[angst]

okay. so i managed to do something incredibly childish and mundane yesterday...but it incredibly enhanced my love life, lemme tell ya..

yesterday, i was busy playing with some grasshoppers (mind you, we've had a horrible infestation of them this year) and then my current love interest happens to walk up (travis). so, he inquires as to what i am doing and this master plan hits me--to gather a ton of them and shovel them into the girls bathroom simply to see them scream. seeing the mischievous look in his eye as i tell him, i know that he wants to help. so we're off.

we spent the whole morning together gathering grasshoppers and i was in ecstasy. i was daydreaming all day, and we're now known to each other as "grasshopper brethren". honestly, nothing could put a cramp in my day yesterday...except for hearing that a friend of mine's father has leukemia and is near death...

...horoscope today warns of anger. maybe i'd best keep a lid on my emotions lately. hmn. i'll see to that.

well, not much else to say at the moment, so...ciao.

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † blimey.
when? Monday, May 19, 2003
lyric for the day: Too much is not enough.. (Gavin Rossdale)

[angst]

yes, it's the first i've written in nearly a week. yay for me. i hope to get on the computer soon so i can simply get a new layout for this thing...after all, this layout's getting so incredibly stale..
i actually got some time with travis the other day. after you left the "concert" by Lucid at lunch the other day, he and i stayed behind and listened to the music together. it was...blissful, i suppose. the only downside? i realized just how incredibly kickass he is and how lonely and stupid i am.
alas, there shall be no love for the likes of me.

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † faint.
when? Tuesday, May 13, 2003
lyric for the day: Don't turn your back on me..I won't be ignored. (Linkin Park)

[angst]

wow. i actually managed to sleep in because my next door neighbor is giving me a ride to school. how thoughtful of her...

production week for our show Little Women has begun, so naturally, i am near-dead with anxiety.

my birthday is tomorrow, so i guess that's always a plus...not to mention the extreme torture i am going to endure, ne..

oh well. good bye, i guess. would write more, but i'm gonna be late..

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † bipolarity.
when? Wednesday, May 7, 2003
lyric for the day: This is my December..this is my snow-covered home.. (Linkin Park)

[angst]

that settles it.
i am a self-diagnosed mixed bipolar fucked up kid.
what else do you need to know today?

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † my december.
when? Tuesday, May 6, 2003
lyric for the day: Give it all away just to find somewhere to go to.. (Linkin Park)

[angst]

this is my december, mick. and i'm freezing from the inside out. my fingers are numb, my nose tingling from frostbite.

the only question now is.. do you even fucking care?

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † care.
when? Monday, May 5, 2003
lyric for the day: I'm so far down, away from the sun.. (3 Doors Down)

[angst]

this morning, i wake lethargic. the day calls my name, shrieking it over and over again, but i find no solace in its cries and pleas for sanity. i stagger out of bed and slam my hand down on my alarm clock, cutting off its repetitive cries of monotony. i am left with blissful silence...for the moment, anyway.
this morning seems filled with anticipation. will i be able to become eligible for our school's production of little women? or will i still be doomed to perhaps the worst birthday of my life? hm?
oh well. i guess only time will tell..
..oh, yes. and today, i must face mick person-e-person. fun. most likely, he'll ignore me. how much do want to bet? i'll suddenly not exist and i bet you ANYTHING he wouldn't even care. yup.
i need to make myself a damn depressing CD. maybe that'll cheer me up a little....
ciao for now..

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † he talked to me.
when? Friday, May 2, 2003
lyric for the day: Coming down, the world turned over.. (Goo Goo Dolls)

[angst]

yes indeedy. that guy i've been chasing forever actually came over and talked to me today of his own free will. i was actually quite elated following the brief conversation (pointless as it was), and also a little depressed. it's kind of depressing if you think about it...him being two years younger and also seeing some rich girl who is his age and pretty...
bah, oh well. back to the drawing board, i guess.
and another dream to toss back down the toilet...

(..and why are you never around when i need you? EVER? it kind of hurts...)

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † shit.
when? Friday, May 2, 2003
lyric for the day: But I don't go there cuz I don't want to.. (Matchbox 20)

[angst]

life is shit.
happy now?

horoscope predicts good astrological weather. i'm not buying it with the way i feel this morning. damn. i just wish things weren't so......geeeeeeeeeeeeh.
oh well. we'll see how the day goes...i'll blog later.

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † all messed up.
when? Thursday, May 1, 2003
lyric for the day: Take it off cuz I get what I want and I like what I see.. (The Donnas)

[angst]

still all bummed out because i have absolutely nil time to do anything when it comes to drama and memorizing lines. baaaaaaah. oh well. i'm just so.......DEAD.
horoscope promises a very apt sense of humor and perhaps romance today. psh. whereas my long-term horoscope said a few weeks ago that i will maybe meet the love of my life in june or july. wow. seems like the stars have big plans for me...would i ever be able to fill those shoes?
schoolwise, i'm getting behind in history again. no big surprise, right? well yeah. if i didn't have homework every night in that damn class, maybe i'd actually get some other shit done. i just want to be held again. i think that's what i miss most about mick......
...i'd better log off before i say too much.

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † dog days.
when? Wednesday, April 30, 2003
lyric for the day: So sick, so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick. (Taking Back Sunday)

[angst]

yup yup, folks, its the day you've ALL been waiting for...Thespian Dog Day. today's torture involves placing a collar on a thespian inductee and having them as your dog today. ^.^ and not just ANY person can do this, ne. thespians only. whoot.
my horoscope warns me today to keep my head low and avoid conflict--that i might feel a need to keep to myself today. wow. actually, that doesn't seem like such a bad idea, ne.
lovewise, i actually saw my...erm...interest yesterday. it was only for a second, but still...it was enough to pick me up and make me feel a little bit better about myself. not entirely, mind you. just a little.
i'm so pathetic. *smacks forehead*
well. i'm out..

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † long days and nights.
when? Tuesday, April 29, 2003
lyric for the day: We won't stand for hazy eyes anymore. (Taking Back Sunday)

[angst]

yes, yes, yes. it was another of those long nights last night...you know, the ones where i have to work my little ass off in order to be able to come home at a decent hour? and i still didn't get home until about 9...
today is the second day of thespian induction. and what's the theme of the day? the inductees have to wear costumes that we have previously designated for them as well as bow and grovel at our feet for the entirety of the day, muahaha. so yeah. there goes my nonexistant ego, ne.
at any rate, i can't help but wonder if and when i'll ever be REALLY happy with who i am...
...ah well. i'm out for now, ne.

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † aunt flow.
when? Monday, April 28, 2003
lyric for the day: Share with me cuz I need it right now...Let me see your insides. (The Used)

[angst]

yes, yes. i found out that the source of all my emotional trouble this past week has not really been to the cause of stress, but because aunt flow was coming for her monthly stay. thank you, little red faerie.
in any case, today is the first day of induction week--that's right, folks. induction week as in thespian initiation. and you know what that means for me? since i've already been through it, i can spend MY time going ahead and torturing them, heh. so today's theme of humiliation and torture? today, the wannabe thespians have to wear signs that say things to do on them....such as "sing the national anthem in my scooby doo voice" for my ex-boyfriend. xD fun fun fun. and my friend cassie june gets "ask me to give you a pick up line". and if people ask you, you absolutely HAVE to do it. ^.^ whehehe. fun. but tomorrow is going to be MOST entertaining...however, i can only tell as the day comes up..so be patient. tomorrow will be absolutely GREAT.
ciao for now...i'm off for fun. ^.^

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † dreaming.
when? Sunday, April 27, 2003
lyric for the day: Maybe we'll meet again further down the river.. (Incubus)

[angst]

i just woke up...had two positively magnificent dreams entailing drama and involvement with this guy that i've been chasing for awhile. it made me feel so awesome...but that's probably because i know that he called in an order yesterday and had his mom come in and pick it up. i was just sad that he didn't come in himself to give it a shot.
but the dreams were wonderful. we danced...we had a little encounter in the office/library (why the office and library and cafeteria were combined in my dream is beyond me) ....and finally, near the end of both dreams, i found out that he was secretly doing the same to a friend of mine...
..hm. maybe my dream's trying to tell me something?
in any case, i only work two and a half hours today, which is good, considering that i am going shopping around 1:00 for thespian induction stuff. ^.^ whee. i get to torture some wannabe thespians this week! nyahaha.
so yeah. i'm off to work n such....
later..

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † herbert the soda fountain dragon.
when? Saturday, April 26, 2003
lyric for the day: Your lipstick, his collar..don't bother, Angel. (Taking Back Sunday)

[angst]

tonight was eventful, despite the intense length of it, ne. i actually had fun with summer tonight amidst flocks of mosquito hawks, moths, and ants.
summer became depressed near the end of the evening and i had to think fast if i was going to cheer her up. so...i went out into the lobby and raided the soda fountain stock. i grabbed lids of all three sizes...two plastic forks, a straw (which i cut in half)...and a salt shaker. i made a somewhat dragon shape out of it (she adores dragons) and took the salt shaker and shook it on the table. i carefully swept the salt into the shape of an I, a heart, and a U. i also wrote her a note and placed it by the dragon. i went back to her and told her to close her eyes. she did...and i led her to the table. i told her to open her eyes.....and she laughed. she laughed so hard that she began to cry tears of happiness. she hugged me....and i felt happy. i'm glad that i can make someone happy despite my angsty ways..
oh yeah. xD and i decided that i'm going to go all punked-out for oscars this year. i wanted to come home and ask you if i could have my turn at dressing you up for the ceremony this year, but i decided that you'd prolly be online. however...you're not. o.o so yeah...
overall, a shitty day turned okay by the end. oh well. tada. later, i guess. write more tomorrow morning, ne.

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † no.
when? Saturday, April 26, 2003
lyric for the day: Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead? (Rob Zombie)

[angst]

i got up around 7:00 this morning reluctant to roll out of bed...but at least i'm managing to get a blog entry in before i head off to the hell of work. speaking of computers, i need to get a more current picture of me in order to post it in the "pictures" thread at met..
well, it seems that people love my cute little comics. i'm gonna try and make it a weekly thing (hopefully) and have you color them, but i might need to ask you for your assistance as well.
i had the strangest dream last night...but it was good because it involved the guy i have the HUGEST thing for at the moment. damn age differences. >.< oh well..
i'm off for now. wish me luck on my nine hour shift, nyo..

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?

† entitled † angst x2.
when? Friday, April 25, 2003
lyric for the day: Boku no sugata ga miemasu ka? (Camui Gackt)

[angst]

i came home today and relaxed for a bit...it's the first night in nearly four that i've had away from the workplace. the only downside? i have to go in at 11 tomorrow morning for yet another 9 hour shift. fuck it.
so i came home. and my dad started bitching because my mom spent the day in bed thanks to her ovaries killing her. so he ripped my head off and i....whoa. i just bawled my eyes out for no damn reason. while he took my bro to work, i cried all the way until he got back. and when we reconciled over a chicken whopper, i felt almost like i was gonna cry again. what the hell is wrong with me?
what didn't help is that when i tried to call you, you weren't home. kinda funny, huh, how whenever i need you, it never happens the way i want it to. it's kinda like life. cruel irony that slaps you in the damn face when you least need it, ne? blaargh.
oh yeah. and updated the layout...i needed something angsty and dark to fulfill my current mood for the moment, so here it is, nyo. enjoy. and yes, i DID make a suicide threat...but that's over now, and i'm still alive, okay? alright. i'm out for now....
see ya maybe tomorrow morning..

[/angst] continue? _Y / _N ?