, anime/game stuffs, r&b
hangouts cafe's, peoples' houses, pool halls
anime naruto, ayashi no ceres, fruits basket, gto
manga yami no matsuei, x/1999, chobits, kamikaze kaitou jeanne
past cosplay misao (rurouni kenshin), nakuru (cardcaptor sakura), kagura (fruits basket), ayane (dead or alive3)
artist clamp, tanemura arina, matsushita yoko, tsuchiya kyoko, azumi tohru, akamatsu ken, minami haruka, takagi ryo, koge donbo
seiyuu seki tomokazu, koyasu takehito, shinichirou miki, ogata megumi, sakamoto chika, okiayu ryoutarou

blogs br's bundy channing dahoon elo heidi jack jason jason h jim john justin kenji kevin kevin s li lisa michelle pan paul pekkle phi rene ryuta sean shino somyi steph wayne

links accent aestheticism agsma clamp-net html goodies jpqueen kix bbs melon-pan.net nobuo uematsu oekaki central phi bbs portal graphics ragnarok online sasugabooks

sunday i go norcal till wed. iei.

aa... sailormoon is soooooo nostalgic... i still <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 the R movie.. *_*

i wanna cosplay. but as what? throughout the year i thought 'oh this would be fun to cosplay as' or 'that would make a kickass costume', only...... i dun have the drive to make anything anymore TT___TT cosplay isn't one of the top priorities, but it'd be nice if i could slap something together real quick for a generic schoolgirl or something. i'll laugh if people start shouting out names to me >_> and since ax isn't so far from my house this year, mebe i could just come home for sleep XD save lots off hotel, though i'll be missing out on the most fun part, which is when everyone's just chillin in the room... T_T and omg phi knows i nearly had a heart attack when she showed me that seki tomokazu would be at ax this year. !@^$&~@#$!@#%#^%%^*& <-- spaz in a nutshell. since i know my ticket from a few months back will be $800+ i gotta work lots to pay that off >_> at least i know i won't have to save up for rent in the fall +_+ my aunt's having me stay at her place for the semester <3 money and playtime's gunna be tight this summer x_X;; /sob

work makes me homesick and nostalgic and miss dahoon all at the same time. some of the other workers are soph-junior in hs and they make me miss hs days and friends up in norcal. there's one couple that works there and they make me miss dahoon ;_; i seriously can't imagine myself working in the same place as him, though. aside from that, they've all been shocked at one point to know that i'm 20 in college, as opposed to 16 in high school. i didn't know i looked so young o_O; the kids there look about my age to me ._.;; mebe that says something. though there are fun moments and always something to do, the few hours working always seem to pass much more slowly than the whole day i spend in front of the computer. but i like it a lot~ casual environment, and the manager's really flexible X3

honana~ man.. this is what 7am classes'll do to you. even though they're over with, you wake up before 8 and feel sleep deprived. but wake up after 8, you feel like you're wasting the day. 2 finals down, 2 more to go. the final project for one class is due anytime before the 26th, so i'm hoping to get it outta the way today so i dun have to wait till tues to get it in. with looking forward to going up to norcal on the 31st, keeping track of events and sense of time has been hectic. i keep thinking 'next week i can go up' but... no.. it's the week after that. until then, it's final work work final gawrwr.. maa.. ikka..

other than that~ i'm keeping le happy kao! adrenaline stay up, mirae stay happy :D the only down side to that is if something bad happens, happy will be replaced with equal force of unhappy, and that's the i-might-be-very-vocal-about-it kind, not the go-into-angst-and-keep-it-to-myself kind :D

::looks out window:: ........ scratch that. it's cloudy out ._.;;

sweetness! XD my dad's paying me $60 cuz i got his internet to work X3

ara maa... how time flies when you've got things going on.. and seriously, who thought it'd turn out this way? i totally didn't. a year ago today, i got myself into something i never thought would last, being the restless, uncommitted boke i was. i guess i underestimated myself on that one. and despite the fact that there's always a distance, i haven't been happier. still going strong. happy 1 year anniversary dahoon ^_^ i love you~ <3

i have recovered from the awesomeness that was the final fantasy concert on monday. and i fear luck will run away soon cuz it's been circling me all week. first i get to go to the concert, and despite how upset the manager's wife was that i didn't go in on monday night for training, the manager said he'd keep me. wootness! i took my research paper to the writing center at school (required by teacher for credit) and the lady there told me there's nothing wrong with it. my initial thought: "whada???" impossible. it's a draft. and i need to fix it cuz the final draft is due on monday at 7am! ;_; gawrwrwr.. useless! but if there really isn't anything wrong with it, goodie! :D nordstrom called and asked me to help out with stock and cashiering for their half-yearly sale. as long as i'm not on the floor trying to sell, all is iei~ money $$$!! ato.. other good happenings... ^^;; nai ne.. i think luck wore itself out on the miracle that allowed me to go to the concert.

i'm gunna go hide under a rock now. dahoon's looking over my research paper.

::deep breath:: ......... where to start........

first off is my forever thanks to aaron for giving me this chance to go to the most wonderful live performance i've ever been to in my entire life! thanks to jim for letting me know about it, and thanks to dahoon beibi for letting me go XD <3 <3 <3 <3 words fail to describe, and i am so not kidding about that.

though i was a bit late in picking aaron up, the traffic seemed to have cleared out just for the concert or something X3 we were just chilling with jim and a couple of his friends till seating began, and then the good stuff... omg... the fact that i was finally here, at the nobuo uematsu dear friends concert, hadn't actually sunk in till the music started. giddie meter at red levels and beeping!! the special highlights of highlights this evening:
= the host was the american voice actor for tidus *_____*
= one of the songs played was a never-before heard special piece from ff7's advent children!! XD
= uematsu, amano, and sakaguchi were all there and gave commentary on the show!!! *___________*
= just as everyone's starting to think "it's over", the orchestra suddenly explodes into sephiroth's theme!! XDDDDD
= the cut scenes that came with the song's respective game went so well with the music..... TT_TT it was so beautifullll!!!

seriously..... "words fail to describe....." as aaron and i have said countless times through the night. it was SO worth everything - upsetting boss for calling in sick when today was supposedly my last day of training, working on essay fruitlessly the entire afternoon, playing chauffer for my brother... there's only one thing that would've made this night the epitome of perfect... and i miss you so much beb T_T

there shall be a cd coming out. i shall get it. and you will hear my applaud in there! XD somewhere... with all the other.. hundreds of people......;;;

and i can't believe there were empty seats in the front section. those people should be shot. SHOT, I SAY!!!

hmm... despite constant self-reminding "final fantasy dear friends nobuo uematsu-sama's concert today", the fact that i'm actually going hasn't sunk in yet. the moment i heard about it a few months back, i wanted to go so bad (even though i'm not a uematsu obsessed fanatic), and when i found jim and aaron had tickets, i was ready to murder ^_^ and when i found out phi steph kenji rene had tickets, too, i was like TT_TT iiii naaaaaaaaaaa.....!!! and then. last night.

jim: hi there! great news! you get to give aaron a ride to the concert tomorrow!
(me thinking ".... omg that's so not funny T_T why do i have to give him a ride to a concert that i wanna go to but have to ticket to?!!?!?!!?!? IYADAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!")
jim: oh, and he has an extra ticket to offer as payment.
me: .........................
jim: he'd even pay for your gas
me: ::swoon::

::hearts:: my first big concert *____* KYAN~~!!!! <-- sinking in liiiiittle by little~

the giddies don't help when you have an unsettled stomach that feels mildly like nausea and butterflies. plus cold sweats and shakey hands. anxiety? stress..? either way, i'm not feeling too good x_x; to add to this feeling, i've got a wonderful 5page essay rough draft due on wed. the topic? problems and controversies in the career of comic book writing. it's.... coming along ever so slowly ;_;

AAAAAAAA MOUUUUUUUUU SHIRANAI!!!! i've had a rather frustrating day with working on outline for my research paper all afternoon, and dahoon not talking to me cuz he says there's a lack of trust on my end. at this moment, i think we're both making each other's lives a bit hellish, even though there's 400 miles between us. one would think it'd be harder with so much distance. and mebe it's just all my fault. he (usually) doesn't do anything wrong, so it's gotta be me if there's something wrong. and i don't even realize it.

on a happier note.

sometimes i can't believe this luck that decides to grace me with its presence.

I'M GOING TO THE FF CONCERT TOMORROW!!!!!! XDDDDDD

that in itself neutralizes the short-term shitty shit going on.

i went into togo's/31 for a test run on how working there would be. it wasn't that bad..... involves a lot of hand-washing, which is fine, but my hands feel really weird after so much of it. got the 2nd half of it coming up at 6 =_= i did nothing but play ro today. aa the feeling of inproductivity.... i have a research paper i need to be working on ~_~;; /sob...

nani kore... i feel like puking everytime i'm about to eat something. food in the last 36 hours consisted of: a cup and half of coffee, crossaint, slice of watermelon, cup of pear juice, and now i'm munching on half of a grilled cheese sandwich. the nausea would be accompanied by the ever so wonderful anxiety that always nests itself in depths of your gut. plus cold sweats, random spazzes of the hands, and inabillity to concentrate. i've had the attention span of a fly these days... i'm doing great :D

mom found out about the speeding ticket i was trying to hide from 4+ weeks ago. she was not happy. i got yelled at. she threatened to take my car away. i still have yet to take care of it. looks like fresno first chance i get after finals. looks like norcal XD might as well have fun while i'm at it, right? hmmmm mebe i can register for fall classes while i'm there :3 mebe i get to meet raine? :D

i had a job interview at the togo's/31 store down the street yesterday. i start work tomorrow evening X3

as for school, i have a research paper that's going at full speed and leaving me behind. but it's not to bad since the topic is my "potential career and its controversies and problems". so many papers to write... there was an in class essay a couple weeks ago that i thought would just be a practice essay or something. didn't prepare. no notes, didn't even read the article we were supposed to write on. bs bs bs bs. get paper back day before yesterday. 95/100. ................... silence... school is going well. i'm ahead in my html class and frontpage is a joke. though i'm a bit confused about some assignments in my photoshop class and possibly not getting an A cuz of some confusing as hell policies that teacher has. maa.. at this point, if i get a B, i'll be happy. i have a couple "classroom-nakama" in writing - meaning we talk a lot in class, but outside class we don't even see each other. still fun :3

there's a lot of drama these days.. the weird part is how people i don't know are the ones telling me about their problems. henna kanji... i don't have too much of my own drama. sleep vaporizes most of it. i know that's just a way of running away, but oh well, it works for me. the one thing sleep won't get rid of is my fear of the idea "out of sight, out of mind". it paralyzes the brain. what if i'm starting to fade..?

i was at gh castle with guildmates and got a ray card.... but it was only a dream TT________TT

joann is the name of the girl in my english class who knew my name, but i didn't know hers for a while. wootness for group work. after class we went to the cafeteria and talked about the relationships we're in. girl talk =_=; man.. i'm so glad i'm not her bf /swt..... she's kinda like me in the possessive aspect though, "touch my man and i will hurt you, bitch." now i be sitting here in the computer lab with more than half an hour to go before the next class starts, and i've been looking through blogs and forum for the past hour.

aa.. pms.. it's great =_=## when things bug, i don't even know if it's reasonable to let it get to me. like when i don't get a phonecall from dahoon when he's off campus. or when heidi or cindy go over to his place and they go out to eat. or when he skips classes. or when he goes nocturnal. or says to talk and when i do, he doesn't say more than 1 word and i get irritated cuz i want him to say more. or when i don't get any reply within 5 mins. dammit! i'm sorry for giving you such a hard time, beb.. jealousy is not an easy thing to conquer. and i really wish you'd try harder in school. and get your sleep patterns fixed somehow.. stop letting games keep you up =_=;;

anyway.. looks like my going to sjsu in the fall is set. since applications don't roll over anymore (as of about a year ago, damn newb workers), i gotta attend sjsu as an open university student, and during that time i gotta reapply as a "matriculated student" for the spring. but damn... ou is fuckin expensive. lectures are $555 per 3 units, and nearly $1000 for foreign languages! >_> suckage is that my parents aren't in any financial situation to send me to ou and pay for my housing at the same time. so with this happening, i gotta work full time over the summer to save money for rent in the fall, since ou students can't use dorms. this is assuming i can't stay at my aunt's for a few months. the plan sounds ok to me. only downside is i won't have much time to see dahoon over the summer.. TT_TT and i dunno if i can get 2 jobs that'll add up to 40 hours.. maa... i'm not in the position to be picky about where to work. must continue hunt!

[the people]

_my father thinks i: don't give a shit
_my mother thinks i: can do great things with my art ;_;
_my siblings think i am: don't give a shit
_my boyfriend/girlfriend thinks i am: lying when i say i love him more
_my best friend(s) think i am: finally starting to possibly get somewhere in life

[three]
_best qualities: errr.... honest (or at least working on it), tolerant, listens.
_worst qualities: lazy, moody, lazy
_things you are often complimented for: artistic ability
_compliments you got that made you blush: "you're beautiful" ::kaaa::
_things you get embarrassed by: my dad
_things that make you happy: FOOOOOOOOOD~~~ sweets, my dog, drawing, piano, playing with friends, beaches, semiwarm nights, sunny clear days, completing a picture, napping, empty house, and most of all- being with my dahoon <3
_things that upset you: narrowminded people, doing stupid things only to realize the stupidity of it later, money problems, pms, lack of communication, my dad

[yes or no]
_you keep a diary: yes
_you like to cook: yes
_you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yes
_you fold your underwear: no
_you talk in your sleep: dunno o_O;;
_you bite your fingernails: no
_you believe in love: yes
_you wish you could live somewhere else: at the moment, no
_you believe in online dating: NOOOOOOOOOOO
_others find you attractive: some...?
_you want more piercings: naw i'm good thanks :3
_you want more tattoos: o_O;; those sound like they hurt.. no thanks
_you drink: a shot or two once in a blue moon
_you do drugs: i r teh clean :3
_you like cleaning: my room and akg's kitchen :D
_you like roller coasters: HAI~~ XD faster loopier longer please!
_you write in cursive or print: a mix of both....;;
_you carry a donor card: ha? o_O;

[last]
_movie you rented: bad boys 2
_movie you bought: bought??? o_o;;; i have NO idea....
_song you listened to: koda kumi - 1000 no kotoba
_song you’ve downloaded: umm.. dun remember ^^;;;
_cd you’ve listened to: pekkle's instrumentals collection he left in my car eons back o_O;
_person you’ve called: sjsu admissions person
_person that’s called you: manager at hallmark
_TV show you’ve watched: what's that?
_person you were thinking of: dahoon

[have you…]
_ever cried over a boy/girl: yah
_ever lied to someone: of course
_ever been in a fist fight: it was short
_ever been arrested: no o_O;;

[what]
_shampoo do you use: thermasilk
_perfume do you use: o_O; no thanks
_shoes do you wear: running shoes...?
_are you scared of: being alone

[number]
_of times you’ve had your heart broken: 1
_of hearts you’ve broken: eh.. i dunno o_O;
_of people you’ve slept with: lots~! sleepovers are funnnn <3 <3
_of people you consider your enemies: 0
_of people from high school that you’ve stayed in contact with: a lot? ermm.. less than 10?
_of cds you own: gaaaaah i dun wanna count them all >_<
_of times your name has appeared on the newspaper: none...?
_of things in your past that you regret: not trying in high school

[rule of fives]
_five details about you:
1. 5'5"
2. korean
3. lazy
4. <3 coffee
5. <3 dahoon

_five things you did today:
1. RO at 6am
2. class at 7am
3. food at 11
4. checked blogs
5. this survey

_happened last year:
1. got with dahoon
2. moved to fullerton
3. worked at nordstrom
4. missed christmas in sacramento
5. family forgot my birthday

_five things that everyone should know about you:
1. i'm lazy
2. i'm an insanely possessive and jealous gf
3. i mother close friends too much
4. i know more japanese than korean
5. don't ever disturb me while i'm playing piano

_five favorite songs
1. BoA- moon and sunrise
2. sakura gumi - hare nochi ame suki
3. utada hikaru - colors
4. amano tsukiko - chou
5. mflo loves melody - miss you

_five favorite movies:
1. the last samurai
2. princess bride
3. matrix (first one only)
4. pirates of the caribbean
5. animatrix

_five people who mean a lot to you:
1. dahoon
2. mom
3. michelle
4. heidi
5. satoshi

_five things that disgust you:
1. bad hygiene
2. dirty bathrooms
3. spiders
4. when people spit
5. hotdogs

_five things that impress you:
1. intelligence
2. honesty
3. ability to do something really well
4. creativity/orginality
5. perseverance, like lisa said

_things that don’t impress you:
1. cars
2. girls who wear clothing way too tight for them
3. brand names
4. superficial/fake people
5. people who brag

_five things you can’t live without:
1. computer
2. music
3. paper/pencil/coloring supplies
4. comfy bed
5. car

_five things you’ll do when you complete this:
1. do web graphics homework
2. write essay rough draft
3. laundry
4. RO
5. class at 7

_five things you feel right now:
1. stress
2. lazy
3. sleepy
4. lonely
5. stomach ache

=============

10 of your Favorite Bands/Singers

no order...
1. utada hikaru
2. yoko kanno
3. nobuo uematsu
4. koda kumi
5. linkin park
6. eminem
7. boa
8. sakamoto maaya
9. mariah carey
10. hans zimmer

9 Things You're Looking Forward To

1. dahoon coming down for the summer
2. sjsu in the fall
3. working
4. finishing with school
5. the next time i go irvine/long beach
6. completion of new pitas layout >_>
7. sleeping in
8. possibly cons
9. moving out

8 Things You Wear Daily

1. socks
2. shoes
3. pants or shorts
4. shirt
5. underwear
6. bra
7. hair tie
8. chapstick

7 Things That Annoy You

1. being nagged
2. loud persistent annoying noises
3. a/c turned on up too high
4. people who don't knock
5. driving
6. hunger
7. dad

6 Things You Touch Every Day

1. pillow
2. keyboard and mouse
3. cell phone
4. steering wheel
5. bowls and chopsticks <3
6. towel

5 Things You Do Every Day

1. eat
2. sleep
3. RO
4. sing
5. draw (or attempt to)

4 People You Want to Spend More Time With

1. dahoon
2. akg
3. ukz
4. mihbr

3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over

1. last samurai
2. pirates of the caribbean
3. independence day

2 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment

1. nok sek gi deh - sarang ul halguh ya
2. koda kumi - 1000 no kotoba

1 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With

1. ~~~~~~

i just found out this morning that dahoon was raising a little blog life separate from xanga, and now i feel bad for not checking my "friends of" section for weeks =_=;; aside from that, his phone call last night lifted the bitterness from his not calling saturday night. why bitter over a phone call, you ask? well, there's no reception on the campus he almost never leaves. so when he goes out somewhere and doesn't call, i know it's cuz he doesn't want to be rude by talking on the phone, which means no timeout-im-gunna-call-mirae-gimme-a-few-minutes for me. i understand that being polite comes before using the phone. but man, emotions that day were amped to about 7.8 times, and i was a lot more upset than usual with thoughts like, "oh sure chillin with cindy is more important than taking just 5 minutes to call me" among other stupid things running through my mind. that's when my sanity on RO went to shit and poor raine started thinking "ok wtf" when i kept /heh-ing even after he DBed me. i was /heh-ing for about 5 mins before that and just emoting to everything people said. a little bit of my sanity came back when he told me hoon and cindy were gunna go visit him later. yes, i miss dahoon. and i do stupid things when i miss him. unhealthy? very.

this weekend was the best time i've had since coming back to socal. chillin in the apartment, having random talks, being fed, grocery shopping... so laid back it made me wish i could live like them, even if it meant i had to take death-inducing classes. thanks for having me over, guys X3 esp phi and kevin for feeding me <3 wish i could've cleaned the kitchen one more time before i left..

edit gaaaaahhhh it's so hottttt..!!! x_X;; my brother went out the back door to check the mail and he didn't close it all the way. prince got out, and when he came back he was panting like there was no tomorrow. i decided it'd be a good time for a cool bath, so washy washy. still hot, but cleaner now, and let him free while i rinsed the soap and dirt from the area. well... while i was doing that, prince ran along the "garden", rolled in it many times, and came back totally brown asking for a cookie. thanks prince =_=; washed him again. back pains. hot. sticky. sweaty. not happy =_=;; after that, in the terrific state i was in, job hunting commenced. out of several places, a couple looked like i had a chance. i went into a little hybrid store with togo's at the left and 31 baskin robbins near the back. twas a cute place.

me: hi, i was wondering if you were hiring.
manager: (looks at me funny) well we're looking for someone with an open schedule, and at least 18, because i might need them to stay late like 10pm or so, and there will be morning shifts, too. so i'll need someone old enough...
me: (nodnod) that sounds alright.
manager: (still looking at me funny) um.. so do you fulfill the age requirement..?
me: o_O i'm 20 ^^;;;
manager: O_O oh! you don't look it, i thought you were 16 or something... sorry ^^;; let me get you an application.
me: o_o oh.. thank you :D (inside ^_________^)

so that was awesome XD i think i will go to the b&n down the street and work on some layouts and homework :D see? i told you i'd be happy about doing hw =_=;;

i dunno if i have the right to complain about anything, but i feel really bitchy so if you dun wanna hear it, don't go any further.

the day started good. kept waking up after 8, so i gave up trying to sleep after 2 hours and just decided i'd finish my paper. headed for school to get my paper proofread, and the traffic on the 55 was just plain old-fashioned shit. traffic on the 405 is just fuckin scary cuz people don't know how to drive and they swerve in and out of lanes. but that's ok. i made the trip alive, i got back to irvine afterwards alive. showered, went to kinos and marukai for food and drinks. good times good times. got a few drinks, and when we came back, i cleaned up their kitchen. as usual, it was fun :3 i dunno why.. dun ask. since then it's been ro ro ro ro finish up essay ro ro ro ro ro... NO MORE FOR NOW THANKS. it's almost dawn. woot...

nothing bad really happened during the day. except when the one person you could rely on to always be there to make you feel better when you're feeling not-so-great is either sleeping, or out not picking up the phone. and somehow convo's online just don't work. with all this i was feeling shitty weird, and after not feeling nor acting like myself on ro for an undetermined though surely not very long time, i come back to reality to a really annoyed bf and guy friend. sure, convo started again not long after that, but i still wasn't feeling well. bad mood. everything's a lie. it's one of those days when i'm not wanted. mebe someone here knows how to play big2.. i want to cry.

after what seemed like an eternity of a week passed in a moment, i r teh sitting here in irvine with phi kix kenji kevin, and we all be playing ro. well.. we were. two went down and a third (me) is about to pass out as well. something like this is just what i need to relieve the stress in my life. stuff with mom is good (odd but nice) though stuff with dad is getting worse. mix that with traffic ticket to take care of secretly from parents, sjsu shit to figure out, job to find, missing dahoon, and you've got one well-baked cookie (worth 500zeny) of that ooze stuff leaking out of my ball of sanity, cut into the shape of a gingerbread man. and add a face --> ^_^ aaaa...

so yes.. i have a paper to finish writing and i gotta go to the writing center at my school to have it proofread sat between 10am-2pm as part of the assignment. a bit retarded in my opinion, but oh well... tis due monday. 7am. =_=

aa... i never thought i'd feel so ho-ish..

my ball of sanity was sitting at the top of the stairs, and then my dad came along and decided, "pushing it down the stairs would just be for your own good." so there it went tumbling down, crash-landing at the bottom, and warm pre-refrigerated jello started oozing out from the cracks. why warm pre-refrigerated jello? cuz pms is like the heat that melts the deceiving horse hooves, and refrigeration is what firms the substance, resulting in a more stable me. well. the past 2 days were the crash landing. it was great :D if heidi saw me today, she'd be like, "why are you eyes so much smaller today than usual?" -_- then again, she prolly wouldn't need an answer. dad has a natural talent for pissing people off and just when i was starting to think he was starting to get the hang of being a dad.. well.. he screwed up royally :3 respect went up to 0.5! actually no, it's quivering between the 0 and -0.5 mark now... (sorry michelle <3)

mom came in a few minutes later and what started as a lecture turned into a heart-to-heart talk that lasted about an hour or so. then she asked me to go watch a movie with her the next day. today. iei~ btw, does anyone find it weird when a parent asks you (one of their kids) how they should handle the other kid (not much younger than you)? i dunno mebe i'm the only one who thinks it's a little... off >_>

my subconscious is going crazy. the other night i had a dream that i was chillin with heidi and her friend at a theater and these 3 guys came out and started hitting on us, and when one of them put his arm around me, my desparate search for dahoon began and i found him on a bridge that connected a cafe and a huge playground. that's when i started me way to him, but something was forcing me back. quite frustrating. and last night i was dreaming dahoon was having those 1-1 talks with a lot of people that get serious and personal and i was wondering why he wasn't doing it with me, among all people. it wasn't helping that he was talking with several girls i didn't know, and i was contemplating a breakup. a second part to that was connie!!! er... li.. you were in it!! you were in love with me or something and i made you cards for a couple occassions in the past and you wanted me to read them outloud with you o_O; when i had to go, you had such a sad look on your face ;_; i'm sorry!! i love you! just.. not in that way.. >_>

aa.. gotta love that time of month... ::stab:: <3

there must always be a dessert.
dessert after breakfast, after lunch, and 2 after dinner.

good morning. i be sitting in class right now with boredom striking and an hour left. the past few days i've disappeared off the face of the internet for good reason! i was in norcal~ <3 yes, again. it all started tuesday with my checking brother's aim info saying he'd be going up to toga on thu morning. ding-ding!! i wanna go!! we talk and it was arranged for us to head out 6:30am wed morning x_X; i thank him much for driving~ no more than 2 hours away from home do we get pulled over and get a speeding ticket.. somehow my life seems to be surrounded by those...;; so we finally arrive home, i awake michelle from her slumber, and we have good times, but i felt dettached and uncomfortable, unable to be myself. i'd never felt uncomfortable about staying at michelle's before. there was also much stress about how i'd get up to santa cruz. at this point i was regretting coming up. later on satoshi said he wanted to chill so we arranged stuff for the next day, much to my relief. some attempted talking was done late night in the kitchen whilst chewing on fat straws and more food (gochisou!). i say attempted cuz pretty much nothing could be put into words, which was quite frustrating, but i guess all turned out ok. bedtime. zzz...

morning came and satoshi and i went to lunch while talking about drawings and art and stuff. we learned quite a bit from each other :3 he gave me a ride to sc and, oddly, had a lot of fun doing it o_O; said to call him next time i needed a ride up hahahah XD arigatou ne~ jikan anma nakatta kedo maji tanoshikatta yo~ mata kondo! bring camera next time :D trek to hoon's room and cindy came to take us out for burrito XD kyan~ <3 a strangely long yet short fun day <3 most of friday was spent just vegetating, watching movies and such. then heidi came over late after work to play~ while i was half-passed out...;;; we went to dennys for midnight snacking and then i went into food coma ^_^

on saturday heidi picked us (hoon and me) to go to ryuta's place and then to shorinji. two sessions felt a lot shorter somehow. and even though dahoon went, he didn't practice. you need to unlazify!!!!! UNLAZIFY, YOU HEAR ME??? anyway.. put my disappointment aside, it was fun! michelle came after practice and we all trekked over to tapex where we overheard some drama...;; women.. =_= twas time to go and michelle headed out to meet peoples while the rest of us went to ryuta's. shino went to bed pretty early, but the rest of us stayed up scribbling and talking about astronomy, afterlives, time travel, 4-d, matrix stuff, horror stories, etc etc. dahoonsosexy. it was the most fun i had in a looong time. some things got so freaky i started tearing up. ;_o; with heidi being her baby self (^_^) she got too freaked out to spend the night alone so she came with us to oakes and slept there :3

noontime came quite quickly on sunday, and dahoon heidi and i had lunch before my brother came to pick me up for the long drive back down. it was....... a longass trip. those seats definitely weren't made for trips longer than an hour, and shitty music for 6 hours in heavy traffic can really make someone crazy. but~ sitting here at the end of the trip, i'm glad i went :D it was a lot easier than i thought it'd be to get up for my 7am class. though i was like.. 15 mins late.. but thas ok! iei for dreams of going to the same school as your koibito. too bad it never happened for me >_>

last night i tossed my pants onto my dresser. it hit the bottom of the mirror (about 3x4ft big) which then fell over bringing the tv, vcr, and jewelry box down with it. the noise sounded like the end of the world.

and the mirror didn't break.

this must've happened about 3 times in the past...

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

there were still so many thing i couldn't ask and so many things i wanted to say. why didn't i? mebe i will some other time when i feel there aren't any obstacles... which probably won't be for a while. i'll have to wait until then. juuuust waiting~

i remember having a dream a really long time ago - a bunch of people and i were trying to survive in a world full of monsters and there was one guy that kept protecting me. you know, just.. some random person your imagination makes up and you've never seen them in your life, yah? i had that exact same dream last night, and i noticed the guy was dahoon. only.. the first time i had that dream, i was still in high school. x_@;;

woot for spring break~ i get a week off and i plan on working on ocha~ pitas isn't a priority. i might end up just reusing an old layout, which i was gunna do before i archived the past half year ~_~;;; then i got too lazy to change the layout x_X;

i smell food!!!

must play...
must go beach...
must ebay...
must draw...
must get popup killer...

aa stress... the one thing that can get to me the fastest and cause me to have a nervous breakdown in no time. it has nothing to do with school, no no, school's treating me quite well. my first class is entertaining and even though i haven't gotten to the point of looking forward to it, i might slowly be getting there. there's this girl i exchanged numbers with in case one of us didn't go to class, and she's one of the more outgoing people i've met in a while and seems to like my name a lot ^^;; .. i dunno where i'm going with that..

so i go to classes, do my homework, clean up around the place... yet i feel extremely unproductive and stressed out. mebe i should work and save up money for the summer. but what the hell am i gunna do over the summer? take summer classes... work (ugh prolly not)... go to cons - which doesn't sound as appealing as it did 2 years ago... cosplay still has the "ooh ooh! i wanna do it!" ring to it, but some things you just can't wear outside cons ~_~; nde... i really REALLY don't want to work for a while. the only other thing i could do that brings in a tricklet of money is drawing, but i still have this DAMN BLOCK that's been in my way for many months now. forcing doodles and sketches just.. don't work. i mean i have these pictures in mind, but my hand doesn't want to cooperate. so far for stress relieving method #1 - it's ADDING stress. supposedly running helps... mebe i'll try that.

sigh.. someone tell me. is it a bad thing if over the summer i wanna take 12 units and not work so i can maximize playtime in LA to be with someone who's within driving range for only 3 months before he goes 400 miles away for another 3 months till i get to see him for a week on his break?? with vacations and drives, i think we've spent about 4 out of the 10 months close to each other... not much time in my ever so humble opinion. then again perhaps i'm just wanting too much with no right to complain since some people can't even be open about their relationships because it's not "acceptable" by many peoples' standards. with those cases aside, i must ask, what the HELL is up with keeping a relationship a secret?? is it worth dating them if you can't happily say you like so-and-so?? what's the fun in being together if you can't even show how you feel when other people are around? what's the POINT???

::haaa::

i smell like cleaning agent and dust. time to shower.

i be sitting in my html class listening to stuff i know and i'm already contemplating on whether or not i should skip classes and just come to do the tests... =_= myeh.. whatever.. gakkou wa chanto ikitainda. so i figured this morning that waking up at 6 to get to a 7am class isn't so bad if the teacher makes it fun. it's a good start to the day and i might even make a couple friends, who knows. le sigh... i r teh lonely..

::sigh:: i'm so sad.. ;_;

so.. last day to have fun with dahoon before he goes back up to school and i'm sitting here wondering if i should call and wake him up or just let him sleep considering pretty much everyday for the past 2 weeks i've woken him up quite early. chances he'll be up by 12 are low considering he didn't sleep till at least 5am.. /an

school is kinda sucking already, but i'm sure it'll be all ok once i get used to this 7am class thing. but DAMN i've never had bags under my eyes like this in my life. i was seriously the undead. that called for rejoicing yesterday when i realized i get fridays off and that = sleeeeeeep. i'm always outta class by noon, and wed i have a night class. pretty easy schedule. man, 3 out of 4 classes are like web design and shit. it's gunna be so good for getting my ass moving on revamping gallery *_* at this rate, i'll have it done by the end of may~

i'm losing all sense of time... one day feels like 2, so this week has been damn long, though at the same time, way too short.

nde.. yesterday i met this girl named kayu who went to dahoon's high school and the last time they saw each other was 5 years ago. she liked to reminisce a lot. really girly half korean half japanese cutey who kept telling me "mirai-chan DAISUKI" ... that brings back akg memories... anyway! since her english is rusty (with living in japan/korea for 5 years) mebe i can get some practice on my korean and she can get back up to par with her english. dahoon bundy kayu and i went to boba, and jason joined us at the pool hall afterwards. come dinner time we met up with jeremy at a cafe to drink. none for me, thanks. iei for ramen!! a few people got quite teh drunk and i couldn't believe i had to drive bundy's ass home. but damn i like his car. i enjoyed last night's walk. i say we walk everywhere from now on, dahoon >3

sigh.. the days slip away by the minute...

nankaaaaa.... shiawaseeee tte kanjiiii~~ the past week i've just been chillin in bh/la area. good times good times.

kyou was my first day of class in a year and half and already i was thinking "ah gahd it's too fuckin early to be doin this...!!" it wasn't so bad once i got outta the house, though. i went to get a notebook and some coffee, and the cashier was swiping my photo atm card.
her: is this you?
me: yeh
her: how old are you?
me: ...20..;;
her: i could swear you're not a day over 16
me: o_o

that was quite nice. classes weren't anything out of the ordinary, except that my mon/wed cis class is already boring the piss out of me. the plan was to take a quick shower and head to dahoon's place asap after i went to pick up my parking permit.

hoooold up.

... is that van....? omg it is!! iei for reunion after almost a year *_* last time i saw him was when i first moved down. we chatted for a bit, got my permit, and then i rushed home. i think my mom forgot that i'm in college now, and that i can take care of my own shit. no need for a million questions about my schedule and worrying about my hw load and when i'll be doing it =_= sigh... i want tea...

tuesday started with just trying to pass time till michelle's bday dinner at ihop~ XD pancakes for dinner! met a couple new people and stuff, it was much fun. it got even more fun when we surprised her with a trip to taboo XD kyahahaha~ man i wish i could've heard her screaming over that phone *_* michelle got a special little treat of her own, which was QUITE amusing ^_~ "ladies, take notes!" that night drained whatever $$ i had left, but twas much fun~

slept like a baby and in the morning, the first thing i was told was, "why aren't you driving?" ............. ooooh man when you get your car you're SO dead. /an .. a few hours later i'm driving my ass up to LA and lalala watching a few movies. ever since then i had this insane headache that lasted through the night. but dinner was good~ cpk :D :D :D :D then watched 28 days later at bundy's. the only freaky part was when 2 bodies among shitloads of dead ones suddenly look up with this really shit-creepy look on their face and stare at you. oh and that one part when the guy was next to the window and all of a sudden there was "the" face staring in. that was just wrong. but other than that, most parts were just... kinda gross x_X; all in all, an ok movie but still kinda disappointed in the freakiness factor.

anyhoo.. headache's finally gone, tis a new day, i think i'll clean the house. BAH!

happy birthday michelle~! <3

back in fullerton i am, and a great load of stress there is. need to register for summer classes. bad things happened on the way back from santa cruz and i have to get that taken care of, but i don't have the resources needed to take care of it. there's laundry to do. classes start next week. not showing your feelings is ok as long as you come to terms with them sooner or later, right? riiiight... too much of this reason vs desire thing going on....

sooo~~ yes.. what happened to coming back on tuesday? dunno... hoon and i just kinda decided sorta last minute to bring our asses down monday instead. posed a sliiiight problem for me to come back early, but hey, whatever. so we came back, raided bundy's and then went to eat at bcd after stopping by dahoon's house :3 BCDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!! *_____* gah i haven't been there since their winter break and i <3 that place~!! even more <3 for their 24hr openness!! john introduced me to a strawberry peach smoothie at "i love boba" and omg that stuff was gooooood.... too bad i couldn't finish it cuz food coma and 6 hour drive fatigue was kicking in big time. it was past 1 when we all decided it was time to go, and i was already sleeping. almost spent the night at dahoon's house when i woke up and fear of his mom struck me like a sledgehammer and i went scurrying to my car ._.;; /sob

so it was foggy and there was 0 visibility the first few miles and it was scary. but that's ok, mirae can handle a little fog. the bad part was when mom would start the interrogation about when i got back, how, why, etc. sigh... well... that was explained today, all was good..... /swt toriaezu, i got a good night's sleep with dreams of.... some really freaky man giving me missions to do.......... ..... . .. ...........;;;