I have never been so frustrated in my life. Well, okay, not my life, but still...Ionno why people have been getting to me so easily, but it's just ticking me off right at this moment.

I guess it was mostly the anger from last night that filtered into today. What happened last night? Rammier was pissing me off to no end. I vented to Alex about it, and he said that I should block him; maybe I will. Because lately everytime he IMs me, I can feel myself get hot from getting so angry. I guess I should explain what went on.

Rammier is an online friend I met on AsianAvenue. He seemed like a pretty nice guy; well, until as of lately. He asked for a pic (as all online people do) and I showed one to him. And we kept on talking, and everything was cool. Then he asked me for another pic. The one I took was blurry, so I decided not to show it to him. So then he says to email it to him...and he kept reminding me to send him the picture. Why does he want to see my face so badly? Isn't one picture enough?

We talked on the phone a couple times too; he says he was bored. The first talk was fun...but then he kept asking if he could call me again. Honestly, I just didn't want to talk to him...I just didn't feel like it.

The the last straw came last night. I had updated my AsianAvenue page, and sent him a Note telling him that I did...adding new info and putting up new pics. What pissed me off so much was that once he saw the pictures, he asked me IF I HAD ANY MORE. He asked me the very day that I had updated my page with the new pics.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Furthermore, I was talking about Kang Ta and Minu oppadeul and he was asking, "Who are they?"

THEIR PICTURES AND 411 WERE ON MY AA PAGE!

Honestly, does he not care about ME?! As a person? Does he just care about what I look like? Ugh...I find people like that absolutely repulsive.

Rammier...LEAVE ME ALONE. I thought you were a cool person, but you're not. You're about as shallow as they come...and if you're not, sorry, but that's what you're putting out to me. At this point in time, I think that I should have never, ever gotten involved with you.

Then I gave Caitlin a ride home...but the thing was that I needed to be home immediately because Mama goes to work when I get home, and someone needs to be with Sam or else he'll be home alone. But I always give her a ride home, and this time just did it for me. She had to go run a quick errand, and I was about 10 minutes late coming home. It really wasn't her fault; it was my own lack of judgement...which means Mama will be 10 minutes late for work. I really don't know how Mama is so patient with me sometimes. Well, maybe she was hella pissed, but she never lets me know about it unless I've done something horribly wrong. I'm sorry, Mama. For everything.

I think my problem as of now is that I'm too nice. I let people use me...and I can't seem to fend for myself now. I HAD something of a gut. Or did I? I guess I just want everyone to be happy, even at the cost of my own happiness. Because seeing people fight...the vibes...I feel them too easily.

I remember in seventh grade one of my friends flat out told me that I was getting meaner. And you know what I did? I became super nice to make up for it. Maybe I was becoming a bitch, but not being able to stand up for myself just plain sucks.

Maybe this behavior should come to an end.

This morning has been rather interesting, I must say. Dan helped me take care of Rhapsody...that cat must be from hell or something. He's so smart...he knows when we were going to scruff him to give him insulin. Thank God he's declawed in the front, or we would have been in some major trouble. --; Dolly said that I have the patience "of a saint" because I sat there for ten minutes waiting for Rhapsody to calm down.

Once that was over with, I watched Dan take some pictures. It was pretty fun kickin' it with him. I helped him take some pictures...it was interesting, to say the least. ^^

Survey time!
1. IF YOU COULD BUILD YOUR HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
It would maybe be in...Japan? And it would be in a giant complex with my FSA sisters, best buddys...and 1tym University around the corner. xD
2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE(S) OF CLOTHING? My FSA shirt...my baggy pants from Old Navy...my flares from The Limited Too...ummmmm...a bunch of shirts I bought from Target...lol
3. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
smile and eyes... (gotta agree with Junie dongseng on this one.)
4. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?
Camino Palmero by The Calling
5. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE? In my room...listening to music...and probably with friends. There and the mall.
6. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
school.... ugh...(lol...agreeing with Junie!)
7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
Shoulders...xD
8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
Both! But if I had to pick one...strong in mind.
9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?
6:o0...
10. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Malcolm in the Middle!
11. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
oven and the fridge... food is good (I do think like Junie!)
12. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY?
Ummmmm...playing with Krissy at my Ninong Boyet's house.
13. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
...What doesn't make me laugh? ^^;
14. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
when people who have no right butting in your life, do.  and mess up everything --;;  no names shall be mentioned.  and when i get lectures about my grades. (most definitely, Junie!)
15. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT WHAT WOULD IT BE?
guitar
16. FAVORITE RESTAURANT/CAFE/EATERY?
Carmines! There...and Shiki...and Benihana!
17. SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?
Ionno...probably when I got in that biking accident...I was freaking out so much...
WHAT CURRENT/FORMER HOLLYWOOD STAR WOULD PLAY YOU?
Ummmmm...Lucy Liu! Ionno.
19. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
*nods*
20. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Little Bear...hehe
21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Summer...so nice and bright out. ^^
22. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
Cleaning the toilet. x_____X
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Ummmm...mind control?
24. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
n/a
25. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST LOVE AND AT WHAT AGE?
LOVE?! aklsjdhfksadjhfaklshfkldjsh
26. THE SONG YOU WISHED YOU HAD WRITTEN?
"Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx
27. DO YOU PREFER CATS OR DOGS?
*meow*
28. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
Ummm...Caitlin's fleece...a box?
29. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU E-MAILED THIS TO, WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? This is online.
30. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU E-MAILED THIS TO WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND???
...this is online.
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
friday and saturday <--- yeah Junie!
32. USING ONLY ONE WORD DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
...crazy.
33. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE?
"Yesterday is a dream, and tomorrow is a vision...but today, well lived, makes every tomorrow a vision of hope."
34. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:
Only one nice thing about Junie? That's kinda hard. I mean, she's the sweetest, nicest person I have ever known...it's hard to say just one nice thing. Nah mean? Luv ya Junie. ^__^

I lost ten pounds from the last time I weighed myself. Deng. I used to weigh 110lbs...but now I'm an even 100. I'm not sure what I did to do it...but I guess I'm glad I did? The funny thing is that I don't even look different.

Maybe it's all the salads, Tae Kwon Do...and DDR. =D I loaned it to Caiti today. I hope her mom will let her buy one, because then we'd have two pads and we could play together (instead of me just being on the controller).

I had a mother-daughter moment with Mama today! ^__^ I was helping her cook langonisa and I made some corned beef and potatoes as well. That's how me and Mama bond...through cooking. ^^*

I really should finish reading The Lord of the Rings. That thesis paper is coming up fast.

Elaine's blog is done! I'm feeling so productive today. ^__^ Compared to the days where I put off everything, this is quite an accomplishment, rah?

*pats self on back*

Deng. All my online friends are at school. I miss you guys! Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack~

I had to wake up at 6:30 this morning to take Papa to the train station. Part of me was like, "aklsghfklasfhklashgfkasljdfhklasdfhkasjgfklasf" but another part was like, "He's done so much for you...this is the absolute least you can do." So yeah. There I was, scraping the frost off of my car at 6:35 in the morning...wasn't too bad really.

Nothing seems to be working out today. --;;; The dinner with everyone fell through. That just sucks. Now time for a rant, kiddos.

I really do not think that it is right for parents to decide who their children should kick it with. ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER. I can understand if it's someone that is young and irresponsible, but honestly, if you demonstrate responsibility and you don't get into too much trouble, surely your parents would trust you. They say your friends reflect who you are. If this statement is true, then individuals who have responsible friends reflect the individual himself, correct? And if parents trust their kids to be all around good, then their friends should be the same.

Maybe that's what it all boils down to. Trust. If parents don't trust their kids, then there is no foundation for anything else. I learned this the hard way.

DDR has got to be one of the funnest games ever invented. xD I think this is going to be my newest obsession for the next couple of months...I am determined to learn just about all the songs on the mix I have...hehe

I think my new "diet routine" will consist of soups, salads, Tae Kwon Do, and DDR. ^___^ I break into a sweat after four songs or so...I'm rather anxious to try out "workout mode" hehe~~~

Might be going out later with Caiti, Mike, Mike, and Josh, to celebrate his birthday. YAY~ I feel bad that I don't have any present for him...but we're gonna go to my house later to play DDR! YESSSSSSSSS~~ So I guess that's the best I can do?

Sad to say, I didn't get to meet up with Trina or Julie today. --;;; We did go to Menlo Mall...but Julie and Trina weren't there...sucks. But I guess on the plus side, we're one step closer to getting there...I mean, we did get there, rah?

I really hope that I can meet up with Julie and Trina today. We were gonna go to Woodbridge, but Papa won't give me a ride home. --;;; So it's up to Julie and Trina...but Julie's sleeping right now, and time is ticking...

*crosses fingers*

We dropped off John at the dorm today. Seems kinda weird that it's President's Day tomorrow, and he's got school. My parents thought that he was gonna be sneaking out or something. Part of me was like, "OOOHHHH, you're gonna get in trouble..." but another part of me says, "HE'S IN COLLEGE, DAMMIT! Let him do what he wants!"

Alex told me that they do have school tomorrow. Heh. So he was being a good boy after all. Way to go John. xD

I have work in about an hour or so. That job is so weird. Part of me wants to just quit right then and there (it's hella tiring), but then again, the work isn't that hard. Ionno...the boss needs to hire more people. Me, Dan, and Tana are all leaving by the end of the summer. Then who'll be left? Cindy. And that would just suck. So yeah.

OMG Jessica was trippin about how this guy Chris from Dream Street is dating some actress girl. She says she's a bitch...but how does she know? Is she snotty and shit on TV? I don't get it. I remember when I was younger I was all jealous of those girls that could get Brian Littrell (yes, I admit it, I thought he was the shit.)...and then I realized that if he's happy, then I'm happy. That's really showing support. I guess I think if you really care about someone, then knowing that they're happy should be enough. Yeah, I do realize that it sucks to not be with them...but if they're happy together, why should I do anything?

Anyways, so I check out the page with the pictures on it, and the author was like, "Alright, we should petition for Chris to break up with her." Why? Just because you're not happy? I mean, maybe if she was beating him or some shit, then yeah, go for something like that...but they seem perfectly fine together. I can understand that fans would be jealous...I know I was with Brian (possessive I am)...but honestly, would you want to see him break up with someone he's into and see him miserable and alone so that you can try to fight the masses to win his heart? So what if you think she's a bitch. He doesn't think so. Maybe somewhere else along the line he will...but as for now...let him be.

MY GAD that was a long rant. Oh well...I probably contradicted myself like 149503945 times in that...and it probably can't be done in real life...but oh well.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. ^^ And yet another year goes by that I am without a boi. =T Eh. Whatever. I got to eat some chocolate and all that sweet stuff. xD

I got a Valentine from Tom! Sure, it was a piece of graphing paper that just said "Happy Valentine's Day" on it written in black pen and it didn't even have his name on it...but he gave me two! And who cares that he gave me two because he accidentally tore off two pieces of paper. --;;;

Meghan gave me cupcakes though, so it's all good. xD

I had no idea my math teacher was getting married! Deng...I wanna go to the wedding! As Sarah said, I'll bring a bag lunch so that I wouldn't have to be paid for or anything! I'll just show up!

I love my math teacher. She's great. JJANG, as Kimmay unnie would say.

Ionno why, but some things that some people said just pissed me off today. Usually I wouldn't care, but I can't explain it. Maybe because they were joking around, but it was the mean kind of joking around...and I admit, I am like that as well, but ionno why it was getting to me.

Now time to burn off the fat. --;;;;

Buffy rawks mah sawks.

Which Buff Girl Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Whoohoo Caiti is okay! I just got off the phone with her...she's just been sick for a little bit. She says she'll be at school tomorrow, but ionno if she'll be okay...so I guess we'll have to wait and see.

She's such a fun person to talk about anything with. Clueless and 2ge+her just made my day. xD And it's funny how we parallel each other. She's sick...and I'm sick. =P But it's all good.

I got to talk to Elainey-poo~~ It's been hella days since we last talked...which reminds me. I gotta get started on a lil project...hehe.

I had the worst headache this morning. x__X I didn't want to go to school...and you know what my dad tells me?

"Take some Tylenol." --;;;;;;;;

I must admit, I did feel better, but that morning just sucked. =T

Volleyball was interesting. My wrists are bruised from playing so much volleyball. alkshfkasjhfklsafhklashfkas~~~

In Japanese we're making Valentines. ^^ I remember last year's Valentine's Day...the Fukui students were here, and that was so fun! I remember when Ryu gave Lindsay a Valentine...that was so sweet and kind of him.

SOMEONE GIVE ME A VALENTINE, DAMMIT! *^^*

I got a C- on my math quiz...I would've pulled off a B+ if I hadn't missed a whole problem. Oh well. You live, you learn. Then again, I didn't think I did too well on that test anyway. So yeah. Go me.

This lady beeped at me while I was backing out of my parking spot...it was nice that she beeped so that I wouldn't get in a car accident, but she didn't have to glare, dammit! That's what you get for attempting to drive through the student parking lot. Drivers have become so edgy lately...I admit, I should've scanned the road more carefully, but no one should think that their driving is above all the rest so they can bitch at anyone "less able." Unless you pull something hella nervy. >.< So yeah.

Other than those little things, my day was okay. ^^;;;

Scratch the Tae Kwon Do for today. --;;; I got a sore throat and a runny nose, so I've been debating if I should gonna go. I know, I know, the last entry says that I'm gonna go, but I talked to Kimmay unnie about it, and she said that the sore throat might be the precursor to something pretty bad, so I shouldn't risk it. Win the battle before it becomes a war. ^^* If that makes sense.

Kimmay unnie is such a great unnie. Even though she's not here, in a way she is. She's always there (if she's not being raped by calculus or something) for me to ask questions, however dumb they may be. And she'll always give me the straightforward answer, which is something I really appreciate. She'll look at things (for the most part) unbiased, which is something that people tend to lack today. And she's so great to joke around with. xD

I lub yoo, unnie!

I cannot get enough of "Unstoppable" by The Calling. You know what this means...LYRIC TYM!

I feel semi-shitty today. I've got a runny nose and a sore throat. x__X;;; And you know what?

I'm gonna go to Tae Kwon Do today. xD

Speaking of martial arts, Sal was able to pick up the fact that my friend is a martial artist by just watching her play volleyball. Interesting. Makes me wonder if he is one himself. Personally, I wouldn't have been able to tell since she's also on the volleyball team and just plays the way she does. Deng. I give mad props to Sal for picking that up.

I also highly respect the fact that she remains so modest about it...I'm hoping I can be that way one of these days.

Josh wasn't feeling too good today...I hope he feels better. I felt so bad that he had to come to school even though he is visibly sick. I wonder if his mom is one of those people that are like, "Just take a Tylenol and you'll be fine." I really hope not, because that's pretty dangerous.

Caiti wasn't here today either. First day of the year that I had to go through a whole day without her around. I guess I better get used to it since we're going to different colleges. ^^; I guess I got a semi-taste of what college is gonna be like...leaving familiar things behind...plunging into something new headfirst...I kinda look forward to it. =D

I finally made prints for graphic design...none of them came out how I wanted them to. But what's cool is that they came out better because of my screwups. xD I guess that's the cool thing about art. You don't really know how something's gonna turn out until you do it. ^^

Sensei asked me why I took Japanese this year instead of the years before. lol I didn't want to tell him my real answer (which is that Dara wanted me to do it with her) because I didn't know how he would react...so I gave him another reason (which is also a valid reason, and I really do feel that way) which was that I didn't want to take Spanish again and that I wasn't too fond of the teacher yelling at us every day. Literally.

Now time for a snack. ^^v

Julie and Junie's blog is finally done! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS~~~~~~ It took much prodding by bong srey Cathy (and Sean oppa) to get it done...I feel bad that I took so long. Miahnhaeyo, dongsengdeul!

Work was work. Poor Bear is sick...he's my favorite dog there too! *sniffle* I hope you get better...

Dah I should get started with my homework, but I just feel so lazy. I've gotten into the mentality of "hrmz...it'll take me two hours to get it done, so I'll just start it at 10:00 and be done by midnight." Go me. ~__~

OMG I think I'm gonna gain ten pounds from eating goldfish. The snack. Not the fish. ^__- But seriously, I cannot stop eating the stuff! This is not good...I want to lose weight for the prom, but at this rate, I think I'm gonna gain weight by the time prom comes...and speaking of prom, I think I have my eyes set on a date. xD Hopefully, things will work out better this year than last year...*crosses fingers*

I just woke up from a really long nap. Damn...I want to go back to sleep. I know I was dreaming because when my dad woke me up (I was sleeping in my little bro's room) I wanted to go back to sleep again and keep dreaming. Sad thing is that I can't remember what I dreamt about. --;;;

I got two new albums today! Camino Palmero by The Calling and The Official Lord of the Rings Soundtrack. Both are pretty good; go get them! I wanted to burn a copy of Camino Palmero for my car, but Papa hasn't done it yet. -___- The Calling plays such good driving mujick. xD Oh, and on the soundtrack, I got a picture of Aragorn included with the CD. WHoOoooOO~

I was in Costco, and I finally got those Goldfish. I actually wanted Cheez-itz, but they didn't have the regular kind. T__T+ So I resorted to Goldfish. But I don't mind. "I love Goldfishes cuz they're sooo delicious...GOT GOLDFISHES!" I've just been craving cheese lately. Hopefully it's not one of those things where there is more pleasure in wanting than having...because I bought a Mega pack. ^^; What do you expect? It's Costco.

Rammier called me today. We talked for a little bit; it was pretty nice. He kept making fun of me. --;;;; *sniffle* But he's still pretty cool.

I also talked to Julie dongseng~~~~ She's so adorable! Her and Simon...so did you two do it? XD I kinda wish I had someone...but then again, I'm also pretty much okay that I'm single. But maybe because I'm like that because I'm a little scared...? I've never been in a serious relationship before, so maybe I'm just curious to see what it's like but then again too much of a wussy to actually go through with it?

I know. I'm weird.

I figured it out! I know why I was feeling bad those past few days!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS~ And you know what it is?

I can't tell you. It's a secret. =D

Caiti was so sweet to me today. She always looks out for me to make sure that I'm doing okay. I think I would be in a lot crappier of a mood if she wasn't there during lunch. You know what she did? She made sure I ate some lunch. It may be nothing big to other people, but it's those little things that matter to me. Especially at a time like this. *^^*

Klein gave me my lollipop! I remembered I left it in Psych, and he saw me during in lunch, and said, "You left this last period, and I thought you would want it back." That just made my day. Sweet things (no pun intended) like that always do.

I am so in the mood for ice cream today. Vanilla with chocolate syrup...yummay~~

Having unexpicable sadness is one of the most annoying things I have experienced so far this year. First off, YOU CAN'T FUCKING EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE ALL MELANCHOLY AND SHIT. It's just...there. Second, since I can't figure out what's wrong with me, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO CORRECT IT.

You know what I think it is? SAT's. I got a notification from the college board about my SAT's or something...I was planning on taking them again, but it's just too late in the year for that. ^^* So what's to worry about? I know, I'm already done with them and everything, but I'm just hella disappointed in my score. Well, more my parents were. And if there's anything that brings me down, disappointing my parents would definitely have to be up there.

It's like that one character on the Joy Luck Club. The one who has the idea that whatever she does wrong, she doesn't blame her parents...she blames herself, and is mad that her parents got someone so shitty for a daughter, when she really done nothing bad at all. She was just herself. That pretty much sums up my relationship with my parents when I screw up. I remember when I watched that part of the movie, I cried because it was so close to home.

I'm thinking that's it. That and I haven't been eating as well as I used to. However, now that I've exercised and listened to music (Fly to the Sky makes everything seem so much happier...and "One Love..." Wow. That song is just...wow.), I think I'm feeling a lot better. =)

Now to start my homework. --;;;;;;;;;;

It feels so great coming back from Tae Kwon Do. Yep, apparently everything worked out! ^___^ I swear, I was floating through that dojang. And I'm liking my new form...Taeguk Yuk Jang. ^^ Kinda reminds me of Taeguk Oh Jang in a weird way, which also reminds me of Taeguk Sam Jang. The crajieeness. @___@+

Christine and Andrew were glad that I'm able to stick around for a little while longer, too. It just feels...great. Like I'm born again.

I couldn't shut up when telling my dad about class...then he burst my bubble by telling me, "Y'know...you're not thin."

Thank yoo, papa. -___________-;;;;;;

Now time to go shower and finish my homework. That's a damper.

I can't seem to control the butterflies in my stomach right now. I got off the phone with my dad and he's gonna talk to Miss Lisa about the terms of my class...whether or not I can go. I already cried my tears on the belt test, but I have a feeling that I'm going to cry again, no matter what the result of their talks will be. But the question is, will it be tears of sheer joy or pain? I guess I will have to explain the situation, more or less.

The cost of Tae Kwon Do has become too much for us. But the thing is that I only have six months left before I go off to college. So my dad is talking with Miss Lisa so that we could have a discount or something so that I may still train until the end of the summer.

I guess we'll see what happens.

I'm just sitting here watching the Superbowl. I just watched U2 perform...and gosh. I felt like I was gonna cry. They put on an amazing live show, and to top it off, they had a dedication to 9.11...it's like that line from American Beauty. I just saw everything around me, and saw so much beauty that I felt that I couldn't handle it all; like I was going to burst. Seeing the American flag being waved...and the big heart shape glowing in full effect...Bono wearing a jacket with the American flag on it...the names of all the people scrolling across a giant sheet and around the stadium...so amazing. Just being reminded of it all...

Anyways. GO PATRIOTS!

I can't believe how much I cried today. I think today was my last day of Tae Kwon Do...I didn't think I'd take it so hard. And when I told Christine, she started crying as well...I told her to hope for the best and that Miss Lisa and my dad would work something out.

Class started out as normal, but I couldn't let the Master see my face because my eyes were tearing. Forms went by okay...but I kept choking on them. I knew what I was doing, but then again I didn't. I guess I didn't prepare as much as I should have. However, I did nail my board break. xD

Dolly got mad at me for cleaning up the vet. Well, she wasn't mad, but she was more upset at the fact. I guess it's because it's her job to do that, and I was insulting her for doing her job myself? Leslie showed me some MDO CD's...they're so good! "Diana" is the prettiest song. I love it. ^^