. aji no nai aji . kiraku na akuma : the return of v30 (v32) .

yesterday cindy locked herself out of her car up in santa cruz. she was picked up, taken to fremont, and then back to santa cruz by yours truly. it made for good bonding time *_* we went to fantasia and made a bet on who'd win at air hockey. loser drives to socal. our little tournament begins at svgl. i win. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!! no driveage for meee! XD while i'm there i run into artemis o_O; small world. talked for a tidbit and then came home. almost as soon as i get settled and comfortable, that in-law-or-something cousin paul comes and raids my computer =_= but i can't complain. he got the networking to work. i'm too grateful to complain X3 our relationship is similar to mine and satoshi's. verbally abusive. gyahahaha~ it was time to ro after he left, but i went into a bad mood again (as i tend to do when i'm alone at night) and tried to sleep.

as for today, i met up with satoshi :D :D :D it's been soooo long~ he got me a keychain from kyoto and showed me his new sketches and stuff *_* went to starbucks for coffee where i bumped into mike from when i used to go to de anza o_O;; i think those two guys should bond more cuz they seem to have so much fun talking about music :3 satoshi and i then went to kinokuniyaaaaa~ :D also been too long since i went there. he has this phobia of mitsuwa though. lord only knows why.. wouldn't even go in =_= after that he left and i met up with eugene and we went shopping~ hahahahah he's so much fun to shop with XD input = win! i got 2 pants ;_; someone stop me!

i'm happy here ^___^ it's sooo refreshing.. i just wish dahoon could be here, too... but i won't get into that.

i had a horrible dream last night ;_; dahoon told me he wanted to break up, and when i asked why, he just said, "cuz you're just not good" and when i clung to him crying, "i'll be good! i'll be good!" he just pushed me off TT_TT so i ran away as fast as i could for a long time and i found myself at some kinda convention center. it was somewhat dark and there were zombies wandering around...;; i'd run and hide anywhere i could but then my mental radar would go off saying dahoon was coming, and he had a search team looking for me.... so i'd run even more and hide somewhere else. i found cindy in the hallway and she brought me into a bathroom in some underground level of a hotel or something. but then i knew he'd come into the bathroom if he had to, so i went up a spirally metal staircase in an indoor swimming pool gym place. something told me robert (from freshmen year o_O) was looking for me, too, which is around when albert and kevin busted through a door around the 2nd floor. so it was a race like dahoon vs robert. albert and kevin had me trapped on the stairs, and robert came and he turned into dahoon when he hugged me. /swt i was crying the whole time, which would prolly explain why i look like total shit today >_> was prolly crying in my sleep. there was a whole second part involved me living in a big house with some girls and there was this whole sailormoon team vs evil spirits thing going on in my living room..... then they got possessed and the girls i lived with had to take care of it... =_= things got sorted out later and i found myself in a park with a bowl of rice and some tofu. was wondering what the hell i was doing there, so i drove back to the house and feel like there's an evil presence all over the place. fuckin kids.. they were playing hide and seek every which way. giggling and shit. really creepy.. don't ask where they came from, i dunnooooo ;_;

i'm aliiiiiiiiiiive!!! and yes, i'm in norcal now. i live at my aunt's house in santa clara :3 about 15 mins from svgl, 5 from korean market, 10 from fry's... yep~ things are g00d~ i got into town around 3-4ish monday afternoon. the drive was long. my eyes went blurry toward the end of the drive and i couldn't read the street signs -_-; only a couple hours of resting and just chillin, i go out to meet with steph XD supposedly a bday dinner, but we end up just going to fantasia (omg i missed good tea sooo much) and then valley fair! XD i got new tops *_____* my wardrobe is starting to vary a tidbit XD pink..? o_o;; lace......???? ORE WA DARE?!?!! we went to see pekkle for a short bit, too. i got my ass handed to me in ggxx.

got a plenty of sleep, but not the restful kind.. i guess that's what happens when you cry yourself to sleep. new place, felt very lonely, missed dahoon, mom, and prince.. no internet. wth is wrong with me??? ..... anyway... woke up to the sound of scratching and whining at my door. the dog wanted in. pounceage.... =_=;; so later on i meet my distant cousin (??) who is my uncle's nephew whereas i'm my aunt's niece... he spent pretty much the whole day trying to get my internet to work with the wireless networking and router.. suuuuuch a pain in the ass but finally got it working!!! XD iei to paul! and my aunt cooks good food *____* <3

still many people to see before i start getting busy with schoooool~~ steph, heidi, cindy, eugene, bryant, chris, rene, satoshi, pekkle, jack, ray, aiiiiii~~~~~ and other peopllllleeeee~~ and and and i gotta figure out what classes i wanna taaaaake~ and find a jobbbbbb~~ MAWRWRR X3

it feels good up here *_* i can breathe~ <3 and i can drive faster than 40mph local! and rush hour's so light! and it's so cleeeeean~~~!!!!! <3 norcal!! ;;;_;;;

happy anniversary dahoon~! <3 it's been 15 months. wow.... i never thought i'd be in a relationship so long o_O and i still love you ^_^ no, i love YOU more! stoppit i win, no contest! i expect you to come up within a month! that gives you till our next anniversary! you promised!! /bawi oh, if you sent me any pm last night, i couldn't read it cuz i was too tired ._. and i closed ro before i remembered i had any.... but congrats on sexay wiz *_* sigh.. i've been out-leveled by nearly 20 levels.. this is what i get for sleeping at normal hours ;_;

i had this dream that i was at school and i made a new friend. she was a cute shy brunette and we went to all our classes together o_O and then the 2nd day or something, there was this guy sitting in my seat at the table her and i usually sat at. so i was like ".. ok" and took the next chair. he then proceeded to flirt with me. a lot. if he weren't so charming i would've found it annoying. is this a glimpse into the future? o_o... naaaaaah~

it's 9:20 and getting late. i need to leave by 10 and still have the computer to pack. le sigh... CALL ME, PEOPLE!! i'm gunna need company! T_T if you dunno the new number, call my old cell and it'll be on the voice mail till the 31st. that's when my phone expires. well then... i must be off! >_< gubai my beloveds! i will miss you T_T

well now~ entirely too much has happened in just the past day. first off, i got a new phone :D :D :D samsung a670 digicam phone with sexay features that i still need to get used to~ but i like it :D for the new number, check my info or call my old cell number. or IM me~ aaa.. i'm gunna miss using my nokia ;_;

yesterday We met again. as always, it's good good times. SQUISHY~ <3 as for movie... *______* fuhehehe <3 twas sexay. gimme happy blade for christmas :D thank you jim, for your good luck wish on my grocery run of a drive up to san jose XD you still have yet to send me the dear friends concert clip~ i wonder when the album comes out *_*

in other issues, the weight of confessions aren't all that heavy if your intuitions were right to begin with. but somehow, hearing it and having those intuitions confirmed made me numb and i couldn't sleep till the sun started coming up. i still don't know how to feel. and what of that one thing that came totally unexpected and caught me COMPLETELY off guard??? eh.. just another thing to add to my insecurities that were starting to fade. but is it normal when i'd still rather know these things than be in the dark, even if it hurts? i don't want any secrets between us.

well then. today is the last day i get to play in LA. tomorrow i pack, clean up a bit, and have dinner with my parents. then on monday, i head up. such shitty timing that the drive had to be monday...

omg cramps.... x_@;;; stabbing a knife into my belly and twisting it would feel better than this ;_; midol betrayed me...!!

aside from the tmi, last night i got to watch face/off. it was my favorite movie in middle school :D cage and travolta are still awesome X3 and there are soooo many dvds i wanna buy but there's no point cuz i have no means of watching them.

drama still makes its regular visits and brings presents everytime it comes by. peoples' problems make me realize my own, plus other things that stem from the past that i kept shoving to the back and forgotten. now i get scared of moving north. typical stuff i guess, like wondering if i'll be able to get into the classes i need, finding a job, managing time and money, taking care of the car... then comes taking care of people and keeping everything steady. fuaaaa... busy bee? i wonder if i'll be able to do this.. >_<

if dahoon were a stalker, he'd be the kind that could obtain any kind of info he wanted, but not the kind to follow you around. cuz he's lazy like that. stop bypassing my pw's!! /bawi

i think i'm getting sick. throat hurts and i'm sore and sluggish.
"collateral" was good until it ended like every other movie =_=
can't wait till cindy comes back so we can talk talk talk <3
yes, my dear, calm waters can be quite turbulent under the surface.
my priest is so broke T_T
this weekend i go up north...

ow my back....;;; seems like you never know you're sunburned till you put your shirt on and something hurts. today was my first day at the beach for the first time in a looooooonnnnng time *_* i have a tanline on my ass that stands out like you wouldn't believe x_X; i swear i burn and tan so much faster here than i ever did in norcal or hawaii. pffftt... ANYWAY! had good times with michelle~ having ramen, sunbathing, and then making fried rice *_* i guess it hasn't really sunk in that i won't be seeing her in norcal............;; NUOOOOOOO TT_TT

in other news... eh.............. not much ._. i have the house to myself tonight cuz my parents went to catalina island :D and my brother.... is..... etto.... moved out? :D i made a bet with this one guy on RO that if i watched 'dark water' and it scared me the way he said it would, i'd slave him forever. but if it didn't scare me and i can still sleep peacefully, i get 1mil zeny. i think i'm gunna win :3 too bad the copy i downloaded last night was dubbed in spanish. japanese people speaking spanish. it was like watching the first godzilla in english.

who: me
what: doodles
when: between 10-11pm sunday august1 2004
where: mr coffee on western ave
why: n/a
how: jason's notepad paper and my pen

i must be doing everything wrong... people yelling at me left and right.. geez...

it occurred to me the other day (and again just now) that i will be moving up to norcal in less than 3 weeks. school starts on the 23rd. i want 7+ days to settle in, get to know my aunt's and school's area, figure out what classes i'm gunna take, and see some people before i get busy with school and work.

this month has felt like a year in a week. i guess that's what happens when you're busier than usual.

it is always a good day when We gather. i take pride in that i struck aaron's weak spot. he didn't even know he had one. BWAHAHAHAHA!!

i just realized why for the past week or so, i've been the mellow-mirae that everyone hates. why? cuz people talk to me about stuff going on with them, and i can relate to what's happening. i had no idea things were so bad. knowing what they're going through subconsciously nags my brain to fix things in my own life, if not just learn to deal with the differences.

i'm not saying to stop talking to me, cuz i really want to listen. but that's all i can offer... if i had a solution, i'd know what to say... ;_;

amidst the journey to get food:
jason: lick my penis
dahoon: ok, unzip
jason: tzzzip

ASIDE FROM THAT! i got to see cindy again today!! XD along with her cousin, cousin's gf, bundy, jason, hoon, and me~ we went to hollywood o_O; i'd never been there before~ it was pretty cool. sooo many tourists.... x_X; it almost got annoying..

though i already text messaged you, happy birthday bundy~ er... that was sunday, huh? well... i felt compelled to write it in bloggage. ettooo... thanks for saving me that piece of cake! :D tottemo oishikatta desu! X3

i feel like i have much to talk about. but when i start to get to it, nothing comes to mind. i got a blister on my finger this morning from trying to rub my shirt clean and it hurts like a bitch. xgmr lost to mro botters. my shitty connection won't let me watch the ro tournament in peace cuz it keeps freezing at the most critical moments. it only plays smoothly during the intermissions. ::#$^&**(%^:: fucking guys. my feet hurt. i'm angsting. i need help.

i've been thinking about relationships with people a lot lately. like how for a while now, i've felt like some people have pulled themselves out of my life, and since cindy and eugene came down for a weekend, i feel like i've made some new friends. of course, they don't "replace" anyone, but i must say it's nice to have someone to talk to again. someone who isn't afraid to be honest with me, and won't judge me. there's a click. or is it just me?

too much inner conflict going on. like why does it bug me so much that i can't be "good support" in ro? that there's always something wrong with everything i do, and the people i'm closest to don't want to play with me cuz there are better options? it's just a game! get a fuckin grip, mirae!! but the people are real, and in such an anonymous and diverse environment, part of who you really are comes out. i suck. people don't want me. harsh reality. acceptable.

how come it hurts so much when you lie to me? i hid nothing from you, regardless of what you'd think of me, because i valued that ability to tell you anything and be open. but i guess that feeling was just one-sided. i don't even know who you are anymore.

last year i had jealousy control lvl1. as of now, i feel i have lvl3. it can go up to 10, but i think 3 is as high as it'll ever go... ::sigh::

dun wanna think about anything anymore. i have work at 9. 5 hours of sleep sucks. good nite.

yesterday us girls went to hoon's to get food and stuffs. cindy and bundy made a bet on who would win tetrinet between them. 3-0. cindy. bundy's punishment? to serenade her with a song of her choice. she chose "how deep is your love" XD so with the dread of knowing that he'd have to sing sooner or later, cindy eugene bundy dahoon and i stalled and went to lollicup, where i hadn't laughed so hard in a long time. all good times good times. after that, hoon and eugene went to watch anchorman while bundy cindy and i went to watch notebook. and from there was the drive to fresno/coalinga. at 10:30pm.

we arrived at the ghetto motel 6 in coalinga around 1:30, where i proceeded to attempt unconsciousanizing (<-- o_O?!) in prep for the morning. it... didn't work too well. felt like i didn't sleep at all. the room above us was really noisy before the crack of dawn, too... ::sigh:: so glad i had my kogepan... anyway... despite the lack of rest, i felt ok to go to coalinga for traffic court. it sucked. got back to hotel an hour later than i had expected to, and thus started the hot drive back. goddamn i used so much gas in the past 4 days... and cindy's home-before-dinner plan failed because court took longer and rush hour traffic was ensuing just as we hit hoon's place. so teh group of cindy eugene bundy jason hoon and me guhruh'ed to quizno's. cindy collected her serenade from bundy (which was caught on tape btw >D) and then people were in the mood to go karaoke after that o_O; YOSHAAAA!! let's gaja! jason bundy hoon cindy eugene and i went to ddinga ddinga <3 big spacy room with goooood air ventilation *____* songage for a bit, john came by, and then it was time to bring the two norcal-ers back to their original car for their own adventure home ;_; i hope they're trip is good... i had an absolutely great time and miss them already >_< this is what vacations should be like.

as for me, i just had a talk with my dad about what's happening with my brother. apparently he's lost quite a bit of his freedom for being irresponsible, and dad imagines little bro is rather frustrated with life at the moment. valuable lesson learning in progress? i hope so. i've learned a hard lesson, as well. but the hardest part has yet to come: telling mom that my ticket is $880 and my license has been suspended for 30 days. her main concern --> insurance costs. fuck.

must fix habit of swearing again. need to drive less. work more. and do a lot of reflection on this weekend for i have learned a lot from cindy and (surprisingly enough) my dad. tomorrow is a day for sleeping in and cleaning the house. let the good times roll~

update part one!
so friday cindy and eugene (aka raine) came down to visit! XD we (cindy eugene bundy jason pan hoon me) went to ktown wako and champion, just takin it easy. and though we were all full, we went to "i love boba" to get smoothies and stuffs, sat in the patio, and just talked about everything. i hadn't laughed so hard in a loooong time. after that it was a snes super mario world competition at dahoon's house. we were betting that dahoon wouldn't be able to get through the game within 10 minutes. after he lost, him and bundy competed for who could pass the levels the fastest. all made for much entertainment till i started getting tired. i brought cindy home with me and we did much much bonding till the weee hours of morning <3 saggage!!! XD

saturday. i had to be up by 7am for a meeting at nordstrom, which i didn't know about till the assistant manager of petites called on short notice and told me about it friday evening. fuckin a. it was just a fashion show done by the employees to let other employees know what was going on sale. wtf. it was so pointless. i came home early and went right back to sleep. woke up again around 12 and it felt like the meeting didn't even happen, which was good i guess. went to hoon's place, and i drove us (cindy eugene hoon me) all over friggin beverlyhills/LA area. cindy really seemed to like the grove. i admit, i had more fun than the last couple times i went there. dinner at BCD, then chillin at bundy's. i got tired early. home~

sunday. good day. went to six flags after meeting up at dahoon's place with bundy and jason, and despite the fact that it was fuckin hot beyond anything and cindy almost got heat stroke, it was a lot of fun <3 well... AFTER we got into the park, it got fun. X made the whole day alllllll worth it. the heat, the stickiness from sunblock and sweat, the longass lines that took no less than an hour each, the dizziness, dumbass noob people in the lines and blocking our way, etc etc etc. man.... X made it all better. it was one fuckin kickass ride. ufufufufu~~ X3 we left as six flags was closing and didn't eat anything all day (except "breakfast" at mcd's before going to the park), so people were pretty hungry. went to denny's in LA after much of my own not-being-able-to-follow-signs-ness, and now, cindy and i are back, with her freshly showered, but me still sitting here in all my sticky glory >_<;;

dream loggage. i dreamt this before. only it ended differently than the last time. i was at someone's house for a party and needed to use the bathroom, and there was a bathtub in front of the toilet lined with black leather cushion. most of the bathroom was decorated in black. there's a big window on to my left, and i see 2 girls walking by. only i realize it's not a window, but a mirror. two girls are in there with me, when they weren't before, one sits on the edge of the bathtub and the other one lies in it. water starts filling it up all of a sudden, and i freak out and go into the room i was in before, "lisa lisa! there are friggin ghosts in your bathroom!!" she just says "oh they come once in a while, don't worry about them :D" ...........;;; riiiiight.. then everyone migrates into the bathroom to chill there and i'm all huddled in the corner ._. then i get this image in my head that someone's harrassing my hamster. so i rush to my toga house and there's a park nearby where snowball's frolicking around and playing, so i get distracted with him and get all happy and there's another cage nearby with a puppy in it. and these two follow me around frolicking and then this fat kid comes and hits my puppy with a basketball!! i tell him if he doesn't leave puppy alone, i will kick his ass. he kicks puppy. i am mad. i beat the shit out of him. the police come. i run away with my pets.

with only 3 hours of sleep in the last 46, i ran around the anaheim convention center with michelle, phi, steph, rene, jack, pekkle, lisa, and bryant. lots of cosplayers to see, people to meet, but not much stuff to do considering i had no badge. still a thrilling 24 hours of life. the fact that i couldn't sleep due to excitement, being really tired but oh so willing to get up, seeing WELCOME ANIME EXPO on the light-up board at the hilton, and seeing more and more cosplayers as i got closer to the convention center all made for a reeeeally nostalgic me. i felt somewhat out of place for not being in costume and kinda sad, but that's prolly cuz i always wore something for the past 4 years that i went. helping with hair and getting costumes on and secured was also lots of fun. i met/bumped into a few RO people, van, gary, several others, and then michelle and i bummed jack and pekkle's badges for an hour to go see the dealers room. we got seduced by some worshippable artwork into buying a couple posters cuz they were just that gorgeous. the group of original artists signed them, too XD all in all, it was a good day~ despite the lack of rest, only my feet are tired, and i don't see myself sleeping anytime soon.

it's about 3 am and though i had planned on being asleep already, the excitement of AX just kicked itself in when i started talking about anime, voice actors, and con experiences with reiha-sama of ro (who is also going). the desparate urge to cosplay kicked in and i was seriously contemplating going to ross in the morning and slapping a generic schoolgirl outfit together, but RESIST!! save money and time. since then, my energy level has been quite high and i've been unable to fall asleep ;_; need rest for i know i'll be running around all day meeting people. hell, ro'ers are giving me their cell numbers to call and meet O_o; i... dunno what to do...

SO THEN! aside from being a confidant for people in drama, i just kicked myself in the ass last night for causing my own and i feel i have matured a tidbit~! XD ::pats self:: accomplishments <3

IEEEEEEIIIIII FOR DECISIVENESS!!! you know, when a guy makes decisions on his own, that makes him 10 TIMES SEXIER!! and i encourage everyone (not just the guys) to just have 2 options in mind if you wanna go somewhere or do something with people >_< and if you can't choose one, flip a coin! wonderful things, them coins X3 <3 <3 <3 <3

anyway...i seem to be getting damn grouchy these days. hunger, boredom, heat, indecisiveness are all things that really irritate me. but it didn't used to bother me so much in the past. what's wrong with me?? ;_; why is it starting to bother me NOW that i drive 2 hours a day to watch people play games that don't interest me in the least, that when dahoon's finally home we get little to no 1-1 time cuz there are always friends or family around, and even if i'm right there he's still bored and playing ro, or that at the end of the day when the chance for the two of us to take a walk or cuddle in my car comes up, i get sent home? it didn't used to bug me before. so why is it so frustrating to think about it now? feeling shitty for being unreasonable about something that's normal to him and his friends....

other issues press the mind, such as when relationships get into a low. sometimes it's not so bad, the no-contact time makes for good space for both parties. but what does A do if s/he feels "space" will only make B more distant and the relationship uncertain? sometimes the "ride it out" solution doesn't show an immediate end. so what then? people come and go? when does it get to that point of "go"? what happens when you know too much and start to see differently someone you held dear, but they don't know about it?

dammit i'm tired. oh, i recommend the movie "the notebook" to everyone. it's fucking good. pretty much all the females in the theater were sniffling their heads off.. =_= even a couple guys were misty-eyed o_O anyhoo. good nite /bo

NUOOOOOO!!! ..... er.... hi~ :D i've been munching on a slice of cheesecake for the better part of my day, and now i think the sugar's working and i've been pretty hyper for the past hour or so. oh how i've missed this feeling so~ *_* yesh! eto.. hai! aside the usual go to bh/la pretty much everyday routine, i went to see DAHLING JELLO MICHELLO at her new apartment a couple days ago and we had much bonda- ...bonding time!! i was conned into buying a new shirt that shows much boobage.. >_> BUT! i wear something under it! so all is good! fuhahaha >D

today is to be a HAPPY DAY! like i r teh HAPPY RIGHT NOW~ tenks to much SHOOGAR!! SO THEN! all ventings shall be put off for another day! XD

sad sad life mirae leads for she has no job. the togos/31 laid off all the new hires cuz they hired too many parttimers. such sad management.

and man.... i just had the weirdest dream that i was a mom o_O; no recollection of being pregnant or going through labor, but just one day, i had a baby and it was mine ._.;;;; heidi came over and i was like ".. heidi. i have something to tell you. ::pause:: i'm a mom" and she was like "....." and i asked her "you want to see the baby?" and she said in a half-daze ".. no.." >_<;; i think everything was telling me NOT to have a baby, cuz i was changing its diapers in the bathroom and something distracted me so i went to check what it was. the baby was in the bathroom for... quite a few minutes before i even noticed x_X; and when i got there it was in the sink that was half-full of water O_O; i put it into one of the playpen things that fold open (lord only knows why since it can't even crawl..;;) and went off doing my own thing. there were 2 mice and a bunny involved. the bunny seemed more human than anything cuz it cried when i left it alone for too long. the mice were starting to get annoying cuz they kept getting out of their cage and running about. and yeah.. weird cuz whenever i went back to check on the baby, the blanket i wrapped it in would be empty, and baby would be somewhere else. yeah, don't let mirae be a mom :D

mebe it's just that i've been listening to the radio a lot more the past few days. or mebe it's cuz my body craves dancing. either way, man..... i really wanna go clubbin again *_* the last one i went to was so much fun *______* very good first experience X3 it's summer~! time to partay!

wake up, work, play, come home half asleep, rinse and repeat. with the 'work' part taken out as of saturday, life has turned back to last summer. it'll prolly end next week when scheduled labor kicks in again. dahoon has come home and i've been spending every possible waking hour with him, which explains the lack of RO and online presence.

juon has scarred me for life in that i hate my staircase even more and i now hate driving at night :D really, great stuff :D and i hate kids with a deeper passion than ever before XD it was bad enough when it felt like everytime i came up the stairs at night, there were dozens of arms and hands trying to grab at me from behind. not to mention going past the living room made me feel like there was the tall skinny figure with long stringy hair and grinning mask standing there reaching towards me. text isn't so bad. but seeing it in the mind's eye really makes for good night time terror. this is all pre juon. now there's a shitfaced little kid waiting for me at the top of the stairs and stalking me in the corners of my room. there's also a shitfaced girl with bloodshot eyes that likes to fcking CRAWL down the stairs after me and hovers over my bed, if she isn't already under the covers with me. fuckin a. and driving at night.. seeing some kid with huge black eyes under MY SIDE of the dashboard grasping the wheel would be a HELL OF A LOT more traumatizing than seeing something pop up from the back seat in the rearview mirror. ::sob:: and as before, there will be no mirrors outside the bathroom when i get my own place :D hate HATE mirrors!

be proud of me. i actually went out today o_o went to nijiya and then ai, kicked ass in ggxx (only up to a certain point, of course). went with andrew, a guy from my writing class. it was fun :3 thanks again for driving!

so other than that, my day has been dampened by the fact that i can't be what people want when they need me. i don't know what to say that'll comfort anyone. what is it they want to hear, and what is it they need to hear? what's so great about having me around if i can't even make someone feel better about their problems?? i can only listen. but it's not enough... quite frustrating. and makes me sad. it's like living life blindly, just simply aware that there are people around, but there's no interaction. my opinions are irrelevant. and if they aren't.. well... they should be. for your own good.

kanojo's LJ stalker is swordchucks_yo!

swordchucks_yo is stalking you because a little birdie told them you talked behind their back. They are also getting with your significant other!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

.... dahoon... aaron... something you guys wanna tell me? o_o

. . . Thursday, June 3, 2004 . . . 04:15 p.m. . . .

aa...... numb is the mind from hunger and melancholy. i shall fix the first part in a bit.

the trip up north ended up being rather pointless since i went to take care of my ticket and got somewhat lost on the way to fresno. by the time i figured out the way to get there, it was too late. i wouldn't make it in time for court. quite disappointing. the fact that work was extremely slow and i was sent home early is also just a tad frustrating. tomorrow's shift is at night. i could've stayed another day and half up north.

oh well. the trip itself was good. got there earlier than planned, met raine, played with cindy, had a mihbr bday dinner for bryant, stuff like that. the drive down was prolly one of the more interesting parts of the trip. i decided to call michelle as i was leaving, and found out she was packing to go to LA the next morning. well. i'm going now, come with me~ extremely last minute but we were on the road in an hour with fresh rations and fat book of cds. twas good bonding time <3 till a certain woman called! ::shakes fist::

i guess being honest with people i thought i could be honest with can lead to gaps in a relationship. communication. it's not happening at the moment. this is why we're having problems. goddamn.

must meet more people. playing with cindy made me remember how refreshing it was to talk with new faces and just ramble on about anything and everything. we should play more~!! <3 mebe it's just me, but i feel like we click.

er... i was thinking about a lot of things but i don't remember what anymore. oh well.. time to eat.