but still...

akira from 'kimi ga suki dakara hitori ni shinai' (my own manga). do not take this image!

KIRAKU NA AKUMA v13

akuma (a' ku ma) pron. [Jpn aku (bad, evil) + ma (witch, evil spirit)] 1 member of AKG who is spontaneous, niko-niko, and also a scribbler, manga/anime obsessor, and high school student 2 demon

currently has:

= commissions to finish

= portfolio to get moving on

= work to get to

= money to save

schedule

archives

STATS:

name: mirae

aka: akuma, kanojo(chan)

age: 17

bday: 030584

profile: akuma no profile

aim/email: kanojochan/podho@aol.com

links: *akg studios*kaijuu ga iru*

*O gravity*eien no yume*culex*

events: christmas 1224-25, new years 10102

drawings: ::purple:: 082701 :: smaller version of pitas v10 background.

::odd-eye:: 102001 :: chara design for story

::shower:: 92001 :: girl out of shower

AS OF 121101:

BISH PAIR: tian and lon~ my own characters though ¬_¬

SONG: strenth - koizumi kouhei

FOOD: sushi and tonkatsu~

DRINK: white choco mocha, mocha frap, gingerbread latte..

MANGA: X/1999, yami no matsuei, love mode

ANIME: ayashi no ceres, escaflowne, gravitation, x ova

TASK: akg studios, commissions, writing manga, keeping sanity

PLACE: room...?

HOBBY: drawing, daydreaming

STRENGTH

by koizumi kouhei

kanashii yume no sekai de

aisuru hito mo naku

ikiteyuku koto sae tomerarenai nara

boku wa nani wo sureba ii no

aishite subete nakushite

sore demo sagashiteta

mamoritsutzukeru koto no utsukushisa

sore wa tada no maboroshi

kimi no tsuyosa to yasashisa nara

mamoreru kamo shirenai

hontou no omoi

hito no kokoro wa kawareru mono

sou shinjite mitai

ashita wo ikiru tame

mou nakanaide

boku ga iru kara

ima no fuuan ga

mirai dake ga

bokutachi no kokoro wo

mayowaseru keredo

hito no kokoro wa kawarerukara

mou taisetsu na mono akirametari shinai

ame yowazu ni

ikiteyukeru yo

amekanaide (?)

ima arukidasou

:: Friday, January 25, 2002 :: 12:44 p.m. ::
i forgot to update yesterday. it was a minimum day cuz it was the last day of finals! XD iei!! i hung around in the parking lot with ting and irene and some other random people that i haven't hung with for eons, and it felt pretty good to be back~ =D sorry i've been absent guys~ ^^; i still love you~ <3 afterward, kevin took me out to lunch at miyabi tei and we got questions left and right "no school today?" cuz it was 12:30 ^^;; i got some magazines, tea, and then went back home.

i PLANNED on sleeping, but it didn't happen cuz i was tableting a drawing for new pitas layout, which is making painfully slow progress. heidi called at a random time in the evening and said she'd be coming over to just hang out. O_o ...what....? so yeah, i didn't feel like staying home if i was gunna be with a friend, and then she came up with the idea to bake a cake. ::sweatdrop:: random...? so we made a cake. and more than half of it was gone within an hour of geting finished. i didn't have any. wonderful.

after that i felt like i had too much going on in my head and it was chaotic and things weren't going smoothly for me, so i talked to ben and he made me feel better ^_^ we both vented random things out for a while. i read my ribon and then went to bed.

i woke up feeling pretty good~ my brain felt like it was on a satin cushion or something. ^_^ hahahah~~~ i know, i'm weird~ i was half expecting a headache. i wish other mornings were like this. phil asked me to visit her for lunch today but it turns out i'm not going cuz it's already past 12:30 and their lunch starts at 12:25 and it takes about 15 mins to get there ^^;; plus i'm not even presentable. as for today, i plan on working on pitas layout until a thing-to-do comes up and makes me get off my lazy ass and go. ^_^ until then, i'll be sitting in front of the comp screen!

:: :: ::

:: Tuesday, January 22, 2002 :: 10:48 p.m. ::
stupid stupid stupid finals!! oh, last night i slept for the first time in years without any music on. it was weiiiird... not bad, but not good. it felt kinda funny to sleep to no music and wake up to a really quiet room...;; finals...... sucked. rough morning, but it got better as the day went on. heidi and i went out to lunch and then as soon as we got to my house to rest and study, phil IMed and asked us to take her out to mitsuwa (where we just got back from) and she got takoyaki ingredients and her paycheck ^^;; i made her pay for $5 of gas just for making me go out ^^; funny girl, how i love her so~ dropped her off afterward, and heidi came over to study japanese while i did physics. sorta. i showed her the AX2K prereg day video and she was laughing her head off. =_=;; she's dying to go even more now...;; what have i done?! ;_;

-ring ring-
me and heidi: .....;;;
mirae: thas.. my room phone.. wanna get it for me?
heidi: hello? ....hello? ... uh huh....? OH!
mirae: ::takes phone:: hello...?
phil: mirae?? your there!
mirae: ....yeah.....?
phil: okgooddon'tmove!! ::click::
mirae: ..................................;;;;;;

phil brought takoyaki overrrrrrrrr!!! ;_; and it was really gooooood!!! ;_; and yeah~ brainfood!! XD so happy she came~ de~ i finished making my new planner and now i'm all ready for the 2nd semester~ =D starting fresh and new and happy~ eh... i just gotta get my stupid finals over with... ::sob::

:: Monday, January 21, 2002 :: 11:02 p.m. ::
i feel sick.... headache and feeling nauseous... plus i've been irritable again. ::sigh:: that's ok. today was fun - went to billiards for chris's bday and then laser tag where i didn't play but just kinda hung out. yayness. as for other things, my studying's all done and i'm pretty much prepared for finals tomorrow. i hope. x_X;; oh god trig. and then it's off to lunch with heidi afterwards, then study, then nap, then more study, then sleep, then more finals, then lunch, then... well.. you get the picture. aside that, there's the whole steph-punches-mirae-if-she-touches-phil thing, which i'm starting to ki ni naru about cuz i have no idea what it's about..;; explaination choudai? and heidi's going through more crap which i still have yet to ask her about... and yeah... finals are coming up in less than 12 hours, and yeah. it sucks. need things figured out, but in the meantime, sleep is my #1 priority so thas what i'm gunna go do. nite.

:: Monday, January 21, 2002 :: 5:39 p.m. ::
uGYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! FINALS TOMORROW!!! ;_; I HAVE TO DO MY PSYCHOLOGY FINAL AND STUDY FOR TRIGGGGGG!!!!!! ::sob:: ok... i need pear..... PEAR!!! O_O PEAR PEAR!!! ok, i'm ok... just... lacking sleep...

STEPH~~~~~~ phil slept with MEEEEEEEEEE last night! XD and i held her allllll night, NYAHAHAHAHA!!

i'm ok.

pears...

:: Sunday, January 20, 2002 :: 4:40 p.m. ::
lately, waking up at 11 hasn't been enough for me. i didn't think one little allnighter would affect me so much, especially since i slept that afternoon, too... how am i gunna study if i'm like thiiiiis??? ;_; anyway, yeah, work was cool cuz i didn't have to cashier (except when steph had to go to the bathroom... like 3 times in the 4 hours i was there =_=) and yeah... salvador was actually starting to bug me cuz he wouldn't stop touching me. aki-kun was there today, and i hadn't seen him in a while~ tetsu-san was uh............ playing solitare on his laptop =_=;;; and mike wasn't there today~ no, i dun hate him like some people, but i'd much prefer to have tom there~ and yeah...

dood i have hella studying to do... and i need sleep... ugh... AH!!!! PAPA SAID I COULD HAVE A NEW DESKTOP (comp) FOR MY BDAY!! XD XD i guess i'll just buy a cell phone on my own~ ^_^ AH! and i get a credit card, too~ XD but i'll be the one paying for it, so yeah ^^;;;; thas what jobs are for, NE~ <3 and and and... nnn.. yeah, phil had an interesting dream last night ^^;;; but at the same time, i couldn't help but laugh my head off XD pekkle's a funny boy, sleeping commando ^^;;; tonikaku! i'm gunna relax a bit and then study study studyyyyyyyyy!!!!

:: Saturday, January 19, 2002 :: 9:11 p.m. ::
hella mood swings, dood. it's gotta be the lack of sleep. i've been all pmsy since last night, even though i'm not pmsing anymore. ::sigh:: no sleep + stress = a messed up (even more than before) mirae = not good. now that my room doesn't look like it's survived an earthquake, i think i will go study and fall asleep on my book.

steph, phil, kenji, hope you all had fun at sf and didn't burst your intestines eating crepes~ missing you~

:: Saturday, January 19, 2002 :: 12:41 a.m. ::
it's already past midnight and i didn't even realize it till now. last night i got 0 hours of sleep and went to school after i was supposed to meet with heidi at starbucks, but her mom wouldn't let her come so i didn't know that till later. had coffee, went to psychology where i was nodding off... and 2nd period trig.. oh god, i got scared. i fell asleep for a few minutes and when i woke up, i didn't know where i was or who the people around me were. it took me a few seconds to realize i was sitting in math and everyone was SUPPOSED to be reviewing for the final, but they were all talking loudly instead. i sat up and my entire body was shaking so i was excused to go to the office to go home. my legs barely supported me to the car. stumbled into the house, and sat on my bed for a few minutes talking to heidi, who apparently didn't go to school. oh well. i slept from 10something till 4.

heidi called while i was playing piano. i went to kevin's house where heidi, dara, and ryo were. beat mania. i suck at it. we all went out for tea, and things just went downhill from there. good thing? everyone (minus heidi), and phil went to the arcade for a little bit. my legs definitely fell off then.

i think i need to work on being more apathetic towards those that aren't close to me. why? it's a defense mechanism. 'course, there are some people i can't really be apathetic to very easily, nor do i want to - they're exceptions. at the same time, i kinda wish i could be numb cuz then mebe all bad feelings would leave me be. legs.. dying..

i want food.....

:: Friday, January 18, 2002 :: 6:06 a.m. ::
uWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! O_O my first allnighter since fanimeeeeee!! thas what... when i first got pitas? ^^;; somewhere around there? it was early last year. x_X; so yeah, i stayed up all night mostly doing my image book, and then reading some manga occasional minutes..;; my body was feeling normal, but my mind was going pretty fast. i guess thas what happens when mirae lacks sleep. i had 4 melty kisses, and i think i might've gained 5 pounds from those alone. not to mention i haven't had dinner yet, but for some reason i'm not hungry enough to go downstairs (though i'm sure if i thought about food long enough, my appetite'll come back ten fold). my poor printer. my poor scanner. ;_; MY POOR BOOKS I USED FOR SCANNING!!! yeah, i'm ok...

my parents are in vegas till sunday and my grandpa's here for the night. he'll be coming back to spend the night, but during the day he'll be at his own place, ya know? so yeah, earlier (more like last night), he came into my room and watched my type and looked through my sorta done project and then went straight for my bookshelf! o_O;;;; the FIRST thought that came to mind was "GYAAA!! DUN LOOK AT THE YAOIIIII!!!!".. but i didn't say anything. instead, he sat on my bed for a long time just reading cardcaptor sakura volume 1. .....;;;;;;;;;; riiiight.... and then he picked up some other ones and flipped through those. (last time went to his place for new years, he read my entire x17 all the way through.. thank god i had another volume with me).

so yeah... it's about 6, and i gotta meet heidi at starbucks around 7ish cuz she's only getting an hour of sleep...;; i needa take a shower.. i feel so crappy.

oh yeah, i wanna get a new desktop (comp), but i'm wondering if my parents'll get me one..;; mebe for early bday? O_o; cuz my current comp's so slow that it's starting to piss me off when it takes literally a minute sometimes to just switch from the MIE window to the MSword window... yeah, i dun like my comp sometimes. it needs to go faster. FASTER. ::sigh:; celeron processors =_=;; i think i MAY need help shopping for one, so kevin, pekkle, albert, mamo-chan, help me if you can, ne? ^_^ i'm gunna go take a shower now, sonja~!

:: Thursday, January 17, 2002 :: 5:47 p.m. ::
wow it's been a while since i updated o_O;; so much crap to do, so little time, you know? i can't even update what's been going on in the past week- but i guess i can summarize it into one sentence.... psych image book stressing me out and macbeth essay stressing me out and lots of crap to do, gov grade is screwed and so is math grade and yeah i'm definitely screwed. finals are next week.

finals are next week.

yes, i'm screwed. math, gov, and physics are screwing me over bad. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stress... stress...

:: Monday, January 14, 2002 :: 8:36p.m. ::
whoa i actually got to stay home today o_O;; and my parents didn't really mind either...;; must be cuz it's senior year and they aren't worried about my college admissions anymore...;; basically i'm guaranteed to get into csu long beach.. or so my counselor said. so i'm just gunna let them rest on that till the real verdict comes.

i finished reading an entire book on depression for psychology in one sitting. ok... one and a half... i kinda.. fell asleep for an hour in the middle of it. ^^;; but yeah, it left me in a weird mental state;;; i think jack should read it ^_^ it's really short, but because i have add (attention deficiency disorder) when it comes to reading and i hate reading to begin with, it took me 3 hours to read 84 pages. well.. one and half if you take out the nap ^^;;;;; i got my rop done and book read and now all i gotta do is type up a little flyer for it and i'm done~~ oh wait.. i still have the ckt packet to do. damn. i'm gunna be up late tonight. =_=;;

:: Sunday, January 13, 2002 :: 4:41 p.m. ::
too much crap to get done!! FU-::beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep:: ok... i think i'm ok now... let's see... ok... this is what my assignment book looks like (parenthesis=due dates):
psych: book report + presentation (mon); work on image book
trig: review sheet (mon)
japanese: script draft 2 (mon), group meeting sun 9pm
physics: ch9 #13-15 (mon)
gov: ckt packet (mon)
english: essay outline (mon)
rop: inanimate objects project (mon)

i'm so extremely screwed over that i plan on skipping school tomorrow just to get all this crap done. isn't that great? hopefully heidi and kevin and ryo won't miss me too much. why them three? cuz i've been hanging out with them a lot the past coupla months. it's a big change cuz i used to hang with a fat-ass group of 20something people, now it's like.. a totally different group with only a few- i guess i've gotten used to it, though. i don't feel as lonely. joy. i still wish i went to mv though.

much things have been happening the past few weeks, and i think i've been really irritable because of that. my schoolwork is stressing me out beyond what the level would normally be, and i'm not used to dealing with so bear with me here. in 2 weeks, i will be very very okke and back to my usual slackerish careless idiotic self with the usual genkigenki kanji. until then, i'll remain a tense irritable closedminded little girl with the worst mood swings anyone should ever witness. well then~ with that happy note, atashi wa kore de~

:: Saturday, January 12, 2002 :: 9:33 p.m. ::
lots of things can happen in a few days, but i'm sure a few selected people already know that. my world changed a lot over a weekend. i dunno if it's a good or bad thing, though. oh, today's my mom's bday. she had relatives come over and it was pretty cool going to dinner with them and stuff. yul aniki let me drive his legend =D it was fun~ we went to mitsuwa in it and i got yami 11 and dear+. got home, had cake, etc etc.

phil left her psone here. and whenever i look at it, i feel a pang in my chest and i get really lonely. this could be bad.. her, heidi, and jack spent the night last night and things went anywhere between really good and really bad. but overall, i'm glad they stayed. HEIDI- from now on, if you're sick, you're staying HOME.

i'm turning more and more girly as the days go by. i went shopping for makeup and i'm wearing it. and oh! my mom's letting me streak my hair blue! that was a surprise. i think i'll get that done sometime soon. nnn... anything else...? oh, phil brought x tv series over when she came over and we had fuuuuuun watching it. ::drooll:: yeah..... good times.

:: Thursday, January 10, 2002 :: 8:51 p.m. ::
aaa..... i got most of my hw done... have some projects due next week that i should prolly get started on sometime soon -_-;;; but one of them is gunna be FUN~~ so all should be okke. the day got better once i left campus. lunch was interesting; i went to jamba juice and the guy there was teaching this new girl how to do something on the cash register. so i was waiting there kinda spacing out.
guy: ok~ what would you like, miss? ::starts chanting under his breath "peach pleasure peach pleasure peach pleasure peach pleasure....":: / me: ::looking at menu not fully hearing him:: nnn...peach pleasure / guy: no boost? / me: no boost.. can i have a pizza protein, too? / guy: sure / me: ::realizes he was just chanting 'peach pleasure' and starts laughing:: / guy: O_O OH MY GOD!!! / me: O_o;; eh?? / guy: you SMILED!! =D / me: o_O;;;; i smile a lot! / guy: no, its like, whenever you come in here, you have such a serious face and it's like, i wanna give you your order and just back away ^_^

...am i THAT scary when i look serious? O_o;;; phil says i give bad first impressions. not "wrong" first impressions, but BAD. like, evil vibes. >_< ouch! heidi agrees, too ^^;; i think that's where the whole "first meetings with mirae don't usually turn out very well" thing comes from. though sometimes i don't WANT to give off good vibes ^^;;;

oh yeah, i was spacing out during trig and i had a really random thought that everyone calls me ray. or rei. or rae. however you wanna spell it! >_< noone calls me that, but my brain just popped it up and i was like o_O;; where did THAT come from???

i arm wrestled a buncha people in rop today. kevin is a LOT stronger than he looks o_o;; and so is scott! jack wouldn't arm wrestle me cuz he thought he'd lose though i think he woulda won =P maa, ikka~ and then heidi and i went to qcup and vallco and just wandered around for a while. i found some shoes i really want! XD and some pants~~ and stuff at express! GIRLY stuff! O_O i dress girly in the summer, though i dunno if that's a good thing or not =P maa, since i'm a girl, it's all beriberi okke! then i came home and actually did hw! O_O iei~

it's really weird, but i've realized a lot of things about myself just recently. it's kinda funny ^^;;;;;

:: Wednesday, January 9, 2002 :: 11:58 p.m. ::
school. sucked. shit. i had a shitty day, nothing went well, and yeah. full of irritations and stress and boredom all at the same time. i don't like this. all this is making me not me. and it's bad.

then i got outta school.

that's when all the happy things started! rop was cool cuz the class was watching beauty and the beast which i haven't seen for years, and yeah, it went pretty well cuz just talkng and stuff was fun~ after rop akg, kevin, and kenji spontaneously decided to go out somewhere and i wanted qcup so we went to fantasia for tea and qcup for chicken and akg and kevin hung out in the parking lot. i laughed so much! it felt really good- i haven't laughed that much since new years O_o;

afterward, i dropped steph off at her house, and then went to pick phil up and she came to my house~ we watched 8 episodes of X o_O;; good stuff, dood!! heidi came over sometime in the middle of it cuz she was in distress, so we had ramen and played piano while making ramen and watched more X and then spent about 3 hours just talking and talking~~~~ maaajor bonding time, dood! made me forget about my worries and i totally got into it and yeah~ i had a lot of fun tonight~ i took phil home and now i'm here.... with hw to do..;;; haven't even started, but i dun think i have that much to begin with so all should be okke~ ^_^

:: Monday, January 7, 2002 :: 6:00 p.m. ::
ok...................
2 shocks in less than an hour is a bit much... especially when the effects last all day. not like it's a big deal to my life - only short term feelings so no worries everyone happipii shinpai nashingu all beriberi okkee.... yes..

i must genki up. if i don't, i will become even more unapproachable and that's bad. yes it is, uh huh. so i'm gunna make myself feel better and be productive and get some hw done. i'm kinda in the mood for math.

yes, i just said that.

:: Sunday, January 6, 2002 :: 9:06 p.m. ::
mymy, how productive i've been today! well... sorta... i got my hw done, cleaned room and moved my bed, and worked on rop project. i'm kinda taking a break from it right now cuz i'm pissing myself off by not being able to do anything right. this is what happens when i'm not 100% in the mood to draw and i force myself to do it. i seriously can't do anything right on it. the main character's face is messed up like hell, the wings are messed up like hell, the coloring in itself is a mess, dammit. my coffee craving's back. but then again, if i had coffee before this, who KNOWS what would've happened to my hand, thus, who KNOWS who would've happened to the project? ::siiiigh:: yeah, i'm not in a very good mood right now. the only good thing i'm getting outta working on it is the fact that i'm getting away from reality for a while and my mind's wandering into nice places. don't get any nasty ideas, you idiot.

:: Sunday, January 6, 2002 :: 11:44 a.m. ::
uhhh... morning.... hisashiburi...? i dunno i forget when the last time i updated was ^^; i'm at heidi's house right now and kinda fell asleep last night while she was talking online. i can't really do much when she has control over her laptop, so yeah, i just stayed in bed and went into my little dream world. i dun remember what i dreamed about though. work yesterday was pretty tough, even though it wasn't really busy considering it was a saturday. i was surprised ._. alongside that...? i dunno if there was anything else to update on... oh! aki and iku came back from tahoe yesterday and i totally forgot they went for the weekend. i was starting to wonder why i didn't see them online for such a long time. they went straight to mitsuwa after getting back, and yeah. made me happy to see them ^_^ heidi and i have been watching 'to heart', a japanese drama and it's pretty good. but the main character's ditziness just.... UGH!!! gets to me really bad -_- other than that? there isn't much else. just kinda.. booooo-ish right now and i REALLY don't feel like doing any hw. i dun think anyone ever does. but yeah... go home, pig out, and then hw hw hw hw hw hw. oh yeah, gotta finish rop project, too. must get hw done first. then i can enjoy myself on rop! ^^ yes, i'm ok... i think i'm ok. yes, i'm ok.

:: Friday, January 4, 2002 :: 11:50 p.m. ::
it's kinda funny how i was talking about my imaginary bishie named nemuri last night and i had a dream that a bishie rescued me from being assassinated. actually, SEVERAL bishie rescued me. i was around a downtown sf type area, and there was a really big grand building like the opera house in town square, only no construction and there were more people walking around than traffic jams. so yeah, i was supposedly shot by a sniper and i didn't feel anything hit me but i was supposed to be hit so i fell and was "unconscious" when actually i wasn't. someone caught be before i could hit the floor and in my dream's eye (where i can see everything including myself), the dood looked a lot like hisoka from yami. he was supposedly supposed to be nemuri, but i guess something flipped and i was unconsciously dreaming of hisoka...? i dunno, the hair and eyes (i think) were pretty similar and yeah... he looked about hisoka's age, too. they took me to a quiet room and put me in a bed and yeah, took care of me like i was a princess, and someone held my hand while i "slept". i dunno who, but someone from my harem of bishies. niiiiiice KYAHAHAHAHA. but yeah. i dun remember what happened after that... OH YEAH, it was really weird, but salvador from work was also there somewhere saving me, and it was weird cuz he spoke english o_O; some... but yeah....;; i dun think he belonged in my harem though...;;; ok, whatever..

yes, i'm definitely pmsing cuz i've been irritated a LOT more easily than usual. i'm not being a very good person to people, so yeah, clear the roads, people! man.... work tomorrow all day. that's ok, i get money for it. but it's a saturday... which means it'll be busy... which means mirae's gunna be a bit more grouchy than usual.. whatever. she doesn't care anymore. she's only stressing about getting her 3 school papers done and rop project finished.

since i've been emotionally bashed around today, i think i'm gunna go and sleep. if i go to bed by 12, i can get 11 hours of sleep. nice. my dad owes me $10 for my going to pick that idiot brother up from century 21 almost as soon as i got home. i had given philana a ride home right before that. dammit. that's 2 trips just to take people home. in less than 2 hours. at this point, i almost wish i didn't have a car.

:: Thursday, January 3, 2002 :: 11:08 p.m. ::
ok, i'm definitely pmsing or something cuz the littlest things have been getting on my nerves and yeah. it sucks. but ok things did happen. work... which isn't that great, but whatever. only 4 hours. money. yay. and then i went to badminton with heidi. for FOUR FRIGGIN HOURS. i watched her play. for a long time. and yeah... it was interesting. ok..... after that it was taking her to get her car (i had to drive again dammit), and then got some food. we discussed our weight....;;;; stephanie's too. it was......;;; discouraging? o_O; whatever... and then she came over for a bit, but ended up sleeping and being really cold for some reason. odd girl. anyway, yeah. that's basically what happened. i'm feeling pretty crappy cuz i keep wanting to get hw and/or rop project done, but i can't do anything cuz of work and then i get distracted afterward. HEIDI, NO MORE DEKAKE TILL SCHOOL!!! ok. with that, i'm off.

:: Thursday, January 3, 2002 :: 12:10 a.m. ::
today was.... pretty cool. i went to sleep at 5am even though i wasn't really tired. must've been the coffee i had with heidi earlier that night or something. oh well. so yeah, we planned on meeting everyone at jack's house and making ginerbread houses! so i got there after work and yeah......;;; they had a lot of junk on that table and it got PRETTY messy... o_O; mine was the smallest and i quote heidi "it looks like an outhouse!". ok.....;;; so it's small and it has 4 walls, doesn't mean you have to diss it! at least mine didn't look like a CAR!! =_=; after cleaning up, we all went to in-n-out for dinner. dinner at 10, yum. fun times there, too. when i finally gave my parents a call, mom just bitches at me about how it's "late" but it was only 10:30. i dun think that's very late. w/e. it was a good day overall. i ended up driving with one hand and holding my gingerbread house in the other while listening to x ost. i love that cd. ^_^

:: Wednesday, January 2, 2002 :: 2:51 a.m. ::
i just started messaging on agsma message boards and it's fun. it was a spur of the moment thing. yeah. i think this is the 5th time the x ost has played now... it's almost 3 and my brother's in here playing mario rpg. you know, the one on the super nintendo. he's sleepy as hell, but still playing. a symptom of game-addict. tired but you keep playing anyway. idiot. =_=; tomorrow is work and then making gingerbread houses at jack's house. i wonder what's gunna happen to them after we finish making them....? o_O;

:: Tuesday, January 1, 2002 :: 4:01 p.m. ::
ok. i'm a TAD bit sick of being used as a guy's backup source for lonliness-outlet, and the thing that SUCKS like hell is i can't DO anything about it! there have already been like... 3 instances in less than a year where i've been used, so i'm kinda pissed right now. that also causes me to think just 1 thing at the moment- i'm not worth anything unless some girl's ripping out a guy's heart and i just happen to be in front of him at that time so he just happens to notice me and thinks he likes me and thinks he got over the other girl when in reality, i'm just a f*ckin replacement to ease whatever pain he's going through. so i somehow make people feel better. and as soon as i think to myself "wow, i'm worth something to someone", i find out the guy "always loved -place so&so's name here-" and $hit like that.

i'm not in the best mood right now, obviously, and this is something that's going to bug me for a while, so i have a feeling whenever a guy tells me "i like you", i'm not going to believe him and might even tell him straight to his face "i'm just a backup to you whether you think so or not". ouch, yes i know. but i never said i was a nice person, right? things like this are just gunna make me even more cold-hearted, wonderful, yes? so yeah, i'm gunna go now and uh... clean my room.

:: Tuesday, January 1, 2002 :: 1:40 a.m. ::
happy new year everyone. kotoshi mo yoroshiku na. k, i'm tired as hell right now so i'm gunna make this quick. first off, steph wasn't there at phil's house in the morning to meet and then leave for sf, so phil called and it turned out that her parents said she couldn't go to sf. i dun even know if she asked beforehand if she could go, but we spent about half an hour on the phone with her while she argued with her parents. after that, we just left without her. japantown. yay. the drive there was QUITE interesting. i think phil saw her life flash before her eyes a few times. i got the x ova ost1 finally. we listened to it on the way home. i also got a really big love hina and kenshin calendar. lunch was at denny's when we got back.

so yeah... we came home after lunch, and i was feeling really sleepy for some reason, even though i had like... 4-5 hours of sleep the night before. so i went into her room and crashed for a bit while the guys played doa3 on the xbox. i got up and a few more people got there and i had some food. after that, it was more games, more people, and more falling asleep at random times. i missed the countdown. oops. that's ok. i'm not a big fan of new years. apparently, neither is jack. and then i came home really sleepy, but heidi followed me home to be sure i'd be ok. hehe, she's so sweet... and i also opened the rest my present from her and it's soo cool! then i hobbled my way up to my room and i'm gunna go collapse and go into a coma for the next 12 hours or so.

phil, sorry for falling asleep so much- i dunno what's wrong with me. i think my sleeping pattern change is catching up with me. heidi, thanks for following me home. minna, i'm ok, i got home ok. tomorrow i'll prolly spend the day sleeping and reorganizing my walls since i have 3 new calendars to put up. oh yeah, there's the visit to my grandparents, too. yay, i think i'll get another 20 bucks tomorrow. ok.... time to go coma-ize myself now. nite.

:: Saturday, December 29, 2001 :: 9:40 p.m. ::
oooooh my god, work seemed to take forever...!! was friggin sleepy half the time and yeah.. ::haa:: i have work tomorrow from 9-6. -_- one work day.. it's gunna kill me dood. and yeah, monday is frisko with minna. yay. i'm out of energy so i can't really be very enthusiastic about anything at the moment. tonikaku... work.. yes, thas pretty much the only thing that happened today. nitenite.

:: Friday, December 28, 2001 :: 5:18 p.m. ::
aaaaaaa...... quiet....... it's quiet now... i've been cleaning my room for a while now and it's satisfactory. ok, i'm just saying that to make myself feel better. but whatever. i have my rop project to work on, and it's going to take a while.. though i only have coloring to do. AUGH!! i also have commissions, don't i...? that's.. ok... there's still hw to do, too... ::BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP::

i think it's true when they say coffee's a drug. i have a craving for starbucks and i haven't had it since christmas eve. which was 4 days ago. hey~ considering this is mirae we're talking about, 4 days is pretty good~ =D ... yeah whatever. my day? i didn't do anything but sit here in my room and vegatate. watch some tapes, chat online, etc. let's see... things to do this vacation.
= do hw
= finish rop project
= call in for ticket

::haaaaaaaaaaaaa::............ stresssss.........

:: Thursday, December 27, 2001 :: 04:32 p.m. ::
kukukukuku!! o_o; man...this new keyboard's gunna take some getting used to o_O;;;; i got a cordless keyboard today! XD heidi was playing with it for a little bit, and i think she likes it ^^;; PHIL!!!!! okaeri!!! aitai yooooonnnn!!!! so yeah... how is everyone? me? i think my lip's going screwy again. shit. i hate this. but that's ok! all is good~ KENJI!! i still need to give you your present!! eetttttto... other than that? i think that's all i have to say for now. i have a ton of things i need to start working on right now, but i still have the rest of break to do it! =D ato... not much?

ah sou da! i went to millbrae yesterday to visit my cousins. the first half of the visit was incredibly boring. like... someone-shoot-me type boring. but something happened. it seems my uncle entrusted me to take my 5 cousins and brother out that night to have fun. he gave me $100 to do that. and the keys to... a... minivan....... but mina's older, why don't you entrust HER and not me?! because she doesn't want to, he says...;;;;;; so there i was, stuck with 6 others and a minivan, which i might add, was extremely low on gas. however, we managed to get to japantown and back. sophie and i had crepes while the others got icecream. and since i got there at around 8:30, the store i wanted to go to was closed, and that REALLY sucked cuz i wanted that x ost!!! >_< GAAAHHH!!!! ::sigh::

we watched a movie called how high. it wasn't all that great. some funny parts sure, but i wouldn't say i'd recommend it. it's all about guys getting high all the time and being in harvard and crap. i dun even know what the plot was. oh well.. we had burger king, too. THAT was fun. ^_^ talking and laughing~ after that, i drove us all home. =_= man.. i don't like driving such big things. ick... by the time we got back, it was 12 something, and then i came home. 1something. and then went to sleep. yep. that was my day.

heidi called at 1something today and we went out to get her presents for people at work delivered ^_^ then fry's to get my keyboard (which i'm starting to get used to), and then came home to eat. heidi WAS taking a nap, but derrick called and she went to tim's house to play games. ~_~ i wanna go somewhere... DE! today, i think i'll sit here and waste my time. ugh....

:: Wednesday, December 26, 2001 :: 7:08 p.m. ::
nnn... ima itokonchi ni irundakedooo... mou kaeritainda. 5ji ni kita bakkari nano niii... 2jikan tada e kaitte, manga yonde... sonna mon sa. kaeritaiiiiii... nande jibun de kuruma wo unten shinakattanda??? ::haa:: tanoshikunai. tv nante mou iya. nemu.. atama itai. KIBUN WARUKUTE IRAIRA SHITERU ZO!!!!! tasukete... dare ka tasukete kure yoooo!!! daijoubu nanka janai zo...

:: Wednesday, December 26, 2001 :: 3:25 p.m. ::
boshyaaaaaa.... i got a postcard from reina today~ ^_^ and my sat scores. i did better, but not by much... change of subject!! ok, so yeah, my parents are dragging me and my brother to frisko with them to visit cousins, but dun really feel like going and the only reason i really wanna go is cuz i wanna get that x ost in japantown and if they don't take me i'm gunna be PRETTY upset and yeah. plan A for if i get bored over there: sketch book. plan B: manga. plan C: music. plan D: all of the above =_=; looks like i'll be carrying a hefty bag of books with me...

aww crap. dad said i can't go to japantown today ;_; crapppppppppppppppp.... bring LOTS of books, mirae....

:: Tuesday, December 25, 2001 :: 11:09 p.m. ::
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! i got money todaaaaaayyyyyy!! XD XD and my dad also said something about my new computer being on its way o_O;;; i have no idea what that means... oh! and we're gunna get high-speed connection soon XD that means i get mp3s even faster now! XD

as for tomorrow, i'm going to millbrae, close to frisko, and i WANNA GO TO JAPANTOWN, but i dunno if i can tomorrowwwwwww ;_; cuz my cousins are getting together for some reason and i'm gunna be bored outta my mind like i always am with those people and i dun wanna goooooo!!! ;_; but my cousins from denver are coming and i kinda sorta wanna see them but i'd still MUCH rather go somewhere else with heidi and/or steph and have fun with THEM and not cousins that i feel empty towards ;_; man...!

ok, back to today. ^^;; as soon as i woke up, i got an envelope from my parents that had QUITE a nice sum in it ^_^ looks like my bday savings just got a big boost! yaoiiiii!!!! ::ahem:: anyway =_= after that, i gave my parents their presents and watched recca no honou alllll day. jack came by and dropped off my present! XD OOOOOOOOOMG i love it!!!!!!! weib kreuz piano sheet music and comes with a cd so i can listen to how it sounds!! XD XD XD arigatouuuuu!!!!

grandparents came over for a bit and i wasn't in a very good mood cuz there are just certain moods i get into when i'm watching anime and if i'm disturbed, i get kinda apathetic/cold/cranky. =_= jii-sama asked to see my drawings and there were a lotta yaoi ones i've been drawing lately and with the extreeeeeme christian that he is, i DON'T think showing him gay lewd pictures would be a good idea. so i tore out like 3 pictures and showed him those. he didn't comment. just how my hair's so long =_=;;; ok.. then dad started talking about how i've "grown up" cuz i drove to sacramento yesterday as well as followed them home at 2am. =_=;; went upstairs to watch more recca.

grandparents left a while later and then parent's friends came over. just a couple. they're singing karaoke downstairs right now..;;; drunk? i dunno, can't tell =_=;; so now that heidi's back from tahoe, i feel better knowing she's within a mile of me~ i dunno why, but i've felt pretty crappy since she left. same with phil. helpless? lonely? i dunno what it is, but i dun like it. and I WANNA GO TO FRISKOOOOOOOO!!! i have money now so i can get that X OVA OST!!!!!! O_O!!!! SCREW "no self-spending" in this case!!! i gotta get that thing!!!!! ::sob::

i'm ok.

merry christmas everyone!

:: Tuesday, December 25, 2001 :: 1:38 a.m. ::
merry christmas, yo.
::haaa:: today was a looong day... and despite the fact that my mind's functioning semi-normal right now, i'm exhausted. drove to sacramento this morning, and then drove back and got home just a little bit ago, and... it wasn't fun. i was getting really sleepy. but the music i had saved me! pekkle! i thank GOD that you were there for me! who KNOWS which hospital i'd be at if i didn't have that cd!

my brother and i were at my cousin's house before my parents even got there. oh dun worry, i didn't speed TOO much... just averaged 90mph...;;; the time it took to get back was a lot less than the time it took to GET there... sacramento to saratoga took about 2 hours when it took 3 in the morning... how weird... oh well, w/e... my cousins and i had a lotta laughs and it was really fun. too bad mamo-chan wasn't there. he missed out, dood... ok.... time to sleep before i pass out on the desk..

:: Sunday, December 23, 2001 :: 9:20 p.m. ::
oh yeah, i just found out this morning while my mom was bitching at me that we're not going to frisko to see my dad's side of the family for christmas eve and then sacramento on christmas day to see my mom's side of the family, oh no, we're not doing that this year and it's MY fault that i'm never home when they remember to tell me these things and it's MY fault that i'm the last to know, yep and i always have to be the outlet for my mom's anal-ness and anger and frustrations whenever something doesn't go her way and when something goes better for me than it does for her and she has to take everything out on me while at the same time, wonders why i don't like her and don't talk to her like i do with my dad and laugh with her like i do with my dad and she gets into jealous fits and takes THOSE out on me, too, and YES, i'm getting QUITE frustrated right now and tearing up so i'm gunna go get something to eat and then go out and beat my punching bag.

:: Sunday, December 23, 2001 :: 9:06 p.m. ::
uSHYA!!! today was a GOOD day~! i woke up a bit before steph was supposed to give me a wakeup call so we could go to frisko today~! i asked my mom for car maintainence money, but she just lectured me about how much money i've been spending and yelled at me about everything and it pissed me off first thing in the morning and i haven't forgiven her for her stupidity and anal-ness so i just left in a bad mood BUT!!! when i got to steph's house to pick her up, i felt better! i got my car oil changed at jiffy lube after borrowing money, and it took a bit longer than guessed, so we walked over to mitsuwa and literally made a round in the store to say hi to tom-boss and some other people, and then left as quick as we came. ^^;;; by the time we got back to get my car, it was done and waiting for me~ ^_^ so it was OFF TO FRISKOOOOO~~~ XD aa, music is GOOD for long trips~ ...o_O;; steph..YOU HAVE THE X MUSIC?! GAHHHH!!! CD PLAYER!! BATTERIES DEAD! NOOOO!!! ::goes 5-10 mins outta way to get to gas station for batteries:: YES!! MUSIC!! CD PLAYER, COME BACK TO LIFE!! BWAHAHAHHAA!!! ::ahem:: the gas station dude must've been REALLY bored/lonely, cuz while i was paying for the batteries, he just kept talking and talking and wouldn't shutup about how he knew i was korean and how he has tons of friends over on lawrence/stevens creek and how they're all rich and own businesses and blah4, ok, so i gotta go now, byebye~ ::left:: OFF TO FRISKOOOOOO!! XD

the way there was a bit hectic cuz of all the different highways and steph knowing a different way of getting there other than the yahoo maps i brought along, etc etc. well... usually it takes about an hour to get to frisko from around here, right? ....i kinda took about half that time ^^;;;; yeah, sped like hell, but that was cuz i couldn't help it! ;_; the x dialogue mix is just sooooo good!!! yay!! we're here! we parked and walked over to the kinos there~ ^_^ kaijuu and i each had a crepe, and.. those things are HUGE!! O_o;; i couldn't finish one, but prolly cuz i had a stacker and my appetite hadn't come back yet ^^;;; (oh! i'm down to 145.5 lbs now! it USED to be 150 =_=) we met up with kenji and renee (sp?), and she's quite kyuute and funny~ kenji helped pay for some yaoi magazines as my christmas present ^_^ ARIGATOU NE!! and then it was wandering around some more and i mooched a bite off kenji's crepe ^_____^ good stuff!

kenji had to leave after a while, so steph, renee, and i just walked around for a bit more shopping for random things and talking about random things decided to go some place to eat~ there was this one japanese restaurant across the street, but noone there gave us any service for some reason, and it was pretty funny cuz there was a woman somewhere that snorted and we all got a kick outta that. so even though we were there for mebe 10 mins or so, noone came and we got fed up and went back across the street and ended up going to a sushi restaurant for lunch?dinner~ ^^;;; can't tell if it was either of them cuz it was about 3-4ish when we got there. UNAGIIII!!! XD hahahaha!! ok~~~ i'm ok. =D

steph had to be home by 5 so we got going after eating and talking for a bit. =) it took a while to get outta downtown cuz that place was packed with honking cars and lotsa little walking people. even them little baby thingies. HAHAHA! and yeah, traffic sucked and we were semi-lost, but we eventually got to the freeway and on our way HOME~~ <3 it was getting pretty dark and the sky was really pretty ^_^ again, there was much speeding. TRAVEL BUDDIES! =D kyahahah!! ok, yea, i'm ok. ^_^ i think i had too much sugar today.

i stayed over at steph's house for a coupla hours talking/looking through her manga while she cleaned up, got her calendars up, and reorganized her copic markers~ ^_^ i left before 8 cuz i just felt like i had something to do at home. which there is. ...a lot, actually ^^;;
within the night:
= clean room
= finish christmas cards

over break:
= reorganize bookshelf
= clean out closet
= work on rop
= work on schoolwork

GAH!!!! school SUCKS!!! yeah, ok, i think we all know that =_= no need to state the unnecessary. oh~ o_o; i just realized something....

i'm hungry.

:: Saturday, December 22, 2001 :: 9:49 p.m. ::
unyaaaaa.... just came back from work. and had a stacker in the afternoon. fufufufufuu... effects are gunna last more than a week i think. no appetite, fatass bursts of energy, less sleep, etc etc. i'm growing a tolerance to tea and coffee and i was dying at work in the morning. so since i had work, not a whole lot happened. OH~ but tom-aniki got me kino's gift certificates for xmas and i spent most of them already! XD and then matt gave me a present, too, but i can't open it till christmas ^_^ which is totally cool with me~~~ deeee........ not much else to say... sonja!

:: Friday, December 21, 2001 :: 11:19 p.m. ::
i think i went to valley fair for the 4th time this week... thas... too much... ANYWAY! ok, so i was looking at cell phones, but none really appealed too much to me cuz i dunno what kind to get and stuff. i dunno what kinda plan, what kinda phone, where to get it, etc etc. yes, need help. in more ways than one =_=;

DOOD!! KEVIN, i CAN'T believe you got me so much manga!!! it makes me feel bad!! >_< PLUS gift certificates, dood!!! maa... i guess it's ok. =) thank youuuuu!! >_< aki and paula, too~~ thank youuuu~~~~

i think the lack of sleep from the past few weeks is REALLY catching up to me... plus the emotional stress from various events and physical stress from shopping so much. and i only got 4 hours of sleep last night... ::sigh:: should prolly take better care of myself, ne? anyway, i'm gunna go see if i can get some sleep now... work tomorrow... ugh...

:: Wednesday, December 19, 2001 :: 5:40 p.m. ::
ok.. my sense of time has been totally warped by something, i dunno what. i kept thinking today was thursday, which means i kept thinking tomorrow was friday, which means everything i planned was a day off. still, i knew my rop project was due tomorrow, a thursday, but it didn't kick in that that meant today was wednesday until right about now. i have 3 candles burning in my room and it smells like fire. for obvious reasons. anyway... the rop project deadline got pushed to friday, but you can still take it over break, which is what i'm gunna do.

SHOPPING tomorrow AND friday, only friday i'm going to FRISKOOOOO!! niiiice, haven't been there in a while~~ my dear bobo's coming with me, too~~ i just... hope my car survives the trip =_=; i need to take it in for maintainence... haven't taken it in since i got it in what.. may...;;;; >_< and i'm soooo screwed for the physics quiz tomorrow!! O_o; i dun get ANYTHING and the friggin quiz is TOMORROW!! ::haaaaa:: it's ok... it's ok.... mirae, you'll live through this... it's ok...

:: Tuesday, December 18, 2001 :: 5:08 p.m. ::
geh... feel like i've been slacking on my pitas a bit much... but yeah, busy life, lots of things to do, and weird things happening. rop project's taking a lot of my hours at night, so i gotta finish school hw asap and then work work work on my montage. wonderful 'kimi ga suki dakara hitori ni shinai' characters~ thank GOD they're original x_X; i'm no good at fanart... other than that, there's still the christmas shopping i need to get done for 1..2..3.....4... people. craaaaaaapppppppp..... i'm running REALLY low on money and running out of time. plus i dunno what to get for 2 of those people.

i'm royally screwed... heidi, ryo, and i are gunna go to kevin's house and just hang out. i think i'll take my hw so i can work on rop when i get home and stay up hella late doing it. ooooh master plannnn. due thursday... yeah, i'm ok... rop's been keeping me busy along with some people problems/situations, and i see a light at the end of the tunnel to my cycle. which means the pms level will skyrocket for a day or two, and totally level out overnight.

speaking of overnight, i think i got over aki in a night. not totally 100% sure yet cuz it could be my pms playing with me again. but i didn't get the usual anxiety when i saw him at random times today, and when ryo told me he likes someone, i wasn't unhappy about it. o_O; and the thought of just being normal friends appeals to me a lot more than it used to... either i'm totally ok now, or my pms is just waaaaaay out there and i've grown numb to everything, cuz i feel like my day's been void of emotions. which results in an empty feeling mirae. which results in a pretty-mellow-yet-somewhat-responsive mirae. the rest of the week should get interesting....;;;

:: Sunday, December 16, 2001 :: 11:39 p.m. ::
waah!! O_O jon emailed me today and i hadn't heard from him in FOREVER!! ^_^ dood, we should SO hang out sometime! so~~ yeah, a lot of random things happened today. =P came home this morning from heidi's place and went online instead of sleeping more like i'd planned =_=; chatted a bit and then had to go out to pick my brother up from church. ~_~; dropped him off at intraplay, went to phil's house, went to lunch, went back to phil's house, finished hw, and worked on rop project idea~~ then came home~ ^_^ somehow talking with jon and coach made me happy and feel kinda good and yeah~~ i'm in a pretty good mood~ ^_^ i dun feel like getting into details cuz i'm getting pretty sleepy x_X; so yeah, i'll be back later with more whatever-info on whatever ^_^ sonja!

:: Sunday, December 16, 2001 :: 2:27 a.m. ::
o_O;; geh... so yeah, it's been an interesting day, YEP. first off, my alarm woke me up at 9something for community service, but i ended up not going cuz i was too sleepy and yeah... so i stuck in bed until heidi got outta badminton so we could go take coffee to ryo and aki for their lunch. ;;; not much of a lunch.. but yeah... w/e.. i was shiawase~ though heidi says i never show it. =_=;; what am i supposed to do, go hug him everytime i feel like it?? i'd be glomping onto him everytime he were in sight! that'd be bad =_= therefore, i'm self-restraining as always. ::haa:: lately it's been harder... prolly cuz of pms. =D i blame everything on pms! yes!

after that was work, and it seemed to take foreeeeeeever the first few hours... heidi came early, that was cool~ and then yeah... i was feeling REALLY REALLY crappy cuz of my little monthly-best-friend coming by to visit me for a week or so. =_=;; i got to bag about half the time i was there =D so it was cool~

after, i came home to take a shower. guess what i found when i got through the door? about 100 shoes in front of the door all lined up and neatly arranged, and i was like O_O;;; NANDA KORYA!!!! and what was weirder was that i have this habit of saying "tadaimaaa" everytime i come home, and about 50 people heard me and they all turned around and looked at me funny ^^;;; maa, ikka... so yeah, took shower, heidi got there after i finished, and then we went on sanpou with aki and ryo~ ryo was an idiot about 95% of the time we were out... make that 99%... and aki was kinda... bouncy...;;; so that was pretty interesting ^^; RYO NO BAKABAKABAKAAAA!! DO-AHOUUUUUUUU!!!!! ::haa::

heidi and i got back home around 11ish, and yeah... we got hungry so we went to safeway around 12ish and got some zairyou... i cooked some real food that didn't kill us =D it wasn't too bad~~~ fried rice! only... i forgot the eggs! O_O;; i CAN'T believe i forgot the EGGS!!! TAMAGOO!!!!!! yeah, i'm ok. =D so now i'm sitting here with her watching me type away and my stomach hurts x_X;; i need juice.... yeah... YEAH!!! heidi has juice!! XD XD DAAAAAAAAISUKI!!! ::GLOMP!!:: tonikaku!!! i'm gunna go and see if i can get some sleep. =_=

OH YEAH! i fixed heidi's net~ ^_^ i'm so proud of myself and feel really weird cuz SHE COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT!!! >_< so computer illiterate =_=;; tonikaku!! 'yasumiii~~~~

:: Friday, December 14, 2001 :: 8:34 p.m. ::
ou... feet hurt from walking around so much, now i'm at kevin's house while ryo's playing time crisis, so is kevin, and heidi's kinda... doing some random stuff. i dunno... i didn't get any shopping done, and this sucks cuz i really don't know what to get my mom and i don't know what to get kevin or jack. ::siiiigh:: this is why holidays are stressful. mou iyaaaa... i should work on my rop project and get some sleep cuz i have to go to comm service and then work right after that till about 8:30. ::sigh:: i dun even know who's working tomorrow cuz steph isn't going to work, and i dun think heidi is, and yeah... sleepy... thank god sundays are my rest/hw days, and at the same time, i don't have much hw this weekend~ only trig and physics. should't take too long.. hopefully... and yeah, i'm blabbing now, so i think i'll go now. sonja.

:: Thursday, December 13, 2001 :: 10:08 p.m. ::
aaa... i've become numb again... pms? saa... but i feel like i have no emotions. happiness, depresssion, anxiety, peace, all of it, it's all gone.. i have no idea where it went either. i'm assuming it'll all explode at a random time and totally creep out those around me. i just hope things'll go somewhat my way tomorrow..

i wanna go shopping. with aki, heidi, kevin, and ryo. christmas shopping. yay. i find myself most at ease with them 4. shiawase tte kanji... but at the same time, something's missing. just dunno what it is right now. ok.. time to do physics and then sleep.

:: Tuesday, December 11, 2001 :: 5:34 p.m. ::
stayed home all day and got nothing productive done except for this pitas layout which sucks like ::beeeeep::. oh well... i should prolly do my psychology and math hw. yeah.. mebe i'll get that done tomorrow.. and then there's makeup work to get done, too. aaaugh!! i hate school.

on a positive note, my mom has been nice to me all day. she bought be soup and folded the laundry for me~ yet at the same time it seems like if i want her to be nice to me, i have to be sick. even though she's been nice and things haven't gone totally wrong for me, i'm in a pretty bad mood. must be the pms. i can just feel it- if one little thing disturbs me, i'll be irritated. ::haa:: aitai naa...