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| Name: Yeong Birthdate: October 12 Zodiac: Libra, Tiger, Horus Ethnicity: Korean Interests: Writing, reading, occasionally watching anime/reading manga, listening to music, learning (when I'm not being lazy), homework (is a forced interest), attempting to draw, sleeping and playing RPGs. Future Profession: Don't know anymore, but I will have to get a job once I get a car. Personality (self-described): Shy, quiet, paranoid, insecure, moody, mood-swingy.
Layout Made crappily by me, again. This layout here features Lawrence and Adrian from 'Boys Next Door' by Kaori Yuki and therefore that is who they are copyrighted to. It's a short story I liked, it can be read here. The background was a picture of a cityscape that I found here. This was inspired by listening to a variety of music but in particular, 'My Sacrifice' by Creed whose lyrics I partially used. The whole song is as follows:
Hello my friend we meet again
When you are with me
We've seen our share of ups and downs
When you are with me
I just want to say hello again I like the song and it seemed to fit, to me anyway, for the ending for that particular manga (no details so as to not have spoilers, should read if you want to know about it). Favorites Authors: Storm Constantine, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman Book Series: Wraeththu and Dragonlance Mangaka(s): Yoko Matsushita, Kaori Yuki, Saki Hiwatari, You Higuri and Clamp. Anime/Manga: Yami no Matsuei, Please Save My Earth, Violinist of Hameln, Angel Sanctuary, Fruits Basket, X and Wish. Music: Anime/RPG, Classical, Rock, Alternative, Techno, some Jazz and whatever else I feel like listening to. RPGs: Suikoden and Final Fantasy series. Movie: Lord of the Rings Anime/Manga Characters: Kurosaki Hisoka (Yami no Matsuei), Katan, Rosiel (Angel Sanctuary), Yakushimaru Mikuro (Please Save My Earth), Kaine, Die (Kaine), Raiel (Violinist of Hameln), Naoe Nagi (Weiß Kreuz), Hisui, Kokuyou, Ryuki (Wish), Hatori (Fruits Basket) and Yue (Card Captor Sakura)... Video Game Characters: Luc, Gremio, McDohl (Suikoden), Cloud, Sephiroth (FF7) and Delita (FFT) Book Characters: Raistlin, Dalamar (Dragonlance) Calanthe, Panthera (Wraeththu), Remus Lupin, Sirius Black (Harry Potter), Daniel Cranton (Grigori) and Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) Pairings (previously, as I really like very few now): Tsuzuki/Hisoka (YnM), Raiel/Hamel (VoH), Kira/Alexiel (AS), Die/Kaine (Kaine), Kokuyou/Hisui (Wish), Gremio/Botchan (Suikoden), Luc/Sasarai (Suikoden II), Cal/Pell (Wraeththu), Touya/Yuki (CCS), Sirius/Remus (HP), Amiboshi/Suboshi (FY)... Food: Seafood, Pineapple
I am the keeper of Watari's sense of direction and Hisoka's blush. I am also the keeper of Ryuuichi's illustrations (these things.)
Links
Angel Sanctuary Mailing List
Anti Social *[ | ]* Luc Friends in low places // Rosiel Gremio and McDohl are meant for each other
*Addict :: Calanthe Sprite Adoptions! ^^;; (in no real order because I have no logic)
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Monday, November 4, 2002 GRR. Now have determined that, rather than it being internet or phone line problem, it's a problem with either my computer or modem, not sure which. Able to determine this as am now on phone line in my room on laptop. In other news, I'm feeling particularly crappy (if want to know why, well, um, it's a problem exclusively for females). I think I have a test tomorrow, though it shouldn't be too terribly hard as it's over ser/estar, the one thing my past two teachers I've had so far chose to teach thoroughly. *stops rationalizing her not wanting to study* felt like forever @ 09:40 p.m. Sunday, November 3, 2002 Grr... I think my internet died. GRR. -_- *is on mom's computer for now* felt like forever @ 02:39 p.m. Monday, October 28, 2002 ..... I had an allergic reaction to fish now. This royally sucks. I like fish. *gnaws off right arm* felt like forever @ 03:04 p.m. Saturday, October 26, 2002 Also, watched Weiß Kreuz Gluhen earlier. I like, but I don't. I still don't think of this Omi as Omi, though he hasn't been in it much. I can't say I particularly care for the one kid either, who's name escapes me at the moment as I've yet to commit it to memory. I think it's Sena. For some undefinable reason, the opening amuses me. I like it, but it amuses me. So, um, yeah. This is very wrong, but amusing too. Sleepy, I think I slept too long earlier. felt like forever @ 09:58 p.m. Saturday, October 26, 2002 Started reading The Persian Boy by Mary Renault earlier today. I'm liking it more than I expected it would, considering my waning interest in history. Then again, I liked that other one my english teacher gave me some time ago too. Can't recall the name at the moment, but it was fairly good. I think it was called The Silver Wolf, though I'm very likely mistaken. Mm.... Not much to speak of, more out of uncertainy rather than thoughtlessness. I should research for my Chemistry thing. Also must do English interview, though no idea who I'll do for that. felt like forever @ 09:54 p.m. Friday, October 25, 2002 And the other sucky thing of today: The friggin fire alarms kept going off during classes. And these things are LOUD. Seriously loud. Expect your ears to bleed kind of loud. And they kept going off. Over and over again. I swear, someday we're going to have a real fire and no one's going to adhere to the warning after all the false ones we've had (which are a lot). felt like forever @ 04:40 p.m. Friday, October 25, 2002 Not what I am according to Zodiac as by Storm Constantine, but ah well.
"You are Thoth, the most intellectual of the egyptian gods. You savor the muses in all their forms, and you'd rather observe than take action. You are considered peerlessly just, and so you are often considered the arbiter of the gods." felt like forever @ 04:37 p.m. Friday, October 25, 2002 Today sucked. Not in the stellar world ending kind of way, but rather the irritating make you want to punch the nearest moron kind of way. Had a pep rally, none of us are sure if it was supposed to be the promotion or degration of Pepsi. Then computer science was okay, was supposed to be called out to be briefed on what I'll have to do for the school page, but that never happened. And I couldn't very well just up and walk out on class, plus didn't have a pass or anything, so just waited and it was a no go. English was actually fine as was lunch. Didn't feel like talking much, but did get to sit with friends and such so felt kind of better. Also I managed to get all homework done for there, but irritating thing was teacher never took it up. History was... History. I think I shall perpetually have no interest in that class no matter what. I still hold to just knowing what I need to know and that's it. Ah well, wasn't too terribly bad as I managed to get homework all done and caught up yesterday. Then had Algebra II. GOD IT WAS HORRIBLE. Normally, it's my favorite class, but normally this moron pea-brained excuse for a human being doesn't sit with us. We usually work in groups and such, I would've left the group but there wasn't any other place to move. And plus, one of the guys I normally work with, who I think is actually a nice and decent person to know, couldn't sit with us cause of the invading idiot. Should class had been any longer, I've the feeling I would have snapped and made a public spectacle of myself. Actually, I have mental planning of doing so all planned out in my head, that's how far I got in preparation of doing so. I'm inordinately annoyed from this now. Also now mad at myself because I left the book I was reading sitting in my desk for Algebra. Grr. *sigh* Okay, all better. Though, I'm fixing to drop from exhaustion so I figure it'd be better to drop on the bed than here at my desk. Really must check on e-mail later.
felt like forever @ 04:28 p.m. Wednesday, October 23, 2002 *thunk* I think I have good luck. The homework I decided not to do, got pushed to being due next time. Though, now, there's more that I have to do as the assignment was added on to. Still. Rar. I should really get around to doing that, now would be good. felt like forever @ 08:24 p.m. Wednesday, October 23, 2002 And, yeah, I realize how crappy all the lyrics look since I was sparse in formatting. Just c/ped then didn't realize it. I'm too exhausted to care, however, and it saves space... *shrugs and goes for real real this time as she shouldn't continue rationalizing* felt like forever @ 02:40 a.m. Wednesday, October 23, 2002 And just because parts of lyrics fit well with my current state, I'm just putting them here. I'm not the biggest Linkin Park fan, I just like certain songs at certain times. Not too happy songs, but then again, in present state I don't feel like listening to happy cheery music. Actually, I don't think I have that much happy cheery music. In any case, I more than likely will end up using these as inspiration for... something as the recurrence of my listening to them is high. *cough* I still need to make a birthday present, but I was kind of hoping to keep that from being... dreary. Anyhow, I find just doing this makes me feel a bit more... relaxed. Listening to music that fits with how I feel when like this always seems to be carthartic to at least some degree for me. 'One Step Closer' I cannot take this anymore I'm saying everything I've said before All these words they make no sense I find bliss in ignorance Less I hear the less you'll say But you'll find that out anyway Just like before... (I think this fits more as directed toward me rather than the reverse) Everything you say to me Takes me one step closer to the edge And I'm about to break I need a little room to breathe Cause I'm one step closer to the edge And I'm about to break I find the answers aren't so clear Wish I could find a way to disappear All these thoughts they make no sense I find bliss in ignorance Nothing seems to go away Over and over again Aaaaaaaand. 'By Myself' What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? Do I sit here and try to stand it? Or do I try to catch them red-handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin I make the right moves but I'm lost within I put on my daily façade but then I just end up getting hurt again By myself (Myself) I ask why, but in my mind I find I can't rely on myself I can't hold on To what I want when I'm stretched so thin It's all too much to take in I can't hold on To anything watching everything spin With thoughts of failure sinking in If I turn my back I'm defenseless And to go blindly seems senseless If I hide my pride and let it all go on Then they'll take from me 'till everything is gone If I let them go I'll be outdone But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer (By myself) (I think this is again better directed toward me) How do you think I've lost so much I'm so afraid, I'm out of touch How do you expect I will know what to do When all I know is what you tell me to Don't you know I can't tell you how to make it go No matter what I do, how hard I try I can't seem to convince myself why I'm stuck on the outside Okay, now I really dredge up myself and my teenage angst and drag off to bed as I've decided to forgo homework in the face of sleep. *sweatdrops* I'm already prepared for consequence, so no biggy. felt like forever @ 02:36 a.m. Wednesday, October 23, 2002
Reading: Royal Assassin - Robin Hobb
First off, I apologize for not keeping in with the game lately. I've screwed up my sleeping hours and keep wasting mental energy as I'm a fool who just won't let go. I can be at times mature and then on more times terribly immature. This is one of the times of the latter. I'm such a teenager. *sweatdrop* *sighs* And sorry that I haven't been around lately, I've been tired. Of everything. Ignore this entry as it's rather pointless to the scheme of things. I'd say I'd probably regret it, but I doubt that I actually will. I'm currently in a stage where I only regret things I haven't done, of which are numerous but just slowly getting less. I'm now feeling depressive. Writing it here since I doubt the person who I'm referring to even pays attention to here or anything that I've told her anyhow. Long story short, I'm finding it cynically laughable that I'd be remembered in death when ignored in life. Started thinking it over and how sadly amusing it is that someone who I consider my best friend can dismiss me without much of a thought to it. Even if unintentional, it makes me question my value even the more in that I already believe myself a step below worthless. A kind of mental battle that lasts forever and a day, it's just that people like you and you and one or so of my rl friends manage to just help with. Anyway, back to the previously mentioned topic of questioning my mortality. It's a rather touchy and petty thought, but I have a suicidal streak that's beyond caring at the moment. I know the previously mentioned people would genuinely be hurt and affected by it, it's just the rest that I want to scream or laugh at. I know it's not an uncommon thing to underappreciate someone or something until it's gone, I just question that just because it's acceptable and on a level of normalicity. How the hell does that make it any less wrong? I won't kill myself or anything though, that's a self-deprecating pact and I don't want to distress those few people whose concern I find validated. *sighs* I'm a hypocrite, that which I know already, and probably a worse friend. I just feel the need to scream or cry or something and as I'm honestly unable to do either, I'm typing this. It's just strange... I should be used to being ignored, if I was sane or had an ounce of stability I would be, but still when it comes down to certain people it just... *sighs again* I feel like I'm going in circles, I've been through this before. I can't move on from it as I feel as though I lack the sense tbat I should or rather I lack the closure needed to. It's just still... open and chafing. *smiles hollowly* I beat myself up better than anyone else ever could, I guess that's why I keep expecting someone to finally out and out tell me that he/she hates me and that I'm a fucking moron. I'm stuck, I feel safer and happier being unhappy rather than being happy. I find it easier to believe the worst of some of the people I care about most. Guess that's also why I haven't been around much, I don't want to mess up any more of my friendships with people like I have this one. Ah well, I'll be fine. Probably not really, but there we are. I should do homework. As it is, I'm supposed to be awake in less than six hours anyhow. In other, happier (I guess) news, I finally worked up the 'courage' to tell this person that I loved them. It didn't turn out the absolute best, but it's far from the worst. Pretty much, it all stays the same except he now knows this. We're still friends and all, a fact that makes me endlessly relieved and happy. So it pretty much turned out how I expected and what I hoped. *small but real smile* *cough* I already know I'm probably made happy by small, immature, or seemingly inconsequential things. I'm simple, though I know some people seem to think I'm more complicated. In certain matters, I probably am complex, but I'm also just very very simple. Certain people don't seem to get that. felt like forever @ 02:19 a.m. Saturday, October 19, 2002 What very contrasting results... *blink* Guess that just shows how my mood changed throughout the day. First...
 Twelve
angels descended from Heaven, each Then...
felt like forever @ 10:42 p.m. Monday, October 14, 2002 Stillness pervades the air, that of the severing of life. Light filters through as though passing in some unseen, dark, veil diminishing the edge of its purity. Sound falls hollowly, not filling to the corners of the room but rather seeming obscene to the reigning silence. The falsely real voices and din of the television are as though smothered within the unseen barrier that seperates the emitted electric glow from the darkness. Long shadows heighten the gloom, outside seems so very far away. Murmuring noises of automobiles, the occasional solitary call of some animal, the slight susurration of wind are the only faint reminder that something else exists in the world. The sinking sun is a bright, distant, mockery in a sky where clouds hang low. Winter is here, digging its icy claws into the flesh of the earth. Dismal and cryptic, the season of death. *cough* *ahem* Okay, that was my odd and bad moment of melodrama for the day. That's just the sense that my house is emitting to me at the moment, and, well, winter /is/ approaching here. And, so, yeah, thanks to my english teacher winter has become synonymous with death, at least symbolically. Though, anyway, it is my favorite season in any case. Bah. I'm tired from cleaning and really need to study, though will intersperse with checking of e-mail. Really need to do that.
felt like forever @ 06:56 p.m. Sunday, October 13, 2002
WAI! *GLOMP!* ^____^I love it! Thank you so much! *kisu* ^____^ Ish okay, no need for whacking. It just made me all happy and smiley to get it. ^o^ felt like forever @ 06:13 p.m. Sunday, October 13, 2002 SO TIRED. *flops* But had a really good time with friends. I'm sixteen as of Saturday! Yaaay... *falls asleep* felt like forever @ 12:54 a.m. Thursday, October 10, 2002
felt like forever @ 06:03 p.m. Wednesday, October 9, 2002 So... .... ...Yeah, that's pretty much the activity of my thoughts at the moment. felt like forever @ 09:39 p.m.
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