wow... going to the beach at the spur of the moment is quite fun. heidi, dahoon, ryuta and i just bumped a volleyball around for a while during the sunset ^_^ prettyyyy.... the sky was all pink and purple with the blue ocean under it and... *_* hauuuu... after all that we went back to oakes to eat dinner. i think i ate something bad cuz my stomach had a funny reaction to something i had earlier that day. dinner was fine so i dun think it was anything in the food... must've been the protein shake. ^^; i dun think my stomach handles milky stuff too well...

nde... heidi and i went back to her room to just chill for a bit. we had some bonding time and i got lots of venting out about family and stuff i was stressin about... it looks like i'll have some hard work ahead of me. i'm looking forward to it >D it's been a while since i had a challenge. like school and the business >D alrighty! but.. all that starts after i get into school. =_=

[[ Sunday, February 2, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:21 a.m. ]]

Bear

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

...how accurate is that?

::hwaaaaa:: i haven't moved so much in so long o_O; got up at 9:30 to go to san francisco and help ed and angie move into their new house. x_X; something's bound to be sore tomorrow if not now. they fed us kfc for lunch *_* mmm... and someone there didn't exactly keep to himself when it came to heidi, so i had to bash him into the u-haul with a box. we left around 5 with a log-mirae sleeping in the back of the car. it was a nice short nap, so i was ready to play at svgl~ where the brs were ^^ they actually played golf with a guy named matt, and it was funny as hell with the balls flying in all directions ^^;; i lost to heidi in air hockey. but i won against brian. didn't get a chance to play bryant. I CHALLENGE YOU!! ...next time... and ddr sucked cuz my legs got too tight on the 4th song. CHE! it's almost 11 and the guys wanted food while i was thinking something was wrong with me since i wasn't hungry and the last time i ate was 2. maa ikka... so today was the last time i'd get to see my brs for a few weeks... ;_; nooooo!!

... ok... next weekend i might pick heidi up to spend the night at my house <3 i'll see if i still have enough gas by then to make a 1-way trip up there cuz i'm counting on you to help me out with gas x_X; come to think of it, i haven't paid for my own gas for a while now o_O; oh yes... in case i forgot to mention, i'll be starting work sometime around feb 10. WOOT! money *_* just getting kinda anxious cuz i want to get a 2nd job but i can't do that till i figure out my schedule at hallmark. garururu.. it was cold today. but fun ^^ feeling kinda icky so i'm gunna wash up and go to bed and sleep for a good long time considering i slept only 6 hours or so last night -_-; tomorrow's sunday... i hope my parents go out. ugh... stomach hurts X_x; g'nite...

[[ Friday, January 31, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:03 a.m. ]]

friggin a last night was horrible! i couldn't sleep till 6 or 7 cuz i was stressing out about stuff and emotional stress didn't help, either! GAH! i swear this is one of my worst pms's ever. anyway... i woke up around 3:30 or so and went out. went to downtown los gatos on impulse and i wanna go back and just take a walk around sometime ^^ it's quite nice. mebe i can find a job down there? =D it's less than 10 mins away from home, too~ iei~ XD riki picked me up around 6:15 to go see a plan in sf, which was cool~ joseph was there and he was wearing aqua di gio *_* that stuff brings out the flirt in me. times 10. it's like a magic potion~ ::joy frolic::

SO! tomorrow's the day i go and find out for sure if i have a job or not x_X; and if so, i need to know what my schedule is, un. and then it's off to find another job to go with my hallmark schedule~ woot~~ oh yah, to the BRs, i fixed your color thingies for you guys~ and... and...

IEI so happily doing my chores since my MOM'S not here to tell me to do them~ XD i wish more of my days were like this *_* so! tomorrow! i hope to go to mgl, and saturday i hope to go to sf and then svgl! yesh <3

[[ Wednesday, January 29, 2003 ]]
[[ 8:47 p.m. ]]

wow it's still early. i actually had dinner before midnight! o_O thas great~! but yeah my hopefully future manager, cindy, called around noon to move today's appointment to friday 1:00, which was totally okke with me. so i had nothing to do today. i was seriously dying in my own boredom and at the point where rearranging my whole room or even going back to school wouldn't be a bad idea. i was starting to wish i HAD school WITH homework to do. shikamo you KNOW there's something wrong with me when i start wanting to do MATH again. i'm noticing a serious lag in mental calculation. =_=; and the bank's charging me for depositing money so now i'm negative dammit. gotta fix this problem. other than that, i got new sheet music and tried playing them. quite fun. i definitely can't handle #'s and b's. che.. and dad came in and told me that if i need money, i should go to him.....;; again...;; kinda...weird. it's nice to know he's there to fall back on when i get desparately desparate, but at the same time, is he saying that stuff without thinking again?? if so, it'll cause more fighting between me and my mom again.

oh yah! i used pantene prov and it reminded me of back in the day when akg did cosplay at phi's house for ax2k and i showered at her place one time. *_* natsukashiiii <3 <3 <3 kinda wish i could go back to those days... yah... back when gas was kinda cheap =_=;;

nde! i had more weird dreams last night! brian! bryant! you guys are haunting my dreams! x_X;; it was...... disturbingly.. but nicely.... yet sadistically... .... i dunno. o_O; i dun think you guys wanna know either ^^;;; TONIKAKU! i think reading yaoi manga before i go to bed is a bad idea. ......wait.... i didn't read any last night o_O;;; wth!!

tonikaku... mom and dad are going down to socal to look at apartments. that means i get a nice 2 days with the house to myself XD IEI~~~ no nagging or bitching or yelling or arguing, just me *_____* alone in the house *______* iei~~~ i just hope my brother's not stupid enough to bring people over. and i was reminded today of just how much i don't like his friends (especially the girls cuz they're all hoes) when one of them called earlier today. i actually picked up the phone cuz my parents were in the other room and the phone was right next to me. it was a girl.
girl: hi is jon there?
me: ::muka:: hang on.. JINHOOOOOOOOO!!
dad from other room: jinho's not home he'll be back later~
me: ah..;; he's not home right now, who's this?
girl: ... oh.. um.. ok. well.. um.. it's ok.. uh.. bye
me: ::click:: .....ahou ka...

....maa... iika... i should prolly get started on a new layout. get stuff for ebay... ....get money.... and i'll need a 2nd job, too x_X; hauuu... i kinda feel like playing piano again... tonikaku! i dun think i'll be getting my life back on track till friday. some things are just getting a bit whack for me so i must take time to clear my brain of all its clutter and sort things out. speaking of which... mebe i'll do that while i clean my room. and desk.

[[ Tuesday, January 28, 2003 ]]
[[ 6:35 p.m. ]]

OUSHA!!!!! today was a somewhat productive day! i think i may have gotten a job at hallmark cuz i went in to check on my app and the manager asked me to go in tomorrow around 2 to fill out some paperwork! XD XD WOOT!!! now i just gotta figure out my schedule and then go for a 2nd job cuz she said she could only give me 15 hours max for now. which i'm totally fine with *_* just happy i have SOME source of income >_< KYAHAHAHA~~~ ureshiiii~~~ now i wanna draw and sell on ebay *_* hmmmmm~~ OH YEAH!!! and my printer works now! XD before it didn't work on windows2k, but pekkle darling found something for it and it works now!! XD XD ARIGATOUUUU!!! ::GLOMPLELELELELELELELEE:: i shall go let out my happiness XD

[[ Monday, January 27, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:35 p.m. ]]

nyuuu... very.... unproductive day. lazed around continuing my anime binge. i'd say showering was about as much as i got done. tomorrow i gotta go out and do more job stuff. i can definitely feel the difference in my body between when i went out to play everyday and now. vegetating. and i may be getting sick again. nausea is..... the worst feeling ever. and the night's still young. aaa... oh yeah, i had a weird dream last night. something about being stranded on an island with a buncha other people and trying to get around. there was a place like the deck area of my backyard, only it was grass and bushes there and the brs were setting up a place to sleep and michelle and heidi were off to the side with me watching and it was one of those really thin plastic woven sheets that was falling apart, and there was one other blanket and i was thinking of using that to lie on so we wouldn't get dirty but then there'd be nothing to cover us and..... GAH!! only 2 people would fit on the sheet and brian and i ended up sleeping there in broad daylight with everyone else sleeping in a different arrangement somehow but they had blankets too though i dunno how they got them.

.....feeling nauseous makes me irritable as hell... AND WHAT'S WRONG IF THEY'RE MEN, EH?!?!?!?!? miki's stupid as hell!! i CANNOT EXPRESS into ANY LANGUAGE how STUPID she is!!! .......

i want an apple ;_;

[[ Sunday, January 26, 2003 ]]
[[ 10:44 p.m. ]]

we woke up around 2 or so... michelle went home to finish packing stuff, and then we went out to get some food for her to take back. she let me borrow a crapload of videos and manga *_* vacation has officially ended with michelle going to long beach this afternoon. well... i'm still on vacation till whenever i get a job, but i'm gunna end up having a lot of free time.. looks like i'll be drawing a lot... ugh... i'm getting that weird anxious feeling in my stomach for some reason... it's unsettling. ::haaa:: drawing eh? shouldn't be too much of a problem. hopefully my mind won't start wandering too much. nn.. i think i should make a new layout soon... munyu... basking in nostalgia right now watching fushigi yuugi. it's quite nice. un. but it's also one of those things that kinda make you depressed when the depressing scenes come up. miaka's stupid.

[[ Sunday, January 26, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:02 a.m. ]]

yes... another hectic chaotic yet fun weekend has just passed by with MIHBR. it was only a 1-night thing since michelle has to go home tomorrow and..... yeh... had to get things done... i hear michelle and heidi have some things cleared out/talked about/made all good things between the guys now. i'm very happy for them ^^ as for me? i can't really figure anything out right now cuz my brain's only semi-functional. lots of emotional rollercoastering the past couple days. i think my stupidity of jealous-ness-ment is passing. slow but steady. there's a slight weight lifted off my shoulders. another weight settles in, though, and that's wondering how hard it'll be once michelle goes back to school. after pretty much living with her for a month, adjusting to being alone again might take quite a toll on my mental stability. .... DAIJOUBU!! i'll be ok, un. ... un.

[[ Friday, January 24, 2003 ]]
[[ 3:40 a.m. ]]

wow..... quite a nice day considering i woke up around 2 and didn't leave the house till 4 or so. ran some errands and went to coffee with satoshi, which was the first time in.... ... . . . .a really long time ^^;; twas fun~ and then michelle came over almost as soon as i got home, so i didn't have time to feel lonely ^_^ we've just been lounging in my room since. i doodled a pic of her feeding me~~ and we've been listening to the pocahontas soundtrack for.... a few hours straight now o_O; but it's fun! XD ieeeeiiiiii~~~ the brs are coming over tomorrow~~ XD er.... later today.....;; but yah!! our last funfilled weekend together until spring break. ;_; hauuuu.....

i'm still working on this jealousy thing i have, but i'm getting better at managing it! mebe that means i'm starting to grow up a bit -_-; or.... .... i'm tired! i'm going to bed~ michelle honey~~~ prepare yourself!! >D

[[ Wednesday, January 22, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:38 p.m. ]]

there was a quixtar function tonight, which michelle attended with me and pekkle and heidi and all of our senpai's~ it was a good presentation, though i didn't get to enjoy all of it considering how sleepy i was when it started. but it was cool seeing everyone again~ it was a lot better than the last function x_X; and for some reason someone told heidi to tell me to get there at 6, which was 2 hours before the thing even started, so pekkle and michelle and i went to johnny rockets to get some grub. speaking of which, i want food now, too... 3 meals in 6 hours??? that can't be too healthy... tonikaku i go get food.

[[ Monday, January 20, 2003 ]]
[[ 9:00 p.m. ]]

me: tadaimaaa...
mom: hi
me: hi
mom: mirae, i want you to wipe all the bathroom mirrors and there's a load of laundry to be done.
me: .....

yeah it's nice to see you, too, mom. i haven't been home for a couple days now. it feels kinda... foreign..... hahaha thas not a good thing, is it ^^;; but i had a kickass weekend so it was all good! just like the past few weekends in a row, there was much laugh and play, with almost no sleep to balance it all out. one night at heidi's, one night at michelle's, none at mine~ ^_^ it was great! met new person! he was at golfland and we just started talking. interesting guy~ after golfland we went to get pizookie and got pizzas for $2 *_* good stuff... mmm...

.....can't think... lost train of thought... etto... yes there was much thinking going on this weekend. more than i would've liked, but it wasn't that bad dakara this weekend was all cho beri guddo! oh yah! brian! i found the orange piece of your world. it was on my desk..... somehow.... and bryant. ... . . ..... i still can't find your beanie.. . . ............ ;_; i'm sorry! i'll buy you a new one asap, yah?? ::haa:: michelle! there hasn't been a single day since you came home that i haven't seen you, huh? XD i'm liking this! though it'll be a friggin hard thing to deal with when you go back to school... ;_; and heidi's already leaving tomorrow T_T NOOOOOO!!

i'm composed, yes. tonikaku i'm gunna go watch perfect blue. again. ^^ un, good stuff <3 koi wa doki doki suru kedo, ai wa labu labu suru nara~
....or something like that..... yeh......;;;

[[ Saturday, January 18, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:18 a.m. ]]

yeh my face kinda hurts from laughing so much, but it's amazing the change in mood in just a few minutes. i was just at michelle's house with the br's and heidi, and the whole time it was like.. nonstop laughing. i had to leave since i couldn't spend the night, and dood, when i got outta the car in front of my house, i had the worst feeling of emptiness. it's horrid. but overall today was a really good day~ woke up earlier than expected, so i took a shower and went out to run some errands, and soon after i get home, michelle and i are on our way to mgl. XD i wonder what we're doing tomorrow? ^^; another sleepless weekend coming up <3 i hope i can stay out the next couple nights... nn... this feeling... ;_; mad cow disease. i'm suddenly really tired... kasljf;lskaef efjoj NOOOOOOOOOO!!! michelle!!! i didn't want to leave!!! i really didn't!! hontou wa minna to isshou ni itakatta! ::sob:: motto waratte motto hanashi shite motto tanoshiku yaritakatta!! AAAAAA MATTAKU MOUUUUUU!!!! slkjf;lsajdflksjd; isshou ni itakatta.....

[[ Friday, January 17, 2003 ]]
[[ 5:08 a.m. ]]

christ this is so retarted!! it's friggin 5 in the morning and i can't sleep. and i've been trying to get to sleep since 2. ::haaaaa:: i've been thinking mostly about finding a job and places i could work and crap like that. it's stressful. i learned a good lesson, though: if you're looking for a job, don't quit your current one till you start your new one. yes, i'm stupid. maa, at least i learn from my mistakes. there is NO WAY in hell that i'm going back to mitsuwa though. the place isn't bad, but CASHIERING is bad. i dun think i need to get into that. though... i do feel i'm most comfortable at the register. ironic? extremely... i just need money. sore dake.

oh yeh, i failed to mention before that my dad has not been home for a couple days now, and i asked mom where he was and she said "LA". uhhhhhh...... apparently he went to get himself an apartment while getting a job and looking for houses. uh. right. i didn't know we could afford that. but then again, i only know how much things in silicon valley are, so prices down south might come as a shock to me. "A 6 DIGIT PRICE FOR A HOUSE?!?!" as oppsed to "wow, 2 mill for a house? thas pretty good" ...i can feel myself getting hungry...

it's annoying how there's a feeling in the back of my mind tugging at me, and i can't tell what it is. at the same time, my brain can't seem to help but keep going back to thoughts of someone at random times. isshouni nareru wakya nee no ni NANDE YA?!?!?!? kinda bugs cuz i shouldn't like anyone right now, but something's not right, there's something missing, and i feel like grabbing onto them screaming for help and to make me sane again. but i can't. it's not a pleasant feeling. when i look at myself i can see someone who's getting really lonely putting up a front. "hitori ja daijoubu". that might be a lie. i can't tell at the moment. it's nearing 5:30. still not sleepy. i guess i'll watch anime till i fall asleep.......

[[ Thursday, January 16, 2003 ]]
[[ 11:03 p.m. ]]

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

yep life is grand. i gotta be honest with myself here, some new years resolutions already went down the drain. like that 'no eating past midnight' one, it didn't last a week. as for beating on michelle, well..... that one hasn't really gone well, either ^^; still trying to work on it. un. and some are just plain hard to do, like not getting jealous. it can be easy to ignore, but at the same time, it still happens! but yeah... ::haaa::

[[ Thursday, January 16, 2003 ]]
[[ 6:33 p.m. ]]

i've never had a coughing fit as bad as the one at lunch today. one woulda thought i was crying at the same time >_<;; michelle was being weird (as usual) and i laughed and something in the soup got caught in my throat and i thought i was gunna die ;_; we got so full after that... pizookieeee *_* ...anyway! yeh we decided to walk it off at the mall, so we spent a few hours there. XD kyahaha jessica mcclintock! they had some really nice dresses so we tried a couple on just for fun *_* nyahaha~ apparently that was michelle's first time seeing me in a dress;; it was fun XD heidi! we had fun for you, too <3 <3 <3 makes me want to go to a prom again ;_; nyuuu it was a nice little date <3 come to think of it, it wasn't as "extended" as someone said cuz it was only 4 hours out... but then again she DID spend the night.....;; maa ikka! this weekend is gunna be interesting <3

[[ Wednesday, January 15, 2003 ]]
[[ 3:49 p.m. ]]

my left thumb is sore from playing so much doa3 last night. michelle came, too <3 we did some bonding over dinner, but it had to be cut short cuz of my stupid curfew. sorry eric! ;_; we'll do more bonding sometime hopefully before michelle goes back to school >_< nde, i asked michelle to spend the night and we had.... torture sessions.. michelle discovered a new ticklish spot on me... o_o; crap. that's ok! she's ticklish in the same spot! XD so HYA! un... i want pizookie. and i also want rice. what to do what to do. LETSU GOOO!!!

[[ Tuesday, January 14, 2003 ]]
[[ 4:11 p.m. ]]

tadaimaaa! ok so my mom came in at like... 5 this morning cuz i was still up and hacking my lungs out and apparently it woke her up. oops, my bad. the thing that pissed me off though was how she bitched at me about it and somehow brought up the subject of school (like back in high school days) and working and financial shit. maa..... went to bed but couldn't get to sleep till past 6. still woke up at 1ish, so i went out to get some job apps. i think i wanna try working at a restaurant =P tehe~ nde... oh yah! i went over to campbell and whoa. lotsa memories, dood o_o; went by my old house, too ^^; sooo many memories, and hella random ones at that o_O; a lot changed though... and i went to the school i used to go to, and those things you call kids, man, they're TINY! michelle, remember how i was rambling on about tables and benches coming out of the walls? well, yah. those were in the cafeteria and i went by and they were still there ^^; ooooooh yah redwood had those too, huh??? anyway! i shall be going over to eric's to play video games later! ^_^ iei!

[[ Monday, January 13, 2003 ]]
[[ 9:45 p.m. ]]

piano really is good therapy when nothing else works. been feeling kinda lonely/stressed lately... can't tell if it's pms or not. michelle came over today. we watched 'enough'. quite good. lots of stalker stuff going on, really creepy. i seriously wouldn't want my husband to want me that bad...;; anyway, she left after the movie, and i went out to play santa. steph, i got your presents to michelle and jack. as for heidi and pekkle, i'll be doing that soon, though i dunno how to get lisa's to her. will prolly end up mailing it. i think i'll go and draw... what to draw, i dunno... but yeh...

[[ Monday, January 13, 2003 ]]
[[ 3:12 p.m. ]]

oh wow i had a really cool dream~ it was like... the ideal adventure for me ^_^;; or something like that. not many bad things happened, which was cool. for some reason i feel like it had a lot of harry potter influence, even though there was almost nothing that was harry potter-ish... hmm... anyway! so yah i'm at this narrow beach type place and the back of the beach is nothing but cliffs. and there are tons of people being gathered along the beach, like people my age kinda, and it's like an army where they're being drafted.... kinda..? every now and then there are little shelter thingies being built for the little kids...;; i'm like.. running along the cliff and going through the cracks and stuff and spying on the little army thing that steadily grew to hundreds somehow.

they got to the end of the beach and started going up the cliff where it wasn't so steep, and at the top, there was a big old fashioned building... my dreams seem to have a lot of these... anyway! yeh there was a supposed war between the people from the beach and the people that were already at the building... now that i think about it, it must've been a battle against schools...;; tonikaku, the group that just got there was wearing all blue, and the other group was wearing all red. there were.... GIRLS in this army thing o_O;; like...... 15 year old girls o_O;; i thought it was a bit out of place... anyway... so yeh they were gunna totally go at it but i somehow stopped them all by running through the gap that was between the two groups the way ace ventura ran between the two tribes with that bat while screaming SHIKAKAAAAAAAA!!! but yeh... i did that and i noticed as the dream progresses, my movements become more fluid and running and jumping becomes easier and stuff...

ok so... next thing i know, it's night, and i'm in one of those apartment complexes where it's not just one big fat building, but a few apartments in one little structure and they're all generously sprinkled throughout a really big area, and they make kinda circles with each other. kinda like a honeycomb. so yeah, it's spacious and there's a creek running through the whole thing with mini bridges going over it and small lamps lining the grass... un.. there are 3 other people with me, one's a girl and the other two are guys, dunno who they were exactly. so i'm just kinda walking around enjoying myself cuz it's kinda pretty with the water and lights and all *_* and the girl gets impatient and says 'mirae, we have to go!' so i start heading off, but in the wrong direction. ^^;; her and the other two guys say 'no! this way!' and go ahead without me. i just relax and catch up, only when i do, i'm jumping over the creek and grass and all that, but i kinda float when i do.. like the fake mimarin from perfect blue! like the people in X! so yeh, i just make a few jumps and i'm already where the others are running to, and we all head over to another old looking building. made of stone and looks kinda like a mini-castle and whatnot... there are lots of people there, mostly girls, one really long table in the middle of the place with chairs around it and a fat chandalier on the ceiling and yeh.. not the greatest lighting in the world, but being me, i didn't mind cuz dark is good. apparently, you could fly as much as you wanted, but like the ice-skating rink in vallco, only in circles above the chandalier. it was fun ^^; and i could control myself better than anyone else in there, which was also fun XD nde... someone really important to me came into the place, and i went down really fast to see him. ... only... i dunno who this important person was.. someone i dunno yet? someone i know but don't remember? wakannai...

there was another part, i dun really remember a whole lot, but there was this really cute puppy and he was really soft like a stuffed animal and one of this back legs was hurt cuz it got caught in some sort of trap and this one guy i supposedly knew in the dream (around 18-20ish) was taking care of him. it was really cute ;_; and yeh... i didn't think the guy was the type to be so gentle/caring, so that came as a surprise.... ato... i dun remember what happened after that....

but yeh, fun dreams, there seems to be one person that's important to me popping up at random times, but i dunno the face, voice, or anything about him. weird... maa... ikka... i woke up at 3. good morning everyone.

[[ Sunday, January 12, 2003 ]]
[[ 8:49 p.m. ]]

happy birthday to mom! i made her a picture and she really seemed to like it~ couldn't believe i drew the thing and made the frame and all that. i'm glad she likes it ^^

it was another chaotic weekend with MIBR plus heidi! we went to sf on saturday morning, picking up the br's, and off to jtown it was! lunch, crepes, much walking around the shopping center, and we took purikura, too! XD i like how it came out! <3 after that we all migrated over to fisherman's wharf ^_^ much thanks to the br's, who got us around the city *_* we played at the arcade that was there, and it was really expensive!! o_O; the beatmania machine seems to like eating tokens...;; as always, bryant's beatmania skills are impressive *_* we headed over to ghirardelli square and had some really sweet drinks >_< i got my hot choco with peppermint candy in it ^____^ iei! after our dosage of sugar, we went back to the wharf and got some clam chowder. then home it was we came~

much laughing. pictionary!! XD it's good stuff when MIBR plays it! XD XD XD i played with my cousins and i didn't laugh nearly as much with them >_< after 2 games we changed pictionary to charades with our own rules ^_______^ THAT was really interesting, too XD after making all that noise, we calmed down setting up the ps2 to the vcr to the tv so we could watch a dvd. i took a shower while they were doing that, and when i came out, something smelled kinda sweet o_O kitchen. PIZOOKIES!!!!! well... in the making ^_^;; the finished product was quite good *_* the icecream was hard to scoop..;; nde! the ps2 finally got working and we started the movie~ .... i kinda fell asleep when it started, but yeh ^^;;; michelle's room was all play again. i woke up and started torturing brian. i was having fun until a missile pillow came and bashed my head off with my left eyeball flying out x_X;; after that the adrenaline from killing brian left my system and i passed out for the night... well... until a chorus of snoring from the other 3, possibly 4 others started up.

un morning. er... more like 1pm came around. heidi had already left at 10. we hung around in the room for a couple hours for some reason... just kinda flopping around being tarepandas, tickling each other...;; yeh... SO! off to yoshinoya! food *_* since i had to be home for dinner, i didn't eat. few bites, off to mitsu to get snacks and find a book the michelle and brian found hilarious.. ^^;; it was pretty funny though XD

i had to come home... and now here i am after giving mom her present ^^ still semi-sick, but MUCH better than friday x_X speaking of which, friday night's meeting didn't go as well as i'd expected. the only good thing that came out of it was that i got to see our group ^_^ ::haa:: and i need to stick to my NYRs better x_X;; f;lksajf;lksdjflksf;kd AUGH!! yeh, there are still some frustrations that i need to fix in my system, but i can't seem to get anything worked out.

i'm getting kinda hungry.. un... food...

[[ Friday, January 10, 2003 ]]
[[ 8:37 a.m. ]]

lord only knows why i'm up at this ungodly hour. i slept at 2 last night and had a really weird dream - something about finding a place for this creature thingie to stay and seduction? MIBR plus heidi and jessica (for some reason) were involved. i woke up at 8, have no idea why, i feel like i had absclutely no sleep even though i'm not tired anymore, and my condition this morning is better than it was yesterday morning. if i take good care of myself today, i'll be all better for tomorrow! XD XD WOOT! and.... lisa~ did you call my cell at like......... 5:45am?? o_O;; i heard it go off but it stopped ringing after like..... 1 ring ^^;; or something like that... i dunno x_X; anyway... i was having uber fun with my mic last night. i serenaded michelle for like.... half an hour? ^^;;; i was coughing and she said it was cute. heidi said i sounded like a kitten coughing up a mini furball........;; i dun think i should be happy about that one -_-;; anyway... since i'm up and can't go back to sleep and sitting here in my half-nekkidness, i shall go find something to eat and i know exactly what i want XD

[[ Thursday, January 9, 2003 ]]
[[ 10:21 p.m. ]]

heidi, i totally feel your pain =_= only... in a different way. i know what allergies are like, they come back every few years or so, but i get them treated and all is good. but ironically, just when you get over your cold (at least i THINK you are), _I_ catch one. =_= i see this can easily turn into the last time i got really sick- bedridden for days unable to eat anything and my brain frying with fever. ::haa:: so much pain involved in being sick ;_; but don't worry! i CANNOT die this weekend! i have function with you and michello, and the next day is sf with mibr!! plus heidi! if anything, i must be functional this weekend!

still dunno what's going on with family crap. dunno if i wanna know, but i need to since there might be a problem with my going to sjsu. =_= ::haaa:: maa... i'm just gunna go all out on playing while michelle's still here, and after that, i gotta plunge into the world of responsibilities and work. =_=;;

[[ Thursday, January 9, 2003 ]]
[[ 4:13 p.m. ]]

we are watching anastasia. i haven't seen this for so long x_X; "i banish YOU. with a CURSSSE!" ~_~;; anyway..... yeh i tried asking my mom for money so i could send in the college app, but she didn't give me money, instead, just said "we have to talk about that. we have to talk about a couple things, actually, but we'll do that later." .....wth... she's not divorcing dad, i prolly can't go to school at sjsu, GAH!!! i just want to cuddle with someone right now ;_; ...ara, it's raining. LKSJF;LKJSFL;KJSF TOMORROW'S FRIDAY!! O_O YES! something to do! and... AFTER THAT IS MIBR!! XD XD MIBR MIBR!! and heidi's coming, too! XD i just... need to con money out of parents...;; somehow...;; just glad i'm not driving -_-;

souieba.. i think i'm coming down with something... x_X; slight fever, coughing, throat hurting, atama boo- to shiteru. i think i'll go doodle something. my juices are flowing again, i think! XD

[[ Wednesday, January 8, 2003 ]]
[[ 9:46 p.m. ]]

ever since my dad came back from LA... which was yesterday?? o_O; i dun remember.. tonikaku, yes, every since only a little bit ago, my relationship with the parental units have been getting worse. mom calls me on my cell phone for the stupidest things, i almost don't even want to touch it when it's the preset ringtone. anyone i'd want to talk to already has their own ring tone. ::haa:: with the way things are going right now, it'll get harder and harder to tell them about my school plans. ....maa ikka! dasshu de ikeee!!!

so michelle spent the night last night and we wrestled around for a bit. it was quite entertaining till my mom came in and told me to be quiet. that was around 4 or so. we woke up 1ish? something like that. michelle went home, i worked on the br's pitas layout, got some sheet music off the net, and michelle came back ^_^ so we played some more piano, and then went out for a sanpou <3 downtown toga's nice at night. just wish there were more places open. bryant called XD cuz he was walking to the bart station and he wanted us to stay on the phone with him in case anything happened ^_~ kawaiiiii <3

dood! this weekend, when we're MIBR again, we gotta go get some really good hot chocolate, stir a candycane in it till it's all gone, and drink it *________* yes!! ghirardelli square! fisherman's wharf! japantown! hauuuuuuu *____* we must go! let's! go!! ok, bubblebutt and i are gunna go and get some candycanes!! <3 <3 <3 WOOT!

[[ Wednesday, January 8, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:09 a.m. ]]

hey it's only 12! o_O; nice! but yeah, i decided last night after much drama and crying and fighting with mom and stuff, that i will reapply to san jose state and go to school there while i try to salvage my dying brain, work a part-time, and build my business with heidi *_* and get away from my parents, which i will oh so happily do. after last night, all friendliness with mom just went straight down the drain and my respect for dad is still at 0. possibly heading for -1. but yeah, sorry michelle, for getting your sweater wet with tears ;_; i'm still exhausted from all that crying...

i can feel some of that high school stress for college apps coming back. i'm going all paranoid like 'what if sjsu doesn't accept me again?' and ugh x_X; it's not all that great, but i gotta deal with it cuz i brought this on myself... i just hope my parents can afford to send me to school. ::stress mark:: financial aid apps are gunna be a pain, too, yah? ::haaaaaaaaaaaaa::

i'm so totally looking forward to this weekend it's not even funny. more MIBR time! XD so yes... i woke up unusually early considering i slept at 4... michelle came over and we went out to hakone niwa, starbucks, made a pit stop to michelle's, and then came back to my house and watched movies movies food movies movies... quite nice~ oh! i saw mike from my art class at starbucks~ i didn't know he worked there o_O; shall remember for future reference >D ato... yesh, michelle's still here and we've been talking to br's about this weekend *_* beach? sf? aaa.. ghirardelli square and fisherman's wharf... *______* but yes, i wanna go to the beach! XD aquarium would be soo nice *_* yeah anyway! must find job! have a few more places in mind >_< and i gotta get transcript from school...;; and sat info x_X;; must get that too....;;; GAH! aiite i'm out!

[[ Monday, January 6, 2003 ]]
[[ 3:04 p.m. ]]

i realized i shouldn't write when i'm in one of those moods i was in last night, cuz i make it sound like the weekend wasn't that fun, but to clear things up: i had like.. one of the best weekends on my life! like michelle said, there's no word to describe it, so take one of your make-you-fly moments, multiply that by 2, and thas the feeling. if you say "well i don't have any of those kinds of memories", well then. i say you're LYING. =_= think harder. last night's entry's mood was prolly the result of exhaustion...

i like dreams. dreams are fun. but dood, when you dream about having sex with certain people, you don't want to dream anymore! it makes me want to bang my head against the insides of the walls of a cube =_= 'this room is green' tte kanji. 'i want to go back to the blue room' tte kanji. =_= ::haa::

oh yes i forgot to mention. my dad's going to LA tonight. he says it's to look at houses. this really sucks. it sounds like my parents aren't going to divorce. i have 2 guesses. one, he's really going to look at houses. two, he's going to see the bitch he cheated on my mom with. but dood, going to LA for a day to look at houses sounds kinda short, don't you think? but then again what would i know.

steph, i'll be giving your xmas presents to people today. since i need to get outta the house and yeah... i just dunno where lisa lives... ok, i'm out.

[[ Monday, January 6, 2003 ]]
[[ 1:07 a.m. ]]

when you've had the kinda weekend i just had, it gets lonely being alone. i mean REALLY lonely. i spent the last 2 and half days being mibr, so spending the night alone tonight is gunna be a slight change cuz i've gotten so used to sleeping with people now X_x; not exactly a good thing... my sense of time got warped, too. things that happened before friday afternoon feel like just yesterday or something, but at the same time, it feels like a reeeeeeally long time ago... and this weekend was soooo long but it was just as fun as long <3 <3 <3 <3 nde, along with playing the whole time (lots of arcading, fooding (PIZOOKIE!!!!!!!!! XD XD XD), talking, laughing, movie-ing, pictionary-ing (my winning streak was broken by ONE LITTLE BR!!! >_< haha jk you know i love you ^_^ both of you <3)), i've also been given much to think about and new years resolutions come to mind.

mirae,
stop being such an overpossessive bitch.
and stop getting jealous all the time.
no hate shall be allowed in that heart of yours, either.
quit beating up on people, especially michelle and heidi. they're gunna break up with you otherwise.
be nice, even to people you dunno. or like.
stop being so clingy, dammit.
eat at LEAST at semi-normal hours. no more past-midnight meals, and STOP when you're NOT HUNGRY, meaning don't fuckin stuff yourself till you're in pain.
stay in shape - go running or something every once in a while you lazy ass.
if you're pissed about something, don't beat anything in front of people cuz that's just stupid.
keep any and all promises you make.
you're slacking in the keep-a-happy-front business, get back up to par.
stop with any of that "i like him" crap, you're not supposed to do that, remember?! bf/gf just means extra stress!
you've become harder to please. stop wanting the best of everything, just accept what you get, dammit.
get a job before the month is out.
and finally, when you start something, FINISH. IT.

::haaaaa:: lots to do... i noticed that people in the gaming community can be REALLY scary, cuz they have so much hate for so many people, and you can't tell when they hate you or not cuz they still act normal. until you leave. then they vent and let everything out and...... yeah...;; kinda makes you wonder who doesn't like you and who does. but oh well.... i'm not worried about that right now. =_= i dun care what others think of me as long as i'm not hated by those i like. and sometimes i gotta question that, too. datte, i know i'm a lot more annoying than normal people should be, but most of the people i know are too nice to say anything if i bother them.

i think i've changed in the way i react and interact with people. i dunno how exactly, but i know there's a difference in the way i feel as opposed to a few months ago. kinda frustrating how i can't pinpoint exactly what...

i realized it doesn't take months and months to build a real friendship. sometimes people just click when they're together for a couple hours. i think thas pretty cool ^_^ a bothering thought relating to that though, is that i'm prolly taking current things to heart more than i should in thinking these people are friends like my girls or jack or pekkle... instead of regarding them as a-little-more-than-acquaintences just cuz i spent a couple weekends with them. and that thought really bugs cuz i really like these people a lot and i dun wanna go back to just being acquaintences... ::haa:: it's at insecure times like this that i wish i didn't develop such strong attachments to people...

aside from social stuff, there's family stuff i'm totally confused on cuz my parents were sleeping in the same room last night. i find that... somewhat disturbing, cuz the past few nights my mom has been using the guest room as her own. but..... last night was different. and the reason i find that unsettling is cuz this might mean that my parents won't actually go through with the divorce. again. GODDAMMIT, do they REALIZE how much i stress EVERY FUCKIN TIME?!?!?!? i'm always trying to figure out how i'm gunna live life, with WHICH PARENT cuz EVERY TIME they do this, situations are always different, especially now cuz i'm 18 and i'm (supposedly) in college and my school life is very loose right now cuz of things i currently have planned. decisions about moving and who to live with and what to do with my life are STRESSFUL! a;lskdjfoesijf;dv;igrj if my mom decides to stay with my dad, i say she's fucking stupid. and i still have no respect for my dad. fin.

........... ::fuuuuuuu:: now that i'm done venting, i shall go and..... find something to do to keep myself pre-occupied... yes...

[[ Friday, January 3, 2003 ]]
[[ 2:25 a.m. ]]

wow it's been so long since i talked on the phone o_o for like... conversation, and not just planning stuffs, ya kno? quite nice~ nde... went to the great mall for the 2nd time in my life *_* the br's made it quite interesting with their "come-backs" during dinner ^^; brian managed to get me to eat somehow;; and airhockey was fun! XD lost miserably, but that ok ^^; "i love yaoi". i am not quoting myself LOL!! imagine saying that to people when you thought it meant something else and they know what it really is *_* lol!! but yes anyway... i get the feeling i'll be dreaming weird dreams tonight. lil b, i shall give you full details if there's anything interesting ^_~ <3

[[ Thursday, January 2, 2003 ]]
[[ 1:32 p.m. ]]

in one night, i've gotten to know the helplessness and frustration of watching someone you care about getting the shit beat out of them while you're being held back, and the disgust of having 3 (very large) pet scorpions that eat reeses peanut butter cups and creme filled chocolates. life is wonderful? sure. GOD those scorpions were DISGUSTING!!! i SWEAR they were mutated!!

aa reading manga is good. i've lost excess attachments <3 it's great! *_* manga = therapy <3 un! i shall now go shower for i feel quite EW!

[[ Thursday, January 2, 2003 ]]
[[ 02:08 a.m. ]]

I am the Siren A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play - by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release form the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy. Symbol: Water. The song of the Siren is liquid and enticing, and the Siren herself is fluid and ungraspable. Like the sea, the Siren lures you with the promise of infinite adventure and pleasure. Forgetting past and future, men follow her far out to sea, where they drown.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society

[[ Thursday, January 2, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:59 a.m. ]]

wow i'm surprised my mom didn't call me when it got later than 12. o_O; cuz i wasn't home yet since, being me, i took the wrong highway and ended up going the wrong direction with 3 other people in the car that had to get home just as i did. maa... i got them home safely. ... safely. and got my own ass home, and drooled over the present steph got me XD <3 ::GLOMPLEGYUUUUUUUUU!!!:: ARIGATOU DESUDESUSUSUSU!!! and phi! thanks for your temporary presents, too!! XD earlier a bunch of us went out to dinner after meeting at phi's house, which is WAY down in sj, and i got heidi and michelle after that. we ended up going back to phi's house, to her addicting taiko game. i had a really nice session of venting to phi and heidi about my family shit. victory! for i did not cry!! YES!!!! and then thas about when we left for home. i'm tired... must catch up on more sleep. sleep good... i should prolly straighten my bed out though... ~_____~ mm.. fun....

[[ Wednesday, January 1, 2003 ]]
[[ 12:58 p.m. ]]

np: moeko matsushita - ame agari
HAPPY NEW YEAR DESUDESUSUSUSU

lots of video games. were played yesterday. michelle and i were both getting really restless, so she just kinda signed off and didn't come back, and i was like o_O;; ok... i was just finishing my makeup when all of a sudden the door goes BAN!!!!!! ::GIKUU!!:: O_O;;;;;;;;;; michelle waltzes through the door =_=;; che... yeh... i was wondering why my dogs were barking. so we went to get cider and got her xmas presents wrapped LAST MINUTE X_x and then we hopped on over to the arcade~ <3 o_O; dood i swear there's a guy keeping a handful of tokens just for her cuz the last 2 times we went there, he gave them to her o_O; ...tonikaku... yes, we played games games games, and when we got to pekkle's house, it was more games games games and i talked on the phone a lot o_O lotsa phone calls...;; then to jack's we went! more games..;; i slept kinda...; and then it was michelle's! ...dood i spend more time at their houses than my own. x_X; so i spent the night at michelle's and tortured her for a while before we actually went to sleep. i was woken up by 'for fruits basket'. HEIDI BEIBI CALLED!! XD said she'll be home later tonight <3 and then stephanie beibi called a few minutes after that x_X and said we could go see phi beibi!! XD XD XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 so i get to see everyone tonight!!

nde... michelle's gunna be gone for the next couple of days, so i'm all T_T about it... everyone else is going back to school!!!! >_< NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! stupid schools!!! you're taking all my friends away dammit!!! KAESHITE!!!! KAESEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! ... yeah i'm ok. i guess i'll catch up on lost sleep today after i clean my room, and then play with everyone tonight. and tomorrow i'll kill time at the arcade and see b&b! XD XD waaaaaaaaiiiiiii!!! oh yah! brian i have your keys~ ^_______^ fufuuu~~ oooh i get to put up some calendars <3

[[ Tuesday, December 31, 2002 ]]
[[ 1:23 p.m. ]]

np: sakamoto maaya - pilot
dreams are weeeeeird

ok.... disturbing dream...;;; brian and bryant were living together in a pretty big house. michelle and i went to visit. and why the HELL did tina and kyoungah come with us?? ok, anyway... so yah, we were just hanging out and checking out the house when i go downstairs and i was folding some blankets since apparently we were using them earlier while sitting on the couch or something i dunno, and there's a big glass sliding door behind the couch so when i look out of it, you can see a big lawn and one of those really big but really old libraries made of stone and stuff, and i start seeing things like stuff coming out of the clouds and it's like a huge ship or something and it floats there. and then a cannon pops out of it and starts firing. then a ton of rifles shoot from the sides, too...;; i can see people on the ship running around, and they're like... jumping/floating to the building and they stick cannons in there too and start firing at something on the far right. my cousin kyoungah's helping me with the blankets and she can hear the rifles and thinks they're fireworks, "i wish we could see those fireworks from here" and i'm like '...those aren't fireworks, those are guns, there's a war right in front of us'. she doesn't believe me cuz apparently i'm the only one who can see all this going on. there are lotsa people on the supposed lawn going at each other now..;; bloody; for some reason i went down there and later brian pops outta nowhere but he'd been shot or something. so i carry him somewhere......? and we had one of those michelle-mirae moments from last night where we had that whole "HIME-SAMA!!!" thing going on. but....;; brian didn't die. cuz he was just playing with me! >_ there was a different part in the dream, i dun remember if it was before or after all that house stuff, but it had a lot to do with school and how i had to look for my car in the parking lot all the time and some girls that kept bugging me. it was in front of the longs by my house, but the parking lot was like my high school parking lot turned sideways. reeeeally weird...

waking up at 1 feels good. but at the same time it makes you think "i wasted my day". i wouldn't feel that way if i didn't have a midnight curfew cuz i could be out all night playing. che... stupid curfew... so yeah... since i've been typing this up since i woke up, i've had a very uneventful day. just really weird dreams. i wanna play. i miss b&b.

[[ Tuesday, December 31, 2002 ]]
[[ 1:01 a.m. ]]

np: yoko kanno - the hurt
'twas the night before new years eve

my day was wasting away. i woke up before 11, and sat in front of the computer while (amazingly) FREE WILLY played on my tv. i actually let it play all the way to the end. nde... i was really restless and right as i was about to leave, van called and said he'd meet me at mitsu~ so i went and met up with him ^^ i think the first thing i did after a hello hug was tease him o_O; poor van.. we went to the arcade to kill time and i felt like playing games *_* then fantasia~ much catching up and talking about random stuffs. it was fun ^_^ and then michelle beibi came! XD and we just talked and hung around at her park. after he left, we went to get food, and then got over to jack's after picking pekkle up, where i smacked jack. semi seriously. for the first time. ::haaaaaaaaa:: but it's ok. i forgive him now. i still have yet to smack someone seriously. iei for anger management? ^^;;;;; or what i have left of it. i'm (literally) beating myself over how stupid i am... what else is new ~_~ WE BETTER BE DOING SOMETHING FOR NEW YEARS, KORAAAA!!

[[ Monday, December 30, 2002 ]]
[[ 12:50 a.m. ]]

np: akemi sato - tsuki no nai yoru
tadaimaaaaaa *_*

(retyping entry since it got deleted)
so! it was a really long weekend *_* crammed end to end with hanging out, iceskating, shopping, watching rented movies, eating, and gaming with michelle bryant and brian! <3 honestly it was a really long 2 days, but it was so! much! fun!! so all's good everything's cho beri guddo. the only thing i'm not liking about this weekend is that fact that i've developed a disturbingly strong attachment to bryant and brian. a bad thing for me. i dunno about them though ^^;;; prolly a hazard to their health. we all have major sleep to catch up on.

tomorrow, or later today, is m&m's (michelle & mirae) day with van and his friends~ they came up from socal and staying in a hotel in sf. dood! come down to sj cuz we dun wanna go to sf again this week x_X; and think of what you wanna do cuz michelle and i have been doing that all weekend x_X; no grief! XD