a blog for the emotionally
challenged
Tell Me
Andrea
Anthony
Chris
Jaimee
Lee
Peter
Tatiana
You
EA Games
Something Awful
UMass Amherst
|
This blog layout was created by Jaimee on 25 February 2003 for Amy. Sadly, she thinks it is the best layout she's ever done, so of course it would have to be for someone else. But this is okay, because it is for Amy. :D |
If you dislike angsty blog updates, this is probably not for your eyes. Okay. You people can go away now, so I can start spilling my guts like an idiot. I am slightly confused girl right now. Had a conversation with Lee on Wednesday, and I guess he's been feeling really independent lately. But he hasn't told me anything because I'm the "best girlfriend" he's ever had and he cares about me. He feels bad about the way he's been treating me. And he should. This relationship has been very one sided lately. I do all the work. Every single bit of it. I picked him, dressed all nicely, for which I got no thank you or compliment. I organized Valentine's Day. But it's not the fact that I'm unappreciated that bothers me. It's the fact that I continue to do all these things. Maybe I sense unhappiness and I use my kindness as a trap to keep him with me. And now I feel like I'm holding a gun to his head, making him stay with me. I want him to be honest with me, but it's almost like I'm holding my kindness over his head. I don't want to do that, but I don't know how to fix it. I want so badly for this relationship to work. I think we may be perfect for each other. I just need to figure out a way for him to see this, or something. God, I wish he hadn't gone to Mardi Gras. Him being available to talk to this weekend would have made things infinitely easier for me. But he says things are going better, that he feels more comfortable with the relationship. I just hope he's not saying that just to make me feel better. I'd rather know the truth and be miserable, then be lied to and happy. How can I make things work? How can I make myself a more likeable person? Any suggestions would be much appreciated!
Snow day. Yay! Had a great weekend. Lee was here visiting and it was lots of fun. Picked him up on Friday and then I cooked dinner. Baked ziti. Came out pretty well, except it was sort of cold. I gave him my excellently cheesy V-Day card. I are creepy. Then we went to Holyoke Mall so he could buy shoes. They are very "k-rad." I enjoy them. Then karaoke with Colin, Jaimee and Anthony. I broke Colin's nose. Whoops! Don't hate me! Saturday we went to see Daredevil. God. It was pretty terrible. Which means I enjoyed laughing at it. I saw the preview for Phone Booth again. I still want to see that movie. Then we came back here and watched lots of TV and were just generally lazy bums, a trait both of seem to have mastered perfectly and when we get together it just gets really bad because we sit around eating crap, playing on the intarweb and watching shitty TV. But it's good "bonding" time. So are car rides. And we had a lot of those this weekend. Sunday we went to Ryuu's 16th birthday party at FW. Played Extreme and was narrowly defeated at Iceball. Next time I will defeat you! Ate at this family style restaurant. Yummy meatloaf. We played with play-dough and I discovered that I am entirely too perverted and horny. Well, not really. But I made the pig dry hump the pretzel. Sorry Chris! Lots of fun people. Our table got a "kitchen sink" sundae for free since it was Ryuu's birthday. 10 scoops of icecream and every single topping they had. I had my own desert, since I don't like mixing ice cream. Lee, Kai and Chris polished of the monster sundae and I think they all felt like they were going to die afterwards. Then Lee and I went and played video games and board games at Nate's house. Returned to Amherst and I was able to stay awake the entire car ride. Go me! Yesterday we got snowed in. Again, sat around and watched TV and played on the intarweb. We watched Battle Royale. What a great movie! Today I drove him home and lied to my mom. BAAAD. But. I need to. I am attempting to educate Lee in the ways of the musical. I think I am succeeding.(MUHAHAHA) We saw Chicago a few weeks ago and he actually liked it. We listened to the soundtrack in the car this weekend and I believe he actually expressed interest in seeing other musicals. I think. Well, no matter, since I jumped on that opportunity to shove all the shitty musicals I like down his throat. We listened to Jekyll & Hyde, City of Angels,and Rent. I think we should go on a field trip to see The Producers, since I want to see it and it's incredibly funny. Despite this super fun weekend, I still worry that he's getting sick of me. I'm such a spaz and I have all these horribly strange quirks that I'm afraid are scaring him away. And I'm not stating this just to get some attention and to try to get you to tell me how wonderful I am. I'm through needing things like that. I'm trying so hard not to be clingy and get attached to him in a way that would annoy him. I thought I was succeeding, but maybe I'm not. I'll have to try a little harder. Just give me some more chances, ok?
So, I figured I'd get this all done before I forget the incredible comedy that just went on. The maintenance guy came in to fix my ceiling. As many of you know, it's been leaking all year. But the panel he cut was the wrong size. While he was here, he notice my doorknob was loose. So he tightened it. Okay, that seems good. About ten minutes later I decided to go downstairs to get my laundry. *Turns knob* hmmm. *Tries knob again* Shit. I rattle the door furiously. I vomit up all sorts of wonderful profanities. Finally I give up. And call my mom. Don't know why. Seemed like the thing to do. So she calls maintenance. And then the cluster office. So they send my Assistant Resident Director over to set me free from my pen of DOOM. He unlocks it easily. Then he decides to try it from the inside, which causes him to get stuck inside my room with me. Uhhh, this mighty uncomfortable. In addition, I picked this wonderful moment to start giggling. And I couldn't stop. Probably scared the guy. So he keeps fiddling with the door and I keep surpressing my laughter. He uses my scissors to get the door open and then says he'll send someone up to fix it. That was an hour ago. And my laundry is probably sitting on the basement floor. Getting dirty again. And I'm here missing my meeting. At least something good came from this.
Feeling somewhat inspired to update. My mind is full of stupid, paranoid thoughts. This happens from time to time. But this bout seems to be lasting a little longer. I read some people's blogs, and I think they are talking about me. Especially Jaimee's. Who knows if she even reads mine anymore. She talks about certain people being too high maintenance to keep a friendship with. And I'm so afraid she's talking about me. I know I wasn't fair to her this past semester. I was insensitive to her, probably because I thought she was joking when she was really being serious. I can be so oblivious sometimes. I want to apologize to her, to make it up to her somehow. But I don't know how to go about it. I also worry that I'm boring Lee. I just feel like such a downer all the time. And I'm so happy being with him. Which somehow to me equates that he will be unhappy with me. I don't want him to get sick of me. For some reason I've been thinking about my Uncle John a lot lately. And getting upset about it all over again. I don't need to go back to school like this again. Crying in the middle of a restaraunt when someone even dares to mention death and heaven and all that kind of stuff. I can't wait until spring when I can go to the cemetary and put flowers there. I've wanted to do something so badly all vacation. Anyways... Yeah. I've been working. Substitute teaching too. Very entertaining. Also very frustrating. I feel so inadequete. Heh. Seems to be a theme in the entry. I will leave all of you, my adoring readers, with an inspiring quote: "Miss D, I think I had an attack in my heart... May I go to the nurse?"
Doot doot doot. I'm in a reasonably good mood. And I'm sort of bored. So, I figured I would update my blog to entertain the few people who actually read it. Last day of classes was yesterday. YAY! Soooo glad to be done with them. Especially Japanese. I made sure to throw away my notebook as soon as I was done with that class. I have a few finals, but nothing too difficult. Got my hair cut this morning. I look "sophisticated" according to some. She barely cut any hair off, yet it looks totally different. It's all straight today. Weird feeling. I'm used to having a poufy mop on my head. Way too thick. After my hair adventure, I met up with Colin and Tati to go shopping in Holyoke. I didn't buy a single thing and I was soooo happy. I was very tempted, though. This weekend has been fun, but I wish I had gotten a chance to go visit. We would have had so much fun. But, only 2 more days until I see him again. Hopefully I can stand the wait. Don't have much of a choice! Tonight Colin and I are having a night of fun. We have determined that we spend WAY too much time hanging around the mall, more specifically Mocha. And while I'm sure Tati appreciates the company, we need to do other things. So we're going to go wander around Northampton. And probably end up at the mall. Lame. But lots of fun.
I'm crabby right now. And I'm going to rant and rave and maybe some people will get the hint and figure me out. I don't like being lied to. I don't care if it's to make sure you don't hurt my feelings. I'm not that sensitive, I don't need that kind of treatment. I don't care if you have better plans for the weekend. You can tell me. And I'll just go about my business. But lieing to me and then making it obvious that you did really really pisses me off.
For my adoring fanboys, an update. This past weekend was pretty cool in the "I have nothing to do" sort of way. Friday night I worked on my costume at Jaimee's house. We're dressing up as the Powerpuff Girls. I'm Buttercup, the angry one (how appropriate!). Well, I cut pieces out for the dresses and stuff, then I went to the mall to meet Tati and Colin for a movie. We were going to go all the way to Enfield, CT to see something, but they decided it was going to be too late to do so. So we saw "The Truth About Charlie." It was a remake. I would tell you all about it, but I had to leave 10 minutes in. I got sick. So on my way out, I think I witnessed a purse theft. But I was too tired and sick to notice fully what was going on. So I just left. I went and slept for a long time. The next morning I went to the DC for breakfast. Then I went and worked on the costumes for the rest of the day. I rode the bus with Jaimee for 3 hours and scared passengers. There was one really cute one who actually laughed at my horribly sarcastic jokes. Yay! Then I ate chicken tenders at the DC. Yummy chicken tenders. After Jaimee finished her shift, we went back to her house to finish the costumes. Then I went back to my room and slept. The next morning, I picked Jaimee up and we went to the Holyoke Mall to buy garter belts. Me being so innocent, I was petrified walking into Frederick's of Hollywood. But, once inside, I had a lot of fun. The stuff is soooo skanky. I wanted to try all of it on. But I would never actually buy anything. I'm still really innocent, I guess. So, we bought our skanky underwear and left. We FINALLY finished the costumes, and they look sexy. Or at least mine did when I tried it on. But I feel uncomfortable in it. It's even shorter than my elf costume was last year. Now, that was a sexy costume. I got hit on by so many creepy PHD students at that party last year. It entertained me. So, I got back to my room yesterday afternoon and vegged out. I still felt really sick. I went to sleep around 9, woke up again around 10, changed my away message, and went to sleep until 7:30 this morning. But I still feel shitty. Oh well. Time to change my laundry over. Bye bye!
I'm updating. Today I had an Anatomy test. I am the Larynx Master. I think I did really well on it, even though I was freaking out last night. I then went to Japanese. I like actually going to the class, but I'm not doing so well in it. I must be Japanese retarded. I want a B. Shouldn't be too hard, but who knows. Then I went to lunch with Becky. I had pizza, but it tasted sort of acidic and made me feel crappy, so I just ate soup and french fries. Then I went back to my room and did nothing. Talked to people online and played solitaire. Sang along with my showtunes. Made me miss drama. I should audition for a show next semester, if I have time. Hopefully the Guild musical will be good, and I hope I won't suck at my audition. I want to do some classic musical, like Sweet Charity or Babes in Arms. Especially Babes in Arms. That show is great. I love the movie too. Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney make me so happy! I was definitely born in the wrong time. Movies nowadays don't hold my interest. But movies of the 30s and 40s are special. And classic movie stars have so much more charisma then todays stars. And the whole studio system is so interesting. I want to watch "It Happened One Night" again. It's a great movie. Sooooo funny. Clark Gable is so sexy, in that cocky, scummy sort of way. I need to watch a good romantic comedy. Not "Wuthering Heights", though. That movie was so depressing. Maybe something like "Meet me in St. Louis." Then I can sing along with the whole movie. Or "Funny Girl." Not a classic movie, but Barbara! She's awesome. I loved singing "I'm the Greatest Star" in the variety show my senior year. People actually laughed at me, which I find to be a huge adrenaline rush when I'm on stage. I just remembered another movie I love. Something I'll have to watch this Christmas. "White Christmas." Bing Crosby's voice makes me melt. Rosemary Clooney is wonderful, too. "Holiday Inn" is pretty good too. I really really want to have a magic Christmas this year. But I know I need to work hard to make it magical. I'll have to make sure my family waits for me to decorate the tree. And I'll have to go to LaSalette this year. Maybe I'll light a candle there for my uncle. He was always great at Christmas parties. This year will be really strange without him. Makes me sad just thinking about it. I wonder when the family Christmas party is. Maybe I'll go. It'll be nice to see all my great aunts again. And my mom's brothers. They always have such funny stories. Like Robbie the Robot and tricking teachers and almost failing high school. They were all slackers, but I love them. I also need to talk to my cousin Kevin. I guess he's doing really well in school. He wants to be a Bio major. Gotta recruit him for UMass. I think he'd like it here. My other cousins, maybe I'll kick them or something. They annoy the hell out of me. Maybe I'll have my own Christmas party. That would be fun. I love having parties. I haven't had a real party in a long time. It's hard with school. I wonder if Greg and Lindsay would come. It would be nice to see them, hear stories about the big city. Even though they have pretty much abandonded me, I still really miss them and want to see them. I want to see TJ, too. I miss his stupid jokes. And I never see Matt up here. He's too busy with his frat. And of course, I'll invite Jill, since she rocks. I'd like to see Caitlin, but she's probably meeting with the King of Estonia or something weird like that. You all think I'm an overachiever?! You've never met this girl. She puts me to shame. Well, maybe I'll see them during Thanksgiving, at the game. Ugh, the game is in Attleboro this year. I hate driving there, and the stands suck. Can't wait to see the marching band. I've heard they are pathetic. The fall drama must be coming up soon. I don't have any interest in going to see it. The kids that are left are all spazzy tools that annoy the hell out me, that will fawn over me and pretend to know me if I show up. I hate that. Well, I think this rant is over.
Even though I don't have much to say, I figured I'd update my blog. Procrastination. Ahhhh. My best friend and mortal enemy. I went shopping today at the Holyoke Mall. Bought 3 CUTE new shirts. I can't wait to wear them. I need an excuse to wear them. Tonight, Jaimee is going to do my makeup. She wants to, so I figured I'd humor her. I'll have to take pictures, in case I end up looking like a clown. I have 2 big tests this week. I should be studying for them. But I'm not. Had a long talk with Anthony last night. I'm still confused, and I definitely have not decided what my next step will be, but I feel better knowing he has an idea of what I'm thinking.
I could be doing homework, but I had the sudden urge to update this thing. And since I never ever update, I better take this motivation now. I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life, romance wise. My indecisive nature is really showing. I love Anthony, but how do I know what love is? How do I know what I'm feeling is love? I want to be fair to him, I don't want to keep him from any other chances he may have. I want him to be happy, and I want to be happy and satisfied. Am I satisfied? I really don't know. I need someone to come along and tell me what I'm feeling. *sigh...* I feel like such a freak posting stuff like this. Anthony may intern in Seattle this summer. What am I going to do? I really wish I knew. I don't know if I want to work at Blackinton again. It's comfortable and close to home, but do I really want to be home this summer? Maybe it's time to try this living on my own thing. But I think it would kill my mother and father. They really like having me around. Plus, it costs money to live on my own. I don't want to spend money. I want an internship in Boston or Providence or something like that. We'll see if I can find one. I am such a dork. I'm sad about the fact that the little internet community that I loved being a part of has fallen apart. I don't know what to do about Chris. He seems so upset, but I don't think he wants to talk to me about it. I wish Justin were around more. I really liked all the stupid conversations we had online last semester. I talk to Lee now all the time, like I did with Justin, which is cool. But no one else is around. No one to start a chat room with,no one to take a radio station over with, no one to play tetriNET with. I really want to play tetriNET. I need to get a life. A hobby. Like knitting or painting. Or I could just do my homework. I've been a slacker this semester, but things are getting better. I've been getting motivated. I think I was depressed at the beginning of the semester. I just couldn't stop thinking about my uncle, and the fact that I can never talk to him again. I worry about my mother, and what Thanksgiving is going to bring. This holiday season is going to be difficult. I'm going home this weekend. I don't know what I'm going to do there, probably be bored and watch TV and play the piano. I hope to visit the Funworld people this weekend. I would stop by the High School, but I don't think I really want to see anyone there. Being 2 years removed from that school feels so weird. Sometimes I wish for my high school life to just magically come back. I want my friends back. I want to be the best. I want the security. I want to be known again. Everyone knew who I was by my senior year in high school, and I was respected for my accomplishments. But in college, especially UMass Amherst, it's so hard to be recognized. Oh well, I better get over myself. Back to work!
I am sick. Blah. I really want to be better, but it seems I am not allowed. So, I haven't updated in a while. I knew that would happen. I'm too busy for updated. Actually, too lazy would be a better description of what is going on. That is the theme this year, it seems. Lazy. Normally, I am a very self motivated person. That's how I've done so well in college GPA wise, taking challenging courses, and done a bunch of extra curricular activities. But this year, that doesn't seem to be happening. I am feeling extremely overwhelmed by work, yet I don't get much of it done when I sit down to do it. Or I end up playing some stupid game on my computer and chatting with people. I've gotten a little better this week, but last night was really bad. I could have gotten so much done. Well, no use looking back. What I did has been done. Need to get back on track. This weekend should be fun. Lee may come up to visit me, if he can pay for his ticket. I need to come up with fun things to do. Like disco bowling and karaoke, if it ever gets fixed. Grrrrr. So, I joined Chorale this semester. I love it a whole lot. The director is the best choral director I have ever had. Period. I never feel like we are falling behind, or not working to our fullest potential, which I felt a lot in high school. The music is cool, also. Which helps. Well, I'm tired of typing. Ugh... So pathetically weak. I'll try to update more now.
I've been a LONG LONG LONG LONG time since I have updated. Partially laziness, partially sickness, partially boring life. I guess I've had stuff I could write about, but I just haven't been inspired to rant about anything. I'm not really feeling inspired right now, but I was really bored. I've been sick the past couple of weeks. I thought I had mono, but I guess I don't. It seems to be something viral or something like that. I'm already starting to feel better, so I guess it really doesn't matter. Summer has been pretty average. I go to work, I come home and do nothing most of the time. Sometimes someone will pity me and visit, which is awesome. I'm going to play DDR tonight in Raynham. Haven't played in a while, so it should be fun. I miss school, I think. I can't wait to see Tatiana and Colin and Jaimee and Dave regularly. It will be awesome to spend time with them again. I've missed them a lot this summer. Hopefully they have missed me too. I also really need the fast internet connection. This AOL is driving me nuts. It's a pain to even read my mail. So, for those of you super cool dedicated friends out there, I'm thinking of having a birthday party on September 20th or 21st (depending on you people). I'll be turning 20, and I really want to have a party. Like go to Goten or Ichiban, or maybe disco bowling. If you want to go, IM me or email me or something. I want to have fun! Well, I am sick of typing and have nothing else to talk about really, so I will end this entry. Hugs and kisses!
I went to NH on Friday to celebrate Tuan's birthday. I was so excited to go! I got there and everyone I wanted to see was at FW. Well, everyone from NH. No Chris and no Amherst people, which made me sad. Maybe next week. We played lots of DDR and I gambled with Mike(RNT) and Lee. I won a finger trap and I got to pole dance. I forgot the camera unfortunately. Very cool cake, Cookie Monster, picked out by Chad. It was yummy. Got to see the other Mike again. I haven't actually really talked to him, but he seems like a really cool, laid back person. Hopefully I'll get to know him better. Got to see the Ryuu. She's awesome, and I know that she will start to feel better soon! Chad, Matt and Supreet are just that. Chad, Matt and Supreet. Totally awesome. Pirate Mike, Nate and Lee are all awesome as well. They love to make fun of me, but I guess it's because of my awesome facial expressions! Went to Applebees afterwards and had chicken fingers with Anthony. I think he had a fun time, too. Got home late and went to bed. The next day I went to the computer show in Marlborough. Helped Anthony build Andrea and Dorinda's computers. I learned lots of new stuff. Hopefully I can become as leet as Anthony and take over his position as computer master of the world. highly unlikely... Chilled at Anthony's on Saturday night. Sunday I went with my dad to a cookout at his bosses house. It was a carnival for underprivelaged children and it was great. I hope to some day have enough money to do something cool like that, but for now I'll stick to volunteering. I miss my friends at Berkshire Hills Music Academy. They are the sweetest kids I have ever worked with, which made me want to work harder to help them with there language skills. I really really hope I can go back to volunteer teach there next year. It made my days feel so much more worthwhile. Sunday night I went to see Jewel. I won't bore you all with praise of the concert, but I'll say this much: she r0x0rz live. I want to learn to play the guitar. Or maybe the bass. Everyone in high school always told me I looked cool holding a bass. Maybe I should learn. I could probably teach myself. Today I worked, as usual. Only one week until vacation. Yay! But work has been getting much better lately. 2 new cute salesmen that I can spy on and lots of people to chat with. The place is a lot more relaxed since Peter took over as CEO. He's so nice. I saw Joe at work. Haven't seen him since he came to visit Amherst to see the concert at Smith. He doesn't talk to me much, but I know he's shy. Maybe I'll strike up a conversation with him tomorrow. I really want to hear about his 30 million summer jobs and classes at MIT. Tonight I played DDR in the basement. I am determined to become the DDR master of Amherst this school year. That is going to be super hard, considering my "ompetition." But I have no life, so practice time is not hard to find. I have Paranoia Rebirth down and Dead End. I'm working on Dynamite Rave and Afronova now. We shall see...
I am being so stupid right now. I'm letting jealousy get the best of me. Anthony is out having fun with Tatiana. Just the two of them. And I'm being all paranoid, thinking that Tatiana is better for Anthony, and that he likes being around her more than me. I trust them both completely, don't get me wrong, I just seem to have this horrible complex. I wish he'd come home. But I know when he does I'll just play the whole jealous girlfriend thing. And I hate to do that. Sometimes I wonder if he's really happy with me, or if he just sticks with me because he feels sorry for me and that we've been going out for a long time. Hmmmm, I'll have to talk to him about that... I miss seeing him all the time, but I wonder if he really misses me. In other news... I am bored. All I do is work and watch shitty TV. And play DDR. But my mom wants me to cut back on DDR. She doesn't want me to become an addict. Whatever...
I had my big interview for the Hoff Scholarship this morning at 9. It was in Worcester, so my Mom drove me there. The 2 guys were really nice. They lived in North Attleboro, so I have a bit of an in, I hope. The money would be so helpful! I answered all of the questions they asked clearly, so what more can I do? We went to IHOP after, and then came home. I sat around and watched television, and generally enjoyed not hunching over a computer entering orders. Then I finally convinced my parents to let me go to Raynham. I went and had a very fun time. I met MattScott there, who I met last summer at Taunton Galleria. Everyone else I met was very nice too! 75 cents for Max2 is damn good, so I'll be going down there a lot this summer. I'll have to drag Andrea with me. On the way home, there were 3 Pro-Life guys on the road side with the new signs. You know the ones with pictures of aborted fetuses. Let me say that really helped me concentrate on driving. They made me feel sick, and I shook my head at them. I think one of the guys thought I was Pro-Choice or something, because he gave me a dirty look. I agree with keepng abortions limited to certain instances, such as rape, but I don't want to make them illegal. I also am a firm believer in stem cell research. Any educated person would agree with that. Life doesn't come with an eraser, so abortion shouldn't be used to correct selfish peoples lives after having unprotected sex. It's not like people are unaware of the consequences of sex. "WHAT!!!! SEX GIVES ME BABIES AND DISEASES??? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME!" 9 months is adequete punishment for someone who does something so stupid. And while I'm in this ranting mood, I'll talk about sex education. My favorite guy, George W Bush, has decided to adopt an sex education plan that involved teaching abstinance only. Not talking about safe sex practices, no lessons on condom use, nothing. Does this make sense to any of you, cause it sure doesn't make sense to me. I believe in waiting until marriage to have sex, and I myself am doing this. But one of the best things for a teenager is to present all the options to them clearly. Just saying no no no all the time is not going to help. It makes sex more appealing. I felt my education in high school was really good. Precentage effectiveness for the different methods of birth control, and then let them know the only 100 percent effective method of birth control is abstinence. It puts things in perspective and treats them as adults. I read an article the subject of teens and sex, and some of the interviews made me sick. 15 years old and having sex. Pregnancy scares at 16. Why bother? Waiting isn't going to hurt. Ah, America! Land of instant gratification! GAH! I sound like such a Catholic! Oh well, I am, so deal with it, all you people who call me a prude!
I felt that I needed to update my journal, since i have let it sit dormant for a while. Since I left school actually, and my school friends might want to read about my wonderfully exciting life. Probably not. They haven't bothered to get in touch with me. I've had a very busy couple of weeks. I got home and unpacked, then went out to lunch with Greg and Lindsay the next day. It was lots of fun. I have missed them tons all year, and it didn't feel as strange as I thought it would. I also got to see Mike and Jeremy. We went to TGIFriday's and enjoyed ourselves. Anthony came back from school for the week, so I spent lots of time with him. Then he left again. sad.... Oh well. I'll just make the most of it. I went to a They Might Be Giants concert and then went to GT with Chris. It was tons of fun. GT is ghetto, but really really cool. I played some DDR and hung out with Chris. He's awesome. We seem to be on the same wavelength in our thinking, so we had lots of great conversations. I hope I can see him a lot this summer. It would keep me busy. Then I started work. What can I say? Work still sucks. All of a sudden, Siobhan is ignoring me. She is such fat bitchy snot. So I'm happy she's stopped talking to me. I'm entering badges, which isn't so bad, but it's so repetitive. I come out of work with my eyes glazed over and feeling like I'm going to fall over. But it's money. I've been really moody lately. I go from really happy to really upset with the snap of a finger. I probably have upset a lot of people since I've been home. I don't mean to, but it just keeps happening. I flipped out on Matt after he accidentally spilt soda on me at Andrea's graduation party. Oh yeah. Graduation. I went. It was boring. Just like all of the other graduations. The scholarships are somewhat exciting, since you don't know who's going to get what, but even saying that is exciting is pushing it. I went to Jill's graduation party on Saturday. That was fun, but a little awkward. All of the high school kids are spazzy, and it makes me wonder if I ever acted like that. I hope not. Andrea's party was fun. We ate some food, played some volleyball, and even introduced some people to DDR. I passed Dead End on maniac, so I was in a good mood. Then Ant, Jeremy, Mike, Randi and I went to the Ice Cream Machine, and I had peppermint ice cream. My favorite! And that pretty much sums up my 2 weeks since arriving home. Pretty boring, huh?
I am a grumpy person, but I can't figure out why. I'm going home tomorrow to a place where it seems I have very few friends. And I'll be leaving a place where I have a few good friends. So I guess it makes no difference. Either place I'm going to feel lonely. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can never keep friends. They all find people that are better than me. What's so wrong with me that people feel the need to give up on me? It's like I'm a novelty. Cute and sweet until you get sick of me, then it's time to move onto someone else, cuter and nicer. I want so badly to have tons of friends, but it doesn't seem to work out that way for me. I'm being to pessimistic. I hate myself when I do this. I just want people to love me, which sounds so utterly cliche. But I've never had a true best friend.
Well, my last guest left at 5, and it feels weird not having a person around me. The only alone time I had in the past 3 days was the bathroom. Not that I minded having visitors. Chris came in on Thursday at 3. I picked him up at Haigis Mall, and we walked back to my room. Then we went to Anthony's and played some puzzle fighter. I suck at puzzle fighter, and will never be good at it, EVER! So I lost a whole lot. Then Chris and I walked into town to meet Renee for dinner and to pick up Justin at the bus stop. Renee was late, due to the fact that the PVTA sucks ass. We went to Subway for dinner and then went across the street to the smallest fair I have ever seen. Finally, Justin's bus came. We hopped on another bus to Hampshire Mall to play some DDR with Tatiana and Jaimee. We played for a while and then we went to the sit down Diner. I had tea and a plate of cucumbers. People picked on me. Nothing new, really. We got back to my room and my roommate was laying in bed with her boyfriendy type person, so we went down to the lounge and talked for a bit. We went back upstairs and went to bed. Friday: Tatiana brought us to Holyoke. 5th mix is awesome. I played horribly, but I have an excuse. Then I tried Pump it Up, which was super cool. We went back to my dorm after this and sat around. Then we rode the bus to Jaimee's and played some video games. Then we went to the Ground Round and I had... MEEEEEAAAAATTTTTT!!!!! yum. Went back to Jaimee's and tried to play some soccer outside, but a guy complained, so we played on the swings instead. Got back around 1 and I got a back rub. I love back rubs, but they don't seem to help for long periods of time, so I'm in withdrawl right now. Saturday around noon we went to the Blue Wall and had crappy pizza. After that, we dropped Chris off at the bus stop, so it was Justin and I. We went back to my room and played on my computer and generally became quite bored. Finally, we decided to go play video games at Anthony's. After much video game playing went on, Danielle and Armen brought Justin and me to karaoke. Jess was there with a bunch of people, who somehow all knew my name. I have a super horrible cold, so I sounded not so good. After some yummy cucumber rolls, we left and Armen dropped the two of us off at my room. We went to sleep pretty soon after that. This morning I saw Star Wars with Justin and Colin, who is the best person EVER!! He got us in free and hooked us up with some popcorn! I enjoyed the movie, but I don't want to ruin it for people who haven't seen it. All I'll say is...sand... We got dropped off here after the movie and again sat around trying to come up with stuff to do, until I had to walk Justin down to the bus station. He departed and I walked back to my dorm and then went to dinner with Mike. Dinner sucked, but that's not anything new. And so, we arrive at now, where I am procrastinating work by writing a really long journal entry.
I have totally abused my journal. What a surprise! So, I have a lot of catch up to do. I went to NH two weekends ago. I had so much fun! I met all sorts of cool people, and I got to go out to eat with them all after we played DDR at Funworld. Jaimee's mom was nice enough to let us stay at her house in Tyngsboro. I should write her a thank you note or something. I went grocery shopping the next day, and bought a ton of soup. YUMMMMM!! After that fun filled weekend, I came back to school. I didn't have too much work last week, so I sat around and played a lot of Solitaire. This past weekend, I played DDR Friday and Saturday night. Also, I saw Spiderman on Saturday. It was awesome. Tobey Maguire is sooooo hot! God, I sound like a teeny bopper. HAHA. Anyways, afterwards we went to Peter/Tuan's dorm and ordered Wings and played some Puzzle Fighter and Bomberman. I was super tired, so I went back to my dorm and slept. The next day I worked on my paper. Sunday was boring. On an unrelated note, there have been quite a few rapes on campus over the past couple of weeks. I really don't feel safe walking around campus at night alone. I never did before, but now I really don't. I either need a super hero stalker or become a karate master. I really don't want to go home for the summer. It means working full time. And I would be happy to see Greg and Lindsay, but it seems that don't really care about me much anymore. I miss seeing them, but they don't seem to feel the same way. I could be wrong, though. I also really like taking classes. What can I say? I'm a major dork! I have an Academic Peer Advisor meeting tomorrow night. I get my picture on a postcard, which gets sent out to all the freshman who will be in the Learning Community I'll be "in charge" of. It's not really in charge. More like organizing fun little things for them to do with each other and their professors. Also, general advising. But I'm so excited! I really enjoyed being in a Learning Community this year, so I want all the freshman next year to enjoy it too! But, taking the position means that I will have 19 credits next semester, plus I'll be working in the Commonwealth College office about 6 to 8 hours a week. I like being busy, though, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. I just hope I can handle all of it. Well, I think that's all I have to say for now.
I'm sitting here waiting for Jaimee to call me and for us to leave for New Hampshire. For some reason, in my boredom, I have started to think about Last House on the Left. It was a movie I watched Junior year of High School with Andrea and Tim. It was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The line I am thinking about is "8 were killed, and suprisingly, a German Shepherd." That line made me crack up. That and the part where the mother bites the killers penis off. Hope I didn't ruin the joy of this movie for anyone. ANYWAYS, I'm going on a road trip to NH. DDR fun! I can't wait to meet all the crazy people I have talked to online. I have Ant's spiffy camera, which I am afraid I'm going to break somehow. My overnight back is all packed. For one night, it sure is very big. I think Peter is angry at me. Yesterday, I told him I would go to dinner with him. Then my RA came down and said he was going to dinner. I really needed to talk to him about something, so I just went. I didn't wait to meet Peter in front of Chadbourne. Now I feel really bad. DON'T BE MAD AT ME PETER/TUAN!!! I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY!!!
Last night I had tons and tons of fun. I went to Jaimee and Dave's apartment to play video games. I played the home version of Beatmania, which was great. Then we left for sushi and karaoke. I got me usual "fake" sushi, a cucumber roll. Then I got to sing. First, I sang with Jaimee and Dave. "Like A Virgin" and "The Sign." I felt like a junior high kid again. Which reminded me of Junior High YMCA dances. I think I went to about 3. I hated them. I was such a wallflower. No one ever danced with me. And my friends always got into fights. But it was fun to people watch. Anyways, getting back on topic. After I sang those 2 songs, I sang "Unbreak My Heart" and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." I want to be Toni Braxton, but it's very difficult when I'm a 19 year old white girl. Somewhere Over the Rainbow has a special place in my heart. The Wizard of Oz was my favorite movie. I used to go around my house singing all the time. My great aunt who acted sort of as my grandmother after she died of Hepetitis has me sing it for her all the time. So, I give this song credit for getting me involved in music. Silly, huh? My great Aunt passed away this winter, and I never got to say good bye to her. So, when I sing this song, it reminds me of her. Well, that was off topic too! My mind doesn't want to stay on topic. Anyways, I had my camera at karaoke, and took lots of pictures for my photo essay, which is to star Jaimee and Dave. Yay! Jaimee kept grabbing my camera. I tried to catch Peter singing. What blackmail that would have been! But, it was a no go. After all this karaoke fun, we went to the mall for DDR. But we couldn't get in! I tried to come up with a plan, but before I could set it in motion, we were let in. I played my usual songs and did my spin of death, the move which Jaimee is trying to steal. I got made fun of. No surprise there. I got back to my room and wanted to beat Justin at tetriNET, but he wasn't around. Stupid boy. So I went to bed. And now I am procrastinating.
Yesterday Andrea and her friend Mike from Tanglewood came up to visit. I dragged them to my Child Behavior class, which must have been really boring. Then we came back to my room. We tried to watch Shrek, but my French DVD drivers just weren't cutting it. The DVD kept crashing, so we watched some Space Ghost. Cut Cut Cut... Then we tried to watch some Kare Kano, but my computer was being stupid yet again. Should a got a Dell... Just kidding Anthony! I love the computer you made for me! *kiss kiss* Then we all played with my web cam. That was fun. We hung Sailor Moon from the belt of my bathrobe, which I happened to forget to put back when I went to the shower. Whoops! I left for a dress rehearsal at about 6:15. I got there, and my director said with her cute little Russian accent: "did you not know? No dress rehearsal now. Tomorrow we have dress rehearsal. The big dress rehearsal starts at 7." Well, I had just left 2 guests sitting in my room so I could go sit in the Fine Arts Center? YAY!! So, we started singing the Earth Mass that we are doing tonight. My copy is missing 3 pages and one page has an entire row of measures cut off. So, basically I am sightreading something I don't even have a complete copy of. Way to get me stressed out. Not only is it my first real college concert, but my music is fucked up! After the dress rehearsal, Jaimee and I headed over to the mall to DDR. I sucked yet again. It definately is due to the fact that I haven't eaten in 5 days. I think I've probably lost 8 pounds since monday, which is definately not healthy. So, Tatiana gave me a ride back to the dorm, which was super nice of her. I relaxed a bit and then got ready to go to bed. But I couldn't fall asleep. There was a girl outside my window crying hysterically for about an hour. I was getting really pissed and I felt like I was going to cry since I was so tired. But then I listened in on her conversation. One of her friends had just died. I felt like the biggest jerk ever. So I plugged my ears and fell asleep. This morning I went to breakfast and attempted to eat something. It was a no go. Then I went to my classes and got really bored. I then came back here and began to write this little blurb. And we come full circle.
I feel sickly tonight. I can't even force myself to smile, even though I'm in a good mood. Today was a relatively boring day. Went to class, worked, sang, and went to a meeting. But I felt like I was forcing myself to get to all the places I needed to get to. Tonight, Jaimee took me to the mall and the machine was finally fixed. I was wearing silly platform type sandals, so I had to play barefoot again. No need to say that I stunk up the joint. I barely passed In the Navy, and that's my favorite song. Then I went and played Beatmania. Jaimee treated me to a game, so I was happy. I passed all of the songs. It's sort of funny that no matter how much music training you have, you can still suck at a music sim. Oh well! And now, I'm back, being a baby. Blah Blah Blah. I'm sick. I don't want to bother anyone with it. Tomorrow Andrea and her friend Mike are coming to visit us. I'm excited since she has never been to visit us here at UMass. Hopefully we'll be able to play DDR after my stupid dress rehearsal. Well, that's all I have to say.
Well, thanks to all the DDR silliness last night, I am skipping my Physics class. Hope you all are happy! Anyways, last night was a blast. We totally owned that web radio station, and I can't believe that they played all the DDR songs everyone sent them. They even joined out chat! I now have an ongoing Web Cam Battle with Parting Visions(Justin). He's ahead right now, but look out! You don't know me too well. I am super competitive and will get you somehow! While all this fun stuff was going on, I was trying to do my Linguistics take home exam. I'm still not satisfied with it, but there's not much I can do. Oh, well. There goes that perfect 4.0. Today I have to work at the Honors College Office. Since it's pre-reg, I will probably be running around everywhere. Last week, the kid I was working with abandoned me and left me all alone at this table with 10 kids whining at me: "I NEED to see MY advisor!" Disgruntled Amy has had enough! Too bad! You come in during pre-reg, you get shit! Plan ahead morons!! Anyhow, I also have womens choir later on today. Maybe Irina will switch me around again! YAY! (sarcasm) Then I have Peer meeting so we can talk about the super disorganized honors college office. But, then, I'm back here. And I don't have too much work to do. So I can have fun! YAY!!!
First entry! Yay! Today I went to writing class. We discussed our Photo essay, something I haven't even started yet. This discussion turned into whether or not we like being photographed. I mentioned my webcam, and my teacher asked me why I had it and why I would want it. I wasn't able to give him an answer. So I thought about it. Later, we were allowed to do a free write outside. I wrote about my web cam, and I think I have it all figured out. I love attention and praise. Everything I do is to impress someone. My grades are for my parents, my acting is for other people to laugh at and compliment me on. My singing is also for compliments. My personal actions are all for attention and praise. I began to realize my whole life is based around this, which is really sad. But, at least I figured out what is wrong with me, now I have to fix it. God! I sound like a Kare Kano character! I've been chatting with my new friend Justin all day. He has now become one of the coolest people I know, and pretty quickly too. We have so much in common. As some of you know, I have been having trouble making friends here at UMass. So, making a new friend is really exciting for me. I hope he will continue to talk to a nut case like me, because I think he is a really nice guy. Well, I know have to go do my Linguistics take home exam. Fun Fun! |
Amy is a sophomore Communication Disorders student at UMass Amherst. She's from North Attleboro, Massachusetts, home of... nothing. Amy enjoys playing DDR, hanging around the mall all the time, singing way too much all the time, and writing ridiculous blog entries.
Age: 20
Height: 5'7"
Eyes: brown
Hair: brown
DOB: 19 September 1982
Likes: meat, candy, cheesy romance movies, and iced tea
Dislikes: girls who attend UMass, driving, people who steal my white board and markers, and every other food I didn't mention in my likes