"about:blank"{dr. who}? | sirhC{thyme of aLPHA}? | novemberry eleven; seven-eleven; eighty-one; scorpionic {GPS}? | toronto kkkanada {gender}? | variable {illness}? | idealism. yes {by design}? | to create new world using smouldering rubble of spent eMPIRE {my shadow}? | s n e l l a |
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RamadanSunday, October 26, 2003 01:29 a.m.I am going to do this. For myself, and in solidarity with Hassan and countless other Muslims held in prison without charge, bail or evidence. I am not Muslim, nor will i ever be Muslim, but that is beside the point; the point is that i want to support political prisoners and awaken more control over my life, and i think the fast is one way to help me do that. I just didnt know that it was starting Monday, is all. C. go up man o maneshevitzSaturday, October 25, 2003 06:29 p.m.listening to: "Pattern Against User" At the Drive-In i slept like a BASTARD last nite, but i friggin overslept and now i feel like a sluggish....thing...that is .. sluggish. yes. and my head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. sad thing is, its so big that a thousand probably isnt far from the truth. L said my head is big, so i said hers was pumpkin-shaped. take that. i hope that it doesnt come back mufassa, because it was heartbreaking to see you in such pain, with nothing that you or i could do about it to make it go away. i wonder why it comes back? fuck i dunno, but it sure isnt me this thyme (wink wink nudge nudge)! stress? the ultimately nauseating smell of coffee? -- cuz it will get gross after a while, its a law of nature. so, speaking of suffering, will you come with me on monday to the solidarity shoe-off vigil for Hassan Almrei? all you have to do is take your shoes off and stand outside on the cold concrete in your stocking feet, no big deal, just a little more stress.... and continuing on with the matter of Hassan, i am dead serious about the solidarity fast during Ramadan. i think about him a lot, he has really got a hold of my mind, i wonder how sick he feels, how long he can hold out, and what must be going through his mind. when you deprive your body of food, your mind eventually becomes crystal clear. you hear this sort of thing all the thyme from people who have fasted or been on hunger strike. you just see things better and think with a lot more clarity, you enter a Zen-like state and just slow down.... Believe it or not, i worry about him now. i really should write him a letter. people like him are the real heroes (if there ever were any). its just that we are all supporting him in his effort to get heat in his cell. That is sad in a way. Shouldnt we be agitating to have him and the scores of other (mostly Muslim) political prisoners released, not merely better conditions? Asking for heat seems to legitimize the idea of CSIS security certificates, arrests on no evidence, secret trials and the system in general, doesnt it? But it seems that the groups mostly handling his support werk are focusing on just getting him heat -- maybe because they still hold belief in the legal system and they are sure that Hassan's name will eventually be cleared. O well. that is only my opinion. i will attend the vigil on Monday, and remove my shoes in solidarity. besides, any attention on Hassan's case is good attention, because the issues of his and others' arrests and detention without charges or evidence will get attention as well. I hate my caf. i just had a crappy dried out piece of pizza and powdered OJ. MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Yummy! [In case you didnt notice i was being sarcastic] C. go up hooray for feigned creativity!Friday, October 24, 2003 01:48 p.m.last nite (and this morning) i started a pitas page for the GSSJ here. it looks almost the same as this one because i really cant think of any other way to make a page right now. but i think it looks okay, and you should too....well, you dont have to. C. go up at least i am good at somethingThursday, October 23, 2003 07:32 p.m.i slept thru my english lecture again, i cant even count how many thymes i have done that. damn, i am good. all i have to do is get the notes from marija -- she took the class last year and is a supreme brainiac who writes good geek notes. yes, i have goneggtions. she even knows how to use PhotoShop. so there. in related news, i have discovered my optimum sleeping period is between the hours of 8am and 2pm. its too bad that is when the rest of the world (it seems) is awake. perhaps they are actually asleep, somnambulists obliviously leading themselves to their own personalized doom. hey: at least you get to choose your poison, thats freedumb. another thing i am good at: sleep (when i should be awake). i will put that on my resume. some PJ lyrics for mufassa: "the sky lit up" today i found out that the Pepsi corporation owns my student union. kind of. well, not really. but that got your attention didnt it? it turns out that the GCSU owes the body that recieves money from Pepsi a whopping 16 grand. so then with my twisted sense of logic bent on turning everything into a corporate conspiracy i say that Pepsi owns us now. ha. but Pepsi already paid million to York to have exclusive rights to our minds, so why should they bother with a measly sixteen thou? and there is a "Pepsi Fund" here, with which the PR- and brand-savvy money-grubbing corporation bolsters their own image, while purporting to enrich the life here on campus. if they really wanted to be so generous, why not forgive the sixteen thousand that our lousy and corrupt union owes them? that would actually do us a service. but no. they need every last dollar not dedicated to branding to line their filthy pockets. o yes, make no mistake, i HATE Pepsi (and Coke, etc.). haha -- and today when Matt and I were looking to find out if we can have fire in the cafeteria, we spoke to this lady who, when i expressed the desire of students to hold a vigil supporting Hassan Almrei, she looked as if i had suggested genocide or something. it would be priceless if it wasnt so damn nauseating. She said that she wasnt sure if "we" (who? huh? wha?) can do that on campus, since we were taking a position. i almost vomited with indignation, but instead i kept my composure and replied, "Well i believe that we have the right to express our opinions and take a position", or something to that effect. She looked damn perplexed and then referred us to someone else, which was also irritating because Matt and I had just been referred to her by someone else who was, in fact, just another person in the endless chain of passing the buck and referrals. Finally a level head prevailed, and Shannon (who i am beginning to like a little more) expressed interest and said that we need groups at Glendon like the GSSJ and Amnesty (yes, stroke that ego baby). and everything went off without a hitch as far as i am concerned. she also told us that there is "still pepsi money available", which is nice but i have serious issues with accepting money from a corporation, unless the money will be used to subvert that corporation somehow. is that too much to ask? last nite i was supposed to see "The Weather Underground", the doc about that very group that is labelled "terrorist" by the Liberal ass-kissing Toronto Star. I uncharacteristically planned a movie night (yes i am a geek), and i invited people. Then, Agent L cancelled on me (I am werking on revenge as i type, thats right Liudmilla), Helene (big jerkface with nice hair) said she had too much werk to do and backed out. then i got to the place and the line was longer than my penis, and i didnt see mufassa or jon, so i walked away and finally found mufassa. so i was flustered (which was either caused by my disappointment with not seeing the movie or by how absolutely radiant you looked [god, your hair was down, need i say more?]) and i acted like a dickface and all weird. man i am so weird somethymes. i am sorry. anyway, then whilst i was with mufassa, thats when jon showed up and went in to the movie. so he saw it at least, and he said it was good. tis my mission to see it before it is gone. mufassa, you will come, no? Moral of this story: Chris you suck! dont EVER try to plan ANYthing EVER. it feels like i was rejected in some way, by everyone (except one special person), and i know it is childish, but i never said i was well-adjusted. it just feels like it has happened so many thymes before in my life, and it has always hurt me; this thyme was no different. i am mending quickly though. no worries. C. go up anywayzTuesday, October 21, 2003 11:41 p.m.well, i did actually write another post before this, but the pita dude had some issues, and just as i clicked the 'done' button, it all went to shit. so the post is gone i think. basicallly it was to say willkommen to s n e l l a, now i can know even MORE about your life, whenever i want to. you had that libertea with me, so now with you. *cue evil, maniacal laugh* today i went to a meeting at the Womyn's Centre and listened to a bunch of idiots make anti-feminist jokes while simultaneously claiming to have a desire to 'debunk' myths about feminism. the person running the centre knows nothing about feminism (she even admitted it), she is in economics. and she expressed dismay at the fact the former caretakers of the centre were apparently "extreme" feminists because they believed that some events should be womyn only (like in-depth and personal discussions about experiences with male violence). and she didnt understand 'womyn' either, and when i tried to explain, she was even more adamant that the former caretakers were 'extreme' and exclusionary. in fact, ALL THREE people now 'in charge' of the WC were like that, and are all economics majors. so if i ever try to bring up a link between neoliberalism and oppression of womyn, then i would come up against opposition from them. i fuckin better knot. if they are disgustingly naive and think equality means more female CEOs, then i think we should show them the door. the one good thing that they were focusing on is a theme of diversity, since Glendon has students from many different places with different cultures. I just hope they think long and hard what the werd diversity means.... and now, on to more personal news.... what to do when a friend has a sex dream about you, i really dont know. bah, i have had sex dreams about cowerkers before, no big deal. Agent L, you are still number one, just so you know. C. go up nope, i wasn't busy...Tuesday, October 7, 2003 09:20 p.m....i was just lazy. hmmmmmm. just got over a brief depression methinks, or perhaps i am still in it. i really cant tell. octoberry 6 was yesterday, said the captain. it was weird, was it not? just kind of routine, like every other day. not that thats bad or anything, but it didnt seem special. we are disconnected from everything still, is what i think. my head off in the clouds of thought, about appreciating the little things, yet now i think i wasnt there at all, just floating along, "i am a visitor here, i am unpermanent".... some things seem to be moving in slow motion, whilst others are approaching much too quickly. the things i wish to happen dont really want to, at least not when i wish them to. the other undesirables are only too eager to slap me in the face. and my mind feels its way over my random thoughts that i had last nite while walking home from the movie, wondering if i was having some 'happening' in my head, a turning point, second thoughts, the beginning of something potentially dangerous and life-changing, but i thought harder and clearer and it came to me: just a weird amalgam of relations and strange things for two 'friends' about which to converse, nothing else. what i mean is that i am relieved, calmed, reassured, strengthened, satisfied with the way things might turn out. no longer afraid of what i might do; if the thyme comes then i will make the right decision, whatever that is. i can trust myself, you can trust me. "Trust me." Dave's favourite saying, was even the name of his boat. Who wants to squat a building with OCAP? November 8, 12 noon, All Saints church @ Dundas and Sherbourne. Come one come all, except the cops, unless they have awakened and have come to assist us. It will be exciting to chance spending my birthday in jail. i doubt that will happen though. Fuck Thanksgiving. Remember what really happened. Think reserves, think cultural genocide, think residential schools, think stolen land....yeah, thanks for all that. C. go up this place is a prisonWednesday, September 24, 2003 09:15 p.m.agent lucy and myself tonight completed a first draft of a survey, the results of which we hope to post in the campus paper, Pro Tem. The survey concerns a certain company that Glendon is doing business with, called Chartwell's (or ChartHells). They are a food/catering company that runs our cafeteria. GSSJ has decided that we have to start with campus issues to gain support from the wider Glendon community; then we can be more radical. so this is a start. There is a general mood of dissatisfaction on campus in regards to the cafeteria, so we think this survey is a good idea. it can help us as a fledgling group to understand the sentiment on campus, to see whether people here think that collectively they can take things into their own hands and actually effect change. So, after hopefully getting the results publicised and creating a mood of even more dissatisfaction with ChartHells, we plan to mobilise that energy to at least force ChartHells to improve their service, so that students can eat healthy and cheaply. since we all know that they wont comply, we will urge Glendon to terminate their contract with ChartHells and get a new one with another company. Yeah, I know, pretty small and seemingly non-political stuff, but you have no idea what kind of disgusting apathy we're up against here. if we can just get people motivated about this, then i think we can actually werk on issues that really matter, more political shit. at least thats what i hope will happen. in a perfect world. This year i feel different. I feel more confident in myself, that i will do anything to wake this fucking somnambulist campus up. Scream at the top of my fucking lungs. Yes. And i want to immerse myself ever further in the counterculture of the city, the one that i discovered last year, shortly after moving here. i felt like i was actually alive. i will risk everything this thyme. i will risk arrest, expulsion, ostracism....well, thats everything i will risk. jail thyme and death renders me ineffective, so why bother with that? i just wont get caught.... C. go up Znet wants to growWednesday, September 24, 2003 05:32 p.m.They have a description of what they want to do located here, and a poll about it here. If this gets off the ground, it could turn out to be a very important tool for activists and people tired of corporate media bias. It would be like getting a newspaper each day in your inbox. If you are familiar with Znet, please take the thyme to read about Z Daily (which is what they are calling it) and even participate in the poll. i did. C. go up insidious murderWednesday, September 24, 2003 12:15 p.m.In 2001, in one of his first acts as el Presidente, George W. Bush reinstated the "Mexico City Rule", which was shelved by Clinton earlier. This is also known as the "Global Gag Rule", and it denies family planning help to overseas groups that promote or perform abortions. This has had disastrous effects for Africa, a contintent wracked by AIDS and other seuxally-transmitted diseases, according to a study by various family planning groups. It amounts to negligence causing death, in my opinion. Go here to read more. You can read about the effects in more detail at www.globalgagrule.org. Seriously, though; this makes me want to cry. go up US Governing Council Bans AljazeeraTuesday, September 23, 2003 01:22 p.m.It's funny to see that things like this happen now, and still nobody cares, even when its the supposed bastion of freedumb and democracy, the United States of Apathy. The Governing Body in Iraq (which takes orders directly from Washington) claims that television stations Aljazeera and al-Arabiya incite anti-Amerikkkan violence. Yeah, like it needs to be incited; it comes naturally, when your home is taken over, you must defend yourself. and the repeated claim that the attacks are perpetrated by Saddam-lovers makes me want to puke. Man i have got to try to go to sleep at a 'normal' thyme soon. i almost missed my english lecture today. actually i should say "almost decided not to attend", yeah thats better and more honest. but as usual it was boring beyond belief, yes lets hear about Cædmon and how he found his voice by singing about god. fuck, everything about old english literature has something to do with god, its true. i might as well be taking religious studies. i swear, the course is just to instill more christianity in me, not that i have any. and this 'venerable' bede characcter; we still refer to him as an historian, when he's more like a freakin propagandist. he supposedly documented many things that actually happened, but how can we know when hes just reporting the facts or if hes off in oblivion, since he goes off about angels and god said this and blah shit like that. he could be lying about everything. even the prof revealed that bedes overarching purpose was to exploit the indigenous (British) customs of song and poetree, and use them for purposes of converting the pagans to christianity. forget it. i wasted too much thyme on this already, proving that i somehow paid attention during the snore-fest of a lecture and tutorial. i just want to WRITE. go up new linksTuesday, September 23, 2003 03:41 a.m.up in the links section. Fight the Octopus. I like that name. And Project Censored 2004. The 25 most censored stories of 2002-2003. I am ashamed to admit that there are a few stories here that i completely did not know about. *ahem* forgive me. Holy shit. Here is an exerpt from #4. After reading it, I am somehow not that surprised: "According to a classified document, "Special Operations and Joint Forces in Countering Terrorism" prepared for Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld by his Defense Science Board, a new organization has been created to thwart potential terrorist attacks on the United States. This counter-terror operations group— the "Proactive Preemptive Operations Group" (P2OG) will require 100 people and at least 0 million a year. The team of covert counter-intelligence agents will be responsible for secret missions designed to target terrorist leaders. The secret missions are designed to "stimulate reactions" among terrorist groups, provoking them into committing violent acts which would then expose them to "counterattack" by U.S. forces. Down With AmerikkkaC.go up moonshinerTuesday, September 23, 2003 03:11a.m.listening to: The Postal Service, "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight" this is the thyme that i am awake now. well, i actually would go to bed in about an hour, like lenscrafters, trying to turn glasses into fashionable "eyewear"; they want those who have near-perfect vision in their eyewear. there seems to be another way; but i dont want to jinx it by saying too much, so i will just trail off.... so far i have not gotten involved in anything political, i have just been barely going to class, visiting priscilla, being online way too much, trying not to starve...the only thing even remotely political is the spontaneous 'meetings' that i have been having with marija and lucy [a russian secret agent], about forming an activist club here on campus. this thyme we want funding from the student union, so i dont have to shell out hundreds of dollars for photocopies of flyers that get torn down by ignorant fuckheads trying to stifle any intelligent action. yeah. we will have to play by the rules of the union if we want funding, namely, we will have to pretend that we have no political position, and that we have a 'leader'. sure, yes, i am the leader, but not really. if they want a leader, then all of us will be, leading ourselves [to the slaughter]. There is an election here on octoberry 2. "not this time, ernie" say the union-made signs brandished by various mainstream 'special interest' groups -- teachers, health care werkers, and generally everyone but the upper-middle class and wealthy. they think that if only the tories are defeated, then everything will be okay. but no. take a lesson: Progressive Conservative Party (right wing): they dont listen to the people, carrying out their destructive policies with gusto. Liberal Party (slightly less right wing): they pretend to listen to the people, using flowery social-democratic rhetoric to pacify us until the issue fades from the media, then they go and do the same things that the Conservatives would have done. New Democratic Party (centre): claims to be the real representative of the people, campaigns with slogan of "public power", then once in power, claims that they are powerless against the corporate sector. so, they end up carrying out the same policies that the other two parties would have. Green Party (left of centre with ecological bent): Who the fuck knows, since they are never mentioned in the media; in fact, they are barred from even participating in the guise of politics, the televised debate. later today, only the former three parties will take part in a debate; the green party will be left to watch forlornly from outside the studio. boo hoo. so yeah, thats the lesson. i hope you paid attention and relaized that was a really immature and cynical analysis of the political scene in ontario. still, though. its all true. say goodbye, gracie. Goodbye Gracie. C. go up you think you're big?Friday, September 19, 2003 06:35 p.m.yeah, well, look at this:  thats one big freakin ozone hole. larger than the whole of antarctica. we must perish. go up where to now?Friday, September 19, 2003 05:54 p.m.it was a quiet storm, i only noticed this afternoon that the wind had torn a large piece of a tree off and thrown it a few metres. It lays near the boring gravel 'garden' at the front of the campus. the wind was very polite, like it didnt want to be doing what it was doing. branches and leaves strewn about randomly, like when you drop mashed tofu on the kitchen floor. The Creative Writing course that i am not allowed to enrol in was basically the only thing that was keeping me in university. what now? drop out? no, not this year. perhaps i can take a Women's Studies course at Keele instead, that would be very nourishing. Somethymes i think i want to major in it, because it seems so much like anarchist analysis of things, with its emphasis on class consciousness. Keep it in mind, i have the right mind for it, yes i wrote mind twice. to soothe my ego (or something), i think i am going to [self] publish a zine of poetree, and then i will dig up the old decaying bones of brand X, reinvent the zine; or if the GSSJ actually appeals to more people and they want to get involved, instead we could all create a zine for the club. at least that way the club zine could be financed by the GCSU and not from my own pocket. i will have to find some way of copying my poetree zine for very cheap, at a copy shop or something, or maybe i could copy for free in the GCSU office if i find someone on the inside; still another option is the YFS or the CFS. ahahaha dont you love that i wont explain all of the acronyms! and this is all top secret, so dont tell anyone. i cant exactly threaten you cuz that would be mean and 'illegal' or something, but dont tell anyone. CSIS might come after you, so be careful. they are incompetent, so you would probably know if they are following you, and they could follow you, because they are stupid and fanatical (like the CIA) and tend to put watches on people who are mostly irrelevant and unimportant, in terms of subversive activities. morons. I like cat power. thanks for being a persistent pony, mufassa. i love you. C. go up the gods werk fast, dont they?Thursday, September 18, 2003 05:21 p.m.wash you all away go up as the hurricane approachesThursday, September 18, 2003 02:46 p.m.who fucking cares? its a little rain. go play outside away from the beaches, or stay indoors and watch the show. i was just completely REJECTED by the Creative Writing prof. he will not allow me into his course, because "it is too late". i had to submit a portfolio long ago. oh, sorry that i did not realize i was eligible to take the course in second year, fuckhead. i even offered to give him a portfolio next week, and he replied with, "I probably won't look at it". What a pompous prick! If i got into the course, I would have been the only male. hmmm, i wonder if that had anything to do with his steadfast refusal to even consider thinking a little about possibly viewing my werk? what a fucking pervert. but what can i do? accuse him of discriminating based on gender? its mere speculation. the students in the class just happen to all be female; but in any case I am fucking sure he loves that he gets to read the innermost thoughts of a gaggle of twentysomething women. just loves it. i know him, you know? i am male and i fucking know what is on his mind. no matter that he is an English professor; actually that makes it worse. o the fantasies he must have. I FUCKING HATE HIM. FUCK HIS COURSE. Besides, i dont think i would enjoy a bunch of idiotic young women fawning over my stupid few 'romantic' poems. "oh, you're so, romantic!" *pukes*. i wouldnt do that to them, so why should i be treated any different. havent they read poems by living young men? Fuck. OK. im done ranting, for fucks sake. C. go up I have to read...Tuesday, September 16, 2003 08:53 p.m....stop bugging me. go up sweetMonday, September 15, 2003 01:03 p.m.the WTO meetings in Cancun have been cancelled. The developing countries pulled out. Could this be a crucial shift in power from the rich to the poor nations, or just a mere setback for the corporations and their state lackeys? go up and what will you be having, sir...?Sunday, September 14, 2003 01:40 a.m...and i replied with, "Insomnia, please." and so it is, mostly... i am a night owl, and i have class on one day at 830am. its for my major, and its third year, so i will not screw around. but not sleeping has its advantages, if only i would risk taking advantage of those advantages, whatever they may be. that was more than clear, was it knot? i should really someday drag myself away from this computer and try to write again. or maybe i should do another zine, a brand new brand x. i think that i feel an urge to write, its just that i become distracted or i push it away for some reason. perhaps i am ahsamed of my urge because it only beckons me to write poetree right now. and we all know poetree is useless, impractical, easy to write. it has no value, except to me; and even though i am almost 22 i cant help but have the feeling that my poems are merely bad teenage poems...well, maybe only the mantra poem. the others seem to make an effort at maturity by reaching out beyond myself and into the world. its funny, though, because everyone that i show mantra to likes it a lot. they cannot seem to see that it is a terribly cliched and naive and immature poem. *melodramatic sigh* i like what i like. fuck everyone elses opinion. except yours. and gauntlet's maybe. i saw A Perfect Circle with Priscilla on Thursday night. What an amazing show, they did two new songs that they had not done earlier. I got the tickets at five dollars below what i would have paid to ticketmaster. but still, 40 dollars each, when i only had 136 dollars in my account. so needless to say i have almost no money left, and ONE subway token (not including the one on the end of my nose). and im going to use that token to go to the last day of the vegetarian food fair, where i can eat for free (feel free to correct my grammar). then i will need to find some way of getting home without killing myself. spending more money on ttc is not something i would like to do right now. what i would like are some nice towels. thanks for the effort, dad, but they are beach towels. i was covered in reddish fuzz the first thyme i stepped out of the shower, i felt like an angry Grover from sesame street. and being beach towels they dont really dry you. i need to be dry. awwww. the baby wants fluffy towels. 'your halo's slipping down.... to choke you now' go up swayin to the rhythm of the New World OrderTuesday, September 9, 2003 04:15 p.m.today i see an opportunity to renew my interest in university. the culture, globalization and international civil society course looks promising, and i just received permission to enrol. excellent. i need it to complete my major, and i attended today and liked what i heard...so yeah. i get another opportunity to write an even longer essay (last year i went 20 pages): a two-part essay, 15 pages for each part. the thing is, the course is one semester long, so the eggs-hams and essay and presentation are squeezed into a measly three and a half months. so, i will be very bizzay with this course, what with me taking forever to write anything i consider worthy. and the prof has this trick, where each class we must hand in a summary of the readings, to prove that we actually did read. you see, last year in my intro to international relasstions course, i read about 40% of the readings, then just went with common sense for the rest, and i did just fine: a final grade in the mid-nineties. so this year, i will have to read: shite. "pay no mind to the rabble pay no mind to the rabble head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums" i tried using this nifty little sprout-growing thingee i bought yeasterday. i put uncooked lentils in with water, soaked for about six hours, and now i am hoping they will sprout. i only see a few, but it has only been 13 hours. it says it takes between 16 and 36 hours. i want lentil sprouts...yummy. Info: "There are 10 to 100 times more enzymes in sprouts than in raw fruits and vegetables". neat, hey? [tribute to Chala and all from Saskatchewan]. i hope we can shake things up here at glendon this year. perhaps there is hope in the new students. perhaps not. C. go up medicated, drawn away, picture perfect, numb belligerence...Sunday, September 7, 2003 08:15 p.m.narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all that decadance.... the thyme has come for another entry. classes begin anew tomorrow, but i am more concerned with getting into the classes i need, and securing some kind of credit so that i can pay my fees. thats what i'm talking about -- reality, harsh and unforgiving.... well, it has its nice moments: seeing Priscilla; i have spent more thyme at her place than i have here in my rez. "i'm taking her home with me, all dressed in white she's got everything I need; some pills and a little cup she's falling hard for me, I can see it in her eyes she acts just like a nurse with all the other guys" i wish i was there with her right now, she is more depressed than ever, the worst since i have met her, it kind of reminds me of how i get somethymes.. she doesnt even want to go to school anymore. and i feel so weak and powerless to help her out of this hole. we are so connected that when one of us gets like this, the other follows suit. thats why i am glad she has Chala, someone else to help her cope...but right now she is alone, as i am. she cries too much, although crying is good. she says that she wants to cry now, but cant. so i told her that she seems to be able to cry when i am around. is that a good thing? i can feel that we are going to live together next year. i can feel that we are going to be together somehow for a very long thyme, one way or another. temporarlily pacify this hunger C. go up i am not surprisedFriday, September 5, 2003 04:26 p.m.perhaps i am being dramatic, but i feel as though i could be kicked out of rez soon. OSAP gives me only 5600 on monday, and i owe 9000. eeps as Chalawitch would say. but i am alive and i have rice. C. go up |
poetreearrrrghchive i am vegetarian. i dont eat spam. a_enimal @ msn.com (no spaces) 
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