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| Name: Yeong Birthdate: October 12 Zodiac: Libra, Tiger, Horus Ethnicity: Korean Interests: Writing, reading, occasionally watching anime/reading manga, listening to music, learning (when I'm not being lazy), homework (is a forced interest), attempting to draw, sleeping and playing RPGs. Future Profession: Don't know anymore, but I will have to get a job once I get a car. Personality (self-described): Shy, quiet, paranoid, insecure, moody, mood-swingy.
I have a button now! Thankees to Let-san for making it. ^^
Layout Made crappily by me, again. This layout here features Lawrence and Adrian from 'Boys Next Door' by Kaori Yuki and therefore that is who they are copyrighted to. It's a short story I liked, it can be read here. The background was a picture of a cityscape that I found here. This was inspired by listening to a variety of music but in particular, 'My Sacrifice' by Creed whose lyrics I partially used. The whole song is as follows:
Hello my friend we meet again
When you are with me
We've seen our share of ups and downs
When you are with me
I just want to say hello again I like the song and it seemed to fit, to me anyway, for the ending for that particular manga (no details so as to not have spoilers, should read if you want to know about it). Favorites Authors: Storm Constantine, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman Book Series: Wraeththu and Dragonlance Mangaka(s): Yoko Matsushita, Kaori Yuki, Saki Hiwatari, You Higuri and Clamp. Anime/Manga: Yami no Matsuei, Please Save My Earth, Violinist of Hameln, Angel Sanctuary, Fruits Basket, X and Wish. Music: Anime/RPG, Classical, Rock, Alternative, Techno, some Jazz and whatever else I feel like listening to. RPGs: Suikoden and Final Fantasy series. Movie: Lord of the Rings Anime/Manga Characters: Kurosaki Hisoka (Yami no Matsuei), Katan, Rosiel (Angel Sanctuary), Yakushimaru Mikuro (Please Save My Earth), Kaine, Die (Kaine), Raiel (Violinist of Hameln), Naoe Nagi (Weiß Kreuz), Hisui, Kokuyou, Ryuki (Wish), Hatori (Fruits Basket) and Yue (Card Captor Sakura)... Video Game Characters: Luc, Gremio, McDohl (Suikoden), Cloud, Sephiroth (FF7) and Delita (FFT) Book Characters: Raistlin, Dalamar (Dragonlance) Calanthe, Panthera (Wraeththu), Remus Lupin, Sirius Black (Harry Potter), Daniel Cranton (Grigori) and Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) Pairings (previously, as I really like very few now): Tsuzuki/Hisoka (YnM), Raiel/Hamel (VoH), Kira/Alexiel (AS), Die/Kaine (Kaine), Kokuyou/Hisui (Wish), Gremio/Botchan (Suikoden), Luc/Sasarai (Suikoden II), Cal/Pell (Wraeththu), Touya/Yuki (CCS), Sirius/Remus (HP), Amiboshi/Suboshi (FY)... Food: Seafood, Pineapple
I am the keeper of Watari's sense of direction and Hisoka's blush. I am also the keeper of Ryuuichi's illustrations (these things.)
Links
Angel Sanctuary Mailing List
Anti Social *[ | ]* Luc Friends in low places // Rosiel Gremio and McDohl are meant for each other
*Addict :: Calanthe
Sprite Adoptions! ^^;; (in no real order because I have no logic)
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Sunday, February 9, 2003 And... I wonder if it's worse that they're reflecting their problems onto me without realizing it? I... didn't even reallly realize it until recently... but I think it seems accurate. They're trying to make up for the mistakes their parents made three-fold and it's Just Too Much. Mother of my mother neglected her, so now mother gives me all the attention she never got. Dad's parents were overly strict and demanding in terms of physical labor (as the time dictated), so he'll award me for basically doing nothing. I think both have issues of being left alone with each other. I don't know why, I don't want to think of why. There's more, but I'm too tired to analyze further. felt like forever @ 01:35 a.m. Sunday, February 9, 2003 Ranting ahead, ignore if you don't want to view it. *shrugs* *screams at the top of her lungs* Why can't they just let me stay happy for one day? Is that really too much to ask? Why can't they take their problems to someone who could actually help and not their sixteen year old daughter who has enough mental problems of their own? Why do they have to be so deeply blinded by denial? Why do they have to screw everything up by just trying? WHY WON'T THEY JUST LEARN THAT I NEED TO BE LEFT ALONE SOMETIMES? why won't i learn to stop telling them things? ...why won't they force me to stop relying on them? I keep pushing it as far as I can. I want them to tell me to stop. What I mean by that, is why do they keep giving me money or buying me stuff when all I want to do is push them away? The only thing I'm /not/ relying on them for is college. I'm tired... I'm very very tired. I wish... that I could stop acting around people.... That I could let myself stop acting. Stop pretending. But no. Can't do that. If I do that. Then I'd never keep most of my friends. I lie to everyone. I lie to myself. The closest I can ever come to the truth is what I keep in jounal's like this and a few of my closer friends. Then it's only partial truths. Never the whole thing. Which is probably a good thing. Since the truth is a very damaging thing. Tired, tired, tired. I don't get half of what I just typed. I don't know. I just needed to say it. I just... wanted it to be seen by someone. Good night. felt like forever @ 01:15 a.m. Friday, February 7, 2003 Geo's fine.... Yay. Or, rather, he still doesn't know if anything's wrong, but he's doing his best not to focus on it. Smart boy. Now I'm just sorta annoyed at Pai and no longer annoyed with Jen. Latter partially 'cause just finished having an amusing conversation with her on the phone. I mistook her brother for a girl twice. ^^; His voice sounds really... high on the phone, and at some point I thought he was saying he was Victoria. ^^; I have hearing problems, yes. Caffiene pills are nice, though they take about an hour or two to start to kick in. I took one this morning, and it reeeeally started affecting me during English. ^^: I was tapping on the desk a lot, though no one got mad at me. Then during brief talk with Geo discussed what kind of affect caffiene can have... ^^; Good for energy though. Yepyep. That's why I took it. Whee. felt like forever @ 07:29 p.m. Thursday, February 6, 2003 When it rains, it pours. -_-++ Let's recap things learned today: Jen is pissed off at Pai, she hasn't told me why yet. Pai is acting depressive and generally either ignoring or avoiding us. Jen wants to kill Pai's boyfriend. Pai seems to be ignoring our attempts to speak to her. The Boyfriend, shows up and Jen is pissed off even more. Something is wrong with Geo, but either he isn't sure what yet or he just didn't want to tell me. He said he had the feeling something bad happened and it ruined his day. So in summary: I'm now annoyed at both Pai and Jen and worrying over Geo. I hope nothing bad happened. I at least go him to smile once with my idiocy, but.... I just don't like seeing him down. And to think, I actually had thought I might have a good day today. Perish the thought. *looks outside* Ah, weather never ceases to be reflective of mood. felt like forever @ 06:21 p.m. Thursday, February 6, 2003 Hmm. Did searching for prospective colleges tonight. Lots of searching, mostly in the New England area. In terms of things to study, most of Vermont and New Hampshire hates me, but I did find a few good ones to look into. Maine likes me in terms of things to study, but looking at tuition costs I feel incredibly poor :/. I saved some of the links anyway... hey, I can always dream, right? And Vermont also gets points for accepting AP credits... but I better do damn well on those tests. I hope I can get my Pharmacology Technician Certification like it says I can. n.n; Ups my chances of finding a decent job. So, instead of Latin Survey, I'm taking that and probably Medical Microbio. *weeps* I want to take Latin, but there's nothing else I want to drop. Maybe I'll take it as a senior if I have time.... But the sooner I get certified, sooner I can work. Sooner work, more money. Money good. It gets me to Canda, then to Europe, then back to Canada, then to New England. *sweatdrops* That's how my after gradutation plans are looking anyway. Though, sadly, I'm /never/ going to eat in college save water I glean from the cafeteria and friends. Cafeteria assuming I can actually afford to live on campus and get room and board... if I do. I'm more into finding a cheap, small apartment though.... With my plans though, I'm going to forsake having a life my junior and senior year in order to have a life in at least part of college and the summer of 2005. Mm... that's going to be a good summer. This one may or may not be too, depending. (*coughcough*). I really need sleep. Like, seriously. felt like forever @ 12:52 a.m. Monday, February 3, 2003 Little red bird's sitting on a branch outside my window. Surprising cause little red bird's aren't common around here in this area. felt like forever @ 05:39 p.m. Monday, February 3, 2003
I feel dumb... I really haven't felt like this much in a while, but I am now. I pretty much know that at least one other person reading this will understand. Possibly two. But one more than the other because she'd be the one feeling it. I feel idiotic for planning and being willing to do so much for one person when I know she wouldn't do the same for me. That if she had to choose between seeing me and the other thing, she'd choose the other. Even though she promised me first, even though we planned it first, she'd disregard that. Even though I've saved up the money. Even though I've convinced and aruged with my parents. She wouldn't do that same for me. I'm such an idiot. Especially since I know I'm not going to try and change anything now, save the money and the worry. No. I'm going to just keep hoping on an empty promise that she'll actually deign to have the time and money to see me. Empty, empty, empty. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. Hope... now I remember why I killed it before. Why did it have to come back? I think I'm going to end up writing soon. Bah. Empty smile of an empty soul speaking empty words that none will know. felt like forever @ 05:23 p.m. Monday, February 3, 2003 Random ruminations about myself as a writer.... Bah. Okay, since I've been reading some really good stuff, I'm currently feeling horribly inadequate in regards to my own skills. The imagery, subtly and everything else that makes a story good that other people have mastered leaves my mind dazzled. It also leaves me wanting to burn all my own stuff because that's all I feel it's good for. Reading... for me... is essential in my development as a writer and as well as a person. If /I/ can't actually ever experience it, I want to allow my mind the freedom to be able to. But then I start thinking of my own fumbling attempts to produce something readable... and I cringe inwardly. At the present moment I think I range at the average/mediocre: I'm starting to find my style and am beginning to grasp how to put literary devices into use for my own purposes. However, the big question is this: Will I be able to improve my skill enough to grow from here? I hope yes, I fear no. If I do possess that one inherent thing that gives someone the ability to become a good writer, I know it's terribly unrefined. But... that's what I need to work on. Refining it into something I can be proud of. As I always need to do with anything. *frowns* It's just mostly a matter of fighting the innate depression that threatens to take over every time I try something that might give the opportunity for failure. In certain aspects, I can visibly see my own growth. Just... I don't know, I'm just worried someday that I'll hit a point where I just /can't/ do any better, regardless of how hard I try. I will never, ever be a professional writer. I don't want to be. I don't have the guts to be. What I write, what I want to write, isn't the stuff that the general public would want to read. It's the fodder for generic reviews and liking by certain select groups of people. *grins* And for some reason, I'm oddly proud of that. Heh. I'm determined to read more, I'm determined to write more. What I'm not so determined on is letting other people read said writing, but eventually it'll happen. With lots and lots of revisions hither and thither. Just a random note since this is me...: I'm currently terribly envious of those people who have the ability to sing amazingly well. The ones who have the ability to move people just with their voice. I envy them, I hate them, I love them. felt like forever @ 12:40 a.m. Sunday, February 2, 2003 Bwahaha. *subjects the world to some of her crappy writing* Yes, that's right. I got an account at FF.net. So far all that's there is the crappy poem I put here and then the Very First Fic I ever completed, re-written. It's better with the re-write, but still icky. It's FF7, Seph/Cloud fluff. Yeah, that's So Very Wrong, isn't it? XO I'll consider adding more stuff as I write... dunno, maybe? *sweatdrops* Some reason I'm amused by the way Geo writes in his e-mails. It's different than how he normally is, somehow. Then again, I'm different on the 'net than I am most of the time.... Whee. felt like forever @ 03:57 p.m. Saturday, February 1, 2003 So. Guess who's still tired? *raises hand* Body: *is doing this in retaliation for the neglect it suffered the past couple of weeks* Bad akaaka, bad. *sweatdrops* So yeah, for some reason one of my friends called me and talked to me for about an hour and forty minutes. I don't really know why, other than the fact she was bored. But... me? I'm wondering over that since we had just spent a good deal of the morning/day together cause of the feckin science fair thing. Really, I didn't feel like talking to her on the phone, but it ended up not being that bad. We talked nonsensically on things about books and I got to hear her interaction with her dogs and her brother. Science fair... I didn't stay for the whole deal, left once both of us had been judged (since said friend would've killed me if I left her there alone) and then did shopping/going out to eat/stuff with parents for a while. I have no clue how I did and I didn't pick up my board after the thing was over. The interview part went surprisingly well, though one of my judges kept saying 'cool'. I also think he said something like 'it's surprising that something so simple could work so well' or something. I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or an insult. Then again, friend said something similar. She says that I 'have a way with words that I don't even realize' and for that she hates me. And some reason I had to shake both judges' hands. They were cold and the one lady just kind of held out her hand then didn't shake it when I did so it was strange. Mine was, like, one of the third one judged so I was finished at around nine-thirtyish. But, friend's didn't get judged till around noon so I had to stay on until that was done with. Mostly we just listened to music then started reading through the annotations of a book. And I finally started revising a Really Old Fic of mine which I /might/ put some where for people to read. It's FF7 Cloud/Seph fluff that should /not/ be taken seriously at all and is horribly OOC. The first edition was called 'cute' by a few people on this one list I posted it upon ages ago and it was rather error ridden, so I'm now noticing. I'm about one-fourth through re-writing it. Adding in, taking out, rewording and all that good stuff. And I love this song now. It's called 'Pardon Me' and it's by Incubus. I like the accoustic version better than the cd one, but they're both good. *sings sleepily since she's about to flop*
Cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from
felt like forever @ 09:03 p.m. Friday, January 31, 2003 *finishes watching Velvet Goldmine* That was... surreal, but in a good way. I liked it. I'm incredibly tired. And murderous. Murderously tired. And other friends and I were talking, we've now got the theory that when they break up, one friend is going to be suicidal. Bleh. I won't be around at all on saturday most likely. Science fair is taking up most of the day then going to do stuff with parents. I don't want to go to science fair, but friend said that I better if I value my life at all. Eheh. I'm tired. I think I'll go flop for a while or maybe sleep. *flops* felt like forever @ 08:14 p.m. Thursday, January 30, 2003 Yaaaaay. I got an A on the Algebra II test I thought I did really sucky on. I thought I did even worse when two of my friends (both of which I think are smarter than me in terms of Alg. II) got Cs. There was another reason why I was happy, but I forgot. Fire From Heaven is proving to be interesting. I like Hephastion more now, but part of the reason why I think I disliked him was because of Bagoas's dislike for him. ^^; Aaaand. Morning was amusing as I got to hear friend's musings on how all people fit into certain categories. Ehehe. She's actually rather analytical in a logical sense at times, so her assessments at least sounded good. ^__^; I get my own catergory! Ehehe. In english we have to do a research paper, but I don't think it'll be that hard. I'm doing mine over Tennyson, who I know mostly nothing about until now. I wanted to check out the book, to read more than the one poem, but the computers were being screwy. ^_^; I'm doing paper over Tennyson himself and one of his shorter poems since I have to analyze it. "Tears, Idle Tears". I like poetry, but for some reason rarely seem to read it unless it's a part of the novel I happen to be reading at the time.... It also completely defeats the purpose of friend sitting with us at lunch if she still doesn't pay attention to us. She said she was sleepy, but I think the rest of us were too so it kind of nullified itself. So yeah, now that I've bored everyone with my day and lack of interesting things to say, I'll go study a bit for tests. ^^; Mm... pizza with pineapple, ham, onions, olives and peppers (I'm hungry, meep). felt like forever @ 05:09 p.m.
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