man.. i've been going to sf a lot nowadays.. friday night after work i picked heidi up from sc, and we came back to my house, made food, and then pretty much just slept. saturday morning we met up with bryant at svgl and went to a yugioh tournament in westgate at the comic store. him and josh were playing while heidi and i went to old navy. she wanted to shop soo bad... i think i know how boyfriends feel when their girlfriends drag them shopping, so i think i'll not do that to mine. moving along, we went into nordstrom rack, styles for less, and target. heidi had a fetish for pinstripe pants going for some reason... and then she went crazy over a particular necklace at target, and ended up getting it. dood... target people are weird as hell, but i guess thas just too bad for heidi. she's popular amongst old women, too??? wow..

so after much wandering and feeling sleepy, we went back to the tournament and by then it was already 4 so we had to head over to riki's house soon. before that, though, must have our dosage of caffiene otherwise i might not survive the trip to millbrae. we trudded into fantasia and qcup, and then started to riki's place. the caffiene kicked in pretty quick, so all was good as we got into riki's car, got stuck in traffic, picked up eric, got stuck in more traffic, and then eventually cruised up to sacramento for kien, sam, gordon, anna, and susan's stage crossing <3 al and kathy gallo were really good speakers and i'm glad i went. got home around 1, heidi stayed over again and i just kinda passed out after a while..

strange dreams, yes, but i dun really remember what anymore. i just remember there's me and a bunch of people ina park, and there's a girl in a simple white dress standing in front of me... she looked... kinda like me when i was 13...? anyway, dun remember anything else.

was woken up my morning allergies and alarm, and it was time to take heidi to work. in santa cruz. ::haaaa:: so off we went. i've been pretty good about being on time lately. when we were on our way to riki's house, i promised i'd be there by 5, and i got us there at 4:59. and for heidi's work, i said i'd be there by 10:55, and i got her there 10:53. it was pretty cool cuz both times, we were running pretty late. iei for speeding. currently i'm sitting here killing time cuz i gotta go pick my parents up from the san jose airport in a little bit. i didn't know my dad was coming back too, until this morning when my mom called. che.. oh well..

it sucks when your weekends are spent being all ira-ira about nothing. it's gotta be the pms, man... i felt good on saturday after the tea. but when we got home, i was in bad shape. i dunno why i'm like this, either. must be from not seeing joe for more than a week. frustrating how i didn't go with gut feeling to just go to the conference on friday night. cuz he was there. i chose to go to work instead. ... ok time to go get parents...

[[ Thursday, February 27, 2003 ]]
[[ 9:28 p.m. ]]

sleep was no good last night. kept waking up for no apparent reason, feeling disoriented. didn't feel any better when the alarm woke me up, work kinda dragged on. i realized when you work at hallmark and you don't daydream consistently, the hours go by slowly. not always a good thing. but i still enjoy working there! nde, after work, i met up with daniel and had togos for a late lunch, and then he took me for a bit of mountain driving~ it was like a rollercoaster ride the whole time~~ had much much fun! there was a really nice view like at twin peaks, but too bad it was so cold.. went back to his place, watched a really random crappy ass japanese horror/thriller movie. the korean horror we saw last night was shitty as hell, too. man... asian movies can be WEIRD. i got to watch more hellsing, and OH! I PLAYED DOA BEACH VOLLEYBALL EXTREME! goood stuff~~ really addicting cuz i wanna see all the movies and get all the swimsuits and stuff! wanna play mooore~ after a while i was getting tired and sleepy so i came home earlier than planned... i think i'll take a hot shower and go to bed early.

my week's been getting better. i didn't cry today! though i almost did......? ... that shower sounds really good right about now. shall wash dishes, hit the shower, and read manga till i fall asleep.

[[ Thursday, February 27, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:15 a.m. ]]

i was taking a look into a few windows of lives, and it seems like a lot of people are going through a down stage of some sort. ::haaaa:: getting irritated at people i don't want to be irritated at isn't helping either. and this isn't pms, it's a clash of morals. i dun even know if moral is the right word for it. hell, i don't even know if irritated is the right word for it. still, i'm trying to be there for people that are having a hard time, but it's like trying to help someone up when you have a broken leg. you can't. 'take care of yourself so you can take care of others', eh? i don't even know where i'm going with this...

when you're cging, time flies. last night i was coloring stuff for my potential-future-pitas-layout-to-be, and so far, i'm not liking it. it was 5:30am before i knew it, so i went to bed. it wasn't past 10:30am when phone calls started coming in already. one from hallmark. one from daniel. and a message from heidi. looks like i'm scheduled to work tomorrow. also scheduled to play with daniel tomorrow. i'm looking forward to work and play. i packed a few things since it'd be a pain to do it all in one day, considering how much stuff i have.and i cleaned my room, mostly my closet and desk area. i didn't realize how dusty some places were. i wanted to get out so i washed the dishes and did the laundry. good girl i am.

after all that, daniel came to pick me up. dad was there and i just left without saying anything considering i was still pretty mad at him. i say it was a really good thing i went out, even though i didn't feel like it earlier in the day. it pays to go with gut feeling. had a great time, dinner at baja fresh, coffee in downtown toga, and then movies at his place. i hadn't heard that much korean since i saw 'my sassy girl'. i wanna see animatrix! and finish hellsing! and play doaev! haha thanks for taking care of me, man. much appreciated~

[[ Tuesday, February 25, 2003 ]]
[[ 10:14 p.m. ]]

satoshi, kyou wa arigatou na. maji kansha shiteru. mata asobo-ya~

[[ Tuesday, February 25, 2003 ]]
[[ 6:26 p.m. ]]

lala home from work and it was quite a nice day. worked with jackie for the first time and she's cute =P so iei, done, feelin good, and come home.
me: tadaimaa... ::sees dad in backyard making stuff on the grill. he goes to garage, mirae goes to backyard door and waits for a moment so she can say hi cuz she's in a good mood. he doesn't come back for a while so she goes to garage door, but then sees him going back to grill. iei. then she sees him light a cigarette. she opens the door and he turns away real quick, startled.:: i saw that <--- not. happy.
dad: ::turns around both hands in pockets and smiles:: saw what?
me: ::puts out hand:: give.
dad: uh-uh. ::pause:: what about di-
me: ::slams door, goes upstairs, slams door,locks it, punches wall::

well.. there goes all respect i had for him. i don't even want to see him for a good while. at this point, i'm HAPPY that he's moving away this weekend, i'm HAPPY i won't have to see his face for x months, i'm HAPPY that he won't be here to piss me off with his stupidity. so with that being said, why am i crying again? it doesn't help that the people i want to talk to aren't here. .. i miss snowball.. i miss joe.. dammit i'm a wreck...

[[ Monday, February 24, 2003 ]]
[[ 7:00 p.m. ]]

completely broke down earlier. it's like everything good that happened this weekend was bargained for something bad today, plus the door that kept everything in from what's been going on lately just kinda bust open. snowball's not here anymore. dad took him out this morning and didn't bring him back. prince got restless. he still is. couldn't find him cuz he hid somewhere when thunder struck, and i thought he ran away somehow. i feel bad for him cuz snowball's not coming back and he's gunna be really lonely. what would i do if someone i was with since baby times, never out of my sight, practically the only person in my life, was suddenly taken away one day for some reason and never came back? ........................... the weather sucks shit. i hate thunder with a passion. i'm feeling a little better now that i know prince is here and i've had soup. my eyes are really dry now... with all that crying from earlier, i get the feeling i'm gunna pass out soon.

[[ Sunday, February 23, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:43 p.m. ]]

tadaimaaa from a busy, sleep deprived, run-around-sf weekend~ documentary tiiime~~ .......this is.... a really long entry..... o_o

friday i was erranding when heidi suddenly called in the middle of the afternoon and said "wanna spend the night at sf?". o_O;;; uh..ok.. so we made plans and after eating real quick and getting directions to riki's house, i rushed out to get heidi at her workplace. she was still finishing up and i bumped into sean and elo outside~ it was a random reunion with sean wanting to steal an empty newspaper rack =_=;; they left since heidi wouldn't be able to go back to the uc with them (cuz i was there to take her away XD) and i was getting kinda impatient cuz it was almost 10 and we had plans to get to millbrae by 11 so we could meet with riki and get to ghirardelli square to meet up with other people 11:30 and have some sweets. choco square closes at midnight. by my calculations earlier, if i drove the way i usually do, it'd take about an hour and half to get to riki's house, so we'd have to leave santa cruz around 9:30. grr.. restless i was cuz i wanted to get there on time and see joe! ;_; heidi, me, and the group had plans to stay the night at kien's but i didn't know if joe was staying, too, so i was like GAH!!! if we get there too late i won't be able to see him!! T_T in the midst of my inner pandemonium, heidi finally came out around 10, and off we went!!

... somehow...

i got us through highway 17 in 15 minutes......;;; new record!! previous record: 27 minutes. so we were quite happy about that and turned on some music and sang alllll the way up 85 and 280. we got to riki's house a little before 11. o_O?! so santa cruz to millbrae took about an hour?! O_O;; wow.. we made it on time!!!! XD with that, we were even happier and our energy level went sky high. ^^;; ieeeiiii~~~ we got to choco square and heidi jumped onto my back and i carried her up about 5 steps on the stairs, and nearly collapsed x_X;; we both sprinted up and nancy, sam, susan, and roland were waiting for us XD go inside, order, sit down, lalala all is good~ nancy, heidi, and i took a pilgrimage to the bathroom. the friggin bathroom thas so hard to find! >_< but yah, saw joe on our way back IEI XD half glomped onto him and gordon came a little bit after that and we were all just chillin laughin talkin over choco desserts and such ^_^ then heidi gave me a heart attack telling me to turn around o_O;; i do. there's a lady holding a tray out to me. AND ON IT IS A HUGE GORGEOUS DARK RED CHOCO DIPPED STRAWBERRY!!! XD XD XD they were closing and the nice lady decided to offer it to me i guess XD XD

so YAAAAAAAH we go outside and i'm like... really hyper cuz of the sweets and my earlier happy high XD (just remembering is making me go UWAAAAAAAA on the inside ^^;;) and since we had to wait for some people to make their journeys to the bathroom, we just chilled outside. i ran up and down the stairs to the patio on the balcony and i was totally fine after that, even though my legs were a little heavy. everyone decided it'd be a good time to migrate to kien's place, so we all piled into our respective cars, though on the inside i was dying invade joe's. grr.. didn't help that riki was saying "aww, joseph looks lonely" and heidi was nudging me towards him =_= >_< X_x +_@ T_T lkdjf ;slkf js;flkGAH!!! we were at a red light and i was really close to just jumping out and getting into his, right behind us. =_= but didn't.

parking was a biatch. but we found some! about 2 blocks away =_=;; in a ghetto place...;; everyone else is already there and the aero bed's already out o_O with gordon on it ^^;; whoa they're quick.. nde~ we start watching movies. i took the bed when gordon went to the bathroom. we went through 3 movies, and people fell asleep as they progressed. the aero bed got uncomfortable after a while, so joe used it as a pillow while i moved to the floor ^^;; heidi, riki, and i were totally awake the entire night x_X; for some reason, we just couldn't sleep! >_< but i was ok with it *_* i think we got about an hour that night/morning.

eventually, everyone else woke up. wow... saturday... gordon, riki, heidi, nancy, and i were going to sports day for kien's church thingie, joe left, sam and susan stayed behind. woot~ volleyball! with people that did hella scary serves and spikes and all that x_X; our team did pretty well ^^ twas a gordon-riki-nancy-heidi-mirae group that went and got food at burger king (where i learned of the surprise bday party for nancy) and walked back to the gym to play some more. riki had to go see a friend so he left early, heidi and i sat on the stairway and talked a bit, and then decided we'd die if we didn't sleep soon so we went to gordon's car and napped for a really nice hour and half. Z_z

... whoa spaced out for a bit there...........;;

this one annoying couple came by and woke us up saying something about how we'd get blocked in if we didn't move cuz they reserved that space for an event they were having blah blah blah so i drove the car down to the gym. heidi was really annoyed ^^;; sam got there and gordon was gunna go home to shower so heidi and i went with sam and nancy to get some food at a place called mels. *_* good shakes, dood.. we hit the beach right after sunset and chilled for .. a while o_O; i dunno how long we were there. sam and nancy did their own thing couples do on beaches, heidi and i sang the most random songs x_X; we tend to do that when we go to the beach. ^^;; i was getting all mello-mello cuz the lack of sleep and missing joe was starting to take its toll. riki met up with us at the beach and we all headed to pier 39 =D sam and nancy left later to pick up susan from work, so it was a riki-heidi-mirae group wandering around. there was a store with lots of clothes and looked kinda sorta like a forever 21, so we decided to check it out. gordon met up with us later and found us in the store ^^;; "how'd you know we were here?" "it's a girl store =_=" lol! okke~ so heidi and i tried on random stuff and i found a black tanktop that i liked but didn't get it cuz i'm trying spend as little as possible..... >_< time to go!

heidi went into riki's car, i got into gordon's, and off we went back to kien's house. considering it was saturday night, there was no traffic whatsoever. we were the first to get to the house, so gordon got kien's dad to open the door. ^^; later on, susan, nancy, sam, and eric got there, and we all just chilled, watching a video they took in hawaii and eating and shtuff. sam brought in the cake with candles lit up and everything and we all sang happy birthday to nancy~ she cried o_o trick candles are funny ^^ so we munched on some of the best cake i'd ever had. roland came over after that and brought over a buncha movies. we watched rush hour 2 and i drew something for a gallery layout i had in mind. hahah dinner came after the cake ^_^ good stuff~

i was getting tired and heidi and riki didn't seem to mind getting going, so i said our byebyes and riki took us to his house so i could get my car and head back to santa cruz to stay at heidi's room for the night. it was about 2am when i started driving. heidi was nodding in and out of sleep while my brain recapped the weekend. of course, i had to mentally smack myself a few times cuz i kept thinking of a certain someone =_= we got to sc around 3 or so, and heidi had work at 11 so we went straight to sleep. she let me have the bed as she took my sleeping bag and slept on the floor. slept well *_* i remember waking up when she asked me about the food we had for dinner and if it was doing something weird to my stomach cuz we both went to the bathroom around the same time...;; i told her i wasn't sure. i was so tired i didn't really care.. we fell back asleep.

the next thing i know, the alarm's going off and it's 10:30 sunday morning. grr... time to get up and hit the road again. pack stuff, get our freezing asses into the car, and get her to work at 11. i headed back home and remembered that fatal frame's due at noon. it was 11:30 when i got home. ugh... get the game, leave the house pretty much as soon as i get there, and back on the road to pretty much vallco... and then it's back. geez i was so mellowed out it was scary. so now i'm at home, sitting on my booty feeling pretty grungy. it's now 1:55 as i type this, and i really want to take a shower and sleep more. i have some auctions to put up so i'll prolly do some major scanning later on.

so i shall go take a shower and eat something assuming my stomach can take anything, and i shall... scan stuff. and find stuff to sell. i miss joe already... geh.. i have problems =_=

[[ Friday, February 21, 2003 ]]
[[ 8:33 p.m. ]]

ouSHAAA~!! it was a really boo---to shiteru type day where i went around running errands left and right, and as i was finishing them up, satoshi called and i went to his place to play operator's side, a really interesting game where you talk to the character and she does what you tell her to do~~ well.. for the most part....;; but yah! it was fun~ and he fed me some really good sweet mochi *_* mm.. sweets.. so i got my paycheck, finally got my bills done, and now i'm waiting as riki spends a year on giving me directions to his house ^^;; ndemo iiya~ i dun mind cuz he's either multitasking or he's giving really good accurate directions so i dun get lost ^^;; which is a good idea cuz i have the crappiest sense of direction ever x_X; those who have been with me on the highway would definitely know. >_< esp steph....!! but yeeesh.. just came home real quick to pack stuff and eat something real quick cuz i'll be going to pick heidi up and then go to sf *_* ghirardelli square with our quixtar group sounds like a lot of fun XD KYAHAHAHAH <3 <3 and we'll prolly spend the night at kien's house if it's ok. i just dun plan on coming home tonight =_=; tonikaku!! ittekimaaasu~ <3

[[ Thursday, February 20, 2003 ]]
[[ 10:53 p.m. ]]

nya... sleeping was nice, un. and dad came in again asking for my garage door opener cuz he's so excited about his new car and he couldn't wait to get everything possible for it like it was his new kid or something. oh well.. so i got outta bed a while later, and just as i had gotten out, i get a call from one of my bosses, and she asked me to take over for her till 5 cuz she was gunna go home sick. so my day off turned into a ... not so off day... cuz right after that, i was on a tight tight schedule to get through traffic to santa cruz.

nde... i eventually got there to pick up heidi (who spotted me at the stop sign and jumped into my car after flying across the street..;;) and ryuta + dahoon. somehow i made it back to my house without being as late as i thought i'd be. it was pretty cool~ nde, riki got to my house a while later cuz... he got......... a bit confused. and then off we went to san mateo~! the guy was interesting ^^;; pretty funny and all that. atooo ...... ::kaaaaaa:: ._. biKKURI shitaaa...

so now tadaima~ i'm back and learned a lot, actually~ heidi is having me stay at her place on tomorrow night~ iei~ sore ja... i shall go eat something before i get all ira ira and bite something.

[[ Wednesday, February 19, 2003 ]]
[[ 10:10 a.m. ]]

dood i had the most sadistically disturbing dream x_X; there was a small coliseum type place and balconies and all that around it, all in the middle of this really convention center type place, yah? there are tons of people there for some sorta event, and apparently it wasn't the safest place to be cuz some were being hunted...;;; nde, we were in this warehouse type place that looked a lot like costco.. met bunches of random people, and there was an event in the coliseum so my business group went to check it out. heidi latched herself onto my for some reason ^^; nde, we were on the balcony so i looked down and there was a REALLY small area, like.. 10 by 20 feet for whatever it was they were doing. the next thing i know, they have people tied to targets, and someone from the other side is using a bow and arrow.......;;; people were cheering and betting and all that crap and i was like "...dood.... this is one twisted game...." apparently the people being targets were being punished for something.

You're MIRAE! The sweet emotional girl, although
somewhat bitter towards males and over
protective of your friends, is always falling
in and out of love! You're always there to give
bear hugs and crack our ribs. @_@ If you make
due with what's given to you, you'll learn to
be more decisive!

which member of AKG cosplay are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

arara...
my dad woke me up at 9:30 cuz property inspectors were supposed to come and check out the house. again. this is not cool.... i was just starting to fall back asleep, too!! and then he keeps knocking on the bathroom door while i'm washing up, asking if he can come in so the inspector could check things out. HELLO?! would YOU want complete random strangers coming into the bathroom while YOU'RE doing your morning washing routine?! DUH!? ...i think i'm gunna go occupy myself till work at 3 =_= then i come home sometime around 10ish. joy?

[[ Tuesday, February 18, 2003 ]]
[[ 9:41 p.m. ]]

another unproductive day come and gone. played piano and went to pekkle's to borrow his ps2 and attempt to play fatal frame. alone. in my room. GAH!! i hate seeing severed heads rush at me. and i really hate those ghosts that don't show themselves, but you KNOW they're there and when they DO pop up, they're really close to you and you can see all the details in their ugly face!! and the girl that crawls on the ground is just plain fucked up. though i still have yet to encounter that woman crawling out from under the damn deck x_X; grateful but dreading it at the same time >_< jsad;lkjdfpilj i'm stuck as of the moment and i dun think i'll be playing any more today....;; had enough heart attacks for the... rest of my life =_= it'd be a lot nicer if i could have someone gyuuuu onto me while i played. T_T when'd i become such a pansy?! must change this...

tomorrow's work from 3-10.. and then thursday is san mateo at 7:30. iei~

[[ Tuesday, February 18, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:39 a.m. ]]

::fuaaaaaa:: wow things just kept happening as soon as i woke up. snowball needs to be put to sleep so i thought i was gunna be the one taking him to the vet today. i wasn't sure if i could handle it so i asked dad if he was gunna take him, and he just went off about how he didn't know how to do it or who to call about it or where to take him and all that shit, so i got kinda irritated and called the vet we usually take him to. the vet-nurse said the vet would have to examine him and if he's curable, then he wouldn't be put to sleep. i told that to dad and he just gave up on it and told me "just do it next week", when he's the one that told me yesterday that he thinks we should "do it as soon as possible because he's in pain". i got pretty peeved and i just went to my room. that man's useless. i vented to my mom about how useless he is and what just happened and GAH!!! so i think snowball's being taken to the animal shelter tomorrow to be put to sleep. ::haaa::

i was eating and planned on going to pekkle's to play some fatal frame for a while, but my mom came in and asked me to go grocery shopping with her. i didn't particularly want to, but i went anyway for some reason. i was bored. i wanted to play video games. so we got home and i went straight to pekkle's. iei for video games!! i got my mind off stuff for a good while, though i didn't get to make too much progress in the game...;; we watched hikago. 1-2. ^^;;

so after all that fun i went to sc to see heidi since she just got back from tahoe and i was dying to see her cuz i was dying of loneliness and i needed to vent stuff to her and update her on a buncha crap and yeah... did all of that. vented for a good 2-3 hours or so. and i consumed much of her food supply. but dun worry darling!! i'll feed you much cow next time you come over! and i'll see what i can do next weekend when you come over <3 so yeah... got loads off my chest but at the same time, new ones came on board. che. if i didn't mind going to LA so much, I'D BE A LOT BETTER.

my mom says i gotta go down to LA with them till i go to school in the spring. fuck. this makes things a LOT harder. heidi suggested staying at a relative's place till school started. the idea... had never crossed my mind before o_O; you can see just how close i am to relatives ^^;; but i think i'll try convincing my mom to lemme stay at my aunt's till school starts. it'd be great if i could *_*

it looks like that trip to hawaii in july/august is impossible to make considering how much money i make right now. before hawaii, it's leadership, fanime, and ax. and that really sucks cuz i wanna go so bad i could die! note that i'm not going with any family this time. call it a business trip. GAH!!! aslkjfd ;saoifj i'm.... not loving life too much at the moment. but hey! make sacrifices now to be free later on, right? ;_;

[[ Sunday, February 16, 2003 ]]
[[ 7:34 p.m. ]]

once again, i woke up early. maa, i guess i dun mind as long as i don't feel like i wanna pass out again. i hopped into the shower and a little while after i got out, jon came over and we just chatted for a while. i spaced out for a while before artemis called to go out. nde, we went to see final destination 2. i haven't been in that much suspense for... a long time..;; but it was pretty good~

.. o_O; whoa.. spaced out again... when you're trying to reason with yourself, you get the lecture, but you don't want to go with it. i'm fighting an internal war with myself. reason vs emotion. che... i wonder how everyone's doing...?

[[ Saturday, February 15, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:35 p.m. ]]

wow mom was being really nice for some reason today. she told me to go see her at work and said i could go upstairs and get some clothes for myself and she'd pay for them o_O last time that happened was....... too long ago.. whoaa.. so i got pants and a collar shirt *_* maroon color~ i like~ i spaced out like hell while i was shopping and looking around, just daydreaming the whole time. it was relaxing but kinda dull at the same time. nde, i got my car oil changed and stuff, and mom lemme keep the change from it. shock. it took a long time to get everything done cuz there were lots of people there, so i called riki and joseph and had them keep me company for a while.

came home and had dinner, played some piano, lalala, and had a sudden urge to go out somewhere. i went to pekkle's to give him steph's xmas present to him. 2 months late. gomenne >_<;; nde, we just chatted for a while and went out to rent fatal frame. being the retard i am, i wanted to play it despite the trauma when i first experienced it. lots of missions and frustrating deformed bitter ghosts that wouldn't stop transporting and disappearing and GAH!! still have much improvement to make. after a while it was getting too frustrating so we watched some random anime. ghost in the shell's pretty good *_* and asagiri no miko, too.... though i have no idea what the deal in that is..;; but it was fun being there~

when it rains, it pours x_X; there was a fool driver blocking the road on mcclellan when i was trying to get back home, and i had to take a detour cuz there was a friggin cop right there and i didn't want to take any chances in doing anything stupid, so i had to go down bubb. in doing so, i almost ran into a piece of a tree that was right in the middle of my lane like death was setting a trap for me, and i didn't see it till i almost hit it cuz the rain was so heavy. fun stuff... but yesh, there's a quick runthrough of my day.

koi ni kitzuku to sukkiri shita kibun nandakedo, jikan tateba tatsu hodo setsunaku narumon sa. saikou de saiaku no omoi nanda.

[[ Saturday, February 15, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:59 a.m. ]]

good morning everyone. i hope everyone had a nice valentine's day~ i dun think my brain lines up with holidays at all cuz despite the fact that i work at hallmark (which screams holidays at you whichever direction you face), i completely forget about it as soon as i leave the store. =_= i got off work and headed to connie's to pick her up. i got a message on the way there *_* made me happy~ hadn't seen her in sooo long and it was nice catching up and stuff ^_^ we went to cupertino village and vented and chilled over tea at fantasia, and then vented and chilled some more over chicken at q-cup. we came to my house and she had me watch velvet goldmine, a really random and confusing movie for first timers. o_O;; who was who? what just happened? but it was interesting~ fufuu~ ^_^ valentine's day can be fun even if you don't have a koibito. ndemo maa.. i guess it depends on every person ^^; just think of it as another normal day. minna daisuki! <3

[[ Friday, February 14, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:15 a.m. ]]

good morning! i woke up at 10 for some reason... maa ikka~ nde, i had a dream about this neighborhood picnic thing for IBOs and such, and joseph qualified for something and there was a parade of some sort put on in the neighborhood and these people dressed like the marines in their blue uniforms marched outta the side door to my backyard and down the street o_O;; and joseph was behind them and.. ._. ::kaaaa:: so i woke up after that ^^;

i was outta bed and thinking of getting something to eat, and then cindy called and wanted to know if i could be at work at 11:30 o_O; eh.. ok sure.. so i was just about ready to leave a while later when she called BACK and said it's ok, i could go in at 1 as scheduled cuz the emergency was over and it got all figured out ^^;; yokatta yokatta~ nde, mom came into the kitchen when i was getting food and asked if it wasn't about time i got my car oil changed etc etc... ^^;; asked if i had money and i told her i didn't, and it seems like money for oil and gas are my valentine's day present~ ^_^ so i think i'll go have that done and get my ass to work later on, un! ksjf ;lsdk jf;akfj ;dkOMG!!! such soft smooth skin~!!! *_________*

[[ Thursday, February 13, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:15 p.m. ]]

nn! yosh! today was quite a nice day~ got to sleep in and it felt really nice~ had a buncha food and chatted with people i hadn't talked to for a while, vegetated while watching love hina, and took a nice long hot shower *_* i was straightening my hair and before i knew it, it was 6! >_< noooooo!!! so i had to rush everything to get outta the house by 6:15 so i could meet up with riki at mitsu by 6:30 and then get to the plan in sf which started at 7:30. traffic kept us so we were a little late... which i dun mind too much, but yeah ^^

i hadn't laughed that much at any plan since mike woods. =D it wasn't hilariously funny, but still had a good time ^_^ so yesh... after that was all a hanyaaaan kinda detailed blur (oxymoron?) *____* let's just say... joseph makes me happy~~ ^___^fufufuu~ i think i'll be in a good mood for quite some time~ er... at least.. it'll be harder for me to get ira ira... ^_^ (parents being the exception, always)

nde~ on the way home, i confessed to heidi that i forgot to bring out the piano binder x_X; but it was all good cuz he still got it! atoo.. i kept forgetting about valentine's day, which is tomorrow... x_X; and riki and i were just talking about it a few hours earlier, too.. BUT DOOD time just drags on, yet flies at the same time sometimes so your mind just goes everywhere at once and it feels like it should be a certain time but it's not o_O; ya know? and i tried riki's eyedrops, too. MAN!!! those things STING!! X_X;; but it was ok! after a few minutes it felt refreshingly... fresh? ^^;; tonikaku... now that i'm at home, i can relax and bask in my happiness for as long as i want. nyaa...~~~ fufuu~~

[[ Wednesday, February 12, 2003 ]]
[[ 10:17 a.m. ]]

ok i guess my body just didn't want to sleep last night. i kept waking up at random hours for no apparent reason... i guess thas what happens when you force yourself to sleep.. nde! i had dreams again! i'll be recording my dreams in here for a while..;; tonikaku! i remember it was me and a buncha people from the business, plus people from my school. we were all in this one huge chapel type place, and there was a choir singing lalala and when it finished, everyone went into this one really big room where they had refreshments and stuff, you know, like church...;; and heidi was with me and just as i saw joseph i got a phone call from my brother, and when i got off i couldn't find him again ;_; so i went off looking for him, and i was on a balcony-like thingie in the chapel and ting and olivia were on the 1st floor and they were telling me how they needed a ride back home whenever i was ready to go, and i was kinda forced into it ^^;; kazuto was there too o_O; so i said ok and went off to keep searching.

there was a hallway with a buncha rooms, and they were different video game rooms >_< i passed by one and saw a huge arcade machine for doa3 *_* and in one tiny room was a console with 3 people in it, and joseph was in there playing something. again, i was called out by someone, and kazuto tells me something about a buncha newtype magazines (i think he was bribing me into driving with some), and i try to go back to the room to say bye but i can't go back cuz we gotta be in the choir and sing something now. ;isaju rflksjfdf friggin... ok so we all attempt to sing something but i just sit off to the side and not do anything.

the next thing i know, i'm at home and my mom's bitching at me about something..;; dunno what. she says something about a painting she did and how she showed it to her friend cuz it represents dignity or something like that, and told me to look at it but i told her no, cuz i didn't want to be so close to her, and i knew she would try to hit me if i did cuz she was pissed for some reason. she tried hitting me anyway. went right past me. i checked the mailbox and there were a buncha newtypes and a few manga in there o_O iei!! so i take them up to my room and be happy.

later on i notice my magazines and stuff aren't there, so i storm into mom's room and she's looking through one! i told her to give them all back, and she does, but she's like "mirae, it has weird things in there, i don't think you should be reading things like that" weird? like what? "really gothic stuff, like vampires. it's not good for you" .... i just leave. i dun remember what happened after that.. OH YEAH! i was supposed to meet up with kazuto for something, so i call his cell but a girl picks up and i dun want my mom hearing me so somehow the ring on my necklace acted as a phone o_O; plans didn't work out so we didn't do anything... somehow i remember a balcony like the one in ed and angie's yard.. had a canopy of some sort on it..

so yeah.. talk about weird dreams.. nyuuu... iya na youkan..

[[ Tuesday, February 11, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:06 p.m. ]]

ok so it was about 10 in the morning when my phone started beeping. message from heidi: "it just started raining in santa cruz. i'm on my way to work hehe" okk.. so i go back to sleep. my phone rings again. =_=## dare da!? .. look at caller ID, it says HALLMARK. pick it up. ::trying to sound awake::
me: hello?
voice: mirae? this is cindy from hallmark
me: hi~
cindy: hi, would you like to come in today?
me: ..;;;;;; at what time?
cindy: at 11 ^^;;
me: ::looks at clock it's 10:23:: .........
cindy: till 4
me: ....;;;;;; sure no problem _ _;;
cindy: really? ok great~ thanks!
me: no problem =_= ::click:: ..................GAH!!

so i got some hours in today, which was good. busy moments came and went and the vice president of the company plus owner was coming in to check things out, and cindy was really stressed x_X; hahaha but it was funny how stores called each other back and forth saying what they liked and stuff so do things like this and this and that XD i learned how to do the balloons today *_* it was fun <3 nde.. you kinda forget to take your breaks there cuz it can be fun~ i like the people there, too~ all women/girls... oh god i hope none of us pms at the same time... i still have yet to meet like.. half the other people that work there though ^^;;

so work finished and i was dead tired... AA!!!! O_O satoshi wanted me to go over today!!!! ... satoshi!! warii!! i fell asleep after i ate...;; for a long time..;; o_O; 5 or 6 till... almost 11? o_O; i didn't mean to sleep for so long! >_< but yeah.. i woke up and checked messages and decided that i wanted food, even though i wasn't really hungry. so i go downstairs and VOILA!! cowwwww *_* i'm eating as i type this up, and i plan on going right back to sleep cuz i have work at 12 tomorrow and wanna get up by at least 10 so i can clean things up cuz the house is going on the market soon. .. snowball might not live to see it... i was crying last night and the tears stung. how would that happen??

anyway.... OH! i had this dream while i was "napping". we were in this little lawn thing and there was a beach next to it, so we had to get across the lawn, only there was this nasty orange gooey shit all over it and some weird creature was wander around, and i was like WTF GET OUTTA THE WAY!! and heidi michelle and ran across the lawn dodging the globs of gooey crap... we had to climb down some rocks and IEEI there was the small beach near elo's house in sf, and it was nighttime but it didn't look as nice as it would have cuz there was a strip of stores in the back of it like the boardwalk, and there were hella lights and people....;; i went to one of the stores in the back and saw tokiko there o_O; told her 'otsukaresama', and then on my way back to the beach, saw a family friend who spoke japanese and said something about her son going home, which was hiroshima...; and then she met up with these 2 guys about my age that i know from somewhere, and they were talking about this one other guy i know. i went back to heidi and michelle's place, and i dunno what happened from there but the next thing i remember, i was dreaming about work. o_O; it was really busy and i was trying to straighten out the stuffed animals, and they were so soft so i slept on them... DURING THE BUSIEST HOURS OF MY SHIFT!! >_< ::haaaaa:: and there was a line of people that went to the back of the store and they were like o_O;; so... yeah.. and a guy was trying to talk to me about putting up signs and displays, but i was just shifting around in the pile of stuffed animals. i woke up feeling like i was still in that pile. so yeah.. thas when i woke up about an hour ago, fixed up some food, and now that i'm done, i think i'll go back to bed ^^; NITE!

[[ Monday, February 10, 2003 ]]
[[ 1:39 p.m. ]]

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

oh, the mixed feelings when i saw this....... x_X; demo maa, if i ever get a bf, i hope he thinks so *_* nde saa, i had the weirdest dream last night x_X; i had something similar to it a while back, too, only this one had a twist to it. i remember in the 1st half somewhere, there was a garden kinda sorta like the one in fatal frame x_X;;; UGH!! but it wasn't as freaky >_< so yah, i go and there's a PRESENCE OF SOME SORT DKRFJ LKDGJNLKF K and then i run back inside. nde, there's this group of about 10 people or so all in a really simple room with sliding glass doors and window on one wall, a tv, and a buncha beanbags. talk about simple entertainment room. so yah, i go in and the people in there are working on a really big poster/banner thing on the floor, and when i walk in they ask me to help so okke i start helping them on it, and i look up from the banner and DUH it's joseph O_O;;; i get called out to do something and i'm out for a long time doing random things but i dun remember what.. going in and out of rooms and seeing lots of people and when i get back, there's this guy outside the door and they won't let him in cuz they hate him or something, so i go up and knock, "...anooo...?" and the door opens *_* and they're all just chillin watching tv or something. the scary thing is the whole place i was in looked a lot like my old house in campbell, except the door to the room was on the end of the hallway, not the side. twas quite odd.. i'm seeing a lot of joseph in my dreams lately. IEI~ but at the same time it's geh... ;_; mad cow disease?

tonikaku for today i think i'll check on my schedule at work and then to go downtown los gatos, un. must save up like crazy for leadership seminar and hawaii trip *_* I REALLY WANT TO GO!!! LEMME GOOOOOOOO!!!!!! looks like AX shopping is gunna be really low this year. BUT THAS OK!! i can live with that ^_^ omoikkiri tanoshindeyaruuuu!!!

[[ Sunday, February 9, 2003 ]]
[[ 9:58 p.m. ]]

aaa.. long weekend of pmsing and mood swings and bonding. friday night we spent about 4 hours just talking nonstop about whatever it was in our heads. we kinda fell asleep and went to eat at c9 when we woke up since i was getting all iraira cuz i was hungry. then it was homeward to my house. where we binged. on anime. it was cut short when my mom called and said she'd be home soon so we left right after that and headed for the arcade where i planned returning stuff to artemis, but couldn't find him. we left after a while, went to starbucks, and then came home where we were supposed to bond, but fell asleep after some more anime cuz i was really tired for some reason. slipping in and out of sleep at 10 in the morning didn't really help my morning grumps. kien picked heidi up to counsel, and i was called out a few hours later by her to meet them. talking and wandering in the cold isn't the most exciting way to go, but it was interesting listening to kien talk, so it was all good. by the time it was time to go, i was about to bite someone's head off cuz i was so hungry. so it was eat real quick at home, and then leave asap again cuz parents were home and i didn't want to be, so i took heidi back to sc. we hung around for a bit, all mello-mello.. i drove back all slow and crap. dunno why.

it'll be about 2 weeks before i can see heidi again. 2 weeks before i get to see brian and bryant, and 2 months before i can see michelle. ::haa:: how to pass time...? i dunno what i'm gunna do till wednesday, either, cuz i dun have work till then. i should go back to downtown los gatos and find another job there. but thursday! hoho~ i shall come back from the board plan with SOMETHING. i dunno what yet.. i know what i want though *_* fufuu~ ugh.... it's kinda frustrating to admit, but i like this guy... what happened to not liking someone?! maa.. not like you can really control these kinda things... eh... i think i'll get some sleep now z_Z

[[ Friday, February 7, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:04 p.m. ]]

wow singing really wears you out x_X; heidi and i went to the music building where we admired the view until a gust of wind chased us inside. how long we played piano, i have no idea, but it was fun trying to figure out how to play random songs en stuff. so we were on our way outta the rooms and we went around frolicking ..................there's a hamster singing i'm too sexy ..... someone help.............

...as i was saying, we left the building frolicking and singing a whole new world and part of your world and a buncha other random disney songs, singing them at the top of our lungs in the car with the windows down~ it was great! my throat's kinda sore though x_X; SO! we got back to her dorm and sang a few more duets, and now we're just kinda lounging around just... being turnips. or radishes. or onions. NIRA~! but yeah... i'll be zzzing here tonight and she's gunna come over to my place tomorrow to zzz~ korean cow? mebe. ^_^ nyehe. JELLOBEIBI I MISS YOU!!!! <3 heidi's right here so i dun miss her =_= etto... BRIAN AND BRYANT I MISS YOU GUYS TOO T_T bryant!! lemme know when you kick ass, okke!?!? ettooo.. yes... heidi and i are gunna go girl bond now ^_^ JAN!

[[ Thursday, February 6, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:55 p.m. ]]

well~ the day started bright and early but not so genkily when my alarm went off at 9 to get me to work at 10. there were 3 workers there. the assistant manager, back stocking dude, and me. wonderful. i didn't really know what i was supposed to be doing, so i greeted customers (who were waiting outside for the doors to open. dood.. old people should sleep in or something) and helped a few out until elizabeth (a. mgr) told me i had cards and everyday things to stock. woot! so it was a really fast 4 hours of work. met pam and she helped me out a lot *_* it's a nice place to be.

so i came home and started munching on some rice, and i didn't even finish half the bowl when the doorbell rang and it was heidi and riki here to pick me up to go to the board plan tonight in sf. iei~ we went to his house to get products in order, and chilled for a bit. *_* mmm... nintendo games... and ddr~ i like his pad, even though i can't play on it. it doesn't move like other ones i've played on =D quite nice~ so after a while of listening to him tutor heidi on her math review (good luck on your midterm!!) i played the 1st mario ever made! plus bubble bobble2, and some ddr. yep~ good stuff. OH! he had doa2 for the dreamcast, too ^_^ and heidi and i faced off in soul calibur. i got my ass whooped in that game. ... and then it was off to the board plan! at...7 or so. kien was his usual amusing self ^^ i had fun listening to him. heidi! we should have michelle attend a board plan next time she comes up <3 since i only had a handful of rice earlier in the day and i was kinda hungry, i munched on protein bar cubes o_o; and those kept me sane till i came home~ heidi didn't last too long though...;;;

so the meeting was over and riki said it was time to go so i got me shtuffs and headed out the door~ not before hugging joseph byebye though *_* and he was wearing aqua di gio again!!!! XD XD XD heidi knows how i was kyaa-ing about it in riki's car. riki kinda knows too o_O; demo na demo na, i dunno if i can say i like him. he's hot thas for sure. thas definitely why i kyaa. but koi? koi kanaa..? wakaran. kinda doubt it considering i haven't had much convo with him. ::spaces out....:: *_*

ahem!!! so yeah... koi... janai... yo na....?? i have time to figure it out ~_~ besides, i'm not supposed to like anyone, right? ::smacks self:: STOPPIT!!! i gotta wake up at 1 tomorrow to pick up heidi and take her to her job stuff and i spend night at her dorm XD and then she comes to my house saturday and spend night! IEIEIEIEIEI <3 but NOOOOOOOO!!! the brs are gunna be gone ;_; 1st weekend in... a month and half... that we'll be without them? ;_; hauuu... but... but thas ok! ^_^ we'll cheer you guys on from here, oke? ^_^ lub youuu <3 good luck!!

[[ Wednesday, February 5, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:26 p.m. ]]

there was a really loud annoying buzzing noise outside my window and snowball and prince were barking. the gardeners were here and they woke me up with their equipment. it was just about noon. those who know me well enough know that being loud and annoying are a BAD way to wake me up. if i had the energy i would've gone down and told them to come back later. =_= so being in the fragile mood i was, i flipped onto my stomach and got my keyboard. talking to michelle boosted me up a bit. i cleaned my room and took a shower and felt even better after that. from there it was a rather boring day, just sitting here not going anywhere. played some piano for a bit and there's something up with me cuz my tone of voice when i talk to my parents was a lot nicer today, as opposed to the usual flat-apathetic tone. except that moment i was bringing dinner upstairs and my dad told me to "eat properly" - i kinda raised my voice and told him i'm "eating properly". what, mom's cooking isn't good enough or something? having 3 side dishes instead of 6 isn't good enough?? i eat what i want, when i want, how i want. the guy doesn't seem to understand that. when there's a bunch of food around the kitchen and i make ramen, he doesn't get that it's cuz i WANT. RAMEN. AT. THAT. TIME. jeezus.

nde... earlier i thought of going to shourinji to see heidi, but remembered i need to save gas for this weekend since i'm going up to get her. later on, going to a party sounded good, but again remembered i need to save gas. ::haaa:: maa... tomorrow should be good. work 10-2, and then board plan in sf right after that. aaa.. bored...

oh yeah, i had a really weird dream last night! dun remember all of it anymore, the 1st part i remember is being in bed with michelle...;;; like... in bed. it was like a top bunk, only about 20 feet or so off the ground, and there were these big columns made of amethyst and one of them defied the laws of physics cuz it was broken in the middle and there was a huge chunk of amethyst in there but it supported everything o_O; and we were in a really big... museum type place? but yeah.. michelle wore me out X_x; the 2nd part i remember is i'm outside the building and there's a bball court in front of it, and there's this hot guy thas just chillin on the steps. a buncha other people invited him to play bball, and he said something in korean, i forget what... but but the same guy was in some of my other dreams, and he said the same thing... and he's really good at bball.. o_o looks really good in a jersey *_* but yeah... i dun remember anything else...

nn... fanime this year is gunna be... quite interesting o_o;

[[ Wednesday, February 5, 2003 ]]
[[ 1:48 a.m. ]]

uwaaa... what a time to put pitas on hold when so much has happened the past 2 days. =_=; first off was the whole misunderstanding with phi that just crushed me under a shitload of stress for the longest 16 hours of my life. that wasn't fun and it put a bigger strain on me than i thought it would. but it got resolved and all is as good as can be.

nde, i went out with artemis. really nice italian guy i thought was going for michelle, but i was wrong o_O; and italian food is good... *_* it's a known fact, but i just thought it might be nice to reiterate. after dinner we went to his house and he showed me his music stuff, games, movies, and some drawings~ twas quite fun! there was this hella trippy chinese movie about immortals with powers that fought monsters, and those powers were hella tite! XD metal blade wings that could go apart, moon blades and sun orbs and lots of other good stuff, yesh~ and i dun think i'll ever meet anyone with more games than he does or has more connections than him. heidi! wanna go sky-diving? he can get us hookups *_*

so after a day of stress and fun right afterwards, i go to bed and bright and early at 11am, my alarm goes off cuz guess what? i start work at 12!! fufuu~~ it's really different from mitsu where you're stuck at the register the whole day and if you go anywhere you get bitched at and there are so many people working it's not even funny. plus the customers are 99% asian meaning they complain about anything you could think of. at hallmark, you don't just stand at the register, you work through the entire store, work on all the registers, stock the shelves, rearrange sections for sales or seasons, and go around greeting and helping customers, among other things. and you get employee benefits! the customers aren't bitchy asian people, thank god. cindy (my manager) took care of me *_* arigatai! speaking of work, heidi i hope you get your job! >_< i'll pray for you~ and michelle! get one! as for me, i still need to go off and find a 2nd baito.

when i got home, i was a lot more tired than i thought i would be, so i just sat in my room and sketched for pitas, and then started cging it while watching 'the professor' animated version. it's really good! o_O artemis let me borrow it, along with 'hakkenden', which i still need to watch by saturday. so basically from about 5 till now, i've been doing nothing but pitas stuff. coloring the thing took forever for some reason, and then getting it to line up with the layout was also a pain.. maa, i guess simple things take time, too.

::haaa:: there are times when my brain drifts to thoughts of my friends, and the next thing i know, my body's all tense and i want to cry. certain people just became really important to me without my noticing, and imagining them not being there scared the crap outta me and i felt like the most unstable being in the world for a moment. it feels like some otheres are drifting away and that leaves a gorge in me... and then there's the feeling i get when a guy likes me. when he said certain things, my mind automatically went into don't-believe-him-handle-it-lightly mode. ttaku.. this could seriously be bad some day.