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kiraku na akuma v26 is... something that didn't come out the way i thought it would. rejoice! for i made this layout using html, and not cheating with frontpage!! all for the sake of being able to use the background the way i'm using it right now. i know, i'm pathetic, but we already knew that, yah? this took me way too long (tables are annoying as hell), like most of my other layouts, but i think i'll like this one~ i learned new things with photoshop while i was making the picture, too. wow it's been a productive/educational day. ... i think i'll shutup there... picture by me so please don't take~
name mirae
hobbies anime/manga, draw, food, sleep, design ==============================
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[[ Monday, April 7, 2003 ]] [[ 5:09 p.m. ]] i think sleeping with the computer off does a lot of good for me. got 10 hours. DOOD your layout's hella nice!! XD mine's still ... in progress...;; note to self: don't try working on something while an anime you haven't seen in a loooong time is playing. you won't make any progress. DUH. i don't think i'll be online as much cuz those stupid popups really piss me off. they ding and when you close it, another one comes. wtf.
start slow. but when you get to the end, you better be going faster than light. oooh the pain of waking up when you don't get enough sleep... daylight savings, man. and weird dreams, too. the first half was nothing but a bunch of image flashes from my life;; the only one i remember clearly is driving on hwy 1 and thinking "ugh". and then heidi was in one of my classes for high school or something, and there was a hw assignment that required the class to go to disneyland and be part of a parade. we were gunna drive down there, but things changed and heidi and i procrastinated getting plane tickets. the trip was suddenly the next day, and heidi turned to her dad (who was sitting at the side of my room for some reason) and asked if he took care of her ticket, and he said yes. she was leaving at 5:30 that day, which was just a few hours from that moment. crap. so i rushed to mom and told her i need to take a trip to disneyland that night for a hw assignment. she looks at me like i'm crazy. not that i blame her...;; she gives me her credit card eventually so i can go get plane stuff done online. i go into the kitchen and there are a bunch of relatives there, and one of the aunts says we can't leave yet cuz akito-san won't let us until 1:30am. somehow we managed to go, but didn't quite make it to disneyland... so sad. OMG PHI YOUR LAYOUT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!! so jealous... i'm afraid to put my next layout up now... and melon-pan.net is up! keep forgetting to mention that. steph did a bootiful job on the layout, too!! aaaa so naisuu~~ inspires me to work harder to make mine pretty, too~
what a strange feeling. i'm really mellowed out and i know something gone wrong will prolly piss me off, but i feel so lovey right now~ ::chuu:: to everyone!! the feeling of helplessness when someone needs you and they're RIGHT THERE and you CAN'T DO ANYTHING is... really frustrating to the point of tears. even punching the wall a few times didn't help. so much for being accountable. but thanks to some people, i felt better. especially you cuz you made me laugh and forget about why i was crying. after all that, i slept. it's been a long time since someone told me "i love you". i had a repeat dream from a long time ago. heidi and michelle were in it. there was this one guy that was driving us around at night in some town, and took us to this place that looked like a school gym. there was some sorta gang there, and people were going through martial arts training to get into it and all that, and we were initiated right there for some reason. next thing i know, i'm in my car and heidi and michelle are in the other guy's car and we're cruisin, when the other car does some freaky ass driving. i go after him with that whole "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY GIRLS OMG I'M GUNNA KILL YOU" mentality, police chase us, we lose them and get back safely. this is where things change a bit from the last time i saw this dream. i gotta take care of a baby thas practically doll size, pretty much a newborn, in diapers, and i gotta change those diapers, man. there was a guy there, but he only watched. i thought i was gunna puke. i go to a big room where huge blocks and stuff were set up for jump practice i guess. my 2 good friends aoshi and saitou were there (don't ask) and 2 other guys that were mediators. uh? apparently we were to kill each other and the survivor would be the winner. winner of what, i don't know. we get ready, aoshi's pointing a gun at saitou from one of the jump blocks, saitou's got a short sword on me, and i've got his gatotsu right on him. ;; interesting.... START. lots of shooting, saitou blocks me from getting shot, and i slash his back. never turn your back on an opponent. he's still alive somehow. gets a gun somehow. shoots my leg but it's an airgun or something so it doesn't do any damage, though it did sting. uh.. somehow aoshi's outta the picture i guess he ran outta bullets, and i'm wrestling saitou cuz he's got that thing pointed at my eye. time's up (????) and we gotta stop.
what was that all about? i have no idea. i think my dreams are getting more violent, though. hohouuuu~~ i love the feeling of inspiration~! the day got better as it got later. woke up early for some reason but yeah, with the convenience of getting up 3 hours before work, you get the INconvenience of mom bitching at you for just about everything. thas ok, i put up with it, all is good, and i just have some things to fix, which i will do gladly because it's all yume no tame! work was interesting how there was a shitload of stuff to do, but got boring right as i was finishing up my shift cuz we ran outta things to do. nde, i rushed home to change and get to samir attalah's board plan, which i ended up looking up the wrong address to, and got as far as palo alto when i decided to call riki. apparently i was going the wrong way. dammit. had to go alllll the way back to santa clara, and when i finally got there, the thing hadn't started yet! iei~~ greeted people, happy happy and i could actually HEAR him this time, so it was all good~ he's a funny guy. he talks a lot though. my rear was starting to get sore. DINNER TIME!! gordon fed me eggrolls before the meeting ended, but i got hungry again and a bunch of us went to carrows XD good food. even though we were divided among 3 booths, it was still all good cuz we were like.. in our own little circle in a corner of the restaurant. mmm... french dip... all that talking and relaxing put me in a good mood. woot! now i'm sitting at home trying to relax once again for my shoulders seem to tense up at random times...... painful.
tonikaku, i'm sleepy, i have stuff to do tomorrow, time for bed.
i've been feeling really good ever since i got back from the leadership seminar. i doubt this high is pms, too. quite nice~ i need those carb blockers, man. and it's weird, i've been getting pains in my chest as if my heart's being squeezed by my ribcage. i get it when i sleep, too... grr.. but yes! my craving for toast with jam is starting to take over, and i need to stock up on senbei! wow i have a lot of errands to run. and for SOME REASON i got an extra $26 in my bank account, and i have no idea where it came from. it is SO not my paycheck. maa..... ikka.... time to wash up, change, and start going after my dream! ...............................................
i just got back from one of the BEST weekends of my LIFE!!! went to a business seminar in fresno with about 20 of my group people, and well all pretty much just... well... sat. the whole weekend. and listened with thousands of others to people talking about being successful and the business and watching concerts and ::sparkles:: susan was right, it totally changed my life. at this particular moment there are no evident changes, but the way i think is... so..... not me. heidi says so, too~ dun think i should talk about it right now since i prolly won't make sense running off 6 hours of sleep for the past 3 days. but omg at random times during the function i kept thinking "i wish michelle were here, i wish satoshi were here, connie and pekkle have NO idea what they're missing out on and i wished they were there, too. i met and talked with guests of honor that made me feel like i was having a casual convo with a guest of honor at AX, and i got to take pictures with them. i feel like i grew 10 years in 3 days, went through any and all emotions there are to experience, released myself of any excess attachments to joe, and i feel REALLY good. haven't felt this good since the ignorant days of middle school~ i found my dream, i know what i want, and i'm gunna get it!! OUSHA!! wow i went through extreme moodiness today. woke up and went into work in a slightly good mood, pretty mellowed out. it was around noonish or so when i started getting irritable from hunger, dizziness, and cramps cuz i started my rag last night, and i almost chewed out a customer...;; figured i should take a break, so i stuffed myself with ritz crackers and felt better. things went smoothly the rest of the day, yep. set up a display, and suddenly had an overwhelming love for heidi and wanted to ::gyuuuu:: her with all my might~ you too, later on~ nde, i was fixing up a fairy figurine display when inspiration to draw struck against my cranium like a brick. i wanted to call up satoshi and tell him about it but i was still on my shift so i decided to go play with him afterwards~ nyaha~ very glad i did. we went grocery shopping and he made okonomiyakiiiiii *_* ooomg satoshi, your okonomiyaki's so good!! a comparison? hmm... i like his okonomiyaki as much as heidi likes my korean beef. iya, prolly more. laughed my ass off watching this one variety show (forgot what it's called), and stressed out when i found out i have a slight financial issue. NDE! relaxed a bit and stressed in a different kinda way when we played zero. almost done! just started the 3rd night...;; ushiro no shoumen daaare~ NYAHAHAHA XD had to cut the night short cuz it was almost 12 and i still have curfew, so on the way home i scared him to death with my singing that freaky ass kodomo's song. when i got home i realized a couple things about my "slight financial issue", so i stressed pretty much 100 times over, and even though what heidi told me about my situation made sense and i knew it was true and practical, i wanted to bite her head off. BUT I DIDN'T! and i still love you!! i suddenly felt incredibly alone along with the stress, and wanted to call michelle, but seeing that it was 1am, i thought satoshi might be a better choice since i knew for sure he was up. and he made me feel so much better. i was so happy/grateful he was there i could've cried. maji arigatou! T_T
my shoulders have yet to receive the message from my brain that they can relax a bit. i think i'm going to be sore tomorrow.. but i can go to bed with less on my mind! naisu!!
it's only tuesday. weekend, come faster!!! chikishou. anyway.. i actually got up on time to go to work this morning. woot. felt really nasty when i woke up though. the day sped up as it went on. iei. it's kinda nice how i'm in my own little bubble at work, doing stuff and not thinking about the outside world. though sometimes it comes in when my phone starts buzzing on me. cravings for chocolate are coming back. i feel like watching furuba again. and even though i'm not hungry, i want to eat something. aaa.. hayaku weekend weekend... i don't think i'll mind waking up at 8am friday.... mm.. the day started off sleeping in and being half an hour late to work. not good. but it was ok cuz the day itself went nicely. i moved sections of product to another section just 2 feet away, which i can say, is a lot more fun than stocking cards and cashiering. handled glass for the first time in a long time. made me edgy, but all was good! only.. dropped a few ceramics on it... BUT NOTHING BROKE! so it's ok. came home to freshen up, and then went to see all my darlings whom i haven't seen in TOO long! it was nice chillin with everyone. we took pictures next to a tree near kenji's house. dinner was at outback. nyaaaa~~~ it was sooo goooood <3 <3 afterwards we all migrated to svgl. played ddr with phi and i suck even more than before. ugh... i was playing steph puzzle fighter and we were getting to the end of the game when *blip* the games were shut off. was tired, have work in the morning, even though it was only 10, figured i should start heading home so i could sleep early in my own bed and not on pekkle's sofa, assuming that everyone went there afterwards. even though things felt totally different than before in a kinda lonely way, it was fun. i wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. i think i have good reason to dislike coming home when one of the parental units are in. dad just... ugh. don't even wanna talk about him. i THOUGHT things with mom were ok. until she called me into her room before i could even get to the top of the stairs, totally in go-to-bed mode. when i go in, she bitches about how i didn't do the laundry, even though i did it last night, and when i say "when's the last time you checked the laundry basket?" she just pauses and tells me to come in. fuck. this is gunna be one of those piss-me-off-like-hell-with-her-respect-obsession talks. she rants on and on about how she says i never call them "mom" or "dad", and when i speak, i say "you" like every other normal person who speaks english. she expects me to say "mom" or "dad" before ever saying "you" to them. "are we not your parents?! when's the last time you called us mom or dad?! you talk to us like we're just someone off the streets, like you don't even know us!!" what the fuck. they didn't say anything about it the last few months i've been talking to them like that. and i changed the way i talk cuz i hated saying "mom" or "dad" instead of "you" cuz that just sounded fuckin retarded. i think with this, my communication with them just went down 75%. one word answers are safe. it sucks how i always have hella shit to say back to them when they piss me off, but i know if i say it, they're just gunna get pissed even more and yell at me and say even stupider things that don't make sense to me, so i just don't say anything. i'd like to keep my hand in one piece, and my wall lacking holes.
i have work at 10. must not break down must not break down otherwise i will not be able to get up in the morning. noone's here...
this week's schedule to whom it may concern: oooh i was a happy girl when i woke up cuz i slept like a baby~ definitely would like blinds though... had one long creepy dream about some half human half not human.. thing.. that crawled ::shudder:: and pursued me. anyway... the one-on-one that was supposed to happen got cancelled, and i had nothing to do but try being productive doing laundry and cleaning, but decided to go out for tea instead. le select. rebecca happened to be there, and what was meant to be just a quick hi-how-you-doin-what's-new kinda thing turned out to be a 3 hour conversation about sororities, family, the war, and how stupid bush is. lol it was actually pretty fun talking about politics and stuff with her. i never realized how much i actually knew about that crap (even though it's still not much). ... .. . ..i miss everyone... my paranoid side really kicks in and i always need to tell myself "they're doing fine they don't need you to be there cuz unlike you, they can take care of themselves." i feel a weird mix of uselessness/loneliness when i remind myself. doubt starts kicking in and that's when i know i need to kick my ass and find something to do. ... i think i should find something to do.
..... ha?!
i can't find my ayashi no ceres tv series. wanna finish gravitation, but don't have anymore. wanna start/finish lots of other series' but downloading would take eons on my 56k. ::haaa:: must be patient. nde today was a day of many emotions at once. nanka tsukarechatta... this morning was all will-kill-you kinda pissy until heidi came out of her house with some pastries to eat on the way to santa cruz. so i was in a decent mood while i ate. on the way back it was one of the worst feelings of loneliness ever, came home and totally mellowed out for a couple hours since i couldn't get back to sleep. i got all excited about leadership next weekend and started packing for it already. pretty sad..;; go into a semi-panic when i couldn't find my wallet, relief when i found it in my car, more panic when i couldn't find my anc, still feeling down about it, lots of regret/guilt after some thinking, kandou watching gravitation and laughed my ass of at some parts, irritation at parents, and then i finally got to have fun and relax when i met up with satoshi. vented and talked about random stuff again. always fun~ nanka... kinda wanna return to the days when my emotions are nothing but a flatline. which shouldn't be far away. flatline flatline.. think emotional heart attack..... hai. i was a wreck of pissiness last night. satoshi and michelle know about it.. warii na, satoshi. i was swearing practically every other word... but i feel better now that i slept on it. naturally, as one starts to feel better, something has to happen to balance out the goodness, right?
i woke up about 2 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. which was set to go off 5 minutes before i had to leave the house to go pick mom up from the sf intl airport. great... more driving... i got there when she told me to get there and all. only thing was she wasn't at the arrival doors. so i circled around a few times thinking mebe she's not done getting her baggage. things were taking way too long so i decided to go in and find her. parked the car, headed to the terminals. well lookie lookie i see her coming out with that guy titled "mirae's dad". naturally, both parties are surprised. i felt like i was betrayed, though lord only knows why.
i'm glad he notices things about his kids. mom hugged me hello and tried to cheer me up "did you wake up to come get me? well it's a good thing you woke up early~ wow, you got prettier!". dad tried the same thing. didn't let him touch me. and it's so sad how i just started munching on a donut and i feel better. i want that second house to run away to. must find something productive to do. aa yeees, day off tomorrow. er.. today...? spent the day going to work, went to riki's board plan with heidi at pekkle's which turned out to be a teaching. got some tea, and went to satoshi's to play zero aka fatal frame, japanese version. twas quite good. everytime i play, something new pops up. damn that game, traumatizing but fun. afterwards, it was nonstop smooth cruising at 50 from de anza blvd and 280 all the way home. it's nice driving empty streets, though it kinda reminds you of a ghost town. and oh do i just love coming home to a pitch black house right after screaming from trauma. it's when your imagination loves to go crazy on you and you feel like there's something behind you in the mirror at the end of the dark hallway, or something's going to come crawling out from under the bed or rush at your from the corner of the closet with an ugly long pale face consisting of red eyes sharp teeth and freaky ass grin framed by stringy long black hair. speaking of crawling things, that girl crawling out from under the deck got me and made me scream again, even though i was half-expecting it to be there. did i mention i hate kids? and wells? and mirrors? things that move without anything moving them is also uncool. on a not so grotesque note... lately i feel like i'm untangling myself from an emotional mess. though my eyes can still feel the strain from crying, ::sappy voice:: nanka! kokoro ga jiyuu ni natteku ki ga suru yo neee! ::sparkle:: yeah ok.... mebe it's just a kappamaki of mom not being here, pms gone well, and getting over joe. tis a good thing! <3
random thoughts:
sonja, oyasuminasai desu! first things first.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING SWMO!!! lately there hasn't been much to pitas. i'd think of something to talk about in the middle of the day, but once i get in front of my computer, my brain just goes blank. because SOMEONE says all i pitas about are my dreams (which i can't argue with), i figured i'd ease off the pedal a bit and minimize the pointless entries. which would prolly turn this into a pretty dead pitas, but thas ok, yah? nothing much has really happened as of late. went to a board plan on friday which went by waaaaaay too fast..;; riki came over to have some food and we just kicked it in my family room for a while, pampering ouji and playing piano. heidi spent the night and both of us passed out pretty quick. dreams happened. there were 2 joe's. one was nice, the other was not. the nice one was the same one from my dreams before, he liked me and played with me and all that good stuff. the other one wasn't even there, but he was...;; i woke up to my brother knocking on my door cuz i had a phone call. ok, so i go back to sleep and i'm dozing off... and this time there's i get into a fight with someone and it's like an rpg where i'm looking at fighting options, and JUST as i'm about to attack, heidi's phone buzzes on my table making the most horrid noise. that affected my dream by turning the rpg into a static tv screen. grr.. i woke up that moment. later on we're talking about our dreams and i get elbowed in the face by that girl. i got her back for it last night though. we went out to westgate to get stuff. i bought her lacy black underwear~ oh yes, we've finally gotten to that stage~ ato.. got shoes. and wore a dress. note to self: never dry-shave. and always ALWAYS wear skin-covering clothes when walking around outside. i realized a good thing last night, being that i wasn't as disappointed as i thought i'd be when joe wasn't at the rally. kokoro ga raku ni narunssu. after everything was over, heidi, connie, and i went to tapioca express and we saw people we knew from high school. oh god i feel so old saying that... took connie home, heidi came with me, and we talked on the phone with riki till what... 2 something? and then heidi and i talked till 4 or so.. was woken up when heidi's phone rang and she sprang outta bed to get it. a while later another phone call comes, she jumps out, and then goes out the door. i thought she was going to the bathroom, but apparently, riki was already here to pick her up (at 10 am) and take her to santa cruz. i went out to keep him company while she got packed. and stuff. i came up and despite how much i wanted to go back to sleep, i couldn't. i sat in bed reading imadoki for a while, and then called my beibi cuz she turned old today <3 darling! we can get old together! forever!
but yeah... i'm getting really hungry.......;; need food. my boss called at 9 frickin 30 in the morning, and asked if i could work. okotowarshimasu! half the days i'm off, they ask if i can go in...;; and i should never sleep with my window open. it was like a steel structure was being built in my backyard or something cuz there was ear-splitting banging and when i go into my backyard, there ARE people friggin bringing in steel supports and crap. ouji's running around barking at people, too. i go back to my room, shut the window, and try going back to sleep, but the noise still gets through. and then i wake up. for a while i couldn't tell if it was a dream or not, and when i look at the window, it's still open. i'm guessing noise from someone's yard got to me. the gardeners came soon after that. so i actually got up to close the window. for real this time.
aa yes, going out to get tea is loverly. i like tapioca express's little pearls <3 but the tea itself isn't all that great.. this time it tastes more like milk than tea... ugh.... so today i plan on drawing or htmling whatever it is i feel like htmling.. rented 3 movies to run while i did all that. good stuff.. dood it's lonely here!! minna hayaku kaette koi!! tadaima from... taking mom to san francisco international airport. she's going to korea for a little bit. i dun blame her, she deserves a break. told me to slow down everytime i hit 80...;; on my way back, my brain wandered everywhere from where i'm going to stay over the summer to the plastic bag that flew across the highway. the ramp to 85 was closed cuz of construction, so i had to keep going till i hit lawrence. on the way there, i passed an area that made me think "...hey, isn't phi's house somewhere around here?". and when i hit lawrence, i realized "oh hey this is near amc20!" duh.
i have the voodoo doll that michelle gave me sitting/standing on my desk. pins are such a wonderful thing. i'm sure pickle jars are, too. i am currenly feeling like something rampaged through my insides and i can't touch anything cuz that'd be the best way for my insides to fix themselves. ... did that make sense...? but yes.. thas what i'm going to do. just leave things be. there was this group, see, kinda like some asian mafia, and i was let in. for some reason. we're in a big building right next to the ocean, and there's a wharf of some sort next to it, with lots of restaurants and stuff. nde, nighttime falls and i don't like what these people are up to, and next thing i know, i'm running away and everyone's chasing after me. i go through a gate and only one person goes past to come after me, and i'm at a cliff where if i jump, i'll land in water. no hesitation, i jump off and tadaaaaa 10 point dive! ... yeah ok, anyway... so i'm swimming away and stay underwater for a bit so my head won't be seen and shot off, and when i open my eyes underwater, it's not pitch black like i expected it to be. toward the shore, it was a kinda light blue, and further out, it was really dark, turning into black. odd considering thas where the really big moon was. i start heading back to shore and when i get there, there's a girl waiting for me and she takes me into the hotel nearby. other stuff happens... ettooo.. dun remember what, though. i remember i was involved with another group of people.
the ocean seems to be a big theme in my dreams recently. nandeya? and my mom's going to korea?! and i'm taking her to the airport TONIGHT!? WTH?!! ... uh.... tonikaku..... i should wash up cuz i have work.
wow... it really starts making you feel a little different when you've binged on gap for a whole night. it's like watching one of those dramas/animes that make you feel like "::sappy voice:: wow, i'm a whole new person!" kinda things...? i dreamt stuff that had to do with gap, but dun remember what. at least it wasn't disturbing! as far as i can remember...; nde! yesterday i went to chill at connie's place and watch taboo~ aa... pretty boiiiii--!! KONCHIKISHOU THE ENDING HAD NO CLOSURE!! geh... so after that, we went to tapioca express and i tried their tapioca milk tea~~ *_* oooh man it's good stuff <3 i think i like it possibly more than fantasia. =O so yes... watched some gap at her place, and i borrowed some when i left since i wanted to watch more~ connie beibi, i shall return your dvds to you today when i go in to see you at work. and i shall be off to my own work soon... =_= so me and my business group are out at the beach, we're having fun lalala swimming around, snorkeling, and there are hella fish and corel and sealife around us, yah? and there's this really big really ugly fish stalking me, and when it comes and clamps its huge jaws onto my leg, gordon gets the fish off and .... carries me to the beach;;; we all go back to the fatass hotel we're all staying at, and there's an anime convention going on so the akg cosplay group is waiting for me and heidi to get back to them and play. we go around and for a while it's like we're in a video game cuz we have to kill these little 1-eyed monsters and there are tons of them and we're underwater while we do this...;; the little ones all die cuz there's a parent monster that absorbs all the little ones and kills them off and we gotta kill THAT, so eventually we do somehow with a laser, and then it's back up to the surface we go. i go back to my business group with heidi, and we're having a hard time finding the room we were supposed to stay in, so we stay in a room with 2 of the guys and they give us keys and all that. we wander around for a while, can't remember what we were doing, but playing some sorta game of hide and seek with new rules and other things were twisted around and it was throughout the entire hotel/convention center...;;; next thing i remember, the whole business group is all in one big suite and we're just chillin and i'm in the bedroom taking my quiet time, and heidi comes in crying and prepares to leave cuz the other people were teasing her and giving her a hard time about the game...;; i tell her i'll go with her, and while she goes to get some other things, i go onto the balcony and there's a ... road that goes into the sky. nothing supporting it, just a pathway that goes into the sky, and there are cars trying to get to the top where there's nothing. it's suddenly another video game cuz i can jump like the ten no ryu and chi no ryu in X can. so i hop my way up to the top and there's a police dude just kinda floatin there with a whistle in his mouth, and he tells me i can't go any further. i fall my way back down and into the hotel, and heidi and i leave for the room we were put up in, and go to bed. something's up the next day and there are 3 people in trouble. dunno what they did or anything, but when i look at them, it's 2 girls and a boy. they're friggin YOUNG like.... 12 or something. and they're supposedly being punished, but dood.. cruel and unusual punishment is when you're having 7 knives slowly being stabbed into your chest. there was a crowd watching. i couldn't do anything. it was one of the worst feelings ever. no conclusion, i dreamt a lot of epilogues after that, dun remember what, though, cuz i was half awake through them all. riki was involved somehow...
... tonikaku... i think i shall go shopping in a bit. need lip gloss and visor. dood. talk about disturbing dreams! i was in an old building, kinda like the one in that one battle scene of 'the matrix'- dusty, hallways, etc. nde, i was there with a bunch of people who were supposedly my friends, and i remembered i had a dream in the same place and in THAT dream, there were these people that had chokers or wires tied around them and after some time the wires would blow up and limbs would go flying and ugh.. pretty nasty. so yeah, i'm in that building with some friends and all of a sudden, they start going psychotic cuz they had those chokers i saw in my other dream and wires and stuff, and they started blowing themselves up, running around saying "mirae! mirae! watch me!!". i ran into a bathroom and fought to keep the door shut.
woke up...... and i thought to myself "that. sucked. aaa.. no work today.. i can sleep in... shiawaseeeee..." a split second later, my alarm goes off and i remember with dread that i actually DO have work at 10. dammit. trudge outta bed, trudge into work, trudge around pretty much the whole day cuz there was basically nothing to do with no shipments coming in and both managers not being there. honestly did not think i'd survive the day. just got home. i'm so going to vegetate the rest of the day. shall draw. ......... my family's weird... and i'm craving icecream.
wow i've been having a streak of really bad moods and being a crybaby lately. there's no way this can be pms, either. 今日は会えるから先週からプラン楽しみにしていたのにあいつ今夜遅れてなんも出
来なかったし、 会っても機嫌悪くてあんま話してくれなかったし、 早く帰ちゃっ
ても抱きついて来てくれなかったし、 みんなが誕生日いわってくれた時だってい
てくれなかったの！ もうがっっかり！ジェロにもう話したけど、 あたし何とか
しなきゃ！！でないと頭くるう。。。 マスト ゲットオバーヒム！！！！！！！
絶対！絶っ対何とかしてみせる！！！ ......... i'm tired.... sleep sounds really good right now. good nite. warning: depressing entry. ::haaa:: so i stepped out this afternoon to rent a video. you know you're lonely when you rent a video to keep you company. got "miss congeniality", which did make me laugh my ass off at some points. twas good stuff. i let it run a few more times while i doodled. then loneliness really kicked in. noone was around. the possibility that my mom might've forgotten today was lingering in my head, but then i brushed it aside like "naaah, she'll come home and say happy birthday and hug me and all that like she always does". well.. i get a phone call from her while she's at work and she says "i'm sorry i forgot your birthday". that kinda hit me hard.. it was like ...whoa.. she really did forget.. dad prolly forgot, and my brother did, too. i think the only family who remembered was my aunt. i got a card in the mail <3 i hung up the phone with my mom. i didn't know it'd be such a big deal and i started crying, even though i understand she has tons of other things on her mind. my brother came in to say happy birthday and saw me crying and asked me what was wrong. when i told him he just held me and i broke down in his arms?!!? there was definitely something wrong with me.
joe signed online. whoa it was the first time i saw his sn on my buddy list... o_O but it was nice. talked to him for a second but had to go cuz jon came to pick me up and take me out to tea. that was nice, too. now i'm tired from crying so much and i have work at 10. looks like bedtime.. good morning. i had quite a nice sleep, with weird dreams floating around i dun even remember what they were anymore though...;; nde~ thank you everyone who wished me a happy birthday today XD and thank you in advance to those who are going to wish me one later in the day <3 it'll be my first year without my family or friends around, but thas totally okke zenzen daijoubu everything is cho beri guddo cuz i didn't COMPLETELY forget it this year and people are telling me happy day!! XD and now for quiz results!
WHYYYYYYYYYYY does everything say i'm SEME?! ...
i'm not as sadistic as muraki, i swear!! though... i really wouldn't mind molesting tsuzuki~ XD wouldn't molesting hisoka, either~ kyahahaha!!
tonikaku... days at work are either really slow, or really fast. i forgot about the time and went 20 mins over my schedule today..;; which i guess isn't really a bad thing. i got sunglasses (finally!) and went to michael's to find an exacto knife, but THEY STILL DUN HAVE ANY, DAMMIT!! why michael's? cuz i have a gift card for that place and i dun wanna spend cash if i dun have to. other than that, i have found that i really don't like aol (not that i liked it before) cuz the ftp for that thing is such a pain! so i had to go around looking for an ftp program that would actually work with it. the only good thing i got would be the 20mb of free space, which is where i'm hosting my pictures for now. so with that, there's a practically nonexistent gallery on the side. it shall grow!! with water and sunshine and plant food!! yes... it shall grow.
NANJA KORYAA?!
..maa ikka.. quick runthrough of today: vegetated, chilled with satoshi~ nyaha~ had a pretty good day overall. dood, his okonomiyaki is GOOD! gochisousama! first time having that stuff, quite nice. played operator's side, tried silent hill 2 and screamed cuz a.. THING popped up outta NOWHERE while i was running down the street. ::haaaa:: and things that CRAWL like that are NOT. COOL. DAMMIT. maa... either way i had a good time ^^ nde... i came home to find that my room had been invaded. was pretty pissed. just when i take down the screen saver and leave the door unlocked, things start happening again so i guess i gotta lock the comp AND door when i leave now... kj asl;dkfj ;sldfj... grr.. but yes. work at 12 tomorrow! i shall go to bed and read manga till i fall asleep, HAI! OUSHA!! done with the new layout and dood.... tables in html code SUCK!! i gotta get used to this whole td tr table thing... but yeah i finally got it done and it looks ok on my comp.... i dunno about other peoples' though. nearly the whole time i was thinking "...how do phi and steph DO this?!" so yeah... was a TAD on a frustrated side, but i was also going waku-waku with excitement! ... i'm sounding like a real turd right about now. must be sleep lackage kicking in or something... other than coding all night, my day was actually kinda productive. took heidi to work in the morning, got my parents from the airport, and i actually took ouji out. ... i've been calling him that a lot lately. ouji = prince = my dog. tonikaku, he really likes car rides....;; i suddenly decided to take him with me to the bank and he looked at me all paranoid like i was gunna leave him while i went to the atm. he'd scratch on my arm for attention while i was driving, and a split second later he'd have his head out the window....;; and he didn't want to get out either cuz i opened his door and he jumped into the back seat and plopped himself there. wth.....?! mom found it really funny =_=
speaking of parents, i made food with mom today. and helped her pack food stuff for my dad cuz he's going back to LA tomorrow morning. er... later today... at 8 or so.. and he gave me money, too. woot~ so yeah, mom and i had some bonding time while we cooked, even though we didn't say much of anything...;; you can just kinda feel these things, yah? and... yeah. brother was acting really weird, too, cuz he came home and he talked with dad all friendly and came into the kitchen and kissed my mom hello and he did that weird fist bumping thingie with me and i was like O_o;; what's with you? but yeah.....;; he's being really nice and it's kinda scary... dad came into my room, too, and he just kinda squat next to my desk for a few minutes while i cged the image for the layout.
oddly, today went pretty well. i'm liking this... |
