dreaming...
I had a dream last night. It was so ...perfect. Really. Why can't my real life be like that? Maybe it will be in the future? Heh, we'll see. Anyways...my dream...and I'm detailing it.

I walked along the beach, listening to the waves crash gently against the rocks. The sun was setting, a yellowish orange, at the end...the horizon...reflecting onto the beautiful bluegreen sea. I had my pants rolled up to my knees, and I was barefoot. The wind blowing at my hair. Very comfortable. Warm. Peaceful. I sat on the sand, idly burying my feet, then I feel arms around me. Strong secure arms. Turning, I see it's Hunter, my koi. I grin and rest against my dear koi.

And for no reason, tears flow down my cheeks. All my problems dissolved witht the wind. We don't speak. No need to. Unspoken words are loudest of all. We just hold each other and watch the sun set.

Now, this isn't very far from the truth. Only, I haven't gone to the beach since the last two years. But...my dream is somewhat true...because whenever I'm around koi. Whenever I talk to koi...I feel ultimate love. What I was looking for. My heart seems to be filled. Koi has all the endearing traits that I have always searched in a person. The Gods know that I am not a mushy person. But right now....I feel what I have always wanted. Perfect love. Yet, I know I'm still young, and stupid. And I'll probably regret everything in the future. But, a friend told me...to just live in the moment. And from now on, I will. Hell with the consequences. If I whine about them later, it's no one elses fault but my frickin' own. But at this moment, I can say that I'm loved! And that is the greatest feeling of all.
*Abyssinian has sketched on Monday, August 13, 2001 [12:39 p.m.]*

"I'll be that Girl" by Barenaked Ladies
If I were you (and I wish I were you)
All the things I'd do to make myself turn blue
I suppose I'd start by removing all my clothes
tie my pantyhose around my neck

I'll be that girl - and you would be right over
If I were a field, you would be in clover
If I were the sun, you would be in shadow
And if I had a gun, there'd be no tomorrow


If you will not have me as myself
perhaps as someone else
Perhaps as you I'll be worth noticing
Then even eunuch won't resist
The magic of a kiss from such as you

I'll be that girl - and you would be right over
If I were a field, you would be in clover
If I were the sun, you would be in shadow
And if I had a gun, there'd be no tomorrow


Time to kick off your shoes
learn how to choose from sadness
It's time to throw off those chains
addle our brains
with madness

*Abyssinian has sketched on Monday, August 13, 2001 [10:50 a.m.]*

i hate myself.
Hmm....my mood you ask? No wait...no one asks...no one cares. But for those of you who bother reading and leaving notes on this thing, I'm in a crappy, horrid mood. Very horrid mood. People, who I thought were my friends, apparently were not. I hate it when people betray you. They help you, and say things then once you're out of earshot, they say things about you. I hate people like that! Damnit, why can't they say it to your face?! Oh god, I hate the way I act, I hate myself so much. I really really do.

Why do my parents always have to make it worse? Why why why? They always bring down my fucking self-esteem. Drag it down, with rude comments, disguising them jokingly, I bet my own parents hate me or something! They want me to be this perfect straight A student, I know they're disappointed because they know they can't have that student. I know it. I see it whenever they speak to me. They hate me. They hate me for who I am. And I hate myself also. So I guess they don't have bad judgement.

Today, started out as a happy day. The day of the parade that our church does. With a band, alterservers, priests, the whole big drill. It was alright in the beginning...and the parade was okay...I guess...but then afterwards my parents had to come in and ruin everything. And a certain person didn't make life easier also. Damn. Life sucks. Uy. I hate how my self-esteem goes lower and lower. And it was funny, because Albert was jokingly saying how the point of their joking around with me was to make myself esteem lower. Heh, lucky you Al...because it worked. Though, it wasn't really you...so oh well.

It really isn't fair, that some people have perfect, kind parents that don't nag you, and tell you're stupid, or worthless, or whatever. Damnit. I wish I wasn't so trustful. Really. I'm so afraid of getting hurt. And then, everytime I think I have something nice going on, I do get hurt. I should shoot get Farfarello to shoot me, then I won't have to worry when I'm in pergatory.


*Abyssinian has sketched on Sunday, August 12, 2001 [10:02 p.m.]*

Lalala....
I talked to koi on the phone today. It was very enjoyable. We talked and talked and talked about nothing in particular. I love the way koi just stays silent and listens to what I have to say. That's how I want to be. Quiet and understanding. I don't need people going around, trying to shove me out of the place because I'm too fucking loud. It bothers me when people try to make a joke of things, but actually mean it. Geez, why can't they just say it bluntly,"I don't like you, go away." instead of goofing off and pretending they're my friends?

God, I'm so happy I have my koi. At least koi understands. We talked until our parents kicked us off the phone at the same time. Heehee. But it was still very fun. But I think koi is depressed now, so now it's my turn to listen.


*Abyssinian has sketched on Saturday, August 11, 2001 [09:39 p.m.]*

Today...
Today was horrible. Weatherwise. It was raining and NY was so dirty and dreary. If you want to go to NY and have a blast. Don't ever go on a dreary day, because NY gets SO dirty. Really. We left home around 10:00AM, and we drove directly to Grandpa's house. Grandpa...giggled when I came in. He only smiles when he sees me, not my father. And seeing my grandpa smile makes my dad in a good mood. So I think he's going to bring me to see Grandpa more...oh well, I don't really care. Grandpa is cool...though he just sits there doing nothing because he can't move anymore. He needs to be carried around or sits in his wheelchair.

After we left Grandpa's house, we went to eat at a resturant. The place was so crowded, that my father and I were smushed at a table with a little girl and her young mother. The little girl was so adorable. She had short black hair and large brown eyes. She'd hop in her chair and giggle. It was cute. While we were waiting for our food to come she stuck her tongue out at me!!! It was the funniest thing! Heh. Then when we did get our food, she got all excited and accidently kicked me a bunch of times. But I didn't say anything about it until we were out of the resturant, my dad laughed because he said that she was a little kid and didn't know what she was doing. It was adorable though. Heh. I think I have a small bruise on my leg though...

Then from the resturant we headed to Tranz, people asked dad to come in and help with the procession preperation. So I went into the sacristy, while dad went who knows where. Christina, Katherine, Cho, and Al were all there. We goofed around a bit. Then dad popped in and said we were leaving 15 minutes later! And I'm like,"WHAT? WE JUST GOT HERE!" but they said that he wasn't needed, so we can go home. Ugh. Oh well. At least we saw Grandpa...heh. And it was fun moving Al's pencil everytime he tried to draw, and tickling Christina, and punching Cho in the stomach. I don't think any of 'em appreciated it that much. Uy. ~_~

While Al ,Karen and Cho went upstairs I told Christina a secret of mine. I really really regret it now. It isn't that I don't trust Christina...it's just that I feel uncomfortable with someone else knowing...I really shouldn't have done it. Damn. But I know I can trust her. I just feel....uneasy. Damn damn damn. Stupid stupid me. Shoot shoot shoot. I really am a moron. I was uneasy about telling her in the beginning, and I was uneasy at the end. I should've followed my instincts. Everyone say..."AYA-KUN YOU'RE A BAKA!" Heh. Alright, I'm going now.

Ja'ne.
*Abyssinian has sketched on Saturday, August 11, 2001 [05:46 p.m.]*

boredom
Well, I'm bored. Haha, what else is new? Anyways, later I'm going shopping. I hate shopping in the small mall where I live. It's like tiny! There is absoultely nothing there! You can go through the entire mall in like...10 minutes! So we're going to Wbridge mall instead. Yippie. I think there is a HotTopic there, so hopefully I'll be able to get some good clothing. Yeppers. Anyways, I've been chillin' these last few days. My mood is good.

No arguements with parents, no nothing. On a class day, I lounge around until class time, then go to class, then go online. It's really such a simple day. And I love it. And once in awhile, I hang out with friends, though I prefer going online then going out with friends, but I'm just nutty that way. But yea, I've been in a decent mood. I think that's totally groovy. (watch something happen and my mood go casplatter) Heh. Anyway, Candice is still working on my Sai-kun, and I'm pleased. She's such a good artist. Far more talented then I. I have no talents in art. Uy. Oh well. And I was somewhat talented when Sai-kun was here, but he's still miffed at me. Heh. So I'm having mind blockage.

For some stupid stupid reason, I read Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I have no idea why. Geez. I just did. I think I'm going crazy or something! Haha. Damn. That's very very odd. Btw, the Harry Potter movie is coming out!! And so is the Lord of the Rings!! I must must must must MUST see them! I WILL! Heh. I'm excited. Yea,yea, I'm a loser, baby. Oh well. Ok, I need to go now.

Ja'ne!
*Abyssinian has sketched on Friday, August 10, 2001 [10:52 a.m.]*

yay me
Right now I'm suppose to be doing work. But stuff happened yesterday. I got myself a significant other. Yep. I'm very pleased to say I have a real koi. ::eyes widen:: No one thought I would? Yes, well, I know I'm a mean, cold bastard but still. Heh. Nah. Anyways, I'm pleased. I don't know about you people. Mwahahaha. But now, another person who has a crush on me won't be able to get me. Mwhahahahaha. ::feels evil:: Anyways...I'm chillin'. I feel like calling koi, but I'm supposed to be doing work, as I said earlier. Haha. Blah.

*dangerous frown* Excuse me...but I thought I was your koi.

. . . yea....but entrywise...and...stuff....

*snaps* No more creative writing for you! *disappears*

Sai-kuuun! ::sigh:: damn him. He sure knows how to ruin a mood! O.o Anyways, Founder lady was upset yesterday. I don't know why. But I'm going to make it my plan to know why. Because she's really cool and she's Sumth's koibito, so I need to fix her up just for Sumthish. Ha. God, I remember when I gave Seph that nickname, it was funny. Uy. Okay, I must go now and DO WORK. Yea, right. I'll probably just wander around the house. Heh. Alright.

Ja'ne.
*Abyssinian has sketched on Thursday, August 9, 2001 [10:45 a.m.]*

Where is that muse!?!
I'm bored. Sitting. More sitting, just what I need. I sat in my Princeton Review class for four hours straight. My butt was beginning to ache. God, just what I needed, eh? Anyways, tomorrow is a big four hour test. More fun. Ha...ha. Great. ::sarcastic:: Anyways, I'm twiddling my thumbs like a moron. I am sooo tired. Well, not really, but sort of. Gha...I need to write something interesting! But nothing is coming to my head. SAI-KUN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!

*no answer*

DAMN. Alright, I better go figure out my own thing to write. Since Sai-kun isn't doing his job because he's a moron. Pssh. Alright, I'm gone.

Ja'ne!
*Abyssinian has sketched on Wednesday, August 8, 2001 [10:34 p.m.]*

la
I got this from Camille, and frankly, I think this is hilarious. If you have AIM, then IM SmarterChild. Ask it anything. Heh. It's a robot thing that answers anything. Absolutely hilarious. It is really funny. Heh. It knows alot of stuff, I'm shocked. Really. You might not even tell its robotic if you don't notice how fast it responds...heh. Pretty weird. Well, I think it's cool.

*topples out of bed* Simple minds are easily entertained, oh so moronic one.

::arches brow at Sai-kun, eyeing his shirtless, messy "I just woke up" self:: And that his why I'm the one awake, dressed, and my hair isn't sticking up at random angles?

*scowls at Aya* Shut up. *picks himself up from the floor, and heads to the bathroom, grabbing clothing from the closet along the way, and shuts it with an angry slam*

::grins:: He should know not to diss me in the morning, because I always look better then him. He is so not a morning person. Not without a coffee or a shower. ::hears the shower turned on:: Yep. Soon he's going to be his normal, goodlooking bishonen face, and practically intolerable.

*steps out of the bathroom, his black hair wet, and tied in a white ribbon, wearing a black shirt, pants. Grabbing his trenchcoat from the hanger, he slips it on* Now, I can say you're moronic. You moron.

Hush you. Ok, I have work to do. I go now. Ja'ne.

PS: Or I might procrastinate and write something...dunno...
*Abyssinian has sketched on Wednesday, August 8, 2001 [04:24 p.m.]*

blah
gr...lj is down. it's a bastard. sometimes its cool, sometimes it's not. it needs to die. really. i'm sooo serious. it's so stupid. and annoying, and stupid stupid stupid. grr! but i have a paid account and its still not working well. damnit! and i'm currently making a better layout for this damn thing.
*Abyssinian has sketched on Wednesday, August 8, 2001 [02:18 p.m.]*

first entry...
I'll be writing in this as well as livejournal. Everything in here, is the exact same as in there. So it won't make a difference. But right now, this first entry here, is the introduction. I sort of want this blog because sometimes stupid livejournal doesn't work. So I want something to ramble in. Ok...ya.

PS: My livejournal is here: invoke the archangel
*Abyssinian has sketched on Wednesday, August 8, 2001 [12:54 p.m.]*