"about:blank"{dr. who}? | sirhC{thyme of aLPHA}? | novemberry eleven; seven-eleven; eighty-one; scorpionic {GPS}? | toronto kkkanada {gender}? | variable {illness}? | idealism. yes {by design}? | to create new world using smouldering rubble of spent eMPIRE {my shadow}? | s n e l l a |
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uncle ChrisFriday, November 21, 2003 04:21 p.m.i am now an uncle, as of 12.58am today, to a seven pound, nine ounce baby girl. i feel crusty and old, and i even had a shower. scratchy too, thanks for that werd you. her name is bailey emma, and i am a little miffed because emma is my favourite name -- what am i going to name my little grrl when the thyme comes? o well. apparently she has the cursed feet. poor thing. its not her fault. i am an uncle, my sisters are aunts. my little sister danielle is an 11 year old aunt. how bizarre. i feel weak and underjoyed. maybe it will be better when i eat soon. fuck soundscape: i fucking hate this computer -- by me go up do you think that i dont know?Thursday, November 20, 2003 11:46 p.m.this is for the person(s) who did a little research on google with certain keywords and happened upon this place: i will find out who you are, believe me. soundscape: none go up reverse insomniaThursday, November 20, 2003 10:05 p.m.not really, i just thought that would be a catchy heading, and it is. its just that i dont get tired until 6 am, even when i try to go to sleep earlier. and then, i fucking sleep for at least 10 hours. that is the worst. i just dont want to get out of bed until mid afternoon. needless to say, i wont be going to class tomorrow because its at 8.30am; besides, i found out when the mid term is without having to go to class at all. pretty smooth, hey? now i am sayin hey as if i am from saskatoon. that word is almost as funny as Medicine Hat, but not really. i feel like i have lost direction. i hate school, i have made no effort to get a job yet, i dont participate in politics much, and when i do, i have no repsonsibility but to show up at the planned place at the planned thyme (where's the sense of empowerment in that?). i still dont write, unless you call this writing, which i dont -- its just rough sketches that go nowhere, and have no point except for me to vent. i wrote two fucking poems (to spenser, kill your muses) during the only lecture i will go to this week, but i think they suck. and that fucking class will be the death of me and my interest in english. it has completely destroyed ANY interest i might have thought about having in the STUDY of english. i still just want to create, of course, but anything else along the lines of studying others' werk in a fucking scientific way, no thanks. it ruins it for me. you cant play humpty dumpty with art, in my opinion, not in such a cold and scientific way. where is the passion? 'C'etait pour la passion'. the dears: nov. 22 deftones: nov. 27 mindless self indulgence: dec. 8 C. soundscape: no hope before destruction -- the dears go up nope, still not sleepingTuesday, November 18, 2003 05:23 a.m.mufassa, you sleep in my bed, and you are spread eagle at the moment, so i wont go to bed. but here is some of what i was doing whilst you slept. finally getting the motivation to do it. the thyme consuming part (besides transcribing the written part of the print zine) is finding pictures that i like; but i think i did a good job for the opening rant. and if i get tired of them i have other pics in the directory. i dont know how i am going to not die during class tomorrow. if i dont get tired until 8 then i am fucked: my alarm is set for 9. and i must go to english to hand in my essay; i missed my 2.30 class last week so i really should go to that as well. why do i sabotage myself like this? soundscape: you dont win friends with salad go up mmm nose candyMonday, November 17, 2003 07:40 p.m.*sigh* le tigre tonight. alas, i cannot go. besides the person who was supposed to put me on the guest list was sleeping, going through nicotine withdrawals. i was going to jokingly suggest that she switch to another drug, but then i remembered that she does cocaine, so i didnt say anything, and then i couldnt think of anything witty to say, so i just let marija talk. but she probably would not have cared if i made that dumb joke anyway, why would she? shes cool, she 'knows people', she does coke because she 'knows people' and is cool. i get it. but why? hey, patti, while you're at it, why dont you try quitting the nose candy too, hey? so long, we wish you well.... going to bed at 8AM probably screws up your clock, but right now i feel fine. of course i would, though: i only woke up like 5 hours ago. but it is a good thing this thyme: malcolm 4 doors down has some article i need to read, so i can write the summary, for the first thyme ever, but he will be using it until like 1AM, so i will have to wait until then to get it from him. at least i will feel rested. and more good news: i found out that my midterm eggs-ham fro that class i have never really gone to is on the 28th, so i havent missed it! all i have to do is read and study like a bastard who just ate a fox. bad news however: deftones show is on the 27th, and my class the next day is at 8.30AM. yeah, thats right, my bedthyme. shitty. shitty buzz as mike used to say. i wonder if he will ever quit no skills. not likely, hes far too entrenched, but he gorws his own bud. i havent heard from you today, i hope everything is well with you, and i hope that you are still coming over after werk; i am living on the assumption that you are; would suck if you weren't, though i would understand if you are far too exhausted. but if you come over i will give you a massage and more *wink wink* ok, off to create some crappy ass posters for top secret activities. C. soundscape: root - deftones; eulogy - t o o l go up why am i eating potato salad?Monday, November 17, 2003 12:29 a.m.Thats right: i still havent established WHY exactly. but at least i am feeling better now that i ate something. if i just focus myself i could finish this essay in one hour, but i like to distract myself, dont i? what if i call the phoenix tomorrow and ask when the le tigre show starts? then will you come with me, if only we get on the guest list? if not, its only $ 12. no big deal. you could get home from werk, change out of your smelly coffee clothes (or not ;P) and we could head over to sherbourne right away. ...pause... *feeling post* anyways how dare you copy me? i just copied others.... maybe i should only write in this when i have actually DONE something interesting recently; not that vanishing and being with you wasnt fun and interesting, but it isnt blog material, y'know? i didnt have any strange people make ME a bike. there was a 'harmonic concordance' on the 8th, which was supposed to be a big day for me, but it was really nothing: i helped squat an empty building and then after that had some crazy-bad non-fun, cry-face thyme, and that was terrible. but as usual i lived through it and now i feel really optimistic about a lot of things, but -- NO BABY, okay? not yet, which reminds me, am i an uncle yet? hahaha, uncle Chris sounds funny. i feel like i need to grow extensive facial hair or something. i already have the weirdness part down pat, so no worries there i say. okay enough of this, i must kunt in you with my essay. just let me say that we will hold a BJ competition in the Pub soon, just to fuck with people: lets see who would show up.... C. soundscape: the the empty -- le tigre; man-size -- pj harvey go up surrender to gravityTuesday, November 11, 2003 03:14 p.m.i'll write you a song and it won't be hard to sing it will be a natural anthem, familiar it may seem it will rally all the workers on strike for better pay and its chorus will resound and boost morale thoughout the day i'll write you a song and i hope that you won't mind because all the names and places i have taken from real life so please don't get upset at this portrait that i paint it may be a little biased, but at least i spelt your name right... soundscape: natural anthem -- postal service go up haha i forgotTuesday, November 11, 2003 04:11 a.m.tis my birthday in eggsactly three hours. for any strangers who read this, get me a present: the future. Thanks. C. *yawn* perhaps i should turn in.... soundscape: still the hummmmmm go up done.... methinksTuesday, November 11, 2003 03:56 a.m.finally finished my fucking essay. what is it with this fucking WINDOWS ME though? the first essay i wrote this year, Microshit Werd crashed and then all but disappeared, so i had to finish my essay in the lab. This thyme i had to use WerdPad, which sucks ass. so here i am writing my essay, and boom! WerdPad fucking crashes on me, and my file was corrupted and i lost a fuckload of data. i swear i almost cried and vomited. this fucking computer WANTS me to fail. it is possessed by that asshole, the failure demon. no, this is not just me looking for excuses for why i am so unmotivated. really, tisnt. but it isnt over. i have another one due on fryday, for english. i am glad it is only five pages. i should be able to BS my way through that rather nicely. C. soundscape: the disconcertingly loud hum of my computer go up its a sign....Monday, November 10, 2003 05:46 p.m.in the caf they have something other than white rice as an option with the stir-fry!! they have.....wild rice! it is a sign! or, no, no it isnt. its probably a mistake. i havent felt this shitty in some thyme. its proabably because i stayed up until six in the freaking morning, NOT writing my essay. at the moment i am eating that aformentioned stir-fry, as well as enjoying some liberated smoothie. Mmmmmmmmm! nothing tastes better than freed food. eggsactly how far am i with my paper, you ask (and if you didnt ask rest assured i didnt care)? i cant really tell, because only WordPad werks, and that doesnt tell me how many werds or even pages i have written. i have wriiten some of the group's backgorund and history, and also some of their organizational structure -- membership, funding. to get perspective, lets take a look at what i still have to write about: relationship to the state, raltionship to the media, accountability, who they werk on behalf of, and then lastly, my bleeding opinion about them: do i think that the ELF has contributed positively or negatively to the global environmental movement? stay tuned to find out the answer! or i will just say that i dont like that question, so i will change it so i can give a better answer: presently i think that the ELF has contributed both negatively and positively to the movement, but they have the potential to play a more important role if certain circumstances present themselves. the way i think about all really miltant groups in the West: people are not yet ready for them, but in thyme i think the conditions will present themselves in which these groups will be the ONLY groups with credibility. no i am not speaking of Marx's fucking stupid 'laws of history' bullshit, i just mean that IF a revolutionary situation presents itself in the future, these groups will be indispensible. right now they are pretty much a bunch of zealots. mmmm zealots.....zoodles. back to the liberated food. C. soundscape: no sense -- cat power go up pacifierMonday, November 10, 2003 01:31 a.m.i have all these notes and points but i cannot put them in a coherent form. to top it all off, i didnt get to talk to you once more, to say good night. maybe you just went to bed early, good thing, cuz you needed it. but i still missed your voice. did you call while i was out covertly placing posters that i hope will make people think about things differently? youre right when you say that it doesnt feel the same when we cant say goodnight: i feel incomplete, and i just may use it as an excuse to not continue with this essay, besides i fucking hate it. abrupt ending soundscape: sleepwalk capsules live -- at the drive-in go up i wont get in trouble for this, right?Sunday, November 9, 2003 04:52 p.m.DISCLAIMERthis link is provided for educational purposes only. In no way do I condone or advocate use of such materials for any purpose, and I cannot be held responsible for any damages caused to you, your precious precious property, or to anyone or anything, resulting from this information, ever. There.neato. soundscape: it only took a day -- dredg go up OCAP Gatekeeper Squat photosSunday, November 9, 2003 03:02 p.m.here and here (might be down -- Tripod site). further squat pictures C. soundscape: a perfect day, elise -- pj harvey go up deja vuSunday, November 9, 2003 01:49 a.m.well, here i am at it again: another essay, for the same class, due on tuesday, and i am not writing it. mufassa sleeps silently nearby, and i cant for the life of me, figure out how to think about this paper. how to want to write it, how to care. what do you say, allice, lets run away to Montreal right now. you cant hear me, you sleep too deeply for even the tapping of the keys to disturb you. i suppose now would be a prudent thyme to let you in on a little secret: you know how much you need me? well, i need you that much too. i know it may not seem that way somethymes, but believe me: the other things in life are only bearable (and somethymes better) because i have you. so right now, all i want to do is to lie in my small bed with you, and sleep. but look at you, all sprawled out, limbs akimbo: you take up all the space. but you certainly are the most beautiful and peaceful thing i have seen in my life, and i just cant make you move....yet. when i get tired and cranky enough watch out. This is weird: having a virtual conversation with someone who is right beside me and sleeping. i want toast. with peanut butter and honey. and so i shall. and you might wake as i leave the room to wash a plate and knife, and also as the bread toasts: it will smell good. bah, pish posh. i am under the impression that i have Matrix Revolutions downloading on BitTorrent, and there is still two hours left to finish. i want to see if it is actually the movie, even though it came out a few days ago. was kind of crappy, but i want to be cool and say, 'yeah, i have it on my computer'. then all the cool kids will think im cool. *ahem* went to the OCAP squat today. i behaved myself this thyme: i didnt mouth off to any fucking asshole pigs. i saw some of them trying to provoke certain people by shoving them, insulting them and just being pigs. but it didnt werk: it pretty much went off without a hitch. the building was liberated, only one person arrested. then after myself and the pack i was with left, the cops surrounded the place again, threatened to attack, then, the unthinkable happened: the Liberal MP for that area showed up, and negotiated a 'truce' of sorts. the people were allowed out of the building without being harrassed and/or arrested, and the MP gave his werd (in front of media and in writing) that the building would be turned into affordable housing within thirty days, or else he would resign. very bizarre. i bet that freakin MP feels pretty slinkster now. werd is is that he was going to resign anyway when Paul Martin becomes PM, so it may mean nothing. we just have to hold the jerkstore to his filthy werd. off to toastland. C. soundscape: none go up insert title hereFriday, November 7, 2003 11:55 p.m.LOOK at what I have done! Isnt it mediocre and doesnt it kind of still look like this one? too bad. but its empty right now, and it could be for some thyme. hmmm, maybe Agent L can lend me her scanner for my print issues. otherwise i will have nothing but werds...like this place, so then why would i need a separate place? tomorrow is the 'Less Talk, More Squats' squat (haha). And this thyme instead of it being little old me, we have, lets see.... Myself, Marija, L, Matt, and Ray: quite a nice Glendon College contingent if i say so. I dont want to sound like some pretentious, seasoned activist (because i am just a wannabe radical), but i hope everyone else knows what they are getting themselves into with this. I hope they know that it could get pretty nasty. the cops love to overpolice, in order to justify their massive budget (despite the fact that crime is decreasing) and to stop people from dissenting. overpolicing is basically sending out one riot-gear-clad cop for each protester, use of batons, pepper spray, tear gas, horses, insults, and of course, excessive force. wait: not to mention pre-emptive detention without charge. all very nice. Perhaps i will have to restrain myself, and why do i feel like i will need to babysit L? I am sure it wont be that bad. at least i wont be alone this thyme -- although being solitary gives me more freedom because i am responsible to only me. Well, mufassa my beloved centaur, if your internet werks and you are reading this, i wish you well at your wage slavery early this morning (5.45AM I believe - yikes), and i will contact you as soon as it is humanly possible. Take care. HUG'N'MUSH C. soundscape: The Noose (live) -- A Perfect Circle go up o yes, I am a shifty bastardThursday, November 6, 2003 05:49 p.m.i finally figured out how to rid my geocities page of that pesky popup banner....Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaa. Now heres hoping they dont find out i did it, otherwise all of the 'fancy' stuff on this page will have to find a new home. But now that i have removed the banner, i feel that i can expand into that webspace, use it as a supplement to this one. a supplement only, since i dont have the thyme nor skill to make the geocities page anything special. I am satisfied with what i have now....well, if only i had a scanner, then i would be set. but that is just an excuse for not putting my zine online. i am lazy, yeah. Mufassa was here last nite, and we slept -- yes, WE. i managed to actually fall aslumber beside her, even though i stupidly made my bedthyme a horrific 8AM. so yeah, i slept, then she had to go early, so she left at 8-something. shortly after, i passed out. like i said, my bedthyme is now at 8 in the morning. so i had planned the 'rest my eyes' thing until like 11, so i could wake and begin werk on one of two essays i have to write for next week. naturally that didnt pan out, cuz when i can sleep, i SLEEP, no matter what fucking thyme it is. Instead i have just been in here all day, doing shit; and that banner-killer thing i discovered is the only achievement today. no liberated food, no essay, no socializing, save for a brief encounter with my neighbour. the night means more activity for me, possibly: i must launder my dingy-ass clothes, for only the second thyme since i got here in september (nice hey?). and then, under cover of darkness (and lateness), i will post the 'got apathy' posters all over campus, until i run out. or wait: should i? tomorrow is friday. hardly anyone will be here. gah, i am going to wait until sundae night to do it; that way on monday morning, people will come to campus and see them; some may stay up for the entire week. so great. all i am doing tonite is freakin laundry. yes. breathe in. breathe out. C. soundscape: razor sharp -- Collide go up dammit i'm mad (thats a palindrome)Wednesday, November 5, 2003 11:56 p.m.if i hadnt sat in front of this screen for so long, i just KNOW i would have written like five pomes by now. you bastard, you've got me now as well. not forever. C. soundscape: rx queen - deftones go up soulmate, dry your eyesWednesday, November 5, 2003 07:58 p.m.nothing has been done, so why a sense of doom? i was mistaken and i overreacted, i know that now. there is no need to be scared of what will happen, you said that yourself: whatever happens, happens. but i know you, only too well, and you saying that is a good sign. you would never say that if you felt hopeless, which means you have not given up. well, neither have i, i just want you to know. Why did i listen to The Patient over and over last night (this morning)? Because, i must confess, that song is like a prayer for me, or a rather long mantra, one that i havent listened to or thought about for a while now. It just reminds me of life in general, of me. and i needed it, and i think it helped. Funny how those little things can really show you the way somethymes, hey? C. soundscape: go up there is no other ending (short version)Wednesday, November 5, 2003 03:51 p.m.i feel different. i am filled with a sense of foreboding, a feeling that i somehow set some huge beast in motion, and now it is no longer under my control. events must flow by themselves now, i must be swept along by them. i can only choose how to react to the flood, that is my only freedom, and i should cling to it as a piece of driftwood. how can i respond to what you wrote to me? its too much. there is nothing for me to say, and what is the point anyway, its going to end in pain, i am going to stab you and you are going to stab me, right through our heart and we are going to bleed slowly and our blood will run together and that will be it. we will sit there, drained, sullen and black-eyed, fading into nothing. in the end we will never agree on this, except for the fact that i acted insensitively last night, even though i had my reasons. i apologize for the whole mess, because if i had just given in nothing would have happened. i will try to not be so reactive when you are so vulnerable. i would like to think that most of the thyme i am not so bad, but i know i can be better, and so i will set about to try to change my ways. i cant expect you to change, especially after what you have gone through, not yet, so dont bother saying you will. besides, as you have noted before, you have made significant progress from the way you were in the past. and isnt that good enough? i will try.... "...she wears her tears on her blouse..." Love C. soundscape: go up trying to stay awakeWednesday, November 5, 2003 05:47 a.m.Here is a 'new' pome for you. not really new per se, but recent enough. i am just trying to not sleep, so i am calling it a pome, even though it was just a rambling produced by the same delirium that i am approching now. i remember, sitting here at the screen, unable to sleep, and watching her sleep in my bed, all wrapped up in my blanket, and the overwhleming beauty of all that she came into contact with. i think if i can just see her face and kiss her it will all be okay. i must keep reminding myself of this. soundscape: go up i must keep reminding myself of thisWednesday, November 5, 2003 04:49 a.m.why have i been so afraid -- my entire life -- to really look deep inside myself? i have always told myself that i know everything i need to know, but mostly, and especially in the past three or four years, i have lost touch somewhere. and i feel that in a relationship i was searching for some way to reconnect to people, on a one on one basis. that is very difficult, as you may realize. it feels like that i have come to a fork in the road, much sooner than i thought; or am i just losing patience with the path, the long tedious path to death? the few thymes that i have tried to pin down my motives for even wanting to exist for other people, i have come up with something that is at once noble and despicable. I see my reason for existing as being available for use by certain broken and vulnerable and damaged people that i happen to meet throughout the course of my life. i am not really meant to become too close to them for too long, i am just supposed to somehow enter their lives, help them realize that they are special people and that they alone have the key to change in themselves; and then as mysteriously as i entered their lives, i leave, and they dont mind, because ultimately they never needed me in the first place. This was to be my lot in life, and even now i see that it has happened a little, though i am still young. my existence is for others, for them to use me, my company, my thyme, my compassion, my everything, and then they dont need me anymore, and then i go away. somethymes this makes me happy, because then it all seems figured out for me, and there is no need to worry. other thymes it makes me depressed and feel like i am nothing but a vehicle for others, that i have nothing, am nothing, unless i am attached to someone else in some way. So i thought that i would just travel through other peoples lives, fulfilling some crucial role at some crucial moment of development. show up at a thyme of despair, a thyme of weakness, but i would not exploit that weakness, i would help them to heal and then move on.... But what if for some reason i could not move on? What if i were compelled to stay by forces beyond my control, or worse yet, what if i chose to stay with a person i happened to meet one day? And what if the main reason i decided to stay was love? Not the selfless love of all that was supposed to be the animating force in my constant quest to move through others' lives, but the selfish love, in which i only love that one person in a very specific and individual and special way. This person was someone that i feel was supposed to just use me for whatever reason, then derive what attribute or strength or trait that was necessary, and then discard me. but she fell in love with me, and quite frankly, i fell in love with her, a mere month after we met. She fulfilled everything that i felt i was lacking in my own life, namely, she really appreciates me for what i am and for what my purpose is, even if she doesnt know that purpose. She loved me for what i had given her, and for that i loved her, and still do. But i feel as if our being together and the desire to stay together is wrong somehow. I am supposed to move on, she is supposed to have grown as a result of our relationship and move on as well. I would not be feeling this if i was not having some kind of inner dialogue with myself. most of the thyme i do not know that its happening; at best i think i confuse it with some nebulous desire for more personal 'freedom' in my life. but could it be that that impulse is rising because i feel deep down inside that i am supposed to move on and meet and help other people? i dont know. perhaps i am being far too impatient: it has only been three years, maybe it will take longer for her to heal.... all of this hurts and confuses me, so i really dont want to broach the subject, even to my conscious self. and then there is another possibility, springing from this supposed impatience: does it mean that i am giving up on the process altogether? that i wish to just live totally for myself and to hell with others? perhaps that allegedly-mistaken 'impulse' for freedom is real, and i wish to make myself, to throw off the shackles of destiny and go my own way.... i dont know. i do know that i still love her, and that i always will; but i also feel that staying with her will hurt her more than it will help. i seem to have utterly no lasting healing effect on her, i take everything she says too seriously -- evidence that i am bound to her, dependent, weak.... just because i do not want to leave does not mean that i shouldnt, but i always thought that the other person was supposed to leave me, to just fade from my life somehow. it feels like an injustice for me to leave. i dont want to leave, but what if i am killing her spirit a day at a thyme by staying? I am a coward, i am afraid to face the consequences of my actions -- why???? what happpened to taking responsibility? its lost now. i must begin to make my own decisions, to have the courage to make them and to stand by them even if they were the wrong decisions. I have to know that my actions will inevitably hurt the ones i love, but i need to realize that that does not mean i do not love them...this is all fucking nonsense. I am branching out now, slowly, but there is resistance in the form of my current relationship. we have a special bond, one that is built on mutual love and compassion and intensity, but i feel it is still a very fragile bond; and judging by her words and actions, she must think so too. our bond seems constantly threatened by outside forces, just by my reaching out to others, to live and love freely, to care about things external to the world we have built up as a shelter to the whirling chaos outside. i am trying to step outside of that little world we have, just as she feels the most vulnerable and alone. Why am i doing this? did i choose to do this? that is the real question, and i havent an idea about it. i am immature and incapable of balance in my life; as much as i complain, i seem to need this imbalance to justify my perpetual inaction in spite of all of this evident potential. for some reason i am remaining still outwardly, whilst inside boils a hurricane of passion; i use instability in the opposite way in which i actually wish to use it -- as a spur to action. instead, i behave as i always thought i would in the face of perfect equilibrium: complaisance. inactivity, passivity. i go on and on about apathy yet i am the most apathetic person ever. i should use this as a reason to change, but i am skilled at finding any excuse to do nothing: in this case, i will 'embrace' my contradictions, then conveniently ignore them. clever. none of this bullshit answers my burning questions, nor will it ever. why dont i 'act first, theorize later'? I am scared. I am wasting my potential. I will choose solitude because it is easier for me. I will choose, i will choose, i will choose. Why cant i choose to live? soundscape: go up stutterTuesday, November 4, 2003 04:00 p.m.the more i return to academic life the more i want to turn away: i have learned that i have two essays due next week, one of which i do not even know the topic. i also need to write that article for ProTem about the town hall meeting for next Friday. then there is the catching up with the various readings that i have ignored for weeks. All of this is my fault, i am well aware. but i do not want to have any of it any more; i feel uninspired by school and all i do is fight with it in so many ways: the Union, the close-minded courses and the profs, the caf, it never ends. and i cant find my freakin phone bill! FUCK! i owed them over sixty dollars a few days ago, now i will be charged interest. son of a... other than all of that, i feel fine. great, actually. its almost as if that just knowing that i have infinite potential is enough for me, which sounds like a good thing but it really isnt. next is to realize that potential. ok then. soundscape: go up run away from all your boredom...Monday, November 3, 2003 07:13 p.m.what a wrenching few days. near-breakup. a friend coming clean with me. cursed at by strangers. things stolen in the middle of the night. threatened with a lawsuit. and almost endless disequilibrium and dizzyness. but it feels like i am back on both feet now, and i hit the ground running. confidence returning. this past thursday was the town hall meeting, and the Hassan vigil. the first piece of bad news hit that morning: the two banners we made at the Amnesty meeting the evening before were gone. the GCSU said they had no idea; the janitorial staff said they had no idea. so the obvious culprit had to be apathy and hate, no way around it. last year this happened, when i plastered the walls of the school with posters against the war. people took pleasure in ripping them down. what a nice culture we live in. that people can do that without any pangs of conscience. somethymes i think its because they feel guilty that they are not doing anything, so they become angry as a defence measure, and then commence the tearing down of anything constructive. but why pick on the people who ARE doing something? what do THEY have to do with your own apathy? why not attack the institutions and cultural structures that create the basis for such apathy? i just dont get it... so anyway, then came the town hall meeting with the GCSU, the organization that is supposed to defend the interests of the students. well, i was not aware that students were interested in seeing a portion of their tuition go to paying off a debt as a result of last years corruption. why should first year students have to suffer when they just arrived and had nothing at all to do with the inept and corrupt GCSU from the year previous? The vice-President of the Union was belligerent from the start. He ordered all of us 'non-GCSU' people to the side (as if we were something of a lesser class), then had the council members vote if they wanted us to be equal to them. And he seemed so put off by the fact that we were asking him and the Union to be accountable to the students, almost like it was beneath him. And so the questions ensued. I must admit i was a little intimidated, and so i started off by being too polite and as a result i could not get a question in edgewise. but as the meeting progressed, i became more daring and started to ask the questions that had not already been 'answered'. As to the Union's explanation of events: they were saddled with massive debt bacause of last year's administration, and also because of ProTem, our campus newspaper, whom the GCSU said needed far too much money. To quote the President of our Union (who by the way said almost nothing compared to the Vice Prez) concerning ProTem: "There is no way in hell I am giving them $ 17 000". Nice. When I asked the VP why he thought the Union could unilaterally decide how to spend their levy, he answered with venom and sarcasm, but his response was merely a regurgitation of what was said before: that they had debts to pay. he told it to me as if he was supplying new information or something. Then I asked him later if he was making a profit off students by charging cover for the Pub. Again he responded with sarcasm and he even cursed at me (o dear!) and said yes "I have ten full-thyme security guards". He was chastised by everyone in the room, including the Prez who told him not to use such language. It was funny, but come on, lets not pretend that we dont say fuck and shit and all the others, shall we? The last question i remember asking was one of conflict of interest, and of course it was not answered at all. I asked the VP that since he had a financial stake in the Pub and the Union (he put $ 60 000 and $ 12 000 into them, respectively), was it not a conflict of interest? but i was told that it would be dealt with, and of course we ran out of thyme. so at the end of the meeting i approached the Prez, with an air of reconciliation and told him that if anything on the GSSJ website was factually inaccurate, then i would take it down. I approached the Prez because he was not at all pissed at me about it; in fact he seemed to not care. but he never got to answer me because the VP interrupted and said he wanted my full name because he was going to sue me for slander. Incredulous, i laughed at him and asked him to point out what exactly was slander. in response he "quoted" me and still i smirked, because i knew what i had actually written. so i showed it to him and sure enough, what i had written made him look foolish, but of course he said he was still going to take me to court. At that point i was a little upset and unfortunately i let it show, then i stormed out of the Senate Chamber. Well, what will come of this event is still not clear; i will have to wait and see if he follows through with his threat. I am no lawyer, but i am pretty sure you have to accuse someone of actually DOING something, something that they did not do but would affect their position. Well, as far as i can tell, this Union actually is not corrupt, so i could get in trouble if only for the simple fact that i said that there was POTENTIAL for wrongdoing: you put a couple of young guys in a position of power over others' money, only give them access to financial recordds and stuff with no oversight or transparency, and something wrong COULD happen. that is all i said. i never accussed them of actually doing it or even intending to do it. Read for yourself. That is why i am not too scared. I removed any info that was inaccurate because i dont want to spread lies. okay this is long enough i should say. Less talk more squats. C. soundscape: go up *ahem*Wednesday, October 29, 2003 09:28 p.m.as you can see, i figured out the archive problem, kind of. i will just post the links to my archived pages on this page rather than direct you to a separate archive page which was intent on being a jerkface. soundscape: go up stupid mofo archiveMonday, October 27, 2003 01:45 a.m.or maybe its just me; i cant seem to figure it out, but i dont think there is any way for me to edit the archive page, and i just sent another series of entries to the archive but its not there, so wtf? bah. who cares: its not like i wanted any of it kept for posterity; i mean, come on. C. soundscape: go up |
arrrrghchive before the move ramadan  i am vegetarian. i dont eat spam. a_enimal @ msn.com (no spaces)  |
